Changes

This song had been going through my head prior to Christmas.  I don't know why I didn't post it before the 22nd.  Probably not worth the wait of having missed a week but will have to tie my reader's over until I'm alert enough to post.  Rather a boring video, but it's the song lyrics that I want to convey

I realize change is necessary . . . . That doesn't make it any easier . . .

No More Haunting Triggers!

         We have a lovely tree skirt which I had mentioned in this post.  Each year I put it out, I would think about the day I had purchased it.   It was terrible of me to experience such negative emotions each time I looked at this.

It's such a cute skirt.

       I don't recall having those triggers our first year in Oregon.  Somehow I had managed to misplace the above skirt.  I noticed this when we were setting up for our first Christmas in Tri City.  As I couldn't seem to find it I went out and purchased another.

It was not as big nor as beautiful. 

        I have since found the first tree skirt I purchased in 2005 when Jenna was just a baby. I am happy to report that I no longer have those negative triggers.  I can now look at my tree skirt and appreciate its beauty.

Profound Quotes - Once Upon a Time

These are some of my favorite quotes from the abc series: Once Upon a Time

Fairytales are real, but you don't know the whole story. . . a hero is someone who can do the hard things even when they thought they couldn't

"You want to ruin me the way the world ruined you.  You choose hate.  But I choose love." -        Alice as Tilly

"Love is Hope, it fuels our dreams"  - Belle

"No one decides my fate but me" - Belle

"It's time for all of us to believe - not in magic, but each other" - Emma Swan

"I've been writing everone else's stories.  I need to figure out what my story is." - Henry Mills

"Home isn't a place.  It's the people in it.  And they'll always be with" - Henry Mills

" Everyone wants magical solution for their problems and everyone refuses to believe in magic" - Mad Hatter

"I would rather die than to have you fill your heart with darkness" - David/Prince Charming

"You defended me in a way that no one thought was possible, you made me your friend by never giving up on me." - Regina Mills

"That's what true love is, sacrifice, giving up everything for the person you love . . . not having someone is the worse curse imaginable" - Regina Mills

" . . . the darkness can always find the light" - Regina Mills

". . . you can't steal something that is given to you . . . a gift is a piece of our heart "  - Regina Mills

"Your happy endings may not be what you expect.  That is what will make it so special" - Snow White

"Second chances are not given.  They're earned" - Victoria (alias Rapunzel and Lady Tremaine)

Like so many villainous songs our best lines go to the Villain who appeared he'd stay that way:

"So long as you live in the past, you'll never find your future" - Rumplestiltskin

"Maybe you should take a piece of advice from a man who has pushed away every chance of happiness because it was never enough.  If it's within your grasp, if you know where it is and who it's with, then you should go to is, grasp it, and never let go." - Rumplestiltskin as Gold

"Magic comes with a price" -Rumplestiltskin as Gold

"You don't do the right thing for a reward - you do it because it's right" - Rumplestiltskin as Weaver

For more Once Upon a Time quotes see here or here or type in "Once Upon a Time" quotes at Google.com or IMDB

I NEED TO SLEEP!

          Before I had a chance to sit down after I arrived in the chapel yesterday, a sweet sister came up to me and put her arm around me and asked if there was/is something wrong.  She is one of the very few people who saw me the week prior.  She had seen me on the stand along with the primary.  Many others hadn't noticed me.  Those who sit directly in front of or to the left side of the pulpit may not have noticed the primary as a whole.  We are out of view even when we're standing unless it is at the pulpit.

          I have been rather melancholy this entire month.  I didn't know why but have since figured it out.  While I truly love this sister, we really don't have that intimate of a connection.  I've seen her outside of the church on occasion, but for the most part I know that our contact is only two or three times a month at best.  She said she was concerned that the "spark" had gone out of me and didn't wish to see it lost. 

          Jenna has also asked me off and on what was wrong.  I find it interesting that the only two who have said anything are one who is closest to me and one who has been watching from a distance.  From that far back, how can you even see the facial expression of one on the stage seated behind her class in order to prompt them?

          I told her I hadn't felt well that week - which was the truth.  I had left right after the primary program.  I was a bit frustrated because for once in my life I not only liked all of the songs but actually knew the words to most of the songs and was unable to participate due to a dry throat.  And then as mentioned in this post cried during the last three.  

          I have been doing a lot of crying - over stupid things really.  I've never been a speed demon with processing information, but have seemed to have gotten slower at it.  Like when the RS brought me the poinsettia - I should just have told them that I'm allergic.  They would understand, but I kept it hidden.  That is a small example, but my reflexes have seemed to slow down even more.  I forget words and thoughts whenever I am interrupted and get irate with whoever interrupted.  There's situations that will remind me of my mom.  I've thought a lot about her and so I've been crying about that.

         

          When fictional characters have made bad choices I've cried and have scolded myself because it isn't even real and crying about fairytale characters is stupid.  I guess it's because sometimes I relate them to real life people who are facing their own battles and struggles or are victims of senseless crimes and cannot seem to help whatever situation they are in. 

          I feel like I'm aging and not only is my mind disconnected in thoughts, my body parts are screaming at me as well.  I think my right leg is shrinking.  I have already started stuffing my right shoe with insoles, but now it feels like I need more lift.  I can't afford to buy two pairs of shoes in two different sizes so I can stuff one and not have the other slip off my foot.

          I still have a poor attitude toward primary overall.  Next year we'll have three kids in the valiant class.  No sunbeam class.  They want to keep all four instructors.  It may not be so bad as the program will be a new one for everybody.  I haven't been graceful about accepting many changes.

          As I continued to add puzzle pieces to my list of things that may have contributed  to my gloomy state of mind, I realize that all of them (or at least most of them) are connected by a lack of sleep.  I am so damn tired and find it hard to sleep.  I can't figure out why.  I have seen enough accounting videos to knock me in a coma for a lifetime.  And yet, I don't think I have been able to sleep through the night all month long.

          Roland likes the room to be 90 degrees (okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration.  But he does like it hotter than comfortably warm) I have to have the temperature below 70 if I want to be comfortable.  I can't sleep in the bed because the ability to raise it to a propped up position is gone.  The foot/leg part of the recliner is shorter than I am and so my feet hang over.  I just can't seem to sleep - even with the accounting videos.  Like I want to be focusing on that.  It's Christmas.  I want to be uplifted.  Accounting does NOT uplift.

          Oh, and on top of my instructor reading the PowerPoint word for word here  his comments are the same for everything turned in.  "You met the assignment/discussion requirement." No other feedback whatsoever.  At least it was graded before the middle of the following week so that was nice.  I just tried taking a nap which did not work out to my expectations.  I will try again.

Once Upon a Time spoilers and metaphors

            For those who enjoy watching the abc series "Once Upon a Time" and have not yet seen season seven, you may want to return to this post later as I am about to reveal many spoilers. Thus far season 7 is actually my favorite.  I must admit that I did quite a bit of skipping around with seasons 3-6, reading the synopsis of each episode.  Season 7 has peaked my curiosity.  I also like the story of Cinderella better than the entire Snow White ordeal.  I also like looking at fairytales from other perspectives.

            Season Seven starts out with Henry saying good-bye to Regina.  He tosses a magic bean onto the ground and drives his motorcycle through the portal into the enchanted forest. Next thing we see, Henry is a grown man.  He has his adventures and chooses to live in the enchanted forest - for at least a decade, I assume.  Another curse is placed upon the land, but instead of Storybrook, MA, the fairytale characters are transformed into Hyperion Heights, WA. 

             Instead of the boy Henry's persistence on labeling his mother's Regina, the Evil Queen and Emma, the Savior, the leading characters are Jacinda (Cinderella), Lucy (the daughter who believes the fairytales that Henry now writes) and Henry (who has forgotten his other life).  Only four of the original cast now live in Hyperion Heights:  Regina (Roni) and Rumplestiltskin (Weaver) from season one, Hook (Rogers) from season two and Zelena (Kelly) from season three - and Zelena is living in San Francisco for the first 7 episodes and so we don't even see her until episode 7 or 8.  Aside from those four, the cast of characters are new to season seven.

            I remember having always liked fairy tales and have enjoyed twisted versions and mixing of characters (such as Into The Woods).  I think it's fun to get a new perspective on what might have possibly made a fairytale villain become that or see the roles reversed (as within Disney's Maleficent). In abc's Once Upon a Time we have the opportunity of seeing many hearts harden and many harden hearts turn to the light.  Roland had once asked what it is I like about the show.  I don't guess that it is much different from his comic books or comic book movies where there are also heroes and villains.  

            As a youth I think the things I enjoyed most about fairytales was being able to decipher who was the hero and who was the villain.  Growing up has changed that somehow, because we don't always know.  It isn't always so obviously spelled out for us.   We don't always know what is trickery and magic or even intent.  We turn to both light and darkness searching for answers or solutions to fix our problems.  We may steal from another who can afford to be stolen from - or at least that is how we rationalize it in our minds.  We're coaxed into trying things like drugs or alcohol to make ourselves feel better. Or perhaps we have seen some fall into gambling because there's a slight chance that we could double or triple money  in order to pay the bills just to make ends meet.  But dark choices often lead to addictions - not happiness.  Dark choices come with a price - not just to the person making the choices, but those closest to the one choosing or being controlled by the dark ones.

            In one episode we see a young mother picking vegetables from a garden that isn't hers.  The witch who owns the garden finds the young mother picking radishes instead of magic beans which she finds odd.  The woman apologizes and explains that she is in need of food for her family and "will do anything to keep them safe and happy" at which point the witch locks the mother (Repunzel) in a tower.  Repunzel yells out for someone to help her.  Six years pass before she is able to make her escape by cutting off her hair and use it as a rope to get down.  Repunzel Tremaine learns of her family's whereabouts and learns her husband has remarried but does allow visitation rights for her to spend time with her two daughters, Anastasia and Drizilla. 

            Anastasia is thrilled.  From the moment her mother had disappeared she had been sending lanterns into the sky as a sign to come home.  Lady Tremaine is treated differently by each of her daughters.  Drizilla does not remember her mother as well as Anastasia and has accepted Ella's biological mother as her own.  Out of resentment, Lady Tremaine kills Ella's mother in order to have her family back.  Her hatred towards Ella happens later when the three girls are skating on the ice.  Just before Anastasia falls through the ice, Ella walks out to save her but they both end up falling through. Mr. Tremaine can only save one of the girls and returns to the surface with Ella.  Anastasia ends up dying.  Repunzel Tremaine becomes wicked not just to Ella but Drizilla as well.

            We all live in Storybook at one time or another.  We have all dealt with pain and darkness, and know those who seek comfort in the light.  We allow our hearts to change based upon our emotions, financial circumstances, and other situations.  We fluctuate between light and darkness searching for answers.  There are times when we get off course and ask the wrong person or seek others approval when what we really need to do is "look up and find the answers" (quote comes from Alice - who also seems to share characteristics with a mad hatter's personality as well).

            Looking "up" could be a metaphor of prayer or turning to God for the answers.  This often requires more endurance than does the dark side in which the darkness happens so subtly, it's hard to pinpoint when the darkness started (for me anyway) whereas the light seems to transform one's heart right away.  A powerful brightness that makes the darkness disappear.  If it could only be that way always.  None of us is perfect.  We all have choices to make.  We all have burdens to carry.  We don't have to carry these burdens alone.  We may have good days when we are looked at as heroes and bad days where others may see us as villains.  May we always seek the light that will make us shine.

Stay On Task - Don't Go Ahead!

I've been working at various schools substituting for aides who need the time off for whatever reason.  This week I observed two different classes react differently to the same set of instructions:

            "We will be doing these problems as a class.  Follow my instruction.  I will give you time to finish each problem.  Stay on task.  Do not go ahead of your classmates.  It's important that we do this together."

            The first group did not even make the attempt to follow the directions.  Each had a private race against the other classmates.  Most of them really did seem to understand what was expected on the worksheets but still lacked in following the direction of staying on task and not moving ahead.

            The second group stayed on task and focused.  Though many of the answers were displayed on the board, none wrote the answer on his or her worksheet until the class members were instructed to do so.  The instructor paused with every problem and asked if there were any questions or if anyone need more time to finish writing the answer.

            The children from the first class had raced ahead and run out of work.  They got bored.  There may have been some who were bored in the second group as well, but they understood that their boredom would only get worse by racing ahead.

            Sadly, I saw myself in the first class more than the second and felt ashamed because I had missed out on so much.  By trying to move ahead on my own, I had deprived myself of more learning as I was focused on "moving ahead" rather than "staying on task" that I had missed much of what was being taught.

            As I observed the second group, I was amazed at the metaphors that went through my head as I realized that it isn't just with written assignments in which we need to need to stay on task and not move ahead but we need to be aware of this in our everyday lives.  Perhaps if we all stayed on task and waited for everyone else to catch up and support one another, there would be less problems with crime and negative attitudes.   Instead of moving ahead, we could assist one another at helping all of us to stay on task.  No one would move ahead and therefore no one would get left behind. I think by following these simple instructions we could make this world a better place.

Thought That Counts

                I serve in the primary at my church.  I also do (and have done) things for the Relief Society, though I often forget as I feel as if my contact with the RS is so rare if at all.  The other day the presidency stopped by to give me a gift and card.  While I appreciated the hugs and the card and the sentiment of the gift, it was a plant that I am allergic to. 

                I took the Poinsettia to my friend Carolyn.  She was happy to receive it as she had no other Christmas decorations.  Happy that it has benefited us both.  Thank you RS for thinking of me.