Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Prioritizing expense


I'm grateful to have second hand stores or gift cards or sales in which I can make a purchase for a book bag or back pack.

 

I ragged on my daughter's lack of responsibility in yesterday's post.  Her backpack had been in the car on Saturday but she doesn't remember seeing it on Sunday.  Someone had been in the car looking for something.  We concluded that the back pack had been stolen by whoever it was.  We made a police report, but I don't expect that anything will come of it.  Wish they would have at least emptied the contents before stealing the backpack though.

Every once in a while I will see something quite profound on facebook.  I really like this thought posted by one of my friends:

"I was shopping when I saw a purse for over $1,000.00 Really! for a purse! I could buy groceries for 2 months for the price of that purse. Wow, even if I had that kind of money to spare I could never spend that kind of money on something so frivolous as a purse. Think of all the people I could help with that much money. It was probably a very nice purse, BUT IT'S A PURSE. My little purse I use is almost 2 years old and it costs me $20.00, It's looking a little worn but it still works just fine, thank you very much. Then it occurred that somewhere in the world there is probably someone saying “$20.00 for a purse! I could have fed my family for a month for $20.00” Yep, compared to the rest of the world I am wealthy indeed, and for that I am grateful. To show my gratitude I will be more generous with the money I have been blessed with."


Monday, November 25, 2013

Weekend memory lapse and lack of responsibility


 Jenna’s room was not the neatest we lived in our first house but at least she did know where things were for the most part.  Over in West Valley I think she’s become less responsible with every passing year.  Puberty has certainly not made things easier.  She flies off the handle at every little suggestion.

 I’ve been working on getting her to accept responsibility. Pick up after herself.  Get ready on time. I’ve used rewards.  I’ve taken away privileges.  I’ve been nice.  I’ve been ornery.  Nothing has seemed to work.

Roland worked only half a day on Friday and thus just happened to pick us up after Jenna got out of school. Afterwards we ran errands and went shopping and did not return to the house until after 6:00.

Before Jenna exited the car I told her to be sure and grab her backpack.  I specifically remember telling her to get it now so that it wasn’t left in the car when dad went to work on Monday.  Of course almost every child thinks he or she knows better than the parent and Jenna is no exception.  She said she would get it later.

On Saturday before Roland went to work, I told Jenna that she should grab her backpack.  I told her that she could use it to tote the origami Santas she wanted to pass out.  Of course she didn’t.

Yesterday I told her to bring me one of her papers so that I could mark it off.  She didn’t.  If she had she would have eventually looked in the car for her backpack – which by then I had also forgotten about. 

This morning it felt wrong to say, “I told you so” when she was already crying as she scrambled to find her backpack and reminded herself of where it was.  I did my best to comfort her.  I tried to do my best.  Perhaps it wasn’t my best.  I was thinking that she should have listened to me.  I was thinking, “I hope this will help her to learn”

I have my own issues though.  After closing the door I realized that I’d forgotten my cell phone.  We didn’t have time for me to get it – especially since I had also forgotten my keys.  How could I have forgotten my keys?  Hadn’t I trained myself to return it to my backpack the minute I came home from church?  Apparently not.

We do get to the bus stop at approximately the same time each day.  Sometimes the bus is early we have missed our regular bus at least three times now.  We have been fortunate enough to catch the other route – which will run on the south side only after December 8th.

After the 8th the route we like to take will run every 15 minutes – which is a lot better than every 30. I don’t know if that will make a difference on how soon she gets ready.  I’m hoping she will make a better effort to be ready on time.

I hope that both of us will be prepared with all things necessary.  The biggest one would be prayer – which I suspect we’ll have to start just a little earlier.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Needing to be Needed



Earlier in the summer of this year my eldest son Biff went to Texas to see his “girlfriend” Hailey – who I had never heard him ever mention before.  He couldn’t have been home more than two weeks when he hooked up with Jeanie.  He started out texting her and then spending time with her – once, twice a week which eventually turned into daily and is hardly even at home anymore.  Sometimes an entire week will go by before I see him – or even talk to him.

He did call last night to report his engagement.  No surprises there.  A date has not been set so I’m thinking an elopement is still possible as they had talked about that several times before the engagement.

 

Biff has always kept his body in great shape.  He eats healthy foods.  He used to retire to bed early (6:00 pm at the time I met Roland, I kid you not) and rise early (4:00 a.m.) but working graveyard has changed that.  I think he’s slipped a little on some things – but nothing extreme.

The members of Jeanie’s family (from what I understand) have poor eating habits and are not in the best physical condition.  Jeanie has already lost two sibs to health issues – both were in their 30’s when they passed.  Jeanie’s 31.

Biff has single handedly tried to change the family’s eating habits – especially Jeanie’s.  She’s been sick though – faints a lot.  I don’t know if it’s in trying to change her deit and her body’s going through some kind of shock or if it’s a hereditary things and she could pass away early in their marriage – or live for an additional 20 years as had Bill (my brother-in-law)’s first wife who had a tremendous amount of health issues basically all of her life.

Bill loved AnnaLeigh.  I don’t believe he has any regrets.  And I don’t imagine Biff will either – should he have to face them.  I think Roland is concerned that Biff does not know Jeanie all that well nor has an understanding of the health issues at hand.  But I’m fine that Biff is okay with it and that he is well aware of what he is walking into.

A couple can walk into marriage both in awesome health, and one could catch a virus or get hit by a bus or some other accident and not be prepared for something that may bring such a drastic change.  Biff at least is aware of what he’s getting into.  And it’s not like Roland has set the standards of waiting to propose.  He thinks Biff ought to have a long engagement.  I think Biff needs to go with his heart.  Kudos for loving unconditionally.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Bus Temperatures and Waiting



The one thing that I really don’t like about the bus system is the change in temperature.  Each bus driver has the ability to control how hot or cool the bus may be – or so that is my guess.
The regular driver, who takes Jenna and me from West Valley to Tannersville each morning, keeps his bus at a comfortable temperature – the way I like it in my house and room.  The way I keep it when Roland’s away.  Windows open.  Fans running.
Most of the older drivers keep the bus at furnace temperature – the way Roland likes it.  The way that makes me hot and uncomfortable and worn out. 
 

Long before I got married and was working downtown.  Taking the bus in summer wasn’t generally that big of a deal – not like it was in winter.  I would always sit in back next to a window that had been pried open.  I would remove my hat, my coat, my sweater and whatever else I could.  I’d pant. Before arriving at my designated spot I’d bundle up all over again.
Right now I wear a back pack in order to carry my coat, umbrella and sweater as needed.  I won’t need it when spring comes.
I’m actually getting familiar with some of the bus lines and how to get from here to there.  Yesterday I went out to see Harold.  It took only 30-40 minutes from Jenna’s school.  But the return home was not great.  The weather would have been fine with it.  My body was okay with just a sweatshirt but my ears and fingers felt frozen all day.  No hat seemed to work.  My ears felt like they would break off.
I should have gone back the way I came, but I took Desa’s advice at trying another route.  I must have just missed it and the other way late.  I think I’d been waiting for 30-40 minutes (the same amount of time it had taken for the entire trip between Alpine Ridge and Jenna’s school).  It took nearly two hours for me to return home.
Not quite as bad as it had been on Monday when I’d gone downtown to a rather expensive salon.  I wouldn’t have gone at all if the services offered hadn’t been free – well, free financially – but it did cost in time.  After I dropped Jenna off at school, I caught an 8:30 bus and transferred to go downtown.  90 minutes.  
I had arrived an hour before my appointment, but it just didn’t seem worth going home for just half an hour.  The hair dresser was late getting started which accounted for another 30 – 50 minutes. The process of fixing my hair was over two hours – which wasn’t a surprise.  I have a LOT of hair.
I was going to try another route on the return, but when I looked at the clock, I knew I should head back the way I came for there would not be enough time to go home.  I would have to return to the school for Jenna.  My bus arrived at the same time the first bell rang for dismissal.  Fortunately Jenna is a dawdler and hadn’t known how late I was at coming for her.
It’s true that I don’t like to wait for busses, but overall I have developed a sense of comfort – even though it does cost in time.  I’m okay with it at this point in time.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Mind Games: Educating Bullies


                  I believe it was 1996 when the freeway was in the process of a new makeover as Utah would be holding the winter Olympics in 2002 and the city needed to get ready for the mass transportation that would be involved.
            I was working downtown and had chosen to ride the bus to my destination.  Often I would catch a bus which ran along State Street, but every once in a while I managed to catch the one that went by way of the freeway.  Either way I had my nose in a book during the ride.

            I recall one day in particular I was reading the autobiography of a World War II survivor from Poland.  He was only a boy when the invasion started and described the horrific scenery – which to him was not so horrific - as he thought the dirt pits and piles and military transportation vehicles offered some sense of adventure – only he learned that the “adventure” was grotesque and inhumane and not at all what he had set out for.

            As I was reading the book, I happened to glance out the window.  My mouth dropped as I looked at the dirt piles and holes in the freeway – like the rubble that had been described in the book.  But instead of German vehicles, there were yellow caterpillars – no soldiers, (but no construction workers either).  It was actually kind of eerie.



            I hate Hitler.  I hate the very thought of all the tragedy, all the crime, all the needless punishment.  I have no Christ-like compassion for Adolph Hitler – perhaps a few of his followers.  There was so much brain washing and fear.  There are not enough words in my vocabulary to describe all the hatred and anger and remorse that I feel each time I read or watch or discuss anything related to all that senseless political crime.  So why do I continue?  I admire the strength of the survivors who stayed true to themselves – who pass on their stories and experiences.  I would hope that we may take into our hearts their pain and their experiences and learn and NEVER EVER repeat that piece of history. (But then perhaps we already are – or perhaps it already exists)

 
            There are so many accounts from children who were sent to live in the United Kingdom – a means of protecting them – or trying to.  Some were sent to good homes.  Others were not so fortunate.  Some became slaves to those that had been forced to or agreed to take them in.  Some were able to reunite with their real families – or at least some family members.  Many more were not.


            Currently I am reading a piece of historic fiction, “Someone Named Eva” by Joan M. Wolf.  She introduces a part of history I hadn’t learned before.  Girls with blonde hair and light colored-eyes were considered the “elite” and regardless of whether they had been born in Poland or Czechoslovakia, they were “stolen” and forced to take upon a new identity and become the Aryan – the best of the German girls. 

            I am horrified at the events that took place.  In 1942 the Nazis (or Gestapo) went into the homes and ordered al l family members to leave.  They were given only a few minutes to pack.  I have read so many accounts of being allowed to pack.  For what purpose?  Their possessions were confiscated almost immediately.  Almost everything they had was taken away.  Some were able to hang on to their identity.  Many others were not.  They were caught up in Hitler Youth or the Gestapo or the Brown House or whatever – saying “Heil Hitler” first out of fear and then out of habit.  Brainwashed.  Becoming numb. Saying but not feeling.

            Some were actually so caught up in it, they willingly accepted the harshness to be a part of their lifestyle (if you can indeed call it living) to become great bullies themselves.  To actually support the cause.  To praise evil.

            The girls in this story were “stolen”.  Two had been removed from Lidice along with their families.  And then they separated.  The men were taken in one direction and children with mothers and then separated again.  Milada and Ruzha were put on a bus that took them across the border into Poland.  They didn’t know why.  They didn’t speak German.

            Another bus carried twelve girls.  They didn’t speak Czech.  They didn’t speak German either.  Finally a pretty woman translated for all fourteen girls.  It was the one and only time that she would ever translate, for they were forbidden to speak in their native tongue.  German would be their new tongue.  They’d be accepted as German girls.

            Each morning they were expected to give the “Heil Hitler” salute to a poster.  Once they learned the German language they’d be introduced to German history and mathematics.  The youngest one (Heidi) was having too hard of a time keeping up.  She spoke in another tongue and was whipped for it.  Sometime later she disappeared.  When Heidi’s sister gave up on the German education, she too disappeared. 

            Whether or not their whereabouts had been explained to the other girls wouldn’t have made a difference.  They had fed them so many lies that it was hard to know what was truth.  Ruzha (whose name had been changed to Franziska) had hardened her heart.  She was a bully and worked hard at getting the approval of the adult bullies. 

            Milada worked just as hard to separate what she’d been taught from who she wanted to be – NOT a Nazi.  She was ashamed when people thought she was.  But that’s what the Aryan wanted.  And when the war was over, couples from all over Germany were called in to “adopt” the girls.

            So now Milada (who is called Eva) is in a fancy house with a new brother and sister and mom and dad.  All blonds.  All beautiful.  Her description of a horrible smell reminds me of the horrific smell described in “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” – a discovery that makes me cringe and cry and stirs up all these emotions of pain and dismay. How could so many people have let things get out of hand the way they did?
 

Milada remembers her own family.  And that is where I am in the book.  

Survivors allow emotion.  Bullies forget emotion. I must be a survivor. 

Obsession for Pokemon: Really?



Shortly after Roland and I became engaged, he wrote me a mushy letter filled with sentiment and quotes.  One of the lines he had written was: “. . . as Pikachu say, “I choose you””

I had absolutely no clue what that even meant.  Pikachu?  I figured it must be a quote from some movie I hadn’t seen.  Not only had I never seen Pokemon, I had never even heard of it.

  
According to what I’ve read (or rather my understanding of what I’ve read) Pokemon started out as a video game before it became an animated cartoon that somehow made its way into the boys hearts.  The three knew all the Pokemon characters by name and site.  At least one of the three boys seemed obsessed.

I don’t know where Roland may have found the time to sit down with his boys and learn the names of each character and whatever quotes.  But Pokemon has done absolutely nothing for me.  And after learning somewhat of its origin and based on a video game I have a better understanding on why it’s never appealed to me.

I remember my eldest checking out the animated series from the library and asking Jenna to sit down and watch them with him.  She’d take him up on it, but would stare at the television and then look at him with curious eyes – are you serious?  You would rather watch this than Oobi or Oswald? Where is this going? Why do you find this entertaining?





After a while she would become bored and either leave or create stories in her head and pretend she was watching just to be with her oldest brother.  When he asked her if she liked it, she would say, “It’s Okay” That was being kind.

Biff would continue to share his love of Pokemon, but she was never really interested – until lately.  I am quite floored by her behavior.  But I know my daughter.  I know it is only a phase and will get old within months (at least that is my prediction)

Apparently one of her friends (a boy) gave her a Pokémon card and then another boy gave her three more.  Suddenly boys were interested in her (suddenly?  Boys have been after her since before pre-school.  I don’t know why she hadn’t noticed it before) and so now she’s on this big Pokemon kick collecting and trading cards and learning the names of all the characters (wish there were math problem included on each card – have her memorize the times tables or division while she’s at it) 



She continues to show me the cards with great enthusiasm and I return with fake enthusiasm – trying to be excited for her but finding in hard to care because I really don’t.  Nor do I plan on memorizing the names or how much they’re worth, etc.  But if she will take care of them and treasure them I guess it’s a start.

Now That’s What I Call a Celebration

             Beth Rankin passed away on September 14 of this year.   Her husband had made arrangements for a Memorial celebration which took...