One Piece Might Not Protect Me - I Need It All

          Almost two hours after Jenna left for school, I looked outside the window to see a fog so thick it had nearly swallowed my view of the houses across the street.  Normally I don't get so excited by something that has impaired my vision, but unlike the hazy smoke that had lingered at the beginning of the month, I knew that the fog was clean and moist and would lift and be gone until another morning.  I've never seen the clouds so closely to my face.  It was pretty awesome.

          Right now the sky is clear and blue.  It is a sunny day.  There is no evidence that the fog had descended so low.  The scenery is clean.  There is nothing to impell my vision or breathing.

          Last night we fed the Elders.  The sun was beating on our house and shining through the windows.  The kitchen is always so hot without it.  Roland had the A/C on high and a fan had been set up to blow the cold air into the kitchen.  What cold air?

          We have a skylight in the front room, but Roland had covered it last year when the sun was pounding through - thus the room is not as well lit as the kitchen or our bedroom.  But I decided that we would eat in the living room as it was cooler than the kitchen. 

          We had Hawaiian haystacks and visited for a while before the elders excused themselves to go to their appointment. Elder Mafi left us with a thought about putting on the armor of God - a topic which I have taken all too lightly this month - and especially this week.  It's my final week for the two classes I am currently taking and I have been lacking ambition and motivation.  I haven't been wearing my entire armor of God - perhaps a piece here and there.

          Elder Mafi compared each part to an action such as scripture study or prayer.  I've only been wearing pieces of the armor - or worse - only just trying it on and not long at that.  I thanked him for the reminder.  This morning I woke up thinking about this song.  I also looked up images and subject to strengthen that which I would like to embrace and apply.

          Just as an orange without peel (it's armor, see here) I will sink in the waters of despair.  I want to wear my armor in order to stay afloat. 

          I also looked up and watched this video

Tiny Vegetables

               And now for the post you've all been waiting for . . .  just kidding.  I had saved  the words of my post to a draft and planned to add pictures when I returned from a meeting - only the Internet didn't seem to want to connect for me, and so I had to wait until now so that I could post pictures and captions

          Sunday started out overcast and I dressed in some warmer clothes.  And then I changed.  I had my hair down, but put it up to keep it off my neck. I had changed four times within 2 and a half hours (but one change was because I found residue of grime that just didn't look good)  Thus yesterday morning I hung laundry as it felt like it would be warmer than it had on Sunday.  It rained.  Not a heavy rain, mind you.  But it certainly wasn't going to help the clothes to dry!

          Roland says the deer have been getting in our yard and eating plants.  Here is what one of our pepper plants looked like last week:

Here's how they look right now:

          The chili pepper, hot pepper - whatever you want to call it - was an accident.  I found one hanging from the tomato bush.  Evidently not on the deer's eating agenda.  Serves it right for stealing from us.  So much hard work.

Tall corn plants:

producing tiny corn:

That wasn't supposed to be a cherry but rather a full size 

tomato - just like the corns were supposed to be bigger

This afternoon we found a carrot fetus among our strawberry plants:

We didn't even plant carrots!  At least not since we've been in Oregon.  Roland decided to replant the fetus and keep it in the hot house.

Hopefully it will continue to grow.  Other treasures of food morsels 

The last of the beets.  I pulled up four.  Could eat them whole

as they were tinier than the tomato and corn pictured above

This is an apple that made it's way into our yard

(they tend to roll toward the strawberries)

before the deer came

Our melons aren't as small as the other vegetables, but still quite small for melons.  Roland made some slings so they wouldn't pull down the trellis.  We wonder if we'll be able to eat just one of them

We bought a new food dehydrator - so much different than the screens my mom had used.

this is just an example - kind of what it looked like - though

my mom never tried cucumbers or zucchini.  We did bananas

and apple fruit leather.  I think we put the fruit between two screens.

It seems like there was a box, but maybe not; 

technology has definitely made things easier.

We sliced just three bananas to start out with.  See if it will be worth it.  

I don't think it was

Not Often My Favorite Day of the Week

                I don't know for certain how many children Raone had, but suspect there were at least eight.  Leisel was among the eldest.  Roane was a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was diligent in her callings and offering service.  Leisel did not recognize her mother's great efforts.  Instead, she grew up resenting her mother's choices with neglecting her own family and blamed the church.  When she was eighteen, Leisel moved out of the house, she never had her name removed from the records of the church, but had stopped attending meetings and I believe disconnected herself from the family that she had helped raise. 

          I remember meeting her only once.  She was nice enough and seemed to have her act together - perhaps not financially.  She remained positive so long as church or family were not the topic of conversation - otherwise she would disappear. 

          I don't recall how Raone and her husband ended up living in the house that Leisel and her husband had purchased in Kearns.  I think they must have been paying Leisel and her husband rent.  I'm aware of the tension that Leisel felt growing up - especially on Sundays when the family members were given instructions on how to act, dress, behave, and so forth.  I don't know if the same tension existed for her when she was an adult.

          Raone was not in the best of health, but continued serving as best as she could and Leisel continued to stay away from the church.  As a teenager, I hadn't particularly liked Sundays either.  There was always so much tension particularly with my mom and one of my younger sibs. I had thought it was her and Corey that had a squabbling fest each week, but he says that her verbal arrows were aimed towards Kayla - which surprises me. 

          I do remember Kayla being independent and wearing some outlandish outfits as she always insisted she could dress herself - but Kayla didn't talk much.  For the most part I remember different family members taking advantage of her willingness to become our personal slave.  In my mind Corey was the opinionated know-it-all who didn't always agree.  It really doesn't matter which one - the point is that there was always tension in the house on Sunday.  For the most part I would choose to stay in my room and try to avoid any confrontation.  I hated Sundays, but not as much as mom appeared to as we'd get into the car and she had the look of an angry person ready to kill; not someone who was even close to eager to go to Church. 

          It's so weird to think about it now.  I'm happy that we outgrew whatever it was that made us so uptight on Sundays.  If Leisel's memories of Sunday were anything like that memory, I understand why she would stay away from Church - especially if it continued her whole existence - whereas my situation was not the same every year.  It fortunately did get better and I had actually forgotten all about the tension or Leisel and Raone until the last three Sundays after Roland's gotten on Jenna's case based upon her appearance.  It's true that Jenna is quite casual about her appearance and should probably put more thought into it but I am not going to harp on it the way that Roland does.  She's a rebel like I was and may start doing it out of spite and stubbornness.  I don't wish for her to feel bad about who she is or stop being who she is because of criticism.   By the time we get to Church, none of us want to be there. 

          There was an impromptu choir (because that's all we can seem to manage with this ward) and Jenna and I both went up.  I smiled as I would playing a part on stage.  That's all I was doing - playing a part.  Roland is not one to hold grudges.  He is always the first to apologize, but it took him longer on Sunday.  A lot longer.  And Jenna and I both cried about it.

          The theme has been on self-reliance - which really is an important topic - but I don't generally feel the Spirit anymore.  I feel more like I am at a rally or seminar and not church.  Missionaries have been working with many who need to hear the words that are spoken.  It is their turn, not mine.  I feel like I am going through the motions every week.  Sunday really isn't my favorite day of the week.  I guess Satan's probably happy about that.

          Unlike Leisel, I did not fill neglected by the service and compassion mom had shown others.  She was a great example for me and I loved to assist.  Mom taught me many values.  Thanks, Mom.

That movie went on and on . . . the plot, Forgotten

          The cinema movie offered to the seniors this week was Dunkirk - which Roland wanted to go and see, but it was on Wednesday which overall is NOT the best day for me - especially when I have two classes.  Roland was finishing up his assignment and Corey was coming to town (and there is no movie that I would rather see over my brother, Corey) and I wasn't going to jeopardize that!  Roland's plan was to take me on a date to the theatre last night.  Unfortunately the last showing was on Thursday, and so we ended up not going to the big city of Roseburg. 

          Instead we decided to go rent movies from Redbox.  We drove to the  one located by McDonald's.  I was watching two men, one in a cherry picker and one in the McDonald's sign - which actually looks further up in the air when there is a cherry picker and crew inside the sign.  I wished I would have had my camera.  You think with all the times I've not had it with me, I would learn.  But no.  I was too lazy to have taken anything - even proper shoes.

          We selected two movies: Meagan Leavey and the Zoo Keeper's Wife,

but there was a problem with the machine and we couldn't get any farther than checking out the movies.  As Roland continued to fiddle with Redbox, I continued to watch the view of the two persons (I could only see the one on the cherry picker but figured there was also at least one in the sign itself).

          We drove to another Redbox location on the other end of town.  Roland couldn't find the Zoo Keeper's Wife and had selected the latest King Kong.  We did not spend as much time at the second RedBox.  We collected the two movies and returned to our house to watch them.

          I really liked Megan Leavey, which is the first movie we watched.  I  thought Kate Mara looked a lot like the real Megan Leavey.  What a remarkable turn-around of her life.

          I don't know what possessed us to watch King Kong in its entirety.  I think we both thought something would happen - maybe a plot would unfold.  I

t was kind of like a rip off of Jurassic Park meshed with some other movie. I saw Planet of the Apes, the Incredible Hulk and dare I saw Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?  We apparently lost sight of why the group had gone to Skull Island in the first place.  My recommendation would be that you do not waste your time on watching this King Kong but rent one of the other mentioned movies instead.  And the creatures, by the way, looked as realistic to me as the ones used in the King Kong movies back in 1976.

          This morning on facebook I posted a bogus picture of cherry picker raised to McDonald sign with the caption: "If you have a fear of heights, changing light bulbs in the McDonald's sign is NOT for you."  I don't know if that is actually what they were doing.  It certainly was interesting to watch - though from my point of view, there wasn't much to see, except for the inside of the sign which is normally yellow appeared to have open slats of white shining through.

Domestic Attempts

            I had finished two of my assignments on Wednesday but had  not turned in as accounting consisted of a two part and I had only done one.  My financial assignment sounded as though I was stumbling over my words (which I was) and probably came across like I had no clue (I have some - but not 600 words worth) and so I wanted to re-read it, make certain it made sense before I turned it in - but would need a fresh start on Thursday.

            Somewhere along the line I had lost 200 words. I prayed, I cried, I stressed,  I did more research.  I think it sounded better than my first, but will never know for certain.  I was a wreck.  I had asked Roland to help me with the other part as he has been looking at charts and numbers and figures and can understand them better than I can.  I turned in both assignments, completed both assessments and had freed up my Friday! 

            I cleaned/straightened house, did laundry, dishes.  And after a while, I decided to take a break - after all I hadn't done my daily checkpoints or posted to my blog.  I had also decided that I would straighten out a project I've been working on for upcoming baptisms.

            I hadn't done much with my project when Roland suggested we make some apple juice.  Really?  Now?

            He'd purchased a juicer from a second hand store.  Until then, I didn't appreciate the high cost of juice.  Run four apples through a machine for possibly just one ounce.  ONE OUNCE?  Are you kidding me?  Does that mean I need 16 apples for a really small glass?  I personally didn't think it was worth all the stress (not to mention waste) but hey, we had possibly 30 apples left and so we worked on the juicing process together.

            I kept asking him if we needed to shut the juicer off to give it a breather as it sounded like the motor was having stress.  I recognize the stress motored sound.  I would often run a vacuum cleaner near Jenna's bed when she was little because the motor helped her go to sleep.  The motor also burned out.

            The juice tasted good, but the color reminded me of vomit - not appetizing to the eye at all.

            I did not realize that when I took a picture of this juicer, it would be in the garbage can just twenty minutes later.  On the plus side, I didn't have to clean it - though cleaning the parts was not that hard, nor was assembling the juicer.  But it is gone now.  What a shame.

            Roland took out the Ninja - which is possibly what we should have used and had never purchased the juicer in the first place and I took the apple slop out to the compost before putting the parts in the garbage can.

            We filled up an apple juice bottle.  If I saw this on the shelf, I would not buy it

While I cleaned out the blender

  Roland took the goop that was left in the strainer and made some more applesauce.  But unlike our first, this one has a weird texture to it because of the peels.   

I couldn't find matching lids and rings and so

I put the very last bit in a pickle jar. 

 I baptismal project still remains to be worked on.

High School Reunion Without Internet

          My dad graduated from high school in 1954 or 1955.  I think he attended every class reunion there was until he got sick.  I think my mom must have attended all of his high school reunions as well. She has never gone to her own.  Nor have I.  Mostly I didn't care.  I didn't even like high school.  Why would I want to go back?

          I believe the first high school reunion offered a barbeque at a local park I believe on a Saturday afternoon - and may have attended that one had I been in town, but I was on my mission at the time.   The second reunion announced was located at some prestige resort in Park City.  I didn't have that much money to spend nor did I believe there would be many there that I would want to see for that much money anyway.  I don't remember being invited to another reunion after that - not that it would have mattered.  I hung around seniors all three years in high school - and more in the first year than the last two combined.  My senior year was actually a lonely memory.  Not a lot of good memories there.

          Roland and I have a friend in McMinnville who was in Roland's graduating class.  Enthusiastically she had contacted us both to say that there was a reunion in New Jersey on September 16, and perhaps the three classmates who ended up in Oregon could meet at Beth's house and talk to their former classmates through Skype.

          Roland, Jenna and I left the house just before 8:00 a.m. and headed toward McMinnville.  We  stopped at the Costco in Salem.  Every Costco I have ever been to doesn't open until 10:00.  The Costco in Salem opens before 9:00 - that would explain the overly full parking lot at only 10:20.  I felt like I was back in Salt Lake with the heavy amount of traffic and somehow felt like an even larger sea of people in the aisles.  Did not care for that at all.  Don't think I would like to live in Salem after all.

          We arrived at Beth's before the other couple.  Their former classmate has the same first name as I.  Roland did not remember her.  But they did remember all of the same people for the most part.  They reminisced about those they knew from high school and what things are going on now.  Beth could not get her server to work the entire time we were there.  Just as well.  The phone never rang and so they didn't get to talk with any of their other classmates.  But I think they actually enjoyed it more than they would have with wall-to-wall faces and no breathing room.

          Graham had prepared a really nice meal for us.  There was London Broil, tuna steaks, potato salad, and assorted vegetables.  I think the others brought the cheesy potatoes.  Graham had also made the best avocado dip I have ever tasted.  There was a trifle for dessert.

          Beth had asked if we'd be staying overnight.  We had packed a bag thinking we might stop in Salem on the way home, but for some reason the car ride home always seems a lot quicker than the destination from home.  Roland drove straight to the house.  We had only stopped one time to use the facilities. 

          Between Salem and Eugene Jenna and I watched the sunset for forty minutes.  I wish I had pictures of what we saw - but at 65 mph and a point and shoot, I knew the pictures would not capture the true beauty that we had seen.

A Passing Phase Perhaps . . .

        From the time she was eight years old, Jenna had always asked me for her own personal facebook account.  She enjoyed watching the JibJabs that my brother-in-law will occasionally post and wanted the opportunity to make comments herself instead of having me type "Jenna says . . ."  Over the years, many of her friends started their facebook accounts and she would ask if she could start one.  Each year the request was included on birthday or Christmas lists.  At the end of 2014 I created this post. 
     
          It wasn't until we had moved to Oregon - so far away from our family - that I understood why so many of her friends may have had "illegal accounts" as they all had family members they didn't have many opportunities to spend time with.  We had lived in Oregon for almost a year when I set up an "illegal" facebook account for her.  The objective was to keep contact with her brothers and aunts and uncles.  At first she seemed leery about adding people whose names she didn't recognize (good for her), but after a while many school mates made it to the facebook friend list.  She  found former acquaintances she had known in different parts of Salt Lake.  She had fun creating posts and playing games - though I had reminded her several times that is not why the account had been created.  I discouraged her from playing games or sharing her profile.  I don't know how many times she was hacked.  I suggested that she change her password either weekly or bi-monthly.

            I think the novelty had worn off as it had for me in this post.  There are certainly some advantages and disadvantages of being on facebook. After a year, Jenna is bored with facebook and asked if we could delete her account.  We haven't figured out how to close it permanently and so currently it's just deactivated until she decides that she would like to use it again.  And it's okay if she decides not to return.  My brother, Patrick has never had an account nor do I suspect he ever will.  There are leaders in the primary who don't have accounts. 
          I think it is a great source of communicating among certain groups.  I know many who post for upcoming Church activities, or community functions or family gatherings.  In fact I have given examples here and here and I've known some who have been inconvenienced when they no longer have that connection (for instance it was the policy of  Granite School District that all employees must not have facebook contact with the students;  one of my facebook friends, who fixes computers at all the schools in the district, was expected to delete those students he kept in contact with to make them aware of scouting events that had nothing to do with the school - but it was for protection reasons that the "unfriending" thing happened)

            Jenna isn't great at controlling her emotions - especially during that time of the month.  But hey, I was a teenage girl who had issues with that time of the month.  I understand.  Facebook didn't exist when I was her age, but I'm certain I would have gotten bored with it also.  She loves to draw and color.  It's the only passion she's been consistent about.  Everything else has been a fad.  Perhaps one day she will find something that she is willing to hang onto. Perhaps she will do something with her art.  She says she would like to lean towards cartooning.  That would be cool.

Oh, The Beautiful Sound of Rain!

        Though I am certain there are many who would not agree with the title of this post, particularly those who have been affected by Irma and Harvey. Even my brother who had planned on taking his husband to see the gardens in Victoria after selling Joh's art in Washington 

but took the rain as an opportunity to rest and visit with family rather than spend yet another day driving.   For those of us who have been surrounded by smoke and fires, it has been a desired gift for some time.  Hopefully more fires will be put out, much of the smoke has already cleared.  I know it will help with my breathing, my poor dry skin, and my balance. 

        I actually hadn't considered my balance before, but have been fighting off ear infections in my right ear.  That would be related to my balance, right?  Sometime after Roland and I had moved to West Valley, I started having issues with my balance.  My theory was low ceilings and lack of ventilation had contributed to my instability of movement.  Of course, the balance thing was even a greater challenge when I felt distorted whenever I’d first wake up or because of the tremendous amount of sinus infections I would experience (all in the West Valley house; I have not experienced that degree before or since)

        After my dad had had a series of strokes and was unstable on his feet, we had purchased him a tall cane and then a tall walker.  He must have been bent over when using the walker though, as I can reach my arms out at a comfortable position and I don’t have to bend     After we had cleaned out my mom’s house, Patrick ended up taking my dad’s walker.  Apparently, he also had the one that had belonged to my maternal grandma but I did not know that at the time.

        Because of my instability to move around during the night (because I drink a lot of water and my bladder is not as large as it used to be) I asked him if I could have the walker and started using it not long after my mom had passed away.  That’s when I realized he had two walkers as he had given me both as he thought dad’s might be too tall for me. 

        Oh, like a really could have used grandma’s!  I don’t even remember her being that short!  She must have really been hunched over!  I don’t even think that thing came up to my knees!  I think that is seriously the tiniest walker I have ever seen. .  What is it with getting such short walkers to assist with the walking.  I don't recall many walker users who haven't ended up leaning over and creating an even greater problem with their deformed backs as they had with their unstable legs.  But that's beside the point.

        We brought dad’s walker with us to Oregon.  I had no need for it when we were living in the first house we had rented.  I never felt distorted or unbalanced and hadn’t used it for over two years now.  But I have recently started using it again.  Ever since our trip to Medford.

        I think if we had a vehicle that rides high up – like a truck – where I have my legs bent at the knee in a dinner-chair-seated position, it might not be an issue.  But long rides with my leg in a straight or semi-bent is too much hard on my right leg.  I noticed that before we arrived in Medford last month that my right leg was really hurting.

        I believe I could have done without the assistance of the walker this morning.  I no longer feel distorted.  My hair feels soft again and so I think the rest of me will be feeling better like how I was meant to feel - our entire purpose of moving to Oregon.  I'm very grateful for the rain.  Overall, I really love this time of year.  Still missing my Utah family.  I know that coming to Oregon was/is the right move for me.  Now that we've had a wonderful rain, I can breathe again.

Overwhelmed

          As I have already mentioned, I had started two classes on Labor Day this month.  One in managerial accounting and the other in financing.  My accounting class seems like a refresher course as there is some familiarity within the topics. It also feels like a prequel to my financing class and I wish I had it BEFORE my financing class and not side-by-side as I tend to get the two mixed up and have actually turned in one assignment for one class into the other.

          Fortunately I have really good instructors in both classes who have been able to give me feedback right away instead of waiting until the end of the week as was the case with my last instructor who did announce ahead of time that his grading day is Sunday and that is it.

          I am having the hardest time with the subject at hand.  Valuation principals and investments and blah, blah, blah . . . One class asks me how a manager makes a decision (no, it isn't my managerial accounting, it's the other one . . . see what I mean) and so I look up all of these references for one class and end up using them for the other class.

          Most of my accounting assignments have been in excel and so I don't have to have all those references in my back up file.  When I am asked to write about a personal finance decision (wrong again - the 300 word project about personal financing is for the accounting class; it is the second part to be handed in along with the excel assignment) I am looking at all these words and definitions trying hard to apply it to my personal life, but they're all business words and I am not a business and I have absolutely no desire to be!

          We make estimated guesses.  We cannot predict the future.  We can't control what downfall the economy may have to endure due to natural disasters.  I have so many thoughts in my head and they are spilling over.  I don't like the riled up emotion I feel when I am trying to answer the questions.  Roland has always been able to separate business from personal life.  Not me.  I cannot keep my emotions out of it!

          And then there is the scrapbook I had gone through that has triggered all sorts of thoughts.  I knew I couldn't sit down and write just one post and do my assignments.  So I broke my thoughts into several posts that still managed to beg for me to write them - and hey, why not?  I couldn't focus on my assignments anyway. I'm not worried about failing the class.  I've been getting As the entire time except for one class - with an instructor who would pass out virtual caramels - I was late turning in an assignment and so did not get full credit.  I think I was taking two classes at that time also. 

          I feel fortunate that I had only one class in July and one class last mod.  I don't know how I managed with the two classes that started on the day of Jeanie's funeral.  I felt like I had been in a coma for three weeks.  Perhaps that is the secret - have my subconscious take over.  I just felt so tired I don't think it was possible to experience emotion.  Since school started for Jenna, I've been neglecting the library also.  I find it necessary  to take a breather.