Some of the Places where my Mind takes me

          It’s time to get my hair cut – or at least thinned out.  I feel like I have a heavy scarf draped over the back of my neck.  I have been pulling it back – but some days just don’t seem to matter.

          We’re down to just one car.  Jenna and I have to get up in the morning to leave by 6:30 to take Roland to work.  Jenna stays in her pajamas, wears slippers out to the car, buckles herself in, lies down and throws a blanket over herself. 

          Roland turns the heater on – I usually turn my side down before we arrive to his work (one nice feature which still exists on the car – passenger and driver can adjust to different temperatures) I shut the heater off before completing the journey home.

          We return home one hour before I take Jenna to school.  By that time I have the A/C on.

          Biff and Roland put up the A/C in our living room the other night (on Biff’s birthday actually). We’re expecting rain now.  It always rains after we put up the A/C.  Though yesterday seemed unbearably hot, it’s been quite overcast today.  I see several people out in their yards working – pulling weeds, planting.

          I went out to see my mom.  We used to be rivals when we played word games like Scrabble or Upwords.  Mom was a sore loser, but even a more prideful winner.  It was all in fun. 

         

          That was then.  I continue to play games with her in order to stimulate her brain, but there is really no point in keeping score anymore.  No longer do we share our playful competiveness.   She seems to have lost interest in how to keep score and doesn’t bother looking for points so much as just getting rid of her letters. 

          Seems I need to work harder at getting her to smile or understand a joke.  And we have all repeated ourselves almost as often as she has.  Very little seems to stick with her anymore.  This change is hard on everybody.  And there are some of us who have questioned as to how much longer until I am in her shoes.  (I often wonder if I’ll be there tomorrow – for real)

          I’ve been searching through tapes and taking glimpses of home movies – not really that far in the past.  My mom is more put together and aware of things even just a few years ago more so than now.

          My niece and her husband live in the basement.  They don’t have their own private entrance.  Seems “grandma” is forever locking them out.  And so my niece has learned to always have her keys on her – even if she is just in the yard.

          Just as the weather changes, so do our lives.  Sometimes we can revisit where we were – but often we’re forced to move on or ahead and don’t have the capability of revisiting – not even in photographs.

Incentive Charts

          Trying to get Jenna to pick up after herself has been a chore.  I just don’t understand why it is such a big deal to remove clothes from one’s body and not put them away or put them in the dirty clothes as soon as they come off.  Granted, to take them off and discard them to the floor does take less time at that given moment – but when it builds up – it does take much longer than it would if initially put away.  She’s a smart girl – but she is also very lazy about certain things.

There are actually four or five charts I would like to incorporate – but not

all at the same time.  That would be overwhelming for both of us.  I did have the “Go to Bed on time” chart up, but as there are just a few weeks of school left, and it is her whining that is really grading on my nerves right now, I have changed the incentive chart to “I will go an entire day without whining” I hope there will be enough incentive there.

It helps that her dad is currently enrolled in furthering his education.  He told me that he has to be on the Net at least four times a week to get credit.  So Jenna decided that I needed to make a chart for Roland, also.  And actually it has worked to my benefit – for Roland has already earned six stickers.  Jenna’s competitive.  Her goal is to beat him.  I sincerely hope it works out.

I was familiar with the idea for incentive charts before.  I had used them on the boys when they were in junior high.  I wouldn’t think a junior high student would care so much about stickers – but for some reason it appealed to them.  And it appealed to them to each get more than his brothers.

Ooki certainly didn’t care about the stickers – but I had a chart for him initially so he wouldn’t feel left out.  Tony was jealous of Ooki and jealous of the amount of stickers which Ooki had earned – not because he was competing – it was just his nature to do things – mostly without being told.  So that gave Tony incentive to do more than he would otherwise.

We will be continuing education during the summer.  More charts.  We have to read, write, practice cursive, practice times tables and she really ought to brush up on her Spanish (I’m going to need help with that one) and will put checkmarks or smile faces or something each time we have put in 20 minutes or so on whatever it is.  None of her friends are early risers, so I do not foresee it being a problem.

Hopefully by the end of summer ALL of the incentive charts will be full.  I hope so anyway.

Sunrise, Sunset (a timeline)

Met Roland Dec 31, 2000

                   first date – First Night

          New Year’s kiss on train

Boys welcome New Years with future cousins

three days pass –

 Marriage proposal,  Oh, right

Mother to three boys

I know them better than I know dad

I know them better than dad knows them

Purchase house in Kearns

                   Roland and boys move in

May  -

          Biff’s birthday. 

          toothpaste and laser tag

September

Married

                             Roland, Biff, Tony, Randy –

my instant family

our first Christmas

April 2004

                   Jenna’s born

First mothers’ day

                   Precious moment photo

                             smiling up at brothers

                                                but not for mommy, not for the camera

Jenna grows.

          They all grow.

2005

          All three boys are in high school

                   Jenna starts pre-school during Randy’s senior year.

February 2007

          Biff receives mission call to work at Conference Center

March 2008

          Family portrait

                   Roland with all six of his children

          Tony leaves on a two year mission to Brazil

Mothers’ Day

         

                   Biff and Randy make a gift for mom

                   She is surprised by all the thought

April 2009

          Randy leaves on a two year mission to Portugal

November 2009

          lose house in Kearns,

                             move to West Valley

2010

                   Tony returns

                   He joins the army

                             trains at Fort Knox

April 2011

          Tony and Rochelle get married

                     ten days prior to Randy’s return

Feb 2012

          Rochelle gives birth to Ester

          family goes to Arizona

                             Grandma’s birthday

                                                          dancing

          Biff and Randy on the dance floor

                                      smiling

                                                          dancing

                   enjoying life

May 2012

          Jenna gets baptized

          Randy and Carrie get married

                                      smiling

                                                          dancing

                   starting a new life

Today Biff turned 25.     

No use crying over spilt milk; Time to Move on

          The wedding is now behind us, but still my plate seems full.  I am exhausted both mentally and physically.  And I am certain that I am also experiencing a hormonal imbalance.

         

          I vegetated all day yesterday.  Literally.  I had the boob tube on, but never saw a complete program as I would fade in and out of my slumber.  I hadn’t slept well the prior night.  I often have problems sleeping when I am overly tired.  My subconscious mind always seems to dwell on situations that I can’t change.  It drives me nuts – especially when I am so exhausted.

          Given that and the fact that I had taken a Zyrtec before going to the wedding reception and then again before going to bed.  It must have taken all day before it finally wore off.  At least I hope it’s worn off.

          My brother Corey had tried to be supportive – to both the family (as I had a son getting married) and his partner who was auditioning.  Both had scheduled event for the exact same time.  And he managed to do both.

          When Corey’s partner had finished his audition, both got dressed up and entered the temple grounds to be in family pictures.  They were in a few.  The one with everybody.  The one with bride and groom in front with uncles, aunts, nieces, cousins, friends, just whoever . . .

 Then our photographer asked which family should be photographed first.  I opted for the bride’s family with a lot more people – at least four were under the age of twelve.  I thought it would be easier to keep them there rather than move them around and back again.

          But my family got left on the back burner.  They left and I wasn’t even aware.  So the only photos that they were in were the ones with everybody – though the photographer had taken some of me with Corey and his partner before the bride and groom came out. But we did not get any photos of five that were there on the groom’s side in pics with just the nine of us.

 I felt bad.  And I know it is wrong to be upset about it or dwell on it, but I did get teary- eyed about it.  And when Roland asked if I was catching cold, I just couldn’t hold back anymore.  And I knew it was stupid for me to be crying over something I couldn’t change.  I should have said something sooner.

          It’s over and done with.  But Corey’s partner was tired having had only two hours of sleep.  Mom was antsy – because she just seems overwhelmed with crowds as she’s gotten older.  So they left.  And Corey said they had said good-bye to me.  But my head has been so full this month and I can’t think straight and I didn’t hear them or see them leave.

          There were two photographers – one from each family.  I think Bill was getting annoyed with the other photographer who obviously doesn’t have his years of experience.  She was sweet enough – but definitely not Bill.  He was probably more flustered than I was.

          There weren’t near as many pictures taken of Randy’s wedding as there had been with Tony’s – when Bill was working by himself.  Especially at the reception – where Bill had arrived on time (which doesn’t seem normal for him) but the bride’s side of the family didn’t seem to care or wanted to be bothered with being photographed again.  And the bride and groom themselves didn’t arrive until the time when the reception was scheduled to start.

          Jenna’s dress had gotten dirty – and she wasn’t in the greatest mood.  I don’t even know if she’s aware that Corey’s partner is in town right now, but I plan to take her out to my mom’s house and take pictures myself as he’ll be leaving tomorrow.  And since the dress Jenna wore the other night is not clean, I will be dressing her in another.

          It’s Mother’s Day.  I won’t have to be assisting in the nursery today as the priesthood will be giving all the women a break.

          Last night Jenna gave me an apron she had made – so excited about her gift that she just couldn’t hold it in.

          Now she would like to work on making a gift for Biff – who has his 25^th birthday tomorrow.  It’s been put on the back burner – again.  I so often feel like Biff’s birthday has been lost in the sauce for so many years.  For the most part I don’t think he even cares.  But it would be nice to receive some acknowledgement.

          Mother’s Day has often been put on the back burner, too.  But I think Jenna plans on changing that.

It’s been a Melancholy month; can’t wait until it’s over

I suppose I could just brainstorm my thoughts – which I have – but on paper.  Not on a post. 

            I’ve heard it said that poultry may sometimes run around frenziedly for several minutes after decapitation.  Hence the saying, “running around like a chicken with head cut off” 

          My mind has definitely been elsewhere this month.  Too many events taking place all at once.  Too many things to remember.  I have so lacked in my organizational skills

          Had to find sitters for Jenna on Tuesday and Friday this week; had another meeting with my sibs on Tuesday – something which had been scheduled for well than a month in advance.  Fortunately my sister mentioned it in an email or else I would have forgotten.

          I arrived early – 40 minutes early.  I had left early as I didn’t know the path of construction that would be in store for me and was very surprised when I hadn’t encountered not even one orange poly cone or orange barrel.

          Yesterday Carrie went to the temple for the first time.  I had been invited to attend along with her other guests – Randy had even offered to drive me (as we’re only down to one car which Roland drives on Wednesdays)  But I still would have needed a sitter for Jenna. But I had already told her that I would take her to see a child’s production of “Alice in Wonderland” – a play that she had actually wanted to be in – but it really didn’t fit into our schedule – or budget.

          I thought that I would have rather gone to the temple then to sit through a peewee production of “Alice . . .” – NOT my favorite show.  But it turned out to be really cute.  And I will do a write up on another post.  We rode the bus over to the high school and that in itself was fun for her.  I feel good about having taken her and not neglecting her again.

          So tomorrow is Randy and Carrie’s big day.  In our family it has been traditional for the groom’s family to do the wedding breakfast/brunch.  In the past, each couple has gotten married in the morning and had their meal between the wedding and reception.  As they are not getting married until 1:00 in the afternoon, it will be a breakfast before they are married.  It isn’t practical for us to try and sandwich the meal in between the marriage and the reception in the allotted amount of time.

          Apparently 9:30 is still too early for the bride and her family – but when else are we supposed to do it? Seriously?

I know there are some readers who wonder why I’m even blogging with the wedding being so close.  Most likely I will not be blogging tomorrow though.

It would have been less costly just to have her committed.

          I have two friends who are currently going through the divorce process.  One couple, though hurt, remains civil.  Their plan is to go through mediation.  The other . . . well, she sounds like she has turned into the Maleficent that Roland was married to for seven years.

          I’ve actually known him a lot longer – and have had conversations with her – but not day to day.  She seemed nice.  Perhaps a bit naïve when the two of them were married – someone a chauvinist would marry.  Someone who could be controlled.

          Of course I don’t know all the insides and outsides of their marriage.  I know that she posted to facebook that they were getting a divorce.  I think posting anything to facebook is opening a can of worms.  Her family (or friends) didn’t see it that way when the comments turned into bash and dispute.

          I’ve heard there are mental issues involved – so most of what I read sounded to me like she had turned into Maleficent – Roland’s ex – who I was told at one time had a heart.  Hard to believe.

          I always told Roland that it was too bad that he didn’t have Maleficent put away in some asylum – and certainly there would be costs – but I’m certain that it would be less expensive than what we are seeing now.

          The difference between Maleficent and my facebook friend (who actually shows up as “sister”) is her lack of family support – where as I think my facebook "sister" has family who would fight it out in court if her husband were to have her committed.  He’s got many years of financial hell ahead of him.  Too bad.

          I hope the state won’t be so doofus as they have been with Roland – though I have my doubts.  As with Maleficent (the original) they are certain to believe all the lies of my facebook "sister".  They will issue her restraining orders upon her word of mouth.  They will cater to her every need.  She will be awarded custody and use her children against my friend the way that Roland’s ex has with him.

          I get upset by the whole idea of divorce – especially when it becomes so ugly and there’s a partner who will never let go.  She seeks vengeance.  And every passing year she becomes more and more vile and her poison gets stronger and stronger and the state realizes they made a mistake but will never admit it. 

          Roland’s girls haven’t ended up like Josh Powell’s kids.  I don't know what my facebook friend's condition is. I don’t know the severity of the mental illness she refuses to face.  But hey, I doubt the state will even take that into account.  Aren't we supposed to learn from history in order not to repeat?

          Dear friend who I’ve known for over forty-five years . . . I’m sorry for your current and future situation.  At least she can’t have custody of all your kids – and it seems like the harder she tries to turn them against you, the more she turns them against herself.  I hope the road you are on doesn’t take you to the same financial or emotional hell as we have traveled.  I feel for you.  I’d like to be able to do more for you. I just don't know what.

                                                Love, LaTiesha 

So Much to Be Grateful for

          This month started off with a funeral.  Roland’s eldest sister had passed away unexpectedly.  But our final moments with her were spectacular.  We had gone to visit the family to celebrate mom’s birthday (which I have mentioned in an earlier post.) 

               

We are all so much grateful that Roland was able to return and that we have been able to meet our expenses – though it has set us back in other ways.  We have been blessed.

And yesterday represented new life as Jenna entered into the waters of baptism.  Something she had been looking forward to for well over five months, as we have attended several others.  She didn’t think it fair that all her friends were getting baptized before she was – although that hasn’t really been the case.  (Have I mentioned that my little girl is quite the drama queen?)

The Spanish ward was in charge of the program.  The opening hymn was “Choose the Right” which was sung in English. The opening prayer and first talk were given in Spanish – with translator for the talk.

Ironically, Jenna just happens to be learning Spanish with her schooling.  Each morning she spends the first three hours receiving instructions in Spanish – so she didn’t really need the translation.  She understood the talk.  And I watched her listen with understanding.  And it was marvelous.

Her oldest brother, Biff, baptized her.  What a great experience for both of them, as he had never had the honoring of performing a baptism before.

I assisted Jenna with getting dressed while Roland shuffled those in attendance to another room (there were four primary baptisms for four different wards;  You may wish to refer to this post  if the words ward and primary don’t make sense to you) and introduced two of Jenna’s uncles who I had asked to sing a few primary numbers in order to maintain the Spirit.

A book of Jenna’s memoirs was passed around so that her friends and family could add their thoughts and advice.  And after everyone was accounted for (Biff had taken a little longer at changing and getting to where the rest of us were) a circle of priesthood holders stood around her, and Randy confirmed her a member of the Church.

It was a beautiful ceremony.  And I am so grateful for the outcome.  And for the strong Spirit that we all felt.

Next week we have a wedding.  Busy month.  And it has just barely started.