Virtual Hugs Just Don’t Cut It

         It was the third week of Church for the ward I’m in.  My sister Kayla said her ward had returned last month – or possibly in July.  She said that the members will attend every other week in order to allow social distancing.  I think that’s great that there are that many in attendance as the last time I had gone to her ward the attendance seemed even less than what this ward has been – a lot of empty pews and much social distancing – even before it was a thing.

         Wearing a mask can be bothersome, but it’s not a tremendous sacrifice on my part nor am I too proud to wear one.  I appreciate surgeons and dentists wearing masks, all the frontline workers required to wear a mask all day.  Surely if they can do it for 4 – 10 hour shifts, a few minutes to a few hours shouldn’t be a big deal for me.  The mask is not the problem.  It’s not being able to connect in the way that we did pre-COVID.  It’s a learning curve, I suppose.  Finding things that we may have been unaware of or had taken for granted.  I want to be to be fed but also assist in feeding  - which I do not.  It feels lonely like I am observing through plated glass and cannot break my way through.  But it isn’t meant for me to break through and I’m just having a hard time accepting it.

         We did have a testimony meeting today which was nice.  I enjoy hearing from those in the congregation – especially as it has been almost seven months since our last testimony meeting.  Most talked about having opportunities and finding peace within the turmoil or stopping to appreciate what strengths were learned from the trials that we’ve had.

         One sister came up to me after the meeting.  The sparkle in my eye was obviously not there and she was concerned.  I just don’t care for the distance that’s been created.  I had smiled a couple of times during the meeting.  Apparently it hadn’t reached or remained in my eyes.  I did pray that I would be spiritually fed and to a degree I was but still left feeling hungry as I had two weeks prior.  As of now I think Jenna and I will do just every other week.

         I’m supposed to meet with the missionaries which I guess is every other Wednesday prior to or right after the Book of Mormon class. Jenna had been attending with the secretary for the Young Women’s.  But YW is now the same day as Book of Mormon.  It used to be the same day as Relief Society but we no longer have activities and will meet once a month for lessons.  It will in mornings so our older sisters can participate.  Many cannot see to drive in the darkness. I can’t see to drive in the dark. 

        I look forward to General Conference next week and hope my heart is more open than it has been.  I have been so wrapped up in emotions toward the direction the country has gone.  I struggle with thoughts I had when I had learned about this revelation in primary now turned into a reality that I’m really not happy to be a part of. 

    When Jesus spoke in parables those who had the spirit with them were able to find the message that spoke to them.  The Pharisees, so set in their ways, did not recognize truth.  I am overwhelmed by how many Pharisees I encounter today.  I am shocked and I am saddened and have come to learn that I really don't know these people.  I pray that the members may be blessed as they prepare to vote in the elections that they will be open to whatever direction that God may lead us and may we always rely on him.

Hodgepodge of Thoughts

  

        I have been thinking of an assortment of things lately – none seem post worthy however.  I haven’t come up with any great ways to transfer my thoughts.  So perhaps I’ll just assign numbers.

 

1.     I’ve driven many mornings without having to deal with school buses and I always forget.  Thus I have been leaving the house a wee bit earlier in order to pick up Jenna who does go to seminary in person – at least for the time being.

2.     On our return we pass the middle school which has always had a flashing light signal before the turn.  But I have not seen the signal since mid-summer.  I told the crossing guard about it.  Thus far it isn’t working still.

3.     I’ve seen a lot more construction signs and reflective cones set up all over Myrtle Creek.  And they somehow become permanent additions as they had in Utah traffic.  I don’t like that.

4.     At the end of August Douglas County was instructed to turn all fire meters to extreme.  We’ve had over twenty-five fires across the state.  I think we are down to seven now. Our country meters have gradually gone down.  This morning the MCFD was set to moderate and now they have been set to low.  But this is still considered fire season so the restrictions are still in force.

The horrible air quality has been surrounding the state for over a month now, but Myrtle Creek got only a taste of it for two weeks or so before it rained.  The skies have been overcast and the air is more breathable and appears to be clean.  Fog no longer mingled with smoke – though there is smoke north and east of us.

5.     We see helicopters flying with their buckets.  It seems like the fires are further to make such a trip to fill the buckets and haul the water to where the fires are burning.  At least we’re told that the tough winds that we recently had did not spread the fires any.  Most of them are at least 50% contained.

6.     Before the month started the news channels started off the program with the newest and total of coronavirus cases.  After the month started fires were the leading story and cornona cases weren’t reported until after the first commercial break like it was an after thought of “oh, yea, and by the way . . .” almost as though COVID had disappeared.  But it was back to the first report and then the fires

7.     I have not returned to work.  I’ll wait until flu season and Christmas break if I do decide to return.  With these new hearing aids it is probably not a good idea as I haven’t gotten used to them yet.  Or at least the right one – which is the one I really need.  I think I’m okay without the left one right now.  As though the hearing aid isn’t challenging enough I will have to learn to wear them with a mask.  Doesn’t that sound fun?

8.     Saw the black flag as a symbol of our divided nation (politically) and had some Pharisees (my new nickname for Trump supporters) rattle on about the evils of abortion if I voted for Biden as though that is the one and only thing his campaign is built upon.  Beats dictatorship.  But I never said anything about Biden.  I never said anything about race.  But the Pharisees don’t understand that the definition of a civil war is a war between two organized groups living in the same state or nation and does not necessarily have to do with race.

9.     I’ll go on facebook to post a little trivial fact about a past president or presidency.  I will no longer be viewing news feed.

Deaf in One Ear

 

          I don’t guess I’ve ever had the greatest hearing.  I have always been loud.  Perhaps it was a form of compensation: I needed to talk loud in order to hear myself.  I’ve also experienced episodes of dizziness at different stages in my lifetime – most of that within the last ten years or so.  I knew they were related but didn’t know to what extreme.  It has mostly been during allergy season or when the inversion lies heavy in the air.  I have been building up fluids behind my right eardrum and have slowly been losing my hearing in that ear.  

https://www.drugs.com/cg/otitis-externa.html

          I should probably call an ENT to have the fluid removed.  Again, it doesn’t hurt, but I do find it annoying.  Meanwhile Roland has ordered some hearing aids for me and I think they will help.  Not only will my hearing become better but I believe my distorted mind may be restored and I won’t feel like such an airhead all of the time.  

Ode to Bonnie

 

You came into our lives

on a very memorable day as

your “mommy” had gone out of

town and had left

the key with Jenna so

that she could and come

feed you –

but we ended up bringing

you home.

 

You will be with us for

nearly three months before

mommy returns from Salem.    

I have enjoyed watching your

tail wag at high speed as

though it's plugged in at

high speed.  I know

you have enjoyed the

attention we have shown. 

You seem to have a radar

nose and watch lustingly as

we eat.

 

We took you to the vet

because you have a rash. 

We changed your food diet and

were given orders not to give

you table scraps. 

We trick you by feeding

your own food from the

table as we eat. 

For some odd reason

you seem to be okay with that. 

Better eating off the floor than

out of a dish, right?

 

We already love you, Bonnie.

You are such a sweet dog. 

December may not even come

as this has been an amazingly long year. 

If and when it does

We are certainly going to miss you.

Servants, Masters and Manipulation

            I had graduated from high school in 1980 and had signed up for college the following year.  I did not have the internet or Google to help me with assignments.  I used whatever reference books I could find at the library.  It wasn’t until after Corey returned home from his mission that we purchased our first computer and added AOL dial-up.  It wasn’t much longer before the Google search engine was introduced.   

            I marveled at how quickly Corey could find references without ever having to leave the room.  Before that he had been a whiz at searching the card catalogues and familiarizing himself with the library as though it were his profession.  Google seemed to make life so much easier in some ways.

            I had not familiarized myself with the search engines or internet as quickly as he had.  I’m still not nearly as advanced or well rounded as he, but I have learned a lot more about how to navigate than I had just ten years ago.

            I went back to college and got my degree in accounting.  My courses were online and I was required to provide references for not only my assignments, but discussions as well. I spent more time on the internet than ever before.  I would normally turn to Google or YouTube to assist with my research.  I did not feel manipulated so much as annoyed with advertisements and pop-ups and YouTube’s suggestions of 60-minute videos on how to start my own business.  Okay, maybe they weren’t 60 minutes.  It just felt like they were as the demonstrators would prattle on and on before I had the option of clicking “skip.”

            Advertising, marketing - I didn’t even realize that whatever I might be Googling would also be advertised in my facebook newsfeed.  That was because I rarely ever looked at my newsfeed.  I would look at notifications and sometimes I would look at individual walls.  I did not make the connections until this pandemic.  I have discovered quite a lot during this pandemic—not all of it pleasant either.

            The Facebook novelty wore off about two months after I opened my account.  There was more than one time I thought about deactivating my account and had even attempted to do so at one time, but could not figure it out.  I remained on Facebook mostly to keep in touch with family members living in a different state than I.  Both Corey and my youngest son deactivated their accounts.  My sister is rarely on and my middle son is never on. 

In the beginning of the pandemic there seemed to be more posts created than what gets posted now.  That is a good thing that others have gotten on with their lives by abandoning Facebook or rely on values that cause them to realize that being on Facebook is not good for them.  There are pros and cons to the technology that we use.  One pro that I really love about Facebook is creating groups which allow sharing information with several people at once (such as church activities or family events—depending on the group).

Netflix’s Social Dilemma provides a huge amount of cons (see trailer here).  Those with ethics relate information about how things are.  They went into more detail than what I had already observed.  Good and bad, but most of it seemed to focus on the market manipulation and provided ways that we as users might protect ourselves. MIGHT.

Artificial Intelligence doesn’t know the truth.  Posts get shared and reshared and sources aren’t being checked.  Trump is itching for another civil war (which has already taken place on social media) pitting the red states against the blue.  What the hell?  We are NOT in a marriage contract.  We DON’T have to vote for a certain party.  We are allowed to vote for (or against) the issues at hand.  We even have the option of voting for a third party as I had four years ago.  The mascots of each party are the elephant (Republican) and the donkey (Democrat) as that is how someone had referred to Andrew Jackson (according to this article) and Jackson ran with it.  I think it’s now more appropriate to use for the Republicans as Donald Trump is the biggest jackass the nation has ever had in office.  Still don’t know who is responsible for having elected him in the first place.  He’s a monster who is interested only in himself—and actually so are many of his followers.

I apologize for not finding the original source

original facebook share posted by Ron Olesko

Fires Continue

 

The air quality was down this morning. 

I forgot to see what rating  - moderate. 

I went to the Church to pick up Jenna. 

I took the dog and had her out of the

car when the kids came out of the

building from seminary. 

They all gave the dog attention. 

Today is the last day that they

will visit as three of them will start

at the high school tomorrow.

 

I know that Jenna feels bad that she

won’t be returning with them. 

She is frustrated with the online classes. 

But flu season is coming up in addition

to Corona.  The air quality hasn’t been great

I just checked it and it’s worse than it was

yesterday.  How can that be? 

I had drawn back the curtains and could

see the hills better than just the outline that

was provided yesterday. 

I can feel and see the thick smoke again. 

The air quality report has us back up to

hazardous.  My curtains are closed again.

 

Returning to school will not be the same

for anybody.  I am anxious to hear what

Jenna learns from her seminary classmates. 

She may feel like she has it better. 

I told her if her situation doesn’t improve by

Christmas break or if there are no

problems with her former school

 I will return her to the high school she

was attending. 

I hope there are no problems between

now and Christmas break

but I foresee the schools shutting down again

before the end of November. 

I hope I am wrong.

My Brain Doesn't Know Location When I'm Asleep

 The other night I had a dream that I had been living in my old house in Kearns.  I was serving as a Relief Society counselor (my current role) with the presidency from the ward I am in.  Roland and I had moved to another house during the pandemic but had not told anyone.  

from google maps

Church was not back in session and I continued to meet with the sisters in our ward.  I wasn’t trying to do it secretively – I really just didn’t think about it.  However, the new area we had just moved to was about to start up with returning to church and I wondered if I should call the RS pres in the ward I’d been serving to let her know I had moved and that my records would need to be transferred to another ward. 

I dreamed that the RS president had stopped by my old Kearns house to learn that I hadn’t even lived there for a couple of months.  She called me and I told her that I was just about to call her.  I woke up realizing that I did not live in either house that was part of my dream and that I am still in the same house I have been for the last four and a half years.