The Choices We Make

     You ever notice that the choices we make not only affect you but those around you as well?  Take my decisions to leave the majority of my family to move to another state for the sake of my health.  And yet I personally have known others who have said, “I’m not going to leave my family.  Even if the doctor says it’s in my best interest, I won’t give up my children, my grand-children . . .” or what have you.  That’s their choice.
 

     Some live long lives and are successful with their health choices.  Others continue to hack out their lungs while babysitting grandchildren while their children are at work and end up dying anyway.

 

     Sometimes it becomes a larger burden for the child (or children) to bury the parent than it would have been if the parent had just moved out of state.  Sometimes it’s easier, realizing the sacrifices that were made by said parent.  Often there are questions with either decision.  Some questions go unanswered or are misunderstood.

     My decision to move has affected Jenna’s education, as she will not be able to continue with in the dual immersion program – not at this time.  I don’t want her to lose what she has been taught and continue with her Spanish.  But foreign language is not even offered until she’s in high school. I hope to be living in a different part of the state by then.

     Our decision to leave Utah so abruptly caused stress for both Tony and Rochelle – who were also facing challenges of imperfect health. Our unorganized chaotic house only added to the stress – I’m sure.

     Mom had a good friend mentioned here and here who had secluded herself from everyone she knew – including her own family.  They all knew that she was sick.  They just didn’t know how sick.  She chose not to tell them because she did not want them to worry.  Though I do understand her choices, I think her decisions made it a lot more difficult on her family members – who knew how opposed Pam was to funerals and thus the family chose not to have one for her.  For me, it seemed symbolic to the end of her life: It felt very empty as if there was no closure. 

         I have learned throughout my life that funerals are for the living – not the deceased. I would actually be a lot more gracious with being honored once I’m deceased as it isn’t something I’m too comfortable with while I am living. I’m not big on hoopla. I didn’t even want a wedding reception. But there were a huge number of people that hoped that I would. And so I had one – for them. It did not take place until after Roland and I had been married for over a month.
    

     Are the choices we make good or bad?  Do we regret our decisions?  I don’t regret moving to Oregon.  I know that I am breathing better.  My oldest son says I definitely look happier. I am for the most part.  I smile a lot more when I go to church.  I laugh at situations that I can’t control.  I don’t worry.

     I took Jenna to the pool today and while I sat outside waiting for her, I cried for the first time since we've been in Oregon.  I was crying about being so far from my family members.  Jeanie’s having a baby shower this week. Jenna wishes we could go.  I did give shower gifts to my two pregnant girls before I left – but it’s not the same.

     I won’t hear my grand-daughter tell me she wants to go jump on the trampoline or see BJ’s smile light up when he sees me.  It makes my whole day.  I miss playing games with Kayla and Bill or the boys.  I miss their asking, “Where’s dad?”  “Where’s Jenna?”

     Two of my boys actually fought over taking Jenna trick-or-treating last year.  Tony was promised that he would get her this year.  There’s a promise broken.  I’m not sending Jenna back to Utah just to go trick-or-treating.  I think she is getting too old for trick-or-treating anyway.  Although it is easier to get away with when going door-to-door with your three-year-old niece or your five-year-old cousin.

     Corey (who actually posted this same subject and similar title to his blog here which I didn't realize until just before I posted) kept himself closeted for years knowing his decision to come out would not only affect him – but each of his family members.  I think he was scared on how we’d react.  He had already had a taste of what he thought was a bad reaction from me – and it was. 

I had behaved poorly – but not because he said he was gay – but because I had figured out that I had stopped caring about him somewhere along the way and it didn’t matter to me whether he was gay or not because I just didn’t care about him anymore.  (see post here) And that’s what is most upsetting – that I had stopped caring. 

   I am so so grateful that we’ve mended the fences that were built between us and that we are supportive of one another and that he is truly happy.  I love him with all my heart.  I love each of my family members.  It does hurt that I am so far away.
 

But I can breathe.

      Perhaps it’s selfish of me to prioritize my health over being with them.  Perhaps it seems selfish that I would rather communicate electronically rather than have my children or grandchildren remember me as hacking all the time and eventually gasping for air until I die.

     I don’t particularly want to die alone – but like Pam, I don’t want my children to worry about a funeral as the expense of them coming to Oregon or shipping my body back to Utah seems quite unnecessary.  Bury me quietly and remember me as having more years because I could breathe.  Because really, what good (or fun) am I if I’m constantly gasping for air.  I don’t want my death to be a relief to them.  I’m sure they wouldn’t (or don’t) miss the sounds.

     I’m grateful that I didn’t have to move here by myself but that I do have Roland and Jenna with me.  And as a member of the Church I automatically have a support group in the current ward (church) that I attend. I hope my decisions will bless those here as well as those that are still in Utah (and Nevada) 

     Whether I had stayed in Utah or come to Oregon, my choices would have affected my family either way.

Reminiscing a Very Past Memory (maybe three)

          I don’t know how old my grandma was when she decided to get her driver’s license.  She had been born and raised in Utah, but was then living in San Francisco.  I don’t know if she had ever driven at the time she had resided in Utah and maybe didn’t feel the need in San Francisco as she could rely on public transportation.

          Grandpa Ralph was a retired bus driver and did know his way around. I am pretty sure that he had a car, and after he passed way, perhaps Grandma Mary had been missing that luxury of just driving somewhere and not having to wait for the bus or the streetcar or the BART or whatever. 

          I was too young to actually get all the logistics involved.  I just remember my own mom having mentioned it. I know that Grandma had purchased her own car but doubt that she had it for more than two years.  San Francisco has a lot of hills and narrow spaces. Why anybody would ever want to drive (or learn to drive) in San Francisco is beyond me.

          I vaguely remember teeny space off to the side that led the way to underground parking.  I probably would have missed it altogether except for I remember daddy driving through whenever we would visit – which wasn’t often, really.  My grandma seemed okay with the driving part, but was more than reluctant to try to park it.  I remember her telling my mom that she would stop it in the street and wave someone down and offer to pay the individual five dollars to park the car for her.  That always fascinated me as she lived in a very high crime neighborhood.  Yet every person that got behind the wheel would actually park it for her and no one just took it from her.

          My Uncle John had worked for the police force and lived in Martinez.  I remember taking the BART from the mission district to a location that was near to where he could pick me up and drive back to Martinez.  It was interesting to me that grandma had taken me to a BART location in San Francisco where the transportation was located underground which reminded me of a subway system.  And yet when I got to Lafayette (I think that was the name of the station where I got off for Uncle John) it was above ground like a monorail.

          I had gone to Martinez to go to church with John and his family and when he returned me to the station, his police radar had kicked in and as he told me where to get off, he warned me to stay underground.  The mission district was full of crime and he said under no circumstance was I to walk up to the street but that I had to wait for grandma to come and get me.

          I remember telling mom and she kind of made a face and laughed and said, “I’m sure he’s asking you to wait for this little old lady to come and protect you.”

          Grandma was a very friendly and optimistic person.  She didn’t seem to be bothered by much.  I remember my mom telling me that grandma’s residence had been broken into a least a couple of times – but it was while she was out.  I don’t know that she was ever physically attacked.  On the other hand, mom did have a good friend who had been attacked at Golden Gate Park.  I cannot find the original source, but there is mention of it here.

            I don't know what it is that triggered my memory of my grandma.  It still fascinates me when I think about it.

Enjoying Oregon (and on still adjusting)

our first view of Glendale

naked logs

turned lumber

Glendale grocery

 I forgot to take pics of the blocked off street.  Too bad.  Where else in my blog are you going to have the opportunity of seeing orange polycones LOL

water slide to left; church bands at pavilion

seems like a sleepy little town

many booths appeared to have good INTENTIONS

If Jenna looks bored out of her mind, it's because she is

Glendale Memorial Park - the playground area

throwing beanbags into the plastic cans

after things picked up and she won game prizes

gathering her stash

not such a bad day afterall

Just Who is in Charge Here, Anyway?

It seems like there is always something to do on the 4^th of July.  Salt Lake has their big parade on the 24^th, but Provo (not incredibly far from Salt Lake City) offers a parade.  As mentioned in this post, one can find a parade somewhere during the summer.  I think there is one going on every week.  

Fireworks are also shot in the sky throughout the summer.  Neighbors have their personal fireworks and there are shows throughout the valley on different nights and different locations.  Probably the most impressive are in Sugarhouse (offered on the 4^th) Rice Stadium (University of Utah also on the 4^th) Fire, Water and Ice celebration in Kearns (1^st week in August, I believe) and baseball stadiums as well as others. 

I have a problem breathing around the fireworks.  Over the years I’ve tapered off from watching outdoors to peering behind a window – should I happen to be up (usually I’m in bed)

Last year Jenna spent the holiday with two of her brothers and felt cheated on missing out this year.  I looked on the net for 4^th of July activities in the Roseburg area.  I emailed our friend in McMinnville and facebooked my cousin in Salem to see if they knew of any events surrounding their towns.  I was referred to Eugene by one and so looked up and actually saw a promotion for Glendale on three different sites – two news stations from Eugene. 

The hype was written something like this:

2015 July 4th Celebration - Glendale Oregon

This is a daily event, running from July 2, 2015 through July 4, 2015. 11:00 AM Memorial Park - Glendale, Oregon (Right across the street from the Post Office on Pacific Ave) 541-832-2245 cowcreekvalley@outlook.com

July 2nd the fun begins at 11:00 am! The Food Booth Opens and all Vendor Booths will be open. The Kids games will be starting also! (Tickets 25 cents each or 5 for $1.00). All children win a prize! THE WATER SLIDE IS OPEN AT 11:00 am!!! Let’s not forget the Car Bash!!! There will be Bingo at 1:00 pm and the dunk tank starts up at 1:00 pm also! At 5:00 pm the Silver scramble will be starting for three age groups! At 7:00 pm the drawing for the 4th of July Raffle (Which includes being able to start the fireworks) will be held! Then we will have the Shirley Davis Memorial Cake Walk!

July 3rd We start again at 11:00 am..... The water slide- Food Booth – Kids games – and Car Bash!!!! The Dunk tank and the bingo will start up again at 1:00 pm! At 4:30 – Pinata’s (three age groups) – this is free folks! At 6:00 pm a Patriotic concert in the park put on by the Churches in the area! After the concert try your hand at a Watermelon Eating Contest! All Ages! then 8:30 to 10:00 pm some music in the park!

July 4th – Breakfast in the park from 8:00 am to 10:00 am! The Car Bash will be still happening and then the Water slide will open at 11:00 am. The Annual Parade line up will start at 12:30. At 1:25 pm the National Anthem will be sung by our own Lyla Rose! The parade will start at 2:30 !!!!

Then the highlight!!!!! THE BEST FIREWORKS SHOW IN SOUTHERN OREGON WILL BE HAPPENING AT THE GLENDALE HIGH SCHOOL! The Concession stand opens at 8:00 pm and the Fireworks will start at dusk! If you have not seen it yet folks......You really do not know what you are missing!

Come on out and join in the fun! Hope to see you there!

We decided to take Jenna to Glendale on the 3^rd as we believed the 4^th would be more crowded.  But first she and Roland went to Roseburg to deposit two checks and to pick up a few items.  I chose to stay home and wait for a handyman to come fix the rental refrigerator.

I seriously was more impressed with taking the drive to the sleepy little town of Glendale and the return back to Myrtle Creek than I was with Glendale itself or lack of activity.  It was major disappointment for Roland and me – and appeared to be even more disappointing for Jenna – until we finally found someone who would man the games.  

Glendale was definitely cooler than in Myrtle Creek (which everybody here says is very unusual.  They say it NEVER gets this hot – which is good to know. Because even though I’m from Salt Lake and people think that I’m probably used to the heat – I will NEVER get used to it) and it was really pretty.  I also enjoyed the temporary Christian music that I haven’t heard much of since living in Oregon. But I think I’ve had my fill of Glendale and don’t plan on ever returning. 

When we arrived, the main street was closed off for a block – as if the town had planned something exciting for the entire community and was expecting loads of fun.  And maybe it was in the average Glendalians mind – but I didn’t think it was very well organized.  Some of the booths appeared to be closed even though they had signs of events taking place.  And some seemed to have events set up but no one to man the stations.  Obviously a trusting town with no crime whatsoever.

We had passed one booth of throwing darts into balloons for used stuffed animals. The lady at the booth told her husband tickets were five for a dollar or fifteen for five dollars.  What kind of deal is that?  

Jenna rode the waterslide three times but didn’t seem happy.  She wanted to play the games that had been left neglected – but looked fun to play in her mind.  Roland purchased some melted ice cream for her.  It was actually a very generous scoop.  It must have been seven times the size of the cone.

I was hungry for real food and decided on some nachos.  While the chips themselves were delicious, I wasn’t all too impressed with the gloppy cheese.  Jenna had intended on sharing with me, but was even less impressed.  We ended up throwing away not quite half – but enough to call waste.

Roland finally found someone to take charge of the games, and Jenna knocked over bottles and cans to win more stuffed animals and ended up taking home an armload of cherished pets.  I’m glad she warmed up and actually enjoyed having fun.  Guess I’ll take her to the swimming pool tonight.  I don’t foresee fireworks happening this year.

We Really Need to Update Our Will

            When Jenna was a baby, Roland and I had our wills done with an attorney named Kevin Jackson.  We each received copies  -  but I have no clue as to where they might be right now. 

            I do remember taking my copy to my mom’s house so that each will was kept at a different location.  I may have put it in the crawl space off to the back of the house.  It could still be there, but may be discarded if the current owners come across it.  I don’t remember seeing it when we were cleaning out mom’s house.

            Regardless, it needs to be updated.  We certainly didn’t have much in the way of possessions at the time.  My main concern (still is) is that in the event Roland and I should go before Jenna is 18, I would want her to stay with my family – though I think only one address on the wheel remains valid.

            Kayla was the first name.  She was still single at the time and lived at my mom’s address.  The next person on the list was mom.  The third person on the list is one of Roland’s sisters – the one who has raised a number of children due to family situations.  The last on our list is Sunny and Patrick.  Theirs is the valid address.

            At the time all of our boys were still in school.  I had asked Kayla if she would raise Jenna and she said she would be honored.  Roland said he’d like the boys to stay with my family as well. 

            Meanwhile, Kayla has married and has three children of her own.  The boys are of age now where Jenna could live with one of them if he and his wife were willing.  I had taken Tony and Rochelle aside to tell them that they could raise Jenna in our house.  I figured they’d oblige to keeping Jenna in the dual immersion program – that was before we moved.

            Jenna said she doesn’t want to live with Tony and Rochelle.  They are definitely NOT on time people.  There seems to be tension on Tony’s part.  Always has been.  If someone gives him an inch, he’ll always wish he’d been given a mile.  He doesn’t seem grateful about things and is always complaining.  As mentioned in an earlier post, Roland’s nickname for Tony is Donald Duck.  I don’t think I want Donald Duck raising my baby.

            I had told Tony and Rochelle my wishes verbally.  Nothing in writing.  I am grateful for that, as I have changed my mind.  I think it would be better if Jenna were to go with Randy and Carrie.  Randy has always had a great mannerism about him. He will lovingly provide any discipline that will be needed.  He doesn’t blow up.  I think Randy would be a much better choice.

            I hadn’t considered Biff.  He doesn’t seem to do well with finances.  Plus he already has his hands full with Jeanie – who often seems to break out into major mood swings of her own.  I seriously think there is a chemical imbalance on her part.

            Jenna and I would both love it if she could go with Kayla and Bill.  I think Bill would do it in a heartbeat and think nothing of it.  He and Jenna seem to share the same personality – which sometimes grates on Kayla’s nerves.  Having two of them – maybe more (I think Gary might actually have a lot of Bill in him) than she is willing to handle.  But then there are pluses.  Kayla certainly wouldn’t allow Jenna to go unclaimed.  (Not that that would happen)

            I’d rather she stayed with my family than go with Roland’s.  We teach values to Jenna that Roland’s family doesn’t share.  Biff had lived with Roland’s sister for a while, and they would send him to church, but they did not attend with him.  I don’t want that.  Besides Roland’s family seem to be getting up there in years.  My sibs are all younger than me.  Though I realize age is not always a factor – there are concerns.  I am already old enough to be Jenna’s grandmother.  I’m not as active as the parents of many of her friends.

            I don’t really think there is a cause for alarm.  Roland and I will both live long enough to see Jenna graduate and get married.  But there is always room for a back up plan.  I don’t think we have any material possessions worth anybody making the trip to Oregon to make a claim – unless it’s for sentimental reasons.  But I think I have scanned most of my pictures.  But I think my brother, Corey, is the only one who would even place value on anything like that – unless Jenna, herself, wants them.

There’s probably not a whole lot of value in leaving instructions posted to a blog.  I know my family members know who I’m talking about, but how would it ever be proved in court since I’m not even using real names.  Well, I did for the attorney.  His name is real.  Don’t know his location.  I believe he’s moved twice since we first met with him.

I definitely don’t want DCFS to be in charge of the whereabouts of my little girl.  DCFS is one fouled up system in my opinion.  I don’t wish for any family members to be fighting it out in courts.  We already did that with Jenna’s sisters.  It was a losing battle all along.  Not just for us, but for them.

Don’t know why it’s on my mind even.  But it is.  There is so much we need to take care of.  Getting Oregon drivers’ licenses and plates for our car.  Finding a doctor should we ever have the need.  Maybe a dentist.  Jenna LOVES to go to the dentist.  I think that’s weird.  

Joys of Small Town Living

       Myrtle Creek is really not the first small town I’ve ever lived in.  I started my mission in an area called Ripplemead, Virginia.  In the fall of 1984 it wasn’t even printed on the area map – someone had penciled it in. 

       I had received a bus ticket and was sent on my way to desolation.  I was in disbelief when (after what felt like hours) the bus pulled up at a drug store (out in the middle of nowhere, I might add) and told me I was to get off in Pearisburg, and there at the drugstore stood a sister missionary (my trainer) waiting for me. 

       The drive “home” continued in desolation until finally we were at a trailer park that seemed to have the highest population of anything I’d seen in the last two hours at least.

       New River separated the trailer park from the larger part of Ripplemead.  It actually was not that big of deal – but when I first arrived, I didn’t ever believe I would find my way around.  Everything seemed far.  Everything seemed uphill.

       The area we covered was rather large geographically.  We covered all of Giles County (marked in red) and Monroe County above it (which is in West Virginia) and actually served in two wards – one in Pearisburg and one in Pembroke.

       I remember passing the Pembroke library with my second companion.  We sat on the steps and took pictures of each other sitting by the library just to show how small it was.

       After having just moved and not totally unpacked yet, I have not come across that picture, and so I borrowed this one from the Internet.

       In Pearisburg the life was Hardees or the Pizza Hut.  In Myrtle Creek, we have a Dairy Queen.  Tri-City has Subway.  Both cities have True Value Hardware.  Canyonville has a casino.

       Jenna and I had gone to the Myrtle Creek library the other day to open accounts.  Douglas County Library System is set up similar to Salt Lake.  That is, if there is a book available in Roseburg or Yoncalla – but if I don’t wish to drive to said location (I don't even know where Yoncalla is), I can place a hold and have it delivered to Myrtle Creek. The problem I am having with the library system thus far (aside from their sizes) is the hours of operation.  When we first moved here, the hours of operation were 6 hours a day, 4 days a week.  That has changed.  Now it’s only 5 hours a day and only 3 or 4 days a week (depending on what city)

I like the picture on the library cards

       Myrtle Creek library does not open until noon.  We learned that Canyonville is open from 10 -2 on Wednesdays (wait, that’s only four hours – they cut the library hours in half – for it’s one that only operates three days a week.  That’s only twelve hours!  Holy Cow!)

       Myrtle Creek library is bigger than Pembroke.  Bigger than our house – maybe.  Not much.  The Canyonville is smaller than our house – though the building itself is not.  There are three doors.  One for city hall, one for the library and one for the sheriff’s office.  

       Jenna and I took a ride to Canyonville this morning because Roland suggested that we’d be there and back before Myrtle Creek had even opened.  But we actually didn’t leave Canyonville until after the Myrtle Creek library opened.

       It was very hard to concentrate on my reading at the Canyonville library.  There were only three patrons there in the beginning (this included Jenna and me) but the volume of the librarians conversing with one another is what I found distracting – but also amusing.  One would think of shushing the patrons and not the librarians.

       So that is our adventures (so far) with the library in Douglas County. I don’t think we’ll be in Myrtle Creek for more than a year.  I don’t know where we’d go.  But we’re three to four hours closer to other cities that we had considered and can drive around during the weekends. 

I like the small town life right now, but I wonder if I will get bored with it. Someday I’m going to need to go back on public transportation.  I don’t see that offered here – not in the way that I’ll be needing it.  So no more posts about public transportation – at least for a while.  I can hear my readers crying about that already. LOL