Virtual Hugs Just Don’t Cut It

         It was the third week of Church for the ward I’m in.  My sister Kayla said her ward had returned last month – or possibly in July.  She said that the members will attend every other week in order to allow social distancing.  I think that’s great that there are that many in attendance as the last time I had gone to her ward the attendance seemed even less than what this ward has been – a lot of empty pews and much social distancing – even before it was a thing.

         Wearing a mask can be bothersome, but it’s not a tremendous sacrifice on my part nor am I too proud to wear one.  I appreciate surgeons and dentists wearing masks, all the frontline workers required to wear a mask all day.  Surely if they can do it for 4 – 10 hour shifts, a few minutes to a few hours shouldn’t be a big deal for me.  The mask is not the problem.  It’s not being able to connect in the way that we did pre-COVID.  It’s a learning curve, I suppose.  Finding things that we may have been unaware of or had taken for granted.  I want to be to be fed but also assist in feeding  - which I do not.  It feels lonely like I am observing through plated glass and cannot break my way through.  But it isn’t meant for me to break through and I’m just having a hard time accepting it.

         We did have a testimony meeting today which was nice.  I enjoy hearing from those in the congregation – especially as it has been almost seven months since our last testimony meeting.  Most talked about having opportunities and finding peace within the turmoil or stopping to appreciate what strengths were learned from the trials that we’ve had.

         One sister came up to me after the meeting.  The sparkle in my eye was obviously not there and she was concerned.  I just don’t care for the distance that’s been created.  I had smiled a couple of times during the meeting.  Apparently it hadn’t reached or remained in my eyes.  I did pray that I would be spiritually fed and to a degree I was but still left feeling hungry as I had two weeks prior.  As of now I think Jenna and I will do just every other week.

         I’m supposed to meet with the missionaries which I guess is every other Wednesday prior to or right after the Book of Mormon class. Jenna had been attending with the secretary for the Young Women’s.  But YW is now the same day as Book of Mormon.  It used to be the same day as Relief Society but we no longer have activities and will meet once a month for lessons.  It will in mornings so our older sisters can participate.  Many cannot see to drive in the darkness. I can’t see to drive in the dark. 

        I look forward to General Conference next week and hope my heart is more open than it has been.  I have been so wrapped up in emotions toward the direction the country has gone.  I struggle with thoughts I had when I had learned about this revelation in primary now turned into a reality that I’m really not happy to be a part of. 

    When Jesus spoke in parables those who had the spirit with them were able to find the message that spoke to them.  The Pharisees, so set in their ways, did not recognize truth.  I am overwhelmed by how many Pharisees I encounter today.  I am shocked and I am saddened and have come to learn that I really don't know these people.  I pray that the members may be blessed as they prepare to vote in the elections that they will be open to whatever direction that God may lead us and may we always rely on him.

Hodgepodge of Thoughts

  

        I have been thinking of an assortment of things lately – none seem post worthy however.  I haven’t come up with any great ways to transfer my thoughts.  So perhaps I’ll just assign numbers.

 

1.     I’ve driven many mornings without having to deal with school buses and I always forget.  Thus I have been leaving the house a wee bit earlier in order to pick up Jenna who does go to seminary in person – at least for the time being.

2.     On our return we pass the middle school which has always had a flashing light signal before the turn.  But I have not seen the signal since mid-summer.  I told the crossing guard about it.  Thus far it isn’t working still.

3.     I’ve seen a lot more construction signs and reflective cones set up all over Myrtle Creek.  And they somehow become permanent additions as they had in Utah traffic.  I don’t like that.

4.     At the end of August Douglas County was instructed to turn all fire meters to extreme.  We’ve had over twenty-five fires across the state.  I think we are down to seven now. Our country meters have gradually gone down.  This morning the MCFD was set to moderate and now they have been set to low.  But this is still considered fire season so the restrictions are still in force.

The horrible air quality has been surrounding the state for over a month now, but Myrtle Creek got only a taste of it for two weeks or so before it rained.  The skies have been overcast and the air is more breathable and appears to be clean.  Fog no longer mingled with smoke – though there is smoke north and east of us.

5.     We see helicopters flying with their buckets.  It seems like the fires are further to make such a trip to fill the buckets and haul the water to where the fires are burning.  At least we’re told that the tough winds that we recently had did not spread the fires any.  Most of them are at least 50% contained.

6.     Before the month started the news channels started off the program with the newest and total of coronavirus cases.  After the month started fires were the leading story and cornona cases weren’t reported until after the first commercial break like it was an after thought of “oh, yea, and by the way . . .” almost as though COVID had disappeared.  But it was back to the first report and then the fires

7.     I have not returned to work.  I’ll wait until flu season and Christmas break if I do decide to return.  With these new hearing aids it is probably not a good idea as I haven’t gotten used to them yet.  Or at least the right one – which is the one I really need.  I think I’m okay without the left one right now.  As though the hearing aid isn’t challenging enough I will have to learn to wear them with a mask.  Doesn’t that sound fun?

8.     Saw the black flag as a symbol of our divided nation (politically) and had some Pharisees (my new nickname for Trump supporters) rattle on about the evils of abortion if I voted for Biden as though that is the one and only thing his campaign is built upon.  Beats dictatorship.  But I never said anything about Biden.  I never said anything about race.  But the Pharisees don’t understand that the definition of a civil war is a war between two organized groups living in the same state or nation and does not necessarily have to do with race.

9.     I’ll go on facebook to post a little trivial fact about a past president or presidency.  I will no longer be viewing news feed.

Deaf in One Ear

 

          I don’t guess I’ve ever had the greatest hearing.  I have always been loud.  Perhaps it was a form of compensation: I needed to talk loud in order to hear myself.  I’ve also experienced episodes of dizziness at different stages in my lifetime – most of that within the last ten years or so.  I knew they were related but didn’t know to what extreme.  It has mostly been during allergy season or when the inversion lies heavy in the air.  I have been building up fluids behind my right eardrum and have slowly been losing my hearing in that ear.  

https://www.drugs.com/cg/otitis-externa.html

          I should probably call an ENT to have the fluid removed.  Again, it doesn’t hurt, but I do find it annoying.  Meanwhile Roland has ordered some hearing aids for me and I think they will help.  Not only will my hearing become better but I believe my distorted mind may be restored and I won’t feel like such an airhead all of the time.  

Ode to Bonnie

 

You came into our lives

on a very memorable day as

your “mommy” had gone out of

town and had left

the key with Jenna so

that she could and come

feed you –

but we ended up bringing

you home.

 

You will be with us for

nearly three months before

mommy returns from Salem.    

I have enjoyed watching your

tail wag at high speed as

though it's plugged in at

high speed.  I know

you have enjoyed the

attention we have shown. 

You seem to have a radar

nose and watch lustingly as

we eat.

 

We took you to the vet

because you have a rash. 

We changed your food diet and

were given orders not to give

you table scraps. 

We trick you by feeding

your own food from the

table as we eat. 

For some odd reason

you seem to be okay with that. 

Better eating off the floor than

out of a dish, right?

 

We already love you, Bonnie.

You are such a sweet dog. 

December may not even come

as this has been an amazingly long year. 

If and when it does

We are certainly going to miss you.

Servants, Masters and Manipulation

            I had graduated from high school in 1980 and had signed up for college the following year.  I did not have the internet or Google to help me with assignments.  I used whatever reference books I could find at the library.  It wasn’t until after Corey returned home from his mission that we purchased our first computer and added AOL dial-up.  It wasn’t much longer before the Google search engine was introduced.   

            I marveled at how quickly Corey could find references without ever having to leave the room.  Before that he had been a whiz at searching the card catalogues and familiarizing himself with the library as though it were his profession.  Google seemed to make life so much easier in some ways.

            I had not familiarized myself with the search engines or internet as quickly as he had.  I’m still not nearly as advanced or well rounded as he, but I have learned a lot more about how to navigate than I had just ten years ago.

            I went back to college and got my degree in accounting.  My courses were online and I was required to provide references for not only my assignments, but discussions as well. I spent more time on the internet than ever before.  I would normally turn to Google or YouTube to assist with my research.  I did not feel manipulated so much as annoyed with advertisements and pop-ups and YouTube’s suggestions of 60-minute videos on how to start my own business.  Okay, maybe they weren’t 60 minutes.  It just felt like they were as the demonstrators would prattle on and on before I had the option of clicking “skip.”

            Advertising, marketing - I didn’t even realize that whatever I might be Googling would also be advertised in my facebook newsfeed.  That was because I rarely ever looked at my newsfeed.  I would look at notifications and sometimes I would look at individual walls.  I did not make the connections until this pandemic.  I have discovered quite a lot during this pandemic—not all of it pleasant either.

            The Facebook novelty wore off about two months after I opened my account.  There was more than one time I thought about deactivating my account and had even attempted to do so at one time, but could not figure it out.  I remained on Facebook mostly to keep in touch with family members living in a different state than I.  Both Corey and my youngest son deactivated their accounts.  My sister is rarely on and my middle son is never on. 

In the beginning of the pandemic there seemed to be more posts created than what gets posted now.  That is a good thing that others have gotten on with their lives by abandoning Facebook or rely on values that cause them to realize that being on Facebook is not good for them.  There are pros and cons to the technology that we use.  One pro that I really love about Facebook is creating groups which allow sharing information with several people at once (such as church activities or family events—depending on the group).

Netflix’s Social Dilemma provides a huge amount of cons (see trailer here).  Those with ethics relate information about how things are.  They went into more detail than what I had already observed.  Good and bad, but most of it seemed to focus on the market manipulation and provided ways that we as users might protect ourselves. MIGHT.

Artificial Intelligence doesn’t know the truth.  Posts get shared and reshared and sources aren’t being checked.  Trump is itching for another civil war (which has already taken place on social media) pitting the red states against the blue.  What the hell?  We are NOT in a marriage contract.  We DON’T have to vote for a certain party.  We are allowed to vote for (or against) the issues at hand.  We even have the option of voting for a third party as I had four years ago.  The mascots of each party are the elephant (Republican) and the donkey (Democrat) as that is how someone had referred to Andrew Jackson (according to this article) and Jackson ran with it.  I think it’s now more appropriate to use for the Republicans as Donald Trump is the biggest jackass the nation has ever had in office.  Still don’t know who is responsible for having elected him in the first place.  He’s a monster who is interested only in himself—and actually so are many of his followers.

I apologize for not finding the original source

original facebook share posted by Ron Olesko

Fires Continue

 

The air quality was down this morning. 

I forgot to see what rating  - moderate. 

I went to the Church to pick up Jenna. 

I took the dog and had her out of the

car when the kids came out of the

building from seminary. 

They all gave the dog attention. 

Today is the last day that they

will visit as three of them will start

at the high school tomorrow.

 

I know that Jenna feels bad that she

won’t be returning with them. 

She is frustrated with the online classes. 

But flu season is coming up in addition

to Corona.  The air quality hasn’t been great

I just checked it and it’s worse than it was

yesterday.  How can that be? 

I had drawn back the curtains and could

see the hills better than just the outline that

was provided yesterday. 

I can feel and see the thick smoke again. 

The air quality report has us back up to

hazardous.  My curtains are closed again.

 

Returning to school will not be the same

for anybody.  I am anxious to hear what

Jenna learns from her seminary classmates. 

She may feel like she has it better. 

I told her if her situation doesn’t improve by

Christmas break or if there are no

problems with her former school

 I will return her to the high school she

was attending. 

I hope there are no problems between

now and Christmas break

but I foresee the schools shutting down again

before the end of November. 

I hope I am wrong.

My Brain Doesn't Know Location When I'm Asleep

 The other night I had a dream that I had been living in my old house in Kearns.  I was serving as a Relief Society counselor (my current role) with the presidency from the ward I am in.  Roland and I had moved to another house during the pandemic but had not told anyone.  

from google maps

Church was not back in session and I continued to meet with the sisters in our ward.  I wasn’t trying to do it secretively – I really just didn’t think about it.  However, the new area we had just moved to was about to start up with returning to church and I wondered if I should call the RS pres in the ward I’d been serving to let her know I had moved and that my records would need to be transferred to another ward. 

I dreamed that the RS president had stopped by my old Kearns house to learn that I hadn’t even lived there for a couple of months.  She called me and I told her that I was just about to call her.  I woke up realizing that I did not live in either house that was part of my dream and that I am still in the same house I have been for the last four and a half years.  

Where Do We Draw the Line?

         The first time I remember meeting Ben (not his actual name) was at one of the schools.  There was concern about safety with gang violence and other criminal activity.  After the presentation there was a QA session and Ben provided three phone numbers to call.  One was the local police department, one was for the Sheriff’s office and the last one he gave he said was his personal number.  I had programmed all three into my phone but had only used one and never the other two.

Ben had run for office as the Sheriff head cheese – which was not the official title but he had worked under the Sheriff head cheese not as a deputy but an acting sheriff and had run against the head cheese I don’t know how many times.  He was running the year I dragged my husband to an adjoining neighborhood to support his campaign.  I remember liking his facebook page which I guess at the time qualified me as an automatic member of his group.

In 2011 we were living in West Valley (not a prestige neighborhood by any means) and Ben was serving in law enforcement in the overly prestige Cottonwood Heights (nearly 30 miles apart) when he had been caught using public funds for personal gain.  Whether it was intentional or not I do not know.  His work had provided him with a gas card to fill up the city vehicle that he used – however there was a suspicious 44 dollar discrepancy that could not be accounted for.  Investigation proved that the money had been spent on personal transportation.  Now I don’t know how often this was done as that is the only amount I come across as I search through old records.  At the time rumors made it sound like a regular occurrence.

I remember I was asked to sign a petition to “save” Ben from having to go to court, jail, prison . . . whatever the misdemeanor punishment was.  Ben did have a lot of charisma.  People liked him and surely he could be forgiven of this one minor mistake.  I liked him – I still do despite his tarnished reputation – but my initial thought was NOT to sign the petition but rather to make an example out of him.  If we dismissed the small act of crime (or perhaps it really was an accident?) perhaps a larger felon could be committed by someone in a higher office (say the mayor or the governor) and perhaps the public would look away and dismiss his actions.  No, the public had to know that Ben had committed a crime and would not be allowed to get away with it.  

If a public figure punished for something that seemed so small (how many tanks could 44 dollars fill in 2011?) but yet might ruin his reputation others may think twice before committing something worse.  If Ben didn’t get away with spendings 44 dollars of the taxpayers money (again, the amount could have been more but that is the only amount I have come across in my research at this time) would anybody else be able to get away with more?

In my last post I talked about a shared video that was removed from the page I had posted it on.  I had sent the shared video to my brother who is no longer on facebook but is on messenger.  He wrote back the following:

“I enjoyed the TikTok video. I do think the removal of the video on the church page is an unfortunate example of missing the larger message at the expense of a minor bit of innocuous profanity. But I also recognize that the administrators of the page have set some ground rules that they need to abide by.”

I thought of this example of Ben. I also thought about the evolution of programming.  Married couples (such as Rob and Laura Petrie or Ricky and Lucy Ricardo) were depicted as sleeping in twin beds.  Today’s programming shows you what they’re doing in bed – often not being married (at least to each other).  

Where do we draw the line?

 I love this example of the Kingdom of Rayad I had heard several years ago about how we will rationalize things to make them seem right.  In the Kingdom of Rayad the citizens were not allowed to eat chocolate cake or wear the color red but over time ideas are introduced like the color pink “which really isn’t red and it wasn’t all the time”. 

They are introduced to  chocolate chip cookies “which isn’t the same as chocolate cake”.  What may seem acceptable to some may offend others.  Where do we draw the line?  How about we stay within the boundaries that our Heavenly Father has set for us?  Perhaps this was a lesson I had forgotten and need to remember.

It Was a Pride Thing

 I would like to be more humble as I have always had a problem with pride. Whenever I think that I have overcome so much of my pride – wham!   I find myself fighting all over again.  And here are just two examples:

 

1)   When I was in the young women’s presidency the YW president had asked me to write a skit for camp – which I did but it took some time to incorporate my ideas.  When I tried to present my idea the YW pres. said it was no longer needed.  The girls had decided that they wanted to do something else – which really didn’t even relate to the topic.  At least at the time I didn’t think it did.  I felt a bit put out that I had worked on this skit and they didn’t even want to listen to my ideas.  And I knew it was wrong to feel resentment.  After all it is the girls who should be involved and they were.  I should have expressed praise or some kind of encouragement.  I tried to shrug it off especially since I didn’t want pride to win – and yet I think I let it win.

 We were making flags for camp that year and had an activity for each girl and leader making squares that would be added to the flag.  I did not even need to think about what I would do for my square.  It just came to me.  I based the theme on a Beetle Bailey comic strip (more detail here) and cut out the shape of a head and neck  to glue onto a red background (as it was the YW value color of individual worth – our selected value) and attached a large mustache and two little eyes.  I gave him hands.  In one he held the YW torch marked with Hymn #114 which is More Holiness Give Me (which was the hymn number for the red and blue hymnbooks.  In the green hymnbooks the hymn number is 131 and may be changed again when/if the new hymnbooks should ever come out)

 Though at the time I didn't see their skit being related to the theme I have since learned they did have good ideas and as a whole was better for all than mine would have been.

2)   Yesterday I watched a tiktok that someone had posted about gratitude to the Mormon “angels” with the destruction of Hurricane Laura.  Feeling the horrors of the fires, evacuations and the outpouring of volunteers I thought it a fitting video to share with a church group that I started.  I had missed the part where Tara Parks (original tiktok poster) said “ . . . garan . . damn . . . tee you . . .” which to some people made the video offensive and it was removed from the page because of “inappropriate language” okay . . . I guess there are a few sisters on the page that might find that offensive but I also know that others might smile at her choice of words.  I did. 

    I had missed the word that created negotiation on censorship in “Gone With the Wind” (see here) Seriously. I had missed it. I had to rewatch it.  The second time it made me laugh.  I know it would make other sisters laugh as well – but not all.  So did those who decided to have it removed even watch the entire thing?  It was funny and it had a good message.

It’s through pride that I felt offended although I had initially questioned as to whether to even posted it or not.  I didn’t (still don’t) want to be upset about it.  I understood the censorship and the concern. Thus far I haven't had to "approve" others' postings but I know the ward page changed for approval because of some "not so uplifting" content.  I found the tiktok video to be very uplifting.   

A few hours after church had ended I had reached out to at least one person who watched the video (I have no idea how many views it had before it was taken down) when I received an unexpected phone call from someone who had been added to the page.  When she called to ask about the video I felt God’s tender mercy.  Perhaps that was the initial plan. I still have a ways to go with this pride thing.  I hope these examples will help me stay where He wants me to.

Return to Church

         We fed the missionaries on Friday though the air quality was not that great.  They did not seem to mind as we built and ate Hawaiian haystacks out on our porch and visited for a bit.  I’d given them containers to take home some food which they said they would give me on Sunday.  Sadly that was my main objective for going as I knew we haven’t returned to normal and I thought it would be depressing.  Only the speaker was allowed to remove his mask.  We were told we could sing but had to leave our masks on.  I chose not to sing as the smoke has been enticing me to cough.

Several announcements were made before the bishop talked about how many of us are opinionated and often our opinions will put us into a box. There are a wide variety of boxes that exist – in our jobs, in our community, the way we serve (he didn’t say politics – but that is one I had thought of) . . . some people, such as the Pharisees, will add layers of thickness to their boxes. We need to look to reliable sources – such as the scriptures to understand the truth – to rely on truth rather than opinions and to leave our boxes.  We should not trust sources such as social media (he had addressed this as a question rather than providing a statement that we can’t trust social media or even the local news. An example he used were that some sources the fires were started by a certain group and others say that rumor is false). The best source we have is to rely on our Heavenly Father rather than ourselves.

  A representative of the stake presidency gave a message on hope. He talked about his time at the pear farm this year and working on the platform. He said that all the platform workers were given harnesses. Many would hang onto the harness with one hand and reach for pears with the other. President Efson decided to put his faith in the harness and reach for the pears with both hands. He compared the harness to the Savior and told us to put our faith in the Savior the way he had the harness.

            We were also counseled to pray for our firefighters, those that have evacuated, a plea for a change in weather and that these hardships will help to soften hearts and heal the wounds of division that are present throughout our communities, region, and country.

The Elements and Aftermath of 2020 (thus far)

 

The air is thick and white where I live.  

*abc - Portland

Other parts of Oregon are yellow and orange – like San Francisco.  

share from facebook

I doubt there is any blue sky that can be seen on the entire west coast.  

*abc news

*abc - California

Forget COVID.  Forget politics and presidential candidates.  People have lost their homes in more way than one. They’ve either been burnt to the ground or criminals have come to ransack and destroy their houses in other ways.  Aside from material possessions which can be replaced are sentiments that are lost.

# AP Photo/Paula Bronstein

I was watching abc news that provided the following:

 I remember the air quality in 2017 not being so great – and according to this chart 2018 was even worse and 2020 is the worst year yet.  I had heard about how bad it was but did not share in bad air quality until after Labor Day.  I feel blessed that this is the worse it has gotten for me personally as much of the rest of the state suffers with an air quality more hazardous than ours.  And it is hazardous than ours.  

This hazardous air quality did not exist for us until after Labor Day and then descended quickly.

They had set up for an evacuation for those that live in Glide – only that became hazardous as well.  Now they are at the Douglas Fair Grounds.  There has been such a great out pour of generosity to those who have been evacuated and don’t know if they will even be able to return to once was their.  community. Neighborhood are gone – just as neighborhoods have been destroyed by Hurricane Laura.  

*abc Philidelphia

the atlantic

# photos cropped from KVAL 

photographer Austin Johnson

Bizarre whether in Wyoming too – though I don’t know if anyone has had to evacuate due to an early snow.

*recording abc facebook page

 What a nightmare 2020 has been

Photos retrieved from facebook,  *screenshots from abc facebook page  

# AP Photo/Paula Bronstein here and KVAL's Austin Johnson here