That Hymn Gets Me Every Time

 

          Several years ago when I had served in Young Women’s, the YW president decided that she would like all of the YW to learn a hymn.  The hymn she chose was “I Know That My Redeemer Lives” (here). 

          I had already memorized the hymn though not necessarily on purpose. I am always touched in such a way that my eyes are so moist with tears that the words seem to blur and I can never read the hymn.

          It was the closing hymn chosen for our sacrament meeting.  Perhaps if I had not tried to sing it behind my mask, I would have been okay – though I doubt it.  My eyes leaked and my nose started to run.  It was a newly washed mask! 

Loose Change

 

          Roland and I obviously grew up in different households.  What I accept in faith somehow irritates him – and I’m certain our upbringing has a lot to do with it.

 

For example:

 

          Sometimes when there is change in my pocket and I remove it before I go to bed, I will set it on top of the dresser or desk with intentions of putting it my purse or a bank but then forget about it and he seems to go ballistic that it is out of place and I NEED TO PUT IT AWAY

 

          One of the sibs he grew up with was a thief.  She often allowed all of her sibs to take punishment that she did.

          I, on the other hand, grew up in an environment where we showed love and respect to one another. 

         

          When we were all working at Snelgroves and would come home, Kayla would always take change out of her pocket and leave it on the kitchen table.  It was there when we all went to bed.  It remained when we would get up in the morning.  None of us bothered with it because we each knew that it didn’t belong to us.

 

          I could have never done that with the boys.  Any change on the table would have been gone in a heartbeat.  Sometimes rooms (drawers) would be ransacked as one would hunt for the right amount of change to satisfy whatever petty desire was at hand.

 

          I realize I need to be more careful.  But right now it is 2020.  There are three people in our house.  I think we’re okay with a few pennies here and a few nickels there.  We haven’t had much in the way of foot traffic – even before COVID.

Where Did My Neighborhood Go?

I left the bathroom and

returned to my bed after

my bladder interrupted

my sleep. 

I looked up at the

skylight to see the stars

which I couldn’t find. 

 

Odd that they had

been there the

night before. 

We have had decent weather

– though cold – the

skies have been clear. 

 

Until this morning. 

Thickest fog I have

ever seen since our

move to Oregon. 

I won’t be driving in this.

Not Exactly a Free For All

 

There was frost on

the ground and so

were the chickens. 

I don’t understand the draw. 

 

The roosters have

gotten brave enough

to approach us.

They will look at us

in the same manner as

Bonnie asking,

“Why don’t you feed me?”

 

At least Bonnie has an

excuse to look at us

that way. 

She has been placed

in our care after all.

 

The fowl are all trespassers. 

They are not our responsibility.

I have seen their owners

feed them but evidently we

have better grass, better

bugs, better vittles somehow.

 

The roosters have discovered

the bird seed carelessly

fallen to the ground

knocked over by greedy

birds eating from the bird feeder.

 

Roland thinks it is his

job to feed all of

the stray animals except

for the deer. 

The fowl are welcome

in our yard. 

The deer are not.

 

Right now we don’t

have anything that

the deer would be

interested in.

The fowl are

welcome to eat

all the bugs they want. 

 

The garden food is

for humans.

Other animals are

not to mess with

our garden.

The Temperature Has Dropped . . . Immensely

           My sister had posted a picture of the snow that fell upon the Salt Lake area.  We haven’t had snow.  We haven’t had much in the way of rain. 

          The sun teases us.  It seems to invite us to go outdoors to play.  After all, the skies are beautiful.  The trees are gorgeous with color.  It’s enticing – at least in the afternoon.

           Last month I was leaving the house at 7:00.  I would drive to the church to pick up Jenna.  I could see at 7:00 though it was more of a challenge to leave at that time by the end of the month.

           For most of this month I have not even been able to at 7:30.  I had made arrangements for someone else to bring her home.  Next month we set our clocks back.  Thus it will be even darker.

           The last three mornings brought freezing air – below freezing.  I’m okay with it.  True, I don’t like the biting cold.  But it is better than the scorching heat that we had.

           I wish it would remain a constant temperature all year long.  None of these high and lows that have been brought by Global Warming.   I want to enjoy the fresh moist air without feeling too hot or too cold.

The Pandemic Voters

When I was growing up in Midvale, Utah

I remember seeing grown-ups going to the

Elementary school to cast their vote in whatever

Poll.

I was in the sixth grade when Nixon ran against

McGovern.  I don’t know that I had paid much toward

Elections until that time.

I had the opportunity to vote the year that I graduated

High school. 

I’d gone to the elementary school where many

booths were set up.

We were in a different district than our

Neighbors across the street.

There were more booths available for their district

As they had three times as many candidates to vote for.

I have always lived in small districts which does

Have its perks I suppose.

 

The Presidential candidates at the time were Jimmy Carter

And Ronald Reagan.

I was on my Mission when Reagan ran against Dukakis.

I submitted an absentee ballot.

The last time I went to the polls was when Obama ran against

McCain. 

It had been predicted that there would be a large turn-out of

Voters and so in order to compensate long lines

Optional locations were provided for various districts to vote.

 

The location I was given was inconvenient to find – not just

For me but I would guess for a lot of people as

I did not have to wait in line and had heard comments that

“We haven’t had as many people as we had thought”  Well yeah.

Hard to vote if you can’t find the location you’re supposed to be voting at.

After that I signed up to “vote by mail” as it was/is an easier option.

Here in Oregon, we don’t have a choice.  The entire state votes by mail.

 

Citizens also have the option of voting early. 

There have been so many

Who have voted already. 

Probably more voting than any presidential election.

And there are still nine days left to vote!!

It has been announced that the results will not be counted

Or distributed until later in the week.

Yes.  I’ll believe that when it happens.

Right now I am skeptical.

I don’t want Trump in office anymore.

Why would they even allow it after trying to impeach the guy?

And having to pay all the taxes that he does?

And I am still blown over about some people I know who

Are Trump supporters.

Where is your head man?

I have friends who have always been devoted  

To the Republican party.

At least one has run for office under the Republican Party.

But not this year.

Let it be known that they do NOT support Trump

Even if it means losing face with the Republican party.

 

Once again you are NOT married to one party or the other

There is no binding contract.

Citizens are allowed to vote for who they want.

Or against who they don’t want.

A Frustration Many Share - Apparently Not Enough

                 I had heard that Portland was making all of their education virtual.  Other areas have had the option of returning to a brick and mortar school or continuing online.  There have been reported cases and temporary school closures. Are you kidding me?  Temporary? The announcement is as follows:  “              school will be closed today as one or more students have tested positive for the coronavirus.  The school will be closed tomorrow in order for a deep cleaning . . .”  Really?  The school is going to be closed so that disinfected and rid of all germs so that it will be safe to return the following day?  Give me a break!  One school was closed as it was understaffed and unable to find instructors.  Well, duh?  My concern about reopening schools has always been for the instructors as I had believed they’d be more targeted for the virus than would the kids. 

        I can't believe how many parents are sending their children to school.  Corona is not shy about who it targets.  It can affect all people of all ages.  Anyone can get it.  Even Trump.  Or so they say.  I had written a post about my skepticism but had removed the post temporarily when I learned he was in the hospital.  I returned it three days later when he magically emerged from the hospital and removed his mask because “he’s immune” – yes.  Because he’s a villain and the virus evidently does not work on villains. Rumor also has it that if he doesn’t win he plans to flee the country.  Oh, please.  Let that be true! But then again, who in the world would be nuts enough to allow him into their country?

            The media will give facts about COVID and advise to stay home – no large gatherings – even with family at Thanksgiving.  COVID outbreaks always happen after the holidays.  Oh, by the way the pumpkin patch is open if you and your family want to head on down.  What?  Did they just tell us to stay home and avoid crowds and are now inviting us out to an area that may be crowded? 

            Jenna will be crushed to have Halloween cancel this year.  We have been invited to a virtual Halloween.  I think we will have to do the same for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Because it isn’t just about corona anymore.  The weather has turned and not everybody is dressed for it.  Cold and Flu season.  Militia and voting results.  Scary times.

May You Allow Inspiration to Guide You

A virtual stake conference was scheduled for Sunday.  Of course we couldn’t watch it at home as we had no internet.  Our options were to either miss church or watch the video at the church building. I think Roland was planning on working with connecting the internet as soon as it was warm enough, but I told him if he wanted to be blessed that he would have to go to Church with Jenna and me.

When we hold ward meetings each Sunday, the podium and microphone are wiped down between each speaker.  They did not do that at stake center in Roseburg (we did not go to Roseburg but watched the broadcast at the building in Myrtle Creek) and it was kind of freaking me out – especially since two of the stake presidency were quite moist with emotion.  I guess when you are on the stand behind the speaker you don’t notice what the speaker is doing or how he/she might be spreading germs around unintentionally.  I personally don’t enjoy sitting behind the speaker as I get more out of the talk when I can watch the person speaking.

I hadn’t grabbed my notebook when we headed out the door.  At first it felt too dark to even see what I was writing.  Jenna sang but I did not.  Even if I could have seen the words I have a dry cough from the fan being left on all night. It’s so awkward singing behind a mask at that.

One of the counselors shared a thought about ignoring inspiration is denying yourself privileges and blessings that God has intended for you.  I wish I could remember the exact quote, but I don’t.  It reminded me of a paragraph I had written down to give to the elders:

“Often we think that we want our lives to go a certain way – or perhaps it is expected of us.   Perhaps we acknowledge deity and ask for assistance to take us down the road of our desires.  God does provide us with assistance, often sending us tools that we may “grow” our own blessings. But often we don’t realize that what has been “planted” is not at all what we had asked for.  I have learned to trust my Father in Heaven’s guidance – even if it is in a direction I did not believe I wanted to go.  We can choose to follow in faith or we can be misguided by our own weakness or pride.  We can find tools that will help us on the path to eternal life or we can find paths that may lead us to destruction.”  from this post.

There was a couple who gave a talk together.  Their talk was about ministering. She talked about a sister who had been inspired to bring her dinner which triggered my own thoughts of receiving potatoes the year I was pregnant with Jenna (see here) and how touched I am about it still.

 There was another talk about prayer and specifically asking ourselves three things during the meditations: 

– what have I done today I shouldn’t have done –

 

What have I not done today that I should have?

 

What am I grateful for today

 

Jenna had heard that before but I don’t think I had.  If I did I didn’t commit it to memory – which by the way has not been that great. I left church feeling spiritually fed and wished it had been recorded so that I could watch it again.

After we returned home Jenna made lunch for all of us and I went outside with Roland who managed to make a temporary connection to the internet and so did not have to try and connect with the internet at the church.  Prayer works.

Finishing Saturday

          We had signed up to feed the missionaries for Saturday.  Roland had requested them to come at 4:00 but they said they could not come until 5:00 – which is their normal eating time.  We were doing another breakfast dinner but with a few changes – such as having waffles. Roland believed he could start the dinner at 3:00 and have it ready by 4:00.  I think with the amount of time he spent trying to repair the cable, he would just assume have not had to deal with the missionaries at all.  However the arrangements had already been made.

With the cable disconnected and his working to get it repaired, I started a countdown which I don’t think helped his mood at all.  I thought it would be nice if he showered before our breakfast dinner got started.  I ran over the list in my mind – eggs, waffles, sausage and bacon.  It seemed like there was something else but I could not figure it out otherwise I would have started the hash browns right away as they seem to take the longest to cook. But Roland had me start on the waffle batter while he was in the shower.

 Before I had even started my foot found some water which I slipped on.  I did the splits before falling onto my behind – which is not the only part of me now bruised.  My arm hit a spindle on the chair as I was falling down.  I think that hurt more than my butt.  Jenna was in a panic.

“MOM!  Are you okay?”

“No,” I was upset about how my day had gone.  I was on the floor crying and she offered a prayer that we would continue to get through the day and that we could keep focused on the positive.   was NOT a good day overall.  I suppose there were a few perks to it – like when Jenna offered a prayer that we would focus on the highlights and not allow the day to get us down.  I made the batter before Roland returned and Jenna started in on the waffles.

I then took my shower and returned to set up the chairs and food outside.  I was on eternal hold with the cable company when the elders arrived and Roland was still cooking dinner.  They had arrived early. Jenna took the dog outside and kept the missionaries company until Roland and I were able to join them.  I brought out the waffles and hash browns and told them to go ahead and bless the food and get started – which they did.

Meat still in the oven eventually made its way out and the eggs were still on the stove.  We brought the dog inside so that the Elders could enjoy their food without her lustful looks.

Roland made a temporary switch over to the local antenna.  I rolled my eyes as TV just isn’t that important to me.  It didn’t do anything for the internet.  Roland watched TV while I went into our room to type some thoughts for the missionaries as they had requested.

A Week Without Internet - well not quite . . .

         I’ve heard it said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions – meaning if a person doesn’t act upon the thoughts he or she has the purpose is unfulfilled.  For three to four weeks the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint Western Region representatives have been asked to call those that they preside over for ministering assignments call those that they minister to in order to learn how long it would take for everyone in the area to be contacted.  We were given a heads up that we would be making calls on Saturday for a mock earthquake drill which would go into effect that morning.  All of the calls were to be made within a two hour frame beginning at 8:00.

My plan was to offer a fervent prayer before I started calling each of my sisters as I have not had much success at finding many who will answer the phone – especially on a Saturday morning.  No time is a good time and there is no way an earthquake can be scheduled so that everyone could be notified by email.  Chances are high that we will be without internet during an earthquake, possibly without electrical power or cell phone reception.  Ward members would have to be contacted another way.

On Thursday I remembered the mock earthquake would be taking place for Saturday morning.  I hadn’t set a reminder.  I hadn’t checked my email on Friday.  It did appear that the RS pres had tried contacting my phone on Friday night but I was unable to return her call.  I had forgotten about the mock drill. 

On Saturday morning Jenna had turned on a “scary” movie to add to her “31 days of Halloween” that she has attempted each year.  Roland had started out watching with us but seemed to have disappeared for a while. When he finally returned had said he had gotten hold of five of his families.  Earthquake drill!!!!  Oh, no!  I scolded myself for not having remembered and started calling those sisters I have saved to my phone – without having said a prayer before I started.  Of course not a whole lot of sisters had answered their phones.  I left messages with most of them – though I predicted it would be in vain. 

I had told Jenna that I would drive her and another young woman to the dollar store so that they could pick out items for the upcoming activities scheduled for tomorrow and the following week.  As I was headed in that direction anyway I decided to check on two sisters that I hadn’t gotten a hold of.  I pulled into one sister’s driveway sat there while talking on the phone with three different sisters.  By the time I got to the young woman’s house I had received two more phone calls indicating that we were out of time.  What??? It was barely 9:30.  But apparently they had changed the time from 8:00 to an earlier time.  I must say I was quite flustered before 10:00.

Roland has a yard project going that should have been finished but is still in the works.  I don’t know if I was out there with him when he accidently cut the cable.  So on Saturday we were without cable which was not big deal for Jenna and me personally – but losing the internet was a big deal.  Roland would need it for work Monday and Jenna would need it for school.  Jenna asked if she could just stay at the church after seminary in order to do her schooling.  Richard thought he could join her by bringing his work to the church if it came to that.  The earliest the cable company can come is on Thursday.  I currently really don’t need the internet – though I learned there are times in which I can/will miss out by not having it.

  On Sunday Roland was able to get a temporary fix for reception until the cable company can get here.  I was going to remain offline until a more permanent fix.  Only I was asked to post something to the Relief Society page.  I had messages and checked them but not my notifications.  I remained offline yesterday and today Jenna asked for assistance with a question on migrating ancestors and needed to make a connection to find a story that isn’t much of a story after all.  I decided I would go ahead and post to my blog instead of waiting the six days as planned. More to come.

Head or Tails: Introvert or Ambivert

I have always considered myself an introvert – well maybe not always.  I was evidently extroverted in my early childhood.  School changed that.  School was not a good experience overall. I felt excluded and found myself withdrawn from wanting to be a part of life.

                            Illustration by Joshua Seong. © Verywell, 2018.

I remember being comfortable in the company of certain adults and grew to accept those who were decades older than me or several years younger than myself.  It was a long time before I was comfortable with any peers of my own age.  I never liked crowds or artificial people.  I enjoy learning but not in a structured environment.  I am better at learning when it isn’t a requirement.

I didn’t realize that it was possible to meet in the middle as AMBIVERT exists in the middle of introvert and extravert.  I am Ambivert.  Or have been at least.  Lately I realize just how much of a recluse I have become during this pandemic.  

I don’t like to go shopping.  Roland usually makes a day of it.  Four to six hours in Roseburg.  I’d rather write, organize, read, hang with Bonnie, scrapbook or sleep.  I really don’t like being around people right now – masks or not.  Don’t breathe on me.  Don’t look at me.  I would just assume find a sink hole and have the earth swallow me up.

I’ve attended a few meetings with either a small amount of sisters, missionary meetings, leadership meetings and lately the Book of Mormon class as the missionary meeting time has been changed to Wednesdays after Book of Mormon instead of Sundays in order for patrons to be corralled out and away from the building.  Sundays still feel empty sitting in spaced pews with our masks on – though I have enjoyed the messages which have been delivered.

But one morning meeting with the sisters was uncomfortable just because we were so near the freeway and I could not hear the discussion.  When I turned up my hearing aid it only enhanced the traffic sounds.

The first Book of Mormon class had us spread out and we discussed conference.  I didn’t mind that.  However young women have their activity at the same time.  Lots of youth.  Little in the way of masks.  What - are they immune?  We traded rooms for the last one.  I felt too cramped and left after only a few minutes.  I went outside and walked around just to get some fresh air.  I don’t think I cough as hard when I’m standing up as I do when I’m sitting down.

I really don’t wish to be with people anymore – or perhaps my brain is just trying to convince me so that Sundays won’t seem so dismal.  I think I’m losing my ambivert traits and am becoming withdrawn again.  I am not a depressed.  Depression is not necessarily connected to introvertism just as seeking recognition is not necessarily a part of extrovertism.  There are many times I prefer solitude.  It has always been easier to be by myself than with a group of people I don’t really feel connected to. I do tend to get depressed sometimes when I am in a crowd.

Our Future Hangs by a Thread

I watched some of the town hall council last night.

It was nice to hear Biden speak in full sentences without being interrupted.

I did not watch Trump. 

I have heard him speak before.

I’ve gotten to the point in which I loathe the sound of his voice.

I liked having separate sessions.

 

Last night I had a dream that Trump lost the election by a landslide. 

I was in Utah counting ballots with my cousin and we were both acting childish.

In the dream she was pro-Trump. 

In real life she is definitely NOT.

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