I have been feeling overwhelmed with emotion since last Friday afternoon when Roland came outside to "let me know what's going on."
I didn't think I would ever see the day when Roland would be angry with Randy or not believe him. My youngest son has always been a storyteller. It started out as a form of entertainment, but gradually became a method of deception, and if he gets caught in the lie, will try to mask it with "Oh, I was just joking."
It has gotten old.
Most everyone in the family had stopped trusting anything that came out of Randy's mouth. Oh, he's got charm, charisma, so many likable qualities really, but also the gift of gab that's as easy to believe as a politician. He's got the same integrity as the second example found in this post.
I'm trying hard not to air dirty laundry on my blog, and yet it's something I feel I need to write about. I just haven't found the right words of what I'd like to convey - perhaps even to myself.
As I mentioned in the last post, I'm taking two classes now, one in accounting and one in ethics. Again they are connected to each other and may be connected to what is currently going on in my own personal life right now.
When we initially moved to Oregon, we were still paying off a loan on an A/C unit we had purchased for the WV house along with a gas stove and a fridge. The fridge we brought with us, but the gas stove was left behind as it doesn't seem to be a popular method in the areas we were looking at to house in Oregon. And of course, the A/C had to stay with the house as it had become a part of it.
We had made arrangements for Tony and Rochelle to rent from us - though Roland had mentioned to them time and time again that they could purchase the house. They didn't wish to live in the neighborhood and I can't say that I blame them. The neighborhood had started to go downhill while we lived there. Randy informs us that the situation is a lot worse now.
Randy said he'd be willing to buy the house at cost, which I really wasn't crazy about. I thought it should be sold so that we could pay off our loans. But with Randy and Carrie moving in - even at a loss to us - I knew we wouldn't have to come up with two mortgages (one for Oregon and the WV house in Utah) each month should the house not sell right away. I also knew that Randy and Carrie would take better care of it than we had and be able to sell it for more, which they did.
Before they moved in, Roland had asked Randy to send us some money on whatever they made whenever they sold the house. Roland would have liked half but would settle for the loan amount. He reminded Randy of this several times. Nothing was put into writing.
I honestly didn't think we'd see a dime, let alone thousands of dollars to pay off our loan. I had stopped trusting Randy years ago. Pretty much the entire family had. Randy's actions seldom ever followed his words. He loves the sound of his own voice. He'd make big plans saying he was going to do this, he was going to be that. They were just hollow words after a while. Yet, Roland continued to believe in him.
Don't get me wrong. Randy has a lot of fine qualities. When we went to Utah for Jeanie's funeral, I was impressed at how well he had been taking care of his brother. It did my heart good to see him with his arm around Biff trying to comfort him. He really does have a kind soul. I don't guess integrity needs to be present to display acts of kindness.
He betrayed Roland's trust last Friday while Jenna and I were at our water fitness class. Randy tried to convince Roland that it was he and Carrie that had helped us out by moving in so that we didn't go into foreclosure. I don't know if he was trying to con Roland or perhaps he's just been deceiving for so long that he is actually believing his own stories.
One of the qualities I have always admired about both Roland and Randy is their ability to let things go and bounce back. But Roland hasn't let this go and he isn't bouncing back. I have never seen him look so deflated. He has seemed to advance through stages and had wanted to get even. He has also been ignoring the phone every time Randy calls. I can't believe I am the practical one who's doing the consoling and he is behaving like I had in the past.
The money is not even the issue. Well, not entirely. The true pain has been caused by the deception. I don't know if he will ever trust Randy again. He hasn't earned my trust or respect. I wish I could have the same relationship with my own children as my mom did with hers or my Aunt Fern has with hers or Sunny has with hers, but I don't. I think I felt deflated at one time as well, but I'm over it. It doesn't change my relationship. I just don't dwell on it.
But Roland is broken. He wonders if something should happen to Jenna and me, who will take care of him. He put too much stock in Randy and has now come to terms that none will be able to care for him when his independence gives out.
Before starting a discussion post for my ethics class, I had wondered what the difference is between ethics and integrity as they both sound similar in my mind. Integrity is the strength of one's character. It is a personal matter whereas ethics are based on moral values and encompasses more than one person. Ethics (or lack thereof) are determined within a company or nation or group of individuals and so the outcome is more widespread than the integrity of one individual.
For my assignment, I had to have a scenario about a situation that relates to my field of major - which would be accounting. Never having worked in accounting before, I made up a scenario, along with names of co-workers and job (I find it easier to refer to actual names than "my boss", "his boss", person A, person B, etc.) I gave a description of my boss who is well-liked and seems honest. I gave him the first name of my youngest son and used his middle name as the last name for my character. I have turned in my assignment yesterday.
I received full credit on my "made up" assignment and with compliments. Wow.
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