Rain and Cold

                It has rained the last three days

which is a good thing. 

            Put that water back

into the beds and

cover the earth until

            it's green again and

the rivers are flowing and

            not just puddles. 

I am usually hot on

            the inside when it is

raining outside, though

            I don't know why. 

But the last three days have

been cold. 

Salt Lake's November cold. 

            I think it should be warmer.

It is nice to

have the rain.

I Would Rather Hear It Fresh

            I have mentioned before that both my mom used to  use her children as her sounding board before giving a talk or presenting a lesson.  For my mom, it was a lack of confidence in herself.  She needed the feedback, the practice, the input to build up her confidence.  She yearned for ideas on how to improve.  She would go over it again and again until we knew it better than she did - or at least in the case of Corey and me.

            Roland does the same thing - only he does not lack confidence.  I thought he did it for validation - but he says it is because he values my opinion.  Talks and lessons are one thing, but lately his ideas and thoughts have had to do with his participation at the theatre.  I am not in the theatre.  I am not part owner in the theatre.  I don't manage, perform or have any input with the owners.  I know my personal preference varies with theirs and certainly with Roland's. 

            It isn't his job to write the skit, but he was asked to emcee and somehow feels obligated to contribute more.  He'd like to do a "Burns & Allen" type skit while reading a story to a seagull puppet.  I suppose my input was helpful as Roland's first choice of story was out of the Bible and suggested he change it to "Twas the Night Before Christmas" as it is a familiar one, and cracking jokes (even a childish innocence) after every other line would go over better with the audience than offending several audience members with lines like "Why did the wisemen bring gold and frankenstien and not diapers?" or "espoused wife?  you mean they weren't even married?"  and gear his jokes toward Santa Clause and the reindeer.

            Some of the jokes were funny.  I smiled at a few of them, but never laughed out loud.  I certainly wasn't providing a belly laugh that I suspect Roland was looking for.  Jenna provides more sincere laughter, and is able to re-laugh at a joke she's heard before - but each time he tells the same joke, I give a weak smile and sometimes roll my eyes when he isn't looking.  The freshness has worn off for me.  Though he is proud of his contribution and shares the praises and compliments he's received for creating laughter, it has gotten stale.  I don't even smile anymore.

            When Corey and I give talks, we practice on ourselves.  It's rare for each of us to call on another to sit through something that he or she will be sitting through in church or elsewhere.  We want it to be fresh for them just as we would like to hear it fresh.  Neither way is wrong or right.  They are just different is all.   

Christmas Makeover

            At no time of the year do I believe in Disney's Toy Story than between Thanksgiving and Christmas - although it isn't so much the toys that move and form personalities, but rather the Christmas decorations that I am certain I had packed and carefully labeled each box.  I know exactly where they were located in January - the beginning of the year.  But by the end of the year, I notice that the decorations have moved around.  They have managed to move from box to box, shelf to shelf and all figure that it's been so long that I won't remember where I had put them in the first place.

            As I mentioned in an earlier post, Jenna had retrieved four boxes of decorations - yet I knew that a whole slew of ornaments were missing, and Christmas socks and . . .  lights.  Where are the lights?  And how is it that lights always manage to tangle themselves no matter how carefully they are put away?  It's a personality thing.  Lights are notorious for having parties when we aren't looking.  They dance, they play twister, and then they laugh when we open the box to pull them out.  They are definitely the most ill behaved of all Christmas decorations.

            Roland and I returned to the shed while Jenna was in school.  We found four more boxes of decorations.  Why in the world do we have eight boxes?  And where are the nativities?  I can't imagine that Joseph, Mary, baby Jesus, the wise men and shepherds would be as naughty as the light strings.  Or bows.  How are two decorative bows able to undo themselves in a box with the outside ornaments - which, by the way, Jenna insisted on putting up last night - in the dark.  Why couldn't she just wait until tomorrow when she gets home early?

            The rain came.  Still quite misty outside.  Perhaps she was smart about decorating last night.  It adds brightness.  We still have to do the inside tree.

Long Weekend

            My head seems to be disconnected from my body.  Pretty much the entire week I didn't remember what I was supposed to be doing. Jenna was off from school, Roland took off work, but I still had school.

            It rained on Wednesday. It was great as we have needed (and continue to need) the moisture. My class instructor was late getting started on the live lecture. When he finally did get to the topic of conversation, I had to leave before he got into the meat of the assignment.

            Jenna and I had hair appointments.  I normally appreciate the feel and look of my new fresh cut hair, but am having problems with not hating it this time around.

            On Thanksgiving day we went to the Grand Victorian for a potluck combination Thanksgiving dinner/cast party.  I think there were 18-20 people who finally showed up after the designated time.  Roland seemed to know many along with Jenna.  I knew of six - including myself.  For the most part my Thanksgiving was spent in the company of strangers - one in particular who was stranger than the rest.

            I don't know why she showed up at the theatre.  The owner said that it was a private party, but his wife offered to make her a dinner to go even though Roland thought she should stay.  It was in the spirit of Thanksgiving afterall.  But there were two who absolutely did not want her there - and yet she stayed - I think to get warm.  She didn't really eat anything, but just stirred different foods around her plate - and then got up for more as though she had been eating.

           She also tried to engage in conversation by blurting out experiences that weren't even relevant to what others were saying.  Jenna liked her, but the one who sat between Jenna and the intruder was one of those who definitely hadn't wanted her there.  I had moved a chair from the spot where she ended up sitting as it was in the way of those moving from one food table to the next, but Roland had her find another chair for that exact spot.  People kept asking her to move.  I don't think she fully caught on that she was literally in the way.

            The owner had started playing the movie "Sing" but stopped before auditions.  How sad.

            Roland insisted that we go shopping on Black Friday.  Of course my allergies have gone through the roof and I am paying for it today.  Why did I even agree?  I have made it no secret how I feel about shopping - especially at this time of the year.

            We got home to find Jenna in the shed hoping to have all the Christmas decorations set up in the house before we arrived. I opted not to decorate as I learned the missionaries would be coming over to continue teaching Marva and possibly Shelly. Marva called to see if we were still on, and then the missionaries called to reschedule.  Today at 2:00.  It was something we had all agreed upon. 

            Meanwhile Jenna had gotten together with her friend, Marie so that they could practice for the auditions for the Grand Victorian Christmas special.  Marie spent the night.  They laughed and had fun.  This morning they both left the house to continue practicing.  Jenna's initial plans were just to meet up with Roland at the 6:00 try-outs, but was home before noon.

             The missionaries stood us up.  Didn't even bother to make contact until after 6:00.  That's not right.  Meanwhile Shelly and Jenna opened up a gingerbread house and decided they wanted different candy.  Roland took them to the store to pick out what they wanted and Marva and I talked while they were gone.  We ate pie and Roland read a bunch of Christmas stories to us including this one.

            Just after 6:00 Marva drove to the theatre in one car and Roland in another.  She decided she would like to audition as well, but Shelly does not wish to perform on stage.   Usually I tend to feel bloated on the Friday following Thanksgiving, but my stomach did not react until about 8:00 or 9:00 p.m. last night - which I don't understand as I did not eat as much.  They definitely weren't hunger pains.  They were the same kind of pains I would imagine the wolf must have felt after the 7 kids and their mother filled his belly with rocks in this story. 

          Shelly spent the night with us.  We will be meeting her mom at church.

Homophones: Peace and Piece

Peace offers silence, comfort, stillness, and even tranquility.

Peace is positive.

Piece, on the other hand, can be positive or negative.

Broken or shattered pieces are negative.

Stepping on a piece of glass for instance

          would offer no peace at all -

quite the opposite really.

Some pieces are clues.  We may

find a piece of history.

We may discover a missing piece that may

connect us to another.

Those kind of pieces may sometimes invite peace.

Then there are some pieces that have no

positive or negative effect. 

They're just there.

Finding the missing piece to

the puzzle,

the broken earring,

the exact fit for replacing the broken part

          in the car.

Those may bring satisfaction -

          which is different from peace.

Emotions may be described using both words.

          "My heart has broken into pieces"

"A piece of my soul has died"

"I need a piece of your love"

          When our hearts break,

we pray for peace.

          When our soul has died,

it is possible to restore through peace.

          Some people think that

Love and Peace are the same thing.

          We may feel a sense of peace as we

admire a work of art or "art piece" but

certain Art pieces can also destroy one's

sense of peace.  

Thoughts on Kindness

For those of you who might have come over from "gayldsactor" who hasn't posted to his blog for quite a while, here is a thought he posted to facebook:

"There's a wonderful line in a book by J.M. Barrie...called The Little White Bird. He writes... 'Shall we make a new rule of life always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?' 'Kinder than is necessary'...What a marvelous line, isn't it? 'Kinder than is necessary.' Because it's not enough to be kind. One should be kinder than needed.

"Why I love that line, that concept, is that it reminds me that we carry with us as human beings not just the capacity to be kind but the very choice of kindness. And what does that mean? How is that measured? You can't use a yardstick...it's not like measuring how much you've grown in a year. It's not exactly quantifiable, is it? How do we know we've been kind? What is being kind anyway?

"...There's another passage in a different book I'd like to share with you...In Under the Eye of the Clock by Christopher Nolan the main character is a young man who's facing some extraordinary challenges. There's this one part where someone helps him, a kid in his class. On the surface it's a small gesture, but to this young man, whose name is Joseph, it's...well, if you'll permit me...'It was at moments such as these that Joseph recognized the face of God in human form. It glimmered in their kindness to him. It glowed in their keenness. It hinted in their caring. Indeed, it caressed in their gaze.'

"...'It glimmered in their kindness to him.' ...Such a simple thing, kindness. Such a simple thing. A nice word of encouragement given when needed. An act of friendship. A passing smile.

"...what I want to impart to you today is an understanding of the value of that simple thing called kindness, and that's all I want to leave you with today.

"...what I want you...to take away...is the sure knowledge that in the future you make for yourselves anything is possible. If every single person in this room made it a rule that wherever you are, whenever you can, you will try to act a little kinder than is necessary, the world really would be a better place, and if you do this, if you act just a little kinder than is necessary, someone else somewhere, someday, may recognize in you, in every single one of you, the face of God...or whatever politically-correct spiritual representation of universal goodness you happen to believe in."

- Wonder by R.J. Palacio

Top of Form

Day Trip

                Roland has been wanting to move closer to the city - preferably Eugene.  I would like something closer to the Ocean - preferably not in Lane County.  So we went on a grand car trip up to Veneta (outside of Eugene) and stopped off at Dairy Queen as each of us were hungry.  Jenna and I were puzzled by the charter high school located at the shopping center.  Jenna thinks it would be great to go to an even smaller populated high school than she already does.

                From Veneta we drove toward Florence and continued on down highway 101 until after Reedsport and decided to head back home before we lost daylight completerly.  We did see a small town that we both liked and Jenna was especially pleased to learn the student body was less than 100.  But we won't move there.  I don't think we'll move at all. 

                As we drove toward the ocean, my breathing was better, though I didn't really notice until our return as I felt the air becoming dryer.  Morning fog does not provide enough moisture to fill all the dry river beds - many often appearing to be lower than an average summer.  It's November! 

               We stopped off in the Big City of Roseburg for some milk and eggs at Costco.  

                I watched a lecture that I had found on Utah and was going to try to follow with the assignment today so that I could have it finished up after tomorrow's lecture - but the assignment steps didn't match.  I realized it was a different class number.  Whoops!  My instructor will be giving a lecture tomorrow morning.  Guess I'll watch it and hope to have my assignment done by the end of the night.  I so don't like this class. 

Not Loving My Accounting Class

            So this month's theme seems to be focusing on mergers and takeovers and combinations and blah, blah, blah . . .  There are some aspects of accounting that I don't mind, but I am quite annoyed with the topic of takeovers and stocks and bonds and goodwill and  . . . what the heck?  The reading is boring and hard to translate into English.  I feel like I'm looking at blueprints of trying to run a business patterned after Hitler's dictatorship.  I don't like it at all.

            I have watched part of one video in which a former instructor goes through the assignment using a different example than the one assigned (makes sense) and I am trying to write down how she explains it and I'm just not in the mood (as though I ever will be) partly because I feel so worn out right now.

            Carolyn picked me up this morning and we drove to Sue's to cut down blackberry bushes.  They grow wild here.  Nobody plants them on purpose.  We cut for about two hours and then Sue treated us to lunch.  I am sore and should sleep well tonight.  The missionaries are coming tonight to teach Marva and Shelly.  We are planning on going to the coast tomorrow.  Probably won't start on my assignment until Wednesday morning.  Perhaps I'll be able to get it done before the lecture.  Guess I'll know more on Wednesday.  May post again on Thursday if I do.

My Heart Was Not There

          I don't recall ever having attended a leadership meeting on a stake level, but it seemed as though I had been invited - although I don't know who had told me.  I asked Roland if we were going.  He said that he would but not the adult session as he says he never gets much out of it.  I on the other hand, have always preferred the adult stake meeting as I rarely have ever gotten anything out of the Sunday meeting - especially since we have moved to Oregon.

          I had volunteered to work a shift at the Annex, but wore my dress so that Roland and I could just leave as soon as I returned home.  I returned home before he did and guessed that he probably wouldn't want to return to Roseburg.  I was right.  I should have just called around to see who else was going and if I would be able to catch a ride.  Instead I finished my homework for the week.  Only one other time since starting my online schooling have I not turned all my work in by Friday afternoon - which in itself is rare as most of my work is finished by Thursday and would be this week as well if my instructor's lectures did not take place in the middle of the week.  I hate that!

          So I did not make it to the leadership meeting or adult meeting - though it was actually light enough that I could have driven myself - I just would not have been able to safely drive myself back - nor did I want to deal with driving the Saturn up there.  Earlier this year we purchased a car with more horse power as the Saturn has been under a huge amount of stress with climbing these Oregon hills. 

          I haven't been feeling well in the morning as it has been so dry.  The reason we moved to Oregon was for the moisture which seems to be null right now.  I see the fog each day, but I don't  feel any moisture.  The river beds and ponds look much the same as they did in summer.  November is halfway over!  The water should be soaring!

          Roland purchased a humidifier - something I didn't believe I would never need in Oregon.  What is the deal?

          Marva and Shelly attended our church last week and Roland mentioned to them that we would not be holding our regular services today. We had them invited to come with us to conference, but Marva said that she was not feeling well.  I'm almost glad that they didn't come with us as it was majorly uncomfortable.  I don't mean the topics, but the set up itself.  In years past, I have made the comparison to feeling like a sardine.  Perhaps it's my imagination, but each year feels tighter than the last.  This year it appeared that the chairs had been set up to serve 8,000 people.

                                    I retrieved the above picture from this site: https://www.callfamily.org/2016/04/ -                                                                                             imagine sitting on these for two hours.  Notice the distance from the chapel.

          This year the doors on the stage were closed, though I think all the chairs that are normally used there were still set up which made for less leg room and near lap sitting in generic folding chairs.  So in addition to my already dry throat, I was experiencing leg cramps and wounded body parts unable to breathe.  After Roland stood up, I asked him if he wanted to leave and as none of us were getting anything out of the meeting other than earshot of the same old, same old . . . we left and came home.

          I have been skimming through conference talks and articles trying to feel inspired.  Thus far I haven't been.  It's my own fault, I suppose.

You Can Call Me Dad

          When Roland's ex was a part of our lives, I remember her sending a "friend" of hers with the girls so that she could keep an "eye on us".  I don't believe she and Karen were good friends.  In fact, I now believe that Karen didn't actually know Roland's ex all that well and was not aware that she was mentally disturbed and has a history of using people.  Karen was with us for only two visitations before she told Roland's ex that she wasn't happy about spying on us.  I don't know the conversation except that she had realized that she must have liked us better than Maleficent. 

          Karen had a daughter named Alexis.  I believe she went to the same school as Pamprin and Francis, and that is how they knew one another.  Alexis took a shine to Roland.  She loved him.  She played with him along with his girls and he treated her just as he had the other too.  Karen could sense that Alexis loved Roland.  He wasn't the monster that Maleficent had wanted her to believe. 

          Our second meeting was at a park where Ooki was to meet a group of foreign exchange students.  They were carving and painting pumpkins.  Frances joined in the festivities, as the art aspect appealed to her a lot more than the playground did.  Roland had escorted Pamprin and Alex to  the playground and Karen and I visited a table near the pumpkins and exchange students.  I laughed to myself as Maleficent had sent her to keep an eye on Roland and wasn't watching either him or Alex - which was fine.  I had enjoyed her company and had hoped that perhaps maybe one day we would be friends.

          When the foreign exchange students had finished their pumpkins, the supervisor of the program asked that they all stand together to have their picture taken.  Francis stood with them and refused to budge.  When it was time to go, Roland called to Frances for a hug.  Alexis came to show her mom something, and Pamprin lagged behind and we all walked to the direction of our cars.  After we Karen and Alex started to walk in the opposite direction of where we were parked, Alexis broke free of Karen and ran behind Roland to give him a powerful hug that had more meaning than Francis' and Pamprin's hugs together.  She needed a positive male role model and Roland was it.  He is a child magnet.  Children love him.  Alex was no exception.  It was the last time we ever saw Alex or Karen.  It may have been the last time Maleficent saw her civilly as well.  Alex, Francis and Pamprin are all adults now.  Physically anyway.

         Flash forward to 2015 - our first year in Oregon.  I had taken Jenna to a birthday party that she had been invited to.  It was the first time that I ever dropped Jenna off without having met the parents - or parent rather.  Shelly lives with her mom, Marva. Whenever Jenna would bring Shelly home - which wasn't often, but there have been some encounters - Shelly would often spend more time talking to Roland than hanging with Jenna.  She would call him "Mr." She loves the attention that Roland gives her. 

          We had invited Shelly and Marva over for Christmas dinner last year and may do so again this year.  They have both been here a lot more lately.  Roland had invited Shelly to have a sleepover last night with Jenna and would take the two of them to the movies today.  However he failed to consult Jenna about his plans and she had made plans of her own. She had planned to support another one of her friends who is having a birthday party - or rather a birthday "hang".  There are several people who love and admire Jenna.  She is accepted by a wide circle of friends - however not all circles will welcome her other friends - such is the case today.  Jenna is well aware that there is already a negative issue between Shelly and the birthday girl.

          Roland's not trying to replace Jenna, nor does Jenna feel threatened, but he has been giving Shelly the attention that she craves just as Alexis had.  He and Shelly fixed breakfast for us this morning.  He had purchased three art pads so that he, Shelly and Jenna could draw - which I know Jenna likes to do - but preferably without his supervision.  He is now out the door on his way to Roseburg to take Shelly to the movie.  She is so in her glory with his personal attention.  In an hour I will be dropping Jenna off at her friend's house and continue on to the Annex to hopefully sell some books and do some homework.  In less than five hours, Roland and I will returning to Roseburg for stake conference.

We All Have a Voice But Not Always Heard . . . We All Have Ears But Not All Listen

          I dragged my family to the high school last night.  I understood the meeting to start at 5:30, but it must have started at 5:00 as we walked into a mass production that had already obviously started.  It seems that the focus was mainly on just one school, though the elementary next to it had been mentioned.  There were parents there for both group.  I saw several youth but not a huge number.  The meeting was at the high school library and it was filled and overflowing.

          Three separate events had taken place.  The first was a threat made by a person that was being bullied.  The threat made was toward the bullies and not the entire school.  On October 23 a "prank" phonecall had been made to 911 about a shooting.  Two youth were arrested.  Last week there a note had been left in one of the bathrooms leaving the impression of a bomb threat.  The school was placed on lock down and the adjoining elementary was put on a soft lock - dismissed from elementary - and I have learned they keep all of the doors locked anyway.

          Of course there were and are concerns about each time the police have been called in.  While searching the lockers, police did find evidence of other misdemeanors NOT related to  the bomb threat.  It was announced last night that 17 youth have been arrested for various reasons - though the only I remember mentioned was possession of drugs which were discovered when the police were combing the area for evidence of weapons and just happened upon other criminal activities during their search.

          Sadly, there are some youth whose parents just don't care.  I was pleased by the turnout of so many who do.  Unfortunately, many of them are so caught up in speculation and fear of what might be that they aren't seeing that the school and police really are taking measures for the safety of the students.  Not enough tax payers were willing to pay for a new school when it was proposed on the election of 2016.  Our school buildings are OLD - they start in the early 1900's - I think Canyonville (the main building anyway) may be even older than that. The most current building was probably built in the 1950's.  Architects didn't make plans for extra securities as it was a foreign concept at that time. 

          Some of the parents want the police to patrol the schools and add securities - which of course, require money.  But I am not fond of having the school appear have the a prison feel to it.  I think about 1989 film "Lean on Me" in which Morgan Freeman portrays a principal determined to change and not live in fear.  I don't want our schools to become how they were before he stepped up and made changes - many against the parents' wishes. 

          I've learned that it does not matter which direction you take, someone is not going to like it.  Someone is going to be offended.  Others are going to react - but not all the reactions are going to be positive.  Some are going to create more problems if they feel ignored or if they misinterpret or (here's a big one) they panic.  Don't panic!  Don't make worse.

          I think some valid points were made last night, but for some nothing was resolved.  Some will be (or already have) removing their children from the school.  Home schooling for some.  Transfers perhaps for others.  Jenna and I share the same attitude - don't stress over what you can't control.  Changing schools doesn't guarantee that your child will be any safer.  Stop the bullying.  Chances are really good that they are connected.

The Dryness is Going to Kill Me

          October is normally my favorite month, all the fall leaves and crisp air.  Facebook memories indicate that there has often been a sickness within the family.  It doesn't last as long as what I've seemed to experience this year.  It was bad enough before we set our clocks to standard.  Setting the clocks back seemed to say to the sun, "you have permission to take a long nap.  Perhaps you can make an appearance every now and then - just so we know you're up there."

          The air has been so dry.  It's horrible.  I came to Oregon for moisture.  The fog hasn't seemed to carry much moisture to it this year nor has it rained often.  We're not currently hooked up to natural gas, and thus the only source of heating we have had has been electrical and feels drier than the gas somehow.  At least my lungs and throat believe they are.  I haven't had a sinus infection, but am getting tired of a dry throat each morning and the few hours it takes me to unclog all of my breathing passages.  I do well in the daylight, but when the sun starts to set - shortly after 3:00 pm - which is so wrong! - It gets cold and frosty and my body temperature has a hard time adjusting to the air around me.

          I've been filling in for instructor aides at various schools.  The instructor I have been with this week keeps her room so hot, it is unbearable - like certain buses that I would ride in Salt Lake.  The air is nearly the same as what I left behind.  I want to breathe again.  I would like to have moist clean air again.  (And I'm still ticked off about adjusting clocks every six months - that doesn't help anyone as far as health and productivity go)