East and West and Harold

Ever since I have given up driving, I haven’t made the time to go out and see Harold – mom’s boyfriend of five months or so – though I have written to him.  I sent the last letter on the first.  He just got it yesterday.

Jenna happened to be off on Friday, and I found a way on public transportation that would get us close to Alta Ridge.  But our pass expired on the 31^st and I wouldn’t be able to get a new one until Roland got paid.  Jenna suggested that we go visit him after I picked her up from school on Thursday – but I knew that unless Roland was willing to pick us up from Alta Ridge that we would never make it home before him.  He told us to wait on our visiting Harold.

It was really too bad as the weather was so awesome on the 31^st.  It was snowing when we left the house yesterday.  Jenna and I both wore our snow boots, It turns out we really didn’t need them.

By the time I left Jenna at her school it had stopped snowing and the sun was showing its brightness.  I put my sunglasses on and headed towards the bus stop where I got off.  But I continued in the same direction.

I took the bus to the train station and got off at another to board a bus that would take me to the east side.  I grew up on the east side and so recognized all of the locations we passed.  I really do miss that area and the familiarities that I had become accustomed to over the years.

The distance from the bus stop to Alta Ridge is not a bad walk in awesome weather – I bet it’s a bear in foul weather though.  Desa – the assisted living activities director- takes the bus to work on a daily basis.  She knows what routes will get her where and shared information on two different methods.

I was talking to Harold when his mail was delivered.  That’s how I know he received it yesterday.  I think he is going bonkers living there as he is easily annoyed by the elderly–childish behavior and having to repeat things as only a few of them can retain information for more than a minute. Mom would tend to repeat herself, but she took him on journeys through her descriptions – I guess.  He said that she had taken him to the house where she used to live.  I knew that wasn’t right and couldn’t believe he was telling me that.

He said that she had been excited to show him her bedroom as she was really proud of it.  He said he wasn’t impressed and that somebody had really let the place go – especially the yard.  I told him that it was not the same house where I had taken her to for the last time in January – the house I grew up in.  For my niece and her husband had been living there and had actually taken better care of it than she had. 

I told him that I didn’t know what he was talking about.  Maybe he had a dream and hasn’t been able to differentiate between having dreamed it and having it taken place for real.  I know for a fact that it wasn’t real.  Mom had a lousy sense of direction – even before the dementia.  And really, how would they have gotten out anyway?  Or gotten to where the house supposedly was? He didn’t have an explanation for that part.

After my visit, I thought I would give Desa’s alternative route a try, but then realized that I was hungry.  And I had to cross the street by Arby’s if I went back the way I came. And it just so happened to be Roland’s lunch time and he is not that far from Alta Ridge.  So I called him.

He was excited and really wanted to be with me – said he’d come pick me up, but he was on the phone with a student FOREVER.  Seriously. Three buses had come and gone.  I should have just crossed the street after purchasing my sandwich instead of returning for another sandwich and two drinks – one of which I ended up throwing away.  Not to mention that I had waited for over an hour. I really should have known better. I definitely will next time.

So by the time I was almost home, Roland was STILL on the phone (same student) and I was just shaking my head.  By the time I returned home I had less than an hour before I had to leave to get Jenna – but my socks kept on sliding off my feet and into my boots (My feet are between sock sizes – Jenna’s fit, but they’re tight.  The heels of “ladies” socks are usually always longer than my own.  They never fit right – and so I often have all this extra fabric in my shoes) and so I did want to change into sneakers before I continued on my journey. 

The bus comes every half hour and so I can arrive at Jenna’s school a half hour early or ten minutes late.  Last month I went for the half hour early.  That actually annoyed Jenna who has always preferred dawdling and specifically asked me yesterday morning: “Can you please take the bus that gets you there ten minutes late?”  

Okay then.  No more waiting for her for 30 – 40 minutes in the cold.  I can deal with it.  But Roland actually beat us home today.  Don’t know how well that’s going to work out.  I think I’m just going to have to crock pot dinner each day.

It feels like I’d spent most of the day on the bus or the train or waiting.  It didn’t seem like it had been that long.  Though it might have felt longer had I not been reading.  I may not have been the wisest with my time but overall I thought it was a really nice day.  And though I felt like I had wasted both time and money waiting for Roland and that Roland too, was disappointed about not having made the opportunity to see me, Harold and Desa had both expressed gratitude.  I guess it’s all just what I wish to focus on.

Another Baptism, Another Discovery

      

            We went to a primary baptism on Saturday.  I was surprised to see Azure’s dad dressed in white. According to Hannah, her husband had been inactive for eight years.  Evidently Azure had talked him into coming back so that he could baptize him – which he did. 

            The baptism was a lot more reverent than the last primary baptism Jenna and I had attended.  Roland actually went with us to this one. There was still the visiting between the confirmation and the baptism though everyone seemed to be more respectful and non visiting the two times we had waited in the chapel.  I don’t know why the visitation bothers me so much, but it does. 

            Jenna had brought along an activity book to keep herself entertained.  I didn’t think that was all that respectful either – especially when she took the program and drew a tic-tac-toe while the bishop was speaking and nudged me to take a turn.  I gave her a hard crusty which I’m certain was not in harmony with the Spirit either. 

            The activity she had was from the story about Saul/Paul.  She said it was one of her favorites and said she wanted to watch the video but I told her I didn’t think we had it.  She was actually looking for the video of Alma’s conversion and accounted the story which she wanted to watch.  She was thinking that was the activity book she held.  I hadn’t even given a thought until then how many similarities both Paul and Alma shared.

            Both were bullies who seemed to be involved in gang related activity.  Though Alma appears more as the ring leader (Mosiah 27:8) while Paul appears more to be one that is taking orders from the leader (Acts 9:2).  Both Alma and Paul persecute the righteous (Mosiah 27:10, Acts 8:3 ).  Paul is left blind after Christ calls to him on the road to Damascus (Acts 9:8) while Alma is left in an almost comatose state (Alma27:19) after having have seen an angel.  Both are called to repentance (Mosiah 27:24, Acts 9:6) and completely turn their lives around and become heavily involved in missionary work (Mosiah 27:32, Acts 9: ).  Both are persecuted for their beliefs.

          After Azure's baptism and confirmation, Hannah had all those who were seated to please stay for pictures.  A few pictures were taken of the entire group (everyone in attendance)  What a great idea!  Wish I had thought of it.

Daylight or Standard: Let’s just keep it at one

            Would it be possible to just forego our changing the clocks every six months and just do away with the whole daylight/standard thing?  Go with one or the other, but enough is enough with the falling back and springing ahead.  Daylight savings was created long before the modern technologies that we enjoy today.  From the Wikipedia map it appears that most countries no longer practice.  So why do we?  Is one hour really going to make a difference?

            I remember several times (when I was working downtown) catching the bus in the dark and the cold.  It would be dark when I left the house.  It would be dark when I came home.  What difference does it make if those 5-8 hours of light happen between 9:00 and 5:00 or 7:00 to 2:00? I was at work.  I missed the daylight – except when I passed a window.  Big whoop.  It’s not like it had a great impact on my ability to see.

            I think if our nation were to vote on the whether to continue with it (or at least in this state) or not, we could do without it.  I know several people who would be a lot happier.   

The Sign Came Down

            Near my daughter’s school is an assisted living facility – at least that’s how it is advertized.  I think it is more of a retirement home or independent living.  No memory care is provided (but there are many facilities that don’t have the memory care included). To me it appears that the residences are free to come and go.  I don’t know that for a fact.  It just appears that way.

            Two months before the family assigned me the task of looking into care facilities I looked into the one close to Vantanna.  The man who showed me around was very nice and gave me a binder of all I had seen and the cost.  He encouraged me to look into other facilities but guaranteed that all would be more expensive.  And he was right.

            I remember giving Corey the information.  He said he thought it was all too soon to worry about that.  I didn’t think it was.  But as there was no memory care I didn’t think it would work for my mom.  When Corey finally did get around to realizing that one day we would have to find a place for mom, he checked out the facility and walked away even less impressed than I was.  We both agreed that escaping from the facility would have been no challenge to our mom.

            Because it was only four months before we were forced into finding something where mom couldn’t escape from, I still get a bit nostalgic whenever we pass by the first facility near Jenna’s school.

            This morning she dismissed me before we got to the school.  I walked back to the bus stop near the assisted living.  As I approached I could see a couple of guys standing near the pillar with the facility’s name on it.  One was dressed like a grim reaper.  “How cruel,” I thought.  But as it turns out it was not for the residence but for the sign and pillar itself.  For it was being demolished.

 

            It makes me wonder if the facility has changed ownership and will receive a new name or if it will still be used as a retirement home or  if the families of the residence will have to find a new place to live and start paying more money.  I wasn’t the only one who was curious about it.  The bus driver who stopped for me had his head turned in wonderment as he watched the caterpillar at work.  It was the longest he ever stayed at that stop.

The Final Day of Halloween

When I was Jenna’s age, I don’t recall Halloween being dragged out the way it is now.  At school we dressed up in costume and then there was trick-or-treating.  One day.  One night.  Not all week and all month. 

Jenna dressed up in costume when she attended preschool but not with attending elementary. I don’t know of any schools who continue with that tradition.  Jenna’s school doesn’t.

Before we moved to West Valley we spent a week of Halloween going to different events each day.  Jenna had dressed as a fairy – from full outfit to just wings.

It started out with Sunny helping Jenna to create a wand – which we would use as a prop for her costume. There was the after school carnival that the high schoolers had put on for the children in elementary school, our own personal make-up party, a fall festival, and finally the trunk or treat.  We used to do an annual Halloween party in that particular ward, but I don’t recall a Halloween party taking place after the events I had written in this post.

This year Halloween has been stretched out for all of us as Roland had taken us to different events. Unfortunately my camera broke I wasn’t able to take pictures.

Friday was the school carnival.  I think I have only been to one other carnival since Jenna started at Vantanna.  The last time I’d gone, I was in the library all night with my brother, Corey. I had recruited him to read stories.  As always, he did a great job.

It’s so much different actually going around with your child than to be in a volunteering position all night.  I don’t recall Jenna having dressed up the last time.  But the children were encouraged to dress up as they would not have the opportunity as school.  Even some of the adults came in costume. 

Jenna started out the night by having her nails painted.  She “fished” for some prizes.  We watched a magic show.  It was fun to watch her dance before the costume contest started. The school was crowded.  I had a lot more elbow room when Corey and I volunteered in the library.

Saturday was our ward Halloween party.  Roland and I had dressed as Chefs.  I kept my costume on for the trunk-or-treat and put it on after dinner.  Too hot to wear while I ate and wrote down names of children having their picture taken in their costumes.  Roland emceed the event.

These two pictures were taken in the parking lot by the Relief Society President.  Lot of comments on our trunk.  Roland’s idea.  The costume, the theme – all Roland.  Jenna thought she would transform into the Pillsbury dough boy to keep with the theme, but the only white clothes we had were too big.  Roland padded her down with pillows before he put on what he thought might work.  It was like draping a sheet over Frankenstein’s monster.  She ended up going as Merida and NOT the Pillsbury dough boy.  But it’s not like the three of us were seen together throughout the night anyway.

We’d gone to another fall carnival with even less activity.  But Jenna had a super time, popping a balloon and performing an exercise, hitting the tether ghost and going through the unscary spook alley.

She and Roland both got eye tattoos on their hands.  She held her hand up to his and said, “Let’s have a staring contest”.  Now that would have been worth having a camera for.

With each passing event, Merida lost more strands of her hair, and there is a definite bald spot in back.  But it is red and most people haven’t noticed. Tonight she will go trick-or-treating as Merida.  Tomorrow she will let me know what she plans to be for next year.

When the Networks promoted Values

When I was younger I had a crush on Michael Cole who portrayed the character Pete Cochran on the Mod Squad.  I was probably more in love with the idea of Pete than I was infatuated with Michael.

Recently I watched an episode of the old TV Series and felt admiration all over again. Pete Cochran is a gentleman.  He opens doors for women.  He shows compassion. 

This particular episode was shot in its final season around Christmas time.  An acquaintance of Pete asked him if he could watch his daughter for an hour.  The acquaintance said there was some business he needed to take care of but that he’d be right back.  Pete willingly took his daughter and kept on eye on her for several hours actually.

Pete, estranged from his own parents, encouraged the little girl to pray.  She said that she didn’t believe in God and Pete’s answer introduced her to the world of hope.  I admired him for his carefully selected words.  And I admired the humility involved in his relationship with the girl and how he and Julie and Linc all care for one another.

The girl talks Pete into purchasing a tree, and while at the tree lot she discovers the nativity and walks toward it and looks upon it with wonder.  I enjoyed watching the show – not just for the memories of this awesome Pete Cochran – but also for the values that the networks had once incorporated into their television programming and for the messages on hope, prayer and the true meaning of Christmas.  Seems that so much of that has been lost in over the years – especially in what we’ve settled on in TV entertainment. 

Fall: Beginning of the end

I saw the leaves scurry quickly
across the street when pushed
by the angry wind which has
been howling the last few days. 



It appears that autumn is
nearing its end this year.
But we have been blessed with
warmth and colors and
really awesome weather for the most part.

 

Some trees remain in their
brilliant state of gorgeous color
while others have been stripped naked -
skeletons ready for
the harshness of winter.

 

I hope it's not a harsh winter like
last year.  It was cold.
Always so cold.
Miserably cold.

 

And summer was unbearably hot.
But autumn was awesome.
autumn is awesome.
Let us keep that awesome feel.

 

Mother Nature please
don't strip the trees.
Let them radiate
throughout the year -
without the wind,
without the snow,
without the heat,
without the cold.

Design by Jenna

            My daughter LOVES arts and crafts.  In school she made a paper mask of a female skull.  She is quite proud of it and so wanted me to have my own skull, which she tried to make identical to her own.

            She decided that when we boarded the bus this morning, we would hold up our masks over our faces.  She made up lyrics on the way to the bus stop and sung them to the tune “Carol of the Bells”

            She made me learn her song before the bus came so that we could sing the song before we held up our masks.  I learned the song but told her that we would not be able to sing its entirety before boarding the bus.  And so she sung only the last line as we held up our masks.  Our bus driver laughed.

            Twin Skeletons, Twin Skeletons

            Found here and there

            Twin Skeletons, Twin Skeletons

            Both have yellow hair

            Twin Skeletons, Twin Skeletons

            Both wear a flower

            Twin Skeletons, Twin Skeletons

            Together we have power

            Twin Skeletons, Twin Skeletons

            Each wearing braces

            Twin Skeletons, Twin Skeletons

            We have skulls for faces

Okay, maybe it’s not exact, and the tune did change a bit as she sang.  But you get the jest.

            I love my daughter’s enthusiasm.

I Think Roland Should be Driving for UTA

            Jenna and I got on the more crowded bus this morning but I took the less crowded one back to the house.  I was actually the only passenger for the first three lights.  And I was thinking that UTA really missed out for not hiring Roland as one of their drivers.

         He may have only applied that one time.  I don’t know if it even resulted with an interview or not.  Roland is a great driver.  I doubt he would be intimidated by the size of the bus.  He is a master behind the wheel in all kinds of weather.  He has exceptional people skills.  And I believe he enjoys driving.

         Not me.  I remember taking the bus one time – cold wet snowy day.  I got talking to the driver about my job and searching for another.  He said that UTA was hiring drivers.  I reminded him that I was taking the bus so that I didn’t have to drive.  Besides driving a station wagon was actually the biggest vehicle I wanted to go.  The bus is what?  Five times the size – maybe ten.  My driving skills  and a monster vehicle?  No thank you. 

         My family was friends with a UTA employee.  He had a charming personality and most of his passengers were comfortable with his over friendliness.  He was in a high senior position when UTA brought in TRAX and so had the option of driving the train instead of the bus.  I remember him telling me that driving the train freaked him out and he wanted nothing to do with it.

         He has since retired and moved away.  I don’t know where he is living at present.  I had heard from some of his family members that he has dementia.  I wonder if they had to put him in an assisted living program like we did with mom.  I wonder what stage he is in.

         I have posted some opinions on public transportation before.  But not with Roland in mind.  I know he would do well driving busses.  But he’s now sixty.  I don’t think UTA would hire him.  Their loss.

Sunshine and Rain

     Jenna and I got off the bus the other day.  It was raining – not a pouring rain, but the sky had definitely produced more than just a drizzle.  We needed our umbrellas (which we just happened to have).  The weird thing was that I also needed sunglasses.

     It seemed to be raining north of 3300, but once we turned the corner and continued on our way to the south side, we no longer needed our umbrellas.  We were in the house perhaps only ten minutes or so when we could hear a heavy hail beating all around us.  I looked out the window to see the sun shining still.  Weird.

     Yesterday was beautiful – though we started the morning wearing light jackets.  Janna and I took the train to Midvale and walked to the post office and made a stamp purchase and walked over to the library.  On our return I mentioned to Jenna that Ellen and Nate lived close to where we were.  She crossed the street to look at their street name while I tried getting a hold of one of them on the phone.  I didn’t think they’d be home.

     As it turns out, they went hiking with the family and too enjoyed the awesome weather.  The air was crisp but not cold.  I had packed my umbrella just in case.

     Jenna loves standing on the train and bus as they are moving.  She also likes to flirt with the regular bus drivers.  When we came home (with train transfer to the bus) Jenna noticed the afternoon bus driver was/is the same who drives us near our house.

     Last night the sky appeared to be giving us fog.  

Blanching Peppers

When Roland and I were on welfare, and we would get food from the bishop’s storehouse, I would bring home several bell peppers as Roland likes to cook with them and Jenna loves to eat them raw. But there were times when I sensed that the peppers might spoil before they were used. 

Our Relief Society president (at that time) was among the best (if not the best) cooks in the ward.  I remember asking her if we could freeze peppers.  She said I needed to cut them into strip and  blanch them first.  There must have been a puzzled look on my face as she continued with a definition of blanching.

I am to place the pieces in boiled water for three minutes and then lay them out singly on top of a paper towel (she lines them onto a cookie sheet) before packing them up for the freezer.

 

So a couple of nights ago, I noticed several small peppers (some honestly so small they may have passed for jalapenos or chilis)  and so I blanched them according to my understanding (the way I had done it before) and ended up with three sandwich bags full which I put into a quart sized freezer bag.

The next morning I noticed another batch of peppers on the machine – as though I hadn’t done anything.  There were probley about the same amount and sizes.  I started boiling water and cutting the peppers.  Jenna asked if she could assist.  Of course.

Jenna started slicing the peppers in round circles.  I explained to her that dad had taught me to cut them the long way.  But she’s got selective hearing and listening – like Tinkerbell does (see the end of this post for further clarification) 

Would you believe that I came home (from picking up Jenna) to find even more peppers?  Are you kidding me?  Jenna asks if she can slice them up.  I remind her to do it the long way.  For the most part the cuts have been made into circles.  I know Roland is going to ask me about it.  Oh, well

 

We still have several green tomatoes.  I had picked many and placed them in a bag.  Only a few have turned.  The majority remains green.  And we still have several green tomatoes on the vine. It's too bad I don't have all the ingredients I need to make a fine salsa.  I once tasted a salsa made from green tomatoes.  It was delicious! Perhaps one of the best salsas I've ever tasted.

Summer’s over. There’s been a chill in the air. It’s my favorite season!

Another Send Off - Returning Home

Before Jenna turned five she was introduced to Isaac – a cousin to Paula – who, at the time, was Biff’s platonic girlfriend. 

Roland asked Isaac how old he would be (or what age he’d just turned – I forget what time of the year it was) We both figured at least nine.  Both of us were quite floored when he answered seven..  He was too tall to be only seven. He was actually quite tall for nine.   Surely Jenna and Isaac were more than just two years apart.

     Isaac’s mom was involved with an Easter tradition.  Every year right after Church, the children would look for the plastic eggs that the adults had hid around the yard – her father’s yard to be exact.  Paula had outgrown the tradition and had asked Biff to bring Jenna so that Isaac and Paula’s brother weren’t hunting for eggs by themselves.  So from 2009 to 2012 Jenna has always done Easter with Isaac and his family.  

 

     Each year the hunt happened at Grandpa’s house – until last year.  Ruth and Nim had moved into a new house – she felt that her yard was ready.  Biff and Paula hadn’t spent much time together, but he was still friends with Isaac’s mom, Ruth.  She had asked him if he would assist with Easter set up.  He took Jenna with him and they spent the night.

Paula had told me that she came from a dysfunctional family.  I didn’t realize how dysfunctional until earlier this year. It’s true that Ruth had been excited to have Easter at her house – but it was not the same as it had been at grandpas.  I think Grandpa himself had been invited, but nobody else in the family had.  There had been a falling out, continuous squabbles – quite strained relationships among Ruth and her siblings.  It sounded horrible.  I feel quite grateful that I couldn’t (nor can) relate.

When Jenna was in first grade, Grandpa’s home was a sanctuary – I told her that if I was ever late picking her up, she was to wait for me at Paula and Isaac’s grandpa’s house. That was before the adult brother moved in and basically pushed his parents into the back room – taking away almost every inch of space from the house to store his worthless belongings and himself.  This year I told her NOT to go to Grandpas.  Even Ruth and Isaac would rather not be there.  I now understand why it takes him so long to cross the field.

Ruth, from what I understand, has always been insecure about her looks.  She has always felt overweight and unhealthy.  Others had made fun of her size and said unkind things that did hurt her emotionally.  But she was very strong willed and never unkind to anyone.  She was a friend to everyone – including those that had put her down. I thought she was beautiful both inside and out.

She did not have the Easter hunt this year.  Her health has been poor.  She was scheduled to have her hernia removed back in May.  But there was the issue with her weight.  She needed to lose several pounds and reschedule.  I don’t know how many times the surgery was postponed.  I had talked with her over the phone only a few times during the summer.  I had been to her house only one time.

Ruth’s home was always in chaos.  She just didn’t seem to have the strength to pick up after her two boys.  She considered them more than a blessing.  She said that Nim and the boys completed her life.   But somehow the boys didn’t appear to give her any help.  I don’t know why.  Isaac is such a sweet and thoughtful boy.  He has been a tremendous friend to Jenna. 

His little brother has a crush on Jenna.  He also looks older than he is – a little replica (well, smaller version – both boys are huge) of Isaac.  He just started kindergarten this year and Isaac will be starting junior high (or middle school) next year.

Ruth’s last surgery was scheduled for Friday, October 11.  She so wanted to lose the weight and get healthy not just for herself but for her boys. She died on the operating table.  I seem to be shedding more tears than with my own mom’s death.  I just feel so bad for Isaac and Marvin.  Marvin was so attached to his mother.  I don’t know if he will fully understand that mommy isn’t coming back or why.  He cannot depend on her anymore the way he used to.

Biff and I attended her funeral this afternoon.   We had gone early to attend the viewing.  I saw Ruth’s brother in the hall.  Her mom was near the casket – but that was all the family I saw.  No grandpa (her father) no Isaac, no Marvin, no Nim.  Ruth was in her casket smiling.  It was small, but still, it appeared as a smile. I don't think I've ever seen a smiling corpse before.

I visited with the principal of the school that both Isaac and Jenna attend.  She was the only person (besides Ruth) that I recognized. (How convenient it was for both of us that the funeral was just next door to the school.)  School let out before the funeral was over. 

You would think a family like that would have seen death before – but the funeral itself seemed to be a very unfamiliar situation for most of the family – at least from my point of view. I would imagine both Ruth and her dad have attended funerals before. 

Somebody escorted the two boys into the chapel.   I went to where they were seated and gave Isaac a hug and asked if he was okay.  He was holding a stack of homemade cards that I'm guessing had been created by his classmates. I started crying before I returned to my seat. I just couldn’t seem to pull myself together.

Nim joined his boys shortly after I sat down.  I’d never met him before and so introduced myself.  He looked broken.  They sat in the chapel with some other of his family members.  I don’t know if they were ever in the same room with the casket

Nim and the boys missed out on the family prayer as it was in the RS room and they were in the chapel.  Perhaps it was easier for them.  I don’t know. When the congregation was told to stand while the family filed in, Nim and his family stood along with the congregation and thus most all of the family members who filed in remained standing also. 

I think it is the first LDS funeral I’ve been to where I have seen the family stand and not take their seats once they had filed in. I know I've taken my seat as a family member while the congregation stood for us.

The services were nice.  Ruth is very well loved.  I enjoyed learning more about the great woman that she was.  I hope Isaac will remember the love and that he will take the advice of the speakers.  She will definitely be missed.