A
few years before I met Roland, I had gone
into a Deseret Book Store in search of something. Sharon Velluto was doing a book signing on
her new book, “A Christ Centered Christmas”
I remember picking up a book and
thumbing through it. It looked
interesting. It was on sale as I
recall. I took it home and started
reading it.
“How
to Use this Book” – the very first words on the very first page. “This book has been designed to satisfy the
needs of all families {bold italics added} from those with small
children to those whose children are grown, as well as singles and seniors .
.
.
How many times have I heard or read
that . . . “and to all of those that are single, we love you as well” (though
you are really not our main focus – we don’t want to exclude you – but these
words will not be at all helpful to your current situation
But it does! Her book is seriously designed with everyone
in mind.
There are 24 devotionals that are
designed to be as long or as short to cater to each individual or family needs
and times. I was so super impressed that
the single person was not just mentioned – but embraced as well.
There are basically four sections –
Devotionals, Optional Materials. Cards
and Activities, and Ornaments.
Illustated
icons give the outline or theme on each devotional page
In a nutshell: the jest of the
devotional outline
The lesson
Activity ideas (outlined in the
first section – detailed in the
activity section)
Suggested song and scripture
Stories are found in
optional
materials
I really like having an outline and
being able to pull other resources that are available. Not all the stories from the manual are among
my favorites – but I especially enjoy the outlines and the activity
suggestions.
It’s NOT just a Christmas manual. It’s a family home evening manual and
resource manual to be enjoyed throughout the year – not just on Christmas! It is such an awesome creation. I actually ended up purchasing one for my
sister-in-law for her birthday. I don’t
know if she’s used it near as much as I have.
My manual has actually taken some beatings during its life.
I printed up the star ornament for the
children in my primary class and we made them to go with our lesson. But for the most part I really hadn’t done
much with them until last year. Jenna
found excitement in creating a new ornament each day. They continue to hang on our tree this year.
I have since adapted guidelines and themes
for my own book with 24 sections and covers – instead of the four sections
offered in “A Christ Centered Christmas” . I have my favorite stories and
traditions and wanted to incorporate color and jacket protectors that can
easily be removed or added to. And personalize it for me and my family.
Matthew 20:1-16 gives us the parable of
the laborers in the vineyard. I had
always looked at the parable as one about missionary work – about the hereafter, about those who spend their whole lives in the Church striving to do
what is right and having someone who has put other’s through hell repent at the
last hour.
I have labored so many hours in the
hot burning sun – and God is telling me that if Maleficentshould
choose to repent, that her reward will be the same as my own. That she is entitled to all the same
blessings as my own. I’ll admit that I
haven’t accepted this interpretation very graciously. But then who am I to think of myself as
better if she truly surrendered herself and did/does repent and actual develop a "compassion" if you will?
Slaving in the vineyard is hard
work. I have often thought that I am
really just so tired of being there. I
never gave another thought to those who are “waiting in line” – those would be laborers
that remain at the job site in hopes that the master will return with something for them –
any kind of a position that will give them some kind of wage.
In today’s economy, it is easy to see
why they would stay and tarry – but they would also hold signs that say, “I will work for
food” “Please help me. I’m poor” and so forth.
I never gave the tarrying laborers a second
thought. I hadn’t thought of this
parable with a different perspective until today. And for the first time I saw myself as one of
those who has stood in line more than once – and still find myself standing at
times.
For the message that was shared today
focused on those that are standing in line – for those who are doing everything
diligently (to the best of their ability) and showing up at the labor site day
in and day out and feel like they are just not being picked – that they, that we will never feel the blessings.
Carrie is the wife of the second
counselor, and I am married to the first.
We were actually on opposite ends of the room, but our eyes seemed to be
connected to our mouths – that is every time we would make a comment or
participated by reading, our eyes would leak and start a chain reaction of
making our voices crack.
She didn’t go into detail about why she was crying - but I think many
understood. She and Dan have been trying
to adopt. It’s been a painful
process. Why, when they attend their
Church meetings, and hold callings, and serve diligently are they still waiting
in line? Why can they not labor in the vineyard? For how long must they tarry? Why does it have to be in God’s due time?
I have spent many years asking myself that
one. It was painful to watch those I had
taught in sunbeams to get married and have children long before I even had a
prospect. People my age were
experiencing their second and third season of life. I was still in the first season and wondered
if that was it.
The instructor who shared the lesson
is in her 40’s and has never been married.
Actually there are several sisters in my ward who have never been
married. Some have friends moving
through autumn and some have actually arrived in winter. I’m probably somewhere between summer and
fall – sort of like the weather is now.
Surrendering ourselves to Him is hard. We need to have faith that He really does
know what’s best for us – that the trials we endure right now are just to make
us stronger down the road. That our “waiting
in line” isn’t done in vain – that there is a purpose. We need to endure while we wait – impatiently
or not. We can’t control His time. So why not accept it graciously?
Perhaps if I dwell on the subject long
enough, I can learn to accept it graciously.
I have been blessed. And I need
to focus more fully on those blessings.
Because right now I really am not very gracious about the whole tarrying matter.
Roland has often told me about
different dreams that he’s had and always concludes with, “What do you think it
means?”
Dreams are just that. Some are bizaare. Some are wonderful. Some you hope to never “dream” again. And perhaps some do have meaning. Truthfully, I don’t place too much value in
dreams. I think that is how God
communicated to his children at one time – and perhaps still does to some –
though I think the methods of communication have broadened sufficiently since
then. My personal opinion is that, overall, dreams really don’t mean a whole
lot.
Still, I often have crazy dreams that
I will write down or share just because they are so bizarre. And sometimes I ask myself what would have
caused me to dream it. But I never go
into depth about the possible symbolism that may (or may not) exist.
Last night I dreamed my nephew-in-law
was getting married. The strange part
about my dream is that I don’t think it was to my niece – though I don’t
remember getting a good look at the bride’s face. But physically she looked too short and not
quite so thin as my niece, Ellen. Actually I don’t recall remembering any of
the wedding party – except for my niece (Ellen’s sister) who is currently in
junior high right now.
I believe the marriage itself was in
the temple. I know I watched them get
married. And suddenly everybody was
changed into picnic casual – except for me and my niece – though her skirt and
vest were a lot more casual than the white strapless dress that I was wearing –
a dress that was pretty, but one that I personally would NEVER wear in real
life. Not in front of others
anyway. Not to a picnic. And certainly not to the temple.
And suddenly my thoughts turned to
weddings past and things that had been missed out on. I tried to shut it out. I was tired.
It was early and I wanted to sleep still. But I finally got up and turned on the
computer and started reading through many of the comments left on this post.
So often we allow ourselves to feel
unloved, useless or unwhole because of certain comments made in society or by
the Church. We are told that we need to
fit into this perfect mold, this compact Mormon box – and if you have feminist
thoughts or same sex attraction or if you don’t go to the temple a certain
amount of days or if you wear open-toed shoes without hose to Church or if you
don’t volunteer for at least every other canning assignment – well, you just
don’t fit into the box and you need to repent and turn your life around. And if you don’t, you are not worthy of the “Mormon
Box” Club.
The young women of the church are
taught values.One of these values is
Individual Worth. This is defined as individuals, each with her own divine
mission which she will strive to fulfill – “for the worth of souls is great in
the sight of God”.
I don’t believe he is looking for carbon
copies but expects us to be true to Him but also true to ourselves – even though
sometimes the two may seem to conflict.We still have to find what makes us happy and stay true to who we are
meant to be regardless of path others may follow or think that we should
follow.No matter how we act or what we
do or who we are or how we dress – we will NEVER PLEASE ALL PEOPLE – we all
have our own differences, our own personal taste, our own individual
worth.It’s important that we remain TRUE
TO OURSELVES.We have all been given the
same guidelines but are still free to make our own choices and receive our own
personal revelations.
And sometimes these personal revelations
may conflict with the teachings of the Church – or our own interpretations of
those teachings anyway. My brother gave
up his membership to be with his partner – someone he would like to be with not
just on this earth life but throughout all eternity. It is something he
pondered about and struggled with for a long long time. And he knows (as well as many others) that the
decision made was right for him. But the
path that he’s on may not be the right one for all homosexuals. He’s on a divine mission with several bumps
in the road. God has given him that
unique gift of smoothing the path that others may follow. He is a pioneer.
Neither Corey nor his partner chose to feel same sex attraction. Really, why would an individual
subject himself (or herserlf) to choose being shunned, misunderstood, or have
suicidal thoughts because he or she does not measure up to Club Society or the Mormon
Box? Why would one choose to be closeted
and live life in fear because the feelings and emotions that one may experience
don’t jive with what is being taught. If
one does decide to come out of the closet, he or she risks being rejected by
friends, family members, society . . . because why? Because there is that desire to be true to
oneself and to be accepted and not ridiculed for not measuring up? So they are not entititled to the same
blessings anymore? Seriously? Is that really how God works?
Stake Conference is in just a few
weeks. It is most likely that a new
president will be announced. My husband
may be considered for the position – perhaps NOT as the stake president but a
counselor maybe – though it is the president who will have to pray and find
revelation to call his own counselors – Roland is being considered.
And here I am not wanting to jeopardize
his enthusiasm but still feeling desire for Corey and others to feel more than
just a sense of belonging verbally (though many don’t even get that) – but to
continue with membership if they so desire – to be able to take the sacrament
again. Especially when they are so
strong in the gospel in Spirit – but their names have been removed, their
membership diminished. And still there are many who remain closeted and hope
the feelings will go away, that they don’t bring shame to anyone, who try to
live up to the Church’s expectations but are not happy with themselves.
It wasn’t until after I returned from my temple
recommend interview that I questioned myself – had I answered the questions honestly? I had at the time that I gave them. It came so automatic that I hadn’t questioned
it at the time of the interview. But I
suppose I do sympathize with a group whose teachings are different from what is
taught in the LDS Church.
Thus far I haven’t acted upon it – such as
campaigning for their cause by going door to door or holding picket signs or
what have you – and probably wouldn’t because of Roland’s position. He doesn’t have the same understanding that I
have acquired. And I did have to acquire
it – for I once agreed with every single message I’d received from the leaders
of the church and would ask no questions.
Now I view the homosexuals as a fellow Christian trying to save her
Jewish friends during Hitler’s reign.
Will society make the homosexuals put
bands upon their clothes – similar to the star of David (perhaps a rainbow –
God’s sign of promise) – so that we will know?
Will we all the sudden treat our family and friends like lower class
citizens – as though they are less important?
Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. The worth of ALL souls not just straight
souls, not just green souls, not just female souls . . . . fortunately God’s worth
is so much greater than that of men. For
God is not the one who labels us and classifies us into categories of tolerance. We are all worth more to Him than men can
even comprehend.
Recently (on Youtube) I watched excerpts
of Oprah’s interview with Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka and viewed it as
such a sweet relationship and thought of what a remarkable love went in to
planning their offspring and how incredibly blessed they all are. And yet they have surely received criticism
by many who refuse to understand, who refuse to see the miracle that has taken
place between them, who view them with Pharisee eyes. I really appreciate Oprah’s
“ah’hah” moment that she shares in the last 15 seconds of this video.
A straight couple can have an unwanted baby
on accident, but a gay couple has to plan and save and jump through legal
hurdles to have a child, and so I would think there would be more love invested
in that child (or children) We’re
people. We are all people. We’re not star bellied sneetches – though many
of us act like we are.
Last May the bishop (leader) of our
ward (Church boundary) had some major health problems along with his second
counselor. My husband, who was serving
as the High Priest Group Leader, said to me that if the bishop had passed away
during that time, the mantle would have been handed to him and he would have
had to step into the bishop’s shoes (metaphorically speaking) until a new one
was called.
I don’t know how soon the first
counselor (at the time of our ailing bishop) was called to take over the position of bishop. But my husband was called as his first
counselor. It was to be his fourth
calling in less than two years.
But his second counselor holds the
record of short lived callings. He had
been called as a Sunday School teacher – I don’t know for how many months. He was released in order to serve as a
counselor in the Elder’s Quorum. The week
after he was put in the Elder’s Quorum position, it was announced that he would be the new second
counselor of the bishopric. He had lived
in the ward for only six months.
So last June we got our new bishopric:
our 32 year old Caucasian bishop, my 56 year old husband (of Hispanic decent) and a 34
year old fireball from the Philippines Our new bishopric resembled that of an Oreo Cookie. This last Friday the second counselor and his wife moved out of the
ward. We all knew it was coming. Today they spoke in Sacrament meeting.
The first speaker was his wife – she gave
an awesome talk about staying on course.
She had two comparisons of wanting to “change lanes” and trying to “hurry
things along”.
Her first example was/is one that many
of us are guilty of. We drop by the
store to pick up whatever. We happen to be in a hurry and the lines are
seemingly never-ending long. (She must have been at a Wal-Mart)
The specific example she used was a
woman with a fidgety child. She was in
the express line and saw another line open up – but was still behind two or
three people. And for whatever reason, the
line stopped moving.
The child continued to fidget and the
woman jumped in and out of lines causing her more anguish. As the speaker checked out, she looked back
to see the woman behind three groups of people.
If she had just stayed in line to begin with, she would have been next.
The other example she used was in
passing trucks on the highway. She has
learned that when she is in the left hand lane and she sees a semi signal to
come over, she will allow it to come into her lane knowing that once it has
passed its obstacle, it will go back over into the right.
She says that non-understanding
drivers will be upset that she has allowed a truck in and will attempt to pass
both of them, swerve into the right hand lane, floor it and will have to slam
on the breaks in order to avoid the obstacle that the truck driver was trying
to avoid in the first place.
So instead of passing this speaker and
the truck, the “hurried” driver has to wait for the truck, the speaker, and
whatever cars behind her before he or she can move back into the left lane –
which defeats the purpose for having gone into the right lane to begin with.
What’s the big deal? Sure, being behind a truck is not always
ideal – but a truck in the left lane is not going to be in the left lane for
very long. Trucking takes
experience. The drivers have a better
view of things from where they are sitting.
Sometimes we need to trust that they know what they’re doing and show a
little patience.
Same with our Father in Heaven. He can see a whole lot further down the road
than we can. We need to trust in Him and
stay on course and not be in a hurry to get around what we think is unnecessary. If we just accept the “slowness” as part of
the plan to begin with and stay on course, our journey will be a lot smoother.
The speaker compared moments in her
life when she herself wanted to switch lanes thinking they might get her to her
spiritual destination at a faster pace, but would end up becoming discouraged
or frustrated, but would have a better understanding about WHY when she finally
did arrive where she thought she wanted to go.
And continues to go.
She’s experienced so much anxiety over
this last move – not wanting to leave but needing to. And now that they are moved she is more at
peace. And now has a better understanding
at staying on course and having faith in God who is ahead of us seeing all.
It was a really good talk. I did have more to go with my notes. Rather than elaborate further though, I can
create some new posts out of what’s remaining.