Roland has often told me about different dreams that he’s had and always concludes with, “What do you think it means?”
Dreams are just that. Some are bizaare. Some are wonderful. Some you hope to never “dream” again. And perhaps some do have meaning. Truthfully, I don’t place too much value in dreams. I think that is how God communicated to his children at one time – and perhaps still does to some – though I think the methods of communication have broadened sufficiently since then. My personal opinion is that, overall, dreams really don’t mean a whole lot.
Still, I often have crazy dreams that I will write down or share just because they are so bizarre. And sometimes I ask myself what would have caused me to dream it. But I never go into depth about the possible symbolism that may (or may not) exist.
Last night I dreamed my nephew-in-law was getting married. The strange part about my dream is that I don’t think it was to my niece – though I don’t remember getting a good look at the bride’s face. But physically she looked too short and not quite so thin as my niece, Ellen. Actually I don’t recall remembering any of the wedding party – except for my niece (Ellen’s sister) who is currently in junior high right now.
I believe the marriage itself was in the temple. I know I watched them get married. And suddenly everybody was changed into picnic casual – except for me and my niece – though her skirt and vest were a lot more casual than the white strapless dress that I was wearing – a dress that was pretty, but one that I personally would NEVER wear in real life. Not in front of others anyway. Not to a picnic. And certainly not to the temple.
And suddenly my thoughts turned to weddings past and things that had been missed out on. I tried to shut it out. I was tired. It was early and I wanted to sleep still. But I finally got up and turned on the computer and started reading through many of the comments left on this post.
So often we allow ourselves to feel unloved, useless or unwhole because of certain comments made in society or by the Church. We are told that we need to fit into this perfect mold, this compact Mormon box – and if you have feminist thoughts or same sex attraction or if you don’t go to the temple a certain amount of days or if you wear open-toed shoes without hose to Church or if you don’t volunteer for at least every other canning assignment – well, you just don’t fit into the box and you need to repent and turn your life around. And if you don’t, you are not worthy of the “Mormon Box” Club.
The young women of the church are taught values. One of these values is Individual Worth. This is defined as individuals, each with her own divine mission which she will strive to fulfill – “for the worth of souls is great in the sight of God”.
I don’t believe he is looking for carbon copies but expects us to be true to Him but also true to ourselves – even though sometimes the two may seem to conflict. We still have to find what makes us happy and stay true to who we are meant to be regardless of path others may follow or think that we should follow. No matter how we act or what we do or who we are or how we dress – we will NEVER PLEASE ALL PEOPLE – we all have our own differences, our own personal taste, our own individual worth. It’s important that we remain TRUE TO OURSELVES. We have all been given the same guidelines but are still free to make our own choices and receive our own personal revelations.
And sometimes these personal revelations may conflict with the teachings of the Church – or our own interpretations of those teachings anyway. My brother gave up his membership to be with his partner – someone he would like to be with not just on this earth life but throughout all eternity. It is something he pondered about and struggled with for a long long time. And he knows (as well as many others) that the decision made was right for him. But the path that he’s on may not be the right one for all homosexuals. He’s on a divine mission with several bumps in the road. God has given him that unique gift of smoothing the path that others may follow. He is a pioneer.
Neither Corey nor his partner chose to feel same sex attraction. Really, why would an individual subject himself (or herserlf) to choose being shunned, misunderstood, or have suicidal thoughts because he or she does not measure up to Club Society or the Mormon Box? Why would one choose to be closeted and live life in fear because the feelings and emotions that one may experience don’t jive with what is being taught. If one does decide to come out of the closet, he or she risks being rejected by friends, family members, society . . . because why? Because there is that desire to be true to oneself and to be accepted and not ridiculed for not measuring up? So they are not entititled to the same blessings anymore? Seriously? Is that really how God works?
Stake Conference is in just a few weeks. It is most likely that a new president will be announced. My husband may be considered for the position – perhaps NOT as the stake president but a counselor maybe – though it is the president who will have to pray and find revelation to call his own counselors – Roland is being considered.
And here I am not wanting to jeopardize his enthusiasm but still feeling desire for Corey and others to feel more than just a sense of belonging verbally (though many don’t even get that) – but to continue with membership if they so desire – to be able to take the sacrament again. Especially when they are so strong in the gospel in Spirit – but their names have been removed, their membership diminished. And still there are many who remain closeted and hope the feelings will go away, that they don’t bring shame to anyone, who try to live up to the Church’s expectations but are not happy with themselves.
It wasn’t until after I returned from my temple recommend interview that I questioned myself – had I answered the questions honestly? I had at the time that I gave them. It came so automatic that I hadn’t questioned it at the time of the interview. But I suppose I do sympathize with a group whose teachings are different from what is taught in the LDS Church.
Thus far I haven’t acted upon it – such as campaigning for their cause by going door to door or holding picket signs or what have you – and probably wouldn’t because of Roland’s position. He doesn’t have the same understanding that I have acquired. And I did have to acquire it – for I once agreed with every single message I’d received from the leaders of the church and would ask no questions. Now I view the homosexuals as a fellow Christian trying to save her Jewish friends during Hitler’s reign.
Will society make the homosexuals put bands upon their clothes – similar to the star of David (perhaps a rainbow – God’s sign of promise) – so that we will know? Will we all the sudden treat our family and friends like lower class citizens – as though they are less important? Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. The worth of ALL souls not just straight souls, not just green souls, not just female souls . . . . fortunately God’s worth is so much greater than that of men. For God is not the one who labels us and classifies us into categories of tolerance. We are all worth more to Him than men can even comprehend.
Recently (on Youtube) I watched excerpts of Oprah’s interview with Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka and viewed it as such a sweet relationship and thought of what a remarkable love went in to planning their offspring and how incredibly blessed they all are. And yet they have surely received criticism by many who refuse to understand, who refuse to see the miracle that has taken place between them, who view them with Pharisee eyes. I really appreciate Oprah’s “ah’hah” moment that she shares in the last 15 seconds of this video.
A straight couple can have an unwanted baby on accident, but a gay couple has to plan and save and jump through legal hurdles to have a child, and so I would think there would be more love invested in that child (or children) We’re people. We are all people. We’re not star bellied sneetches – though many of us act like we are.