Hardened Heart: If I can’t be happy, NO ONE can!

          For those of you interested in the “Once Upon a Time” series and have NOT watched the April 1^st episode in which we learn why Regina is such a witch, you may want to watch it before continuing to read this post as I’m about to reveal a spoiler.

          Flashback to a scene where a horse rider and stable boy are embracing and she expresses her love to him.  But it is a forbidden love – one that her mother just wouldn’t understand.

          I was actually trying to figure out what fairytale it was – and why the female character looked so familiar.  (I didn’t realize it was Lana Parrilla until she said the name of her character;  I hadn’t recognized her as that character because she was nice – likeable – not the character she became – the one we love to hate)

          As she is expressing her love to the stable boy (Daniel) a horse can be seen charging with a girl rider who is screaming for help.  Regina saves her.  She introduces herself to the girl and learns that the girl’s name is Snow White.

          The king tells Regina that Snow White is his daughter and has no mother.  He has been looking for someone and tells Regina he has found her.  He wishes to marry Regina.

          Regina’s mother, played by Barbara Hershey, is overjoyed.  She believes “power” is what brings happiness and accepts his proposal on behalf of Regina.  Regina is devastated.  She doesn’t love the king.  Why would her mother speak for her.  She loved Daniel.

          Regina looks for Daniel in the stables and tells him she wants them to run away and get married.  As they are kissing, Snow White enters the stable and feels like Regina has betrayed her father.  But Regina explains to Snow that she does not love her father and she would like to marry the stable boy.

          She explains to Snow what true love is.  She explains a bit about the relationship she has with her mother.  And begs Snow to keep her secret.

          But Regina’s mom tricks Snow into revealing Regina’s secret.  She goes into the stable to announce to Regina and Daniel that she supports their love and would like to see them be happy – and then she kills Daniel.  She stabs him right in front of Regina. Regina is mortified.

          Seeing Regina in her white bridal gown, Snow compliments her on her appearance and makes a comment in favor of Daniel.  Puzzled, Regina explains that she is NOT marrying Daniel but is wearing the dress for the king.  She seems in a sad daze until Snow mentions that she doesn’t understand as Barbara Hershey’s character said she would be happy to welcome Daniel into the family.

          It is at that moment that Regina realizes that Snow has betrayed her secret.  Snow says she didn’t want Regina to lose her mother and be without, for Snow understood the importance of having a mother.  It is in that moment Regina transforms into a cold unfeeling serpent – even worse than her mother.  She is no longer the kind, feeling person who had expressed love to the stable boy.  She is a bitter witch who seeks vengeance on everybody.  Not just Snow.  Everybody.  Emotions deeper than hate have buried her heart.  It looks as though she may never feel again.

          And though the characters of Snow White and Regina aren’t real people, the emotions are real.  Being consumed by bitterness is real.  We all know people who fit the mold.  And it is sad to watch them and even give up hope that they can ever shed their slithery skin.

          Yul Brynner played Rameses in 1956 movie “The Ten Commandments”.  For me he started out evil.  There was no love.  No positive emotion. I never saw that character as anything but heartless.  But in 1998, Dreamworks released the animated version “Prince of Egypt” portraying Ramses in a different light.  He and Moses were friends.  They had had fun together.  And Rameses threw away all those emotions based on pride.  It hurt to watch him change from a human being into a unfeeling or uncaring ruler.  A serpent who would feast upon rats – and all mankind became his rats.

          I just don’t understand these people who experience this traumatic turmoil so consumed with bitterness that they want to ruin the lives of every other living human being.  And for what?  After a while they seem like they are so consumed up in evil that they forget what got them there in the first place.  Is there any way for any of us to get that spark back for them? Or are there hearts so hardened that there is no turning back?  Not ever.

          I would rather help these people than be afraid of them, or even feel sorry for them.  Not that I personally know anybody who is that heartless.  But I know they exist. 

          I guess it depends on their priorities.  Unfortunately, for some of those that are in power, the focus is on making others miserable.  That is the part that I don’t understand.  Why do they feel that is satisfying?  They are still as miserable as they were when the bitterness set in.  How do we get rid of the darkness that consumes them?

Happy April Fool’s Day

General Conference has been cancelled due to the weather

The IRS is sending 700 dollar checks to everyone who has sent their paper work already.  These checks will be sent issued in June.

Gas prices are expected to go down by the end of this year.  You will see happier people with extra money in their pockets as they will be able to fill their tanks at less than two dollars a gallon.

Mitt Romney has dropped out of the Presidential election

NBC has decided to rerelease the original three seasons of Star Trek in prime time.  If the three seasons are as well received as they hope, they will start the forth season with a look-alike cast.  Auditions are scheduled to take place next month.

Ocean Spray has a new product in the makings.  It is called “Pine-berry” jam.  It is a combination of pineapples and cranberries.  This product has been introduced to consumers as a sample and has been very well received.  Pine-berry jam is expected to hit the super markets and other stores later on this fall.

Disney has negotiated a contract for a movie to be released next summer.  The writer of the script presented his offer of “Winnie-the-Pooh meets the Three Bears” but died before the script was written in its entirety.  A new writer was hired, but as the script became too dark and violent for the producers of the Disney films, the project was dropped.  The new writer is currently undergoing psychological evaluation.

We really DID win the Lottery! We plan to invest a good portion of it into the pine-berry jam.

April Fool.

We Didn’t Win the Lottery

The owner of a convenient store in Preston, Idaho was interviewed about his selling the Mega Million tickets for last night’s lottery.  Still a chance to purchase.

They don’t have the lottery in Utah, and so one has to go across the border to make purchases.  Over half a billion dollars.  It is mind boggling really.  I think 20,000 would be mind boggling.  Our account has never seen more than 4,000 at a time (and it went quickly.  Always does)

So Roland comes home yesterday and recaps the news story and asks what I would do with that much money.

“Well, first I would pay off all our bills.  I would buy new cars (or drivable cars rather) for ourselves and for Bill and Kayla (as they are also experiencing the sluggish dying car thing) and move.  Definitely move.  We could purchase a duplex near Jenna’s school.  Bill and Kayla could live on one side and we could live on the other.”

“You’ve got half a billion dollars.  Half a billion.”

Roland always has been a dreamer.  I can’t fathom that much.  Wouldn’t want to. 

“Why don’t we just give a huge chunk of it to the church – let them figure it out.”

“They won’t take it”

“Oh, yeah.  Hmmm . . .”

The reason he had asked me was because there was a guy from his office who had decided to drive up to Preston yesterday.  He had asked his co-workers who would like a ticket.  Roland contributed a whole dollar.  He showed me the ticket.  Impressive.

There are actually a lot of sick babies in my sister’s ward (a geographical boundary for the LDS church) that are in hospitals, and you know that comes with an expensive price tag – even with insurance – though I don’t imagine anyone living in that area really has that great of insurance.

Bill has a nephew who’s been in and out of hospitals since birth – not to mention all the medical expenses of Bill’s late wife.

Now the possibilities become endless for us.  We’ll hire an attorney and pay bills anonymously.  We can move out of state and Roland could become a shark and make decisions about investing in unique products. We can make even more money which we could give to the Church and we can still assist and support charities.

We could . . .

But alas, we did not win.  We didn’t have enough to collect a consolation.  Well, cool.  I didn’t want all that responsibility anyway.

happiness and JOY

What is it that makes each of us happy? For many of us it consists of simple everyday things – intangible at that.  We enjoy freedoms.  We enjoy seeing pleasure or satisfaction displayed on the face of another.  Smiles, clean water, sunshine, rain, playing games or enjoying other activities with close friends or family members.  The associations we have built up for ourselves.  Serving others.

          I am not a morning person, but I enjoy hearing Jenna singing in the morning.  It makes me happy to know that she is happy.  And I know that she is happy when she’s singing.

          Experiencing joy is different from one’s definition of happiness. Happiness can come from material things – perhaps not permanently, but rather on a temporary scale.  We seek pleasures or feel contentment.  Riding a bike makes Jenna happy.

          But joy seems to bring a higher satisfaction.  Perhaps Jenna has not mastered the bike completely.  It still gives her pleasure and great satisfaction to ride it – but the pure joy shown on her face the day she realized that she could do it by herself.  She didn’t need daddy constantly at her side or training wheels or any kind of assistance.  She had accomplished something!  That smile said it all.

          So may be the joy in a teen who gets the drivers license, first car, marriage certificate, diploma, awards, whatever.  Or with a grandparent who embraces his grandchild. I think the joy remains with the grandparent, but tends to lose value with the other things mentioned.

          Oh, there is still happiness there.  The freedoms of driving, framed awards and certificates that still mean something – but tend to blend in with the wall over time, and often taken for granted.  Often people are taken for granted, and that’s too bad.

          If we work on the things that truly make us happy and find joy in our everyday lives, how much more desirable we will be as human beings.  Let us spread the joy that we feel so that others may pass it on also.

Jenna's Fort

          Roland and I purchased a playground set for Jenna the year that she turned three.  The set included two swings, a glider, sandbox frame, picnic table, slide and fort.  I must have taken at least a hundred pictures of Roland and our boys putting it together.

          Jenna loved her fort.  When we moved, we dissembled it and put it back together about five months after we moved.  We like the yard here so much better than in our first house.  But she doesn’t seem to spend near as much time there as she used to.  I suspect she’s just outgrowing it.

Over the years I’ve repainted at least twice.  And the wind has torn away the green nylon roof.  On the lawn itself one can find pieces of board that were initially attached to the play set. 

When (if) we ever leave this house and move again, the fort will stay for the new owners to deal with.  Hopefully they will have little ones who will love the fort as much as Jenna has.  They will have to buy some new sand.

Humor from Children’s Programming

          There are several programs that we know our child has seen at least ten times just this month.  It’s true that many episodes get repeated.  But just as often, many programs just start sounding the same after a while.

          I love the laughable things that are said.  Jenna and I can laugh at the same program, but usually at different parts.  And usually whatever is funny to me makes her wonder exactly why I am laughing.

          There was one time (before Jenna had started going to preschool for four days a week) when she was in my bedroom watching Sesame Street.  I had just finished folding clothes and was going in and out of different rooms and putting the folded laundry away.  So I wasn’t watching Sesame Street, but was in the room long enough to hear this dialogue between Maria and Telly.

          First she praised Baby Bear for having guessed the last sound (I think a horse) correctly.  The next sound was a “vroom, vroom . . .” like that of a motorcycle. 

          Maria asks Telly if he can guess the sound.  He thinks about it before answering that “. . . it sounds like a bunch of lactose intolerant antelope ate a bunch of cottage cheese . . .”

          Jenna didn’t see any humor in it whatsoever and couldn’t figure out why I was laughing. That wasn’t the correct answer.

          Oswald is a unique cartoon that features three friends, Oswald, a purple octopus; Henry, an uptight persnickety penguin; and Daisy – well, a daisy.  They live in a city with some odd shaped buildings like a guitar and teepee.  Other characters include Steve, a tree; Egbert and Leo (egg brothers) Madam Butterfly and her baby caterpillar, Catrina and Johnny the snowman.     

          Oswald is the peacemaker of the show. Usually resolving issues among the different characters.  Usually between Henry and Daisy.  Henry says things that make me laugh – just because he’s so self-centered and persnickety.

          Peep is a cartoon narrated by Joan Cusack.  It involves three foul: Quack – a blue duck; Chirp, a red robin; and Peep, a fairly new yellow chick.  Chirp is the know-it-all who tries to put Quack in his place, and Quack never gets it.  His character reminds me a little bit of Oswald’s Henry – only younger.

          Martha’s voice (from Martha Speaks) alone is enough to make me laugh.  I don’t know what it is about the voice – but it’s not one that I personally could never hear and be able to take it seriously.

          But I think the program I laugh the most at is “Arthur”.  Though I am guilty of having watched Oswald and Peep,  I only hear pieces of Arthur.

          Arthur:        What makes feel so stressed is –

          Buster cuts him off:  a bear?

          A:                I was going to say a test

          B:       Why worry about a test?  I think I’d be much more worried

about a bear

          Even DW (I can’t stand that whiny character) made me laugh in one episode when Pal (the dog) is trying to eat her sandwich and DW says, “Hey, I don’t go around trying to eat your dog food, do I?”

          I suppose it depends on my frame of mind.  It’s nice to be able to laugh.

What’s up with the weather?!

        Last year we were pretty much gypped out of a spring.  Jenna’s birthday is in spring.  The park seems the most ideal place to hold it as the majority of her friends live close by – but as the weather changes from day to day (often drastically) and it’s hard to make plans.

          I would love the weather to be the temperature it was on March 24-25 weekend.  Even the 22^nd was very beautiful and breathable.  23^rd was a bit windier than I’d like.  Wind seems to cause fatigue and I am so tired of being tired all the time.

          This morning the sun was so bright I was almost afraid to drive toward its glare.  The afternoon brought darkness.  Did I just make up this morning.  It’s so gloomy out right now, one might think the sun has already set. 

          Last year’s summer brought rain.  Lots of rain.  The rivers rose high – some so high that the moisture sopped over into the roads – and some actually had to be shut down.  It was a wet wet summer.  Didn’t get our usual amount of heat.  I can deal with that. 

          And the last two winters haven’t brought much in the way of snow – something else I can deal with.  I like it in the mountains and think it is quite awesome looking when it sparkles through the naked trees – but I really don’t enjoy driving in it.  I actually don’t know anybody who does.

          I haven’t believed the forecast for the last 15 years or so.  I’ve got a window.  It’s more reliable.  Well sometimes. 

          I’ve changed clothes into more appropriate attire only to find the weather has changed in less than five minutes.  Sometimes I’ll wear a sweat shirt with shorts.  I figure I’m dressed for the change and half of me seems prepared anyway.

Compromising Values & Sacrificing Balance

      
         None of us have been given more time in any given day or week or month or year.  None of us have more than 24 hours to spare in each day or more than seven days in any given week.  Some people have the gift of budgeting their time wisely.  Some people are better at prioritizing.  Some people know how to compromise their time.  Some people haven’t a clue.

          Each of us has priorities and circumstances and situations that are unique to our own individual lives.  Often we will include others in the time that we have given.  Often we do things by choice – sometimes by situation or circumstance.  It’s amazing how there are some who can utilize their time to the fullest while others get swallowed up and lost with the short amount of time that they have.

          I would personally like to experience a sense of balance equally – perhaps leaning more to a larger chunk devoted to my family and less to the business – which would be null if there weren’t bills to pay.

          There’s some who have become doctors, actors/actresses, military personal and what have you.  Often careers will take precedence over the family (depending on the individual) whether intentional or not. 

          And then there are unplanned circumstances such as law suits, failing health, sudden deaths or jury duty that certainly don’t fit into our already full agendas.  So we are still making sacrifices – perhaps more often with those unexpected situations.

          There have been recent posts on my facebook home page that have been made from the hospital.  One has a child whose lungs are not working correctly.  One has a son who’s been in and out of hospitals since the day that he was born. He’s had MRI’s and other treatments.  Each time they celebrate a birthday with him, they wonder if it will be his last.

          We also have health news about a young father who has been in the hospital for a week now.  Descriptions of his flushed skin make it sound as though he is close to death’s door. 

          And then I see pictures posted by those on prestigious vacations.  It seems so unfair.  They are spending huge amounts of money while so many others struggle.  But again, I don’t know what sacrifices they have made to get there – or will make.

          Some of us drop what we’re doing to aid our family members, while others put in long hours just to meet expenses or to honor written contracts or just to be away from family. 

          So what makes us happy?  Our families?  Our careers?  Certainly not watching a love one suffer due to illness or accident.  But is there comfort in our presence?  Each person deals with pain in a different way.  And what may be painful to others might not be so painful to somebody else.

          Take death for instance.  My family members have dealt with death many times.  Most have been expected or non-surprising rather, while some have come on sudden.  They have been friends, neighbors, co-workers or family members.  Some we have known well.  Others we’ve only been acquainted with.  But our attitude towards the death itself is pretty much the same.  It happens. We must move on.  And we do.

          Some people are surprised at just how quickly we move on.  It’s a choice.  It’s knowledge.  There is no reason to dwell on what “might have been” or stop living for ourselves because we can’t get past our mourning state.  It happens.

         

          Money, like time, needs to be prioritized.  We need structure and balance in our life.  We need to decide what is most important to us and at what cost.  If we are wise and prayful, maybe one day we really can have it all.

For Heaven’s Sake, Clean Up After Yourselves

Last week we were cleaning the Church and I was asked to sweep the stage.  I sent Jenna to the room that’s just above the stage.  I’ve heard others refer to it as the ping pong room.  I also learned that three or four plastic Christmas trees live there as well.

The room doesn’t get used a whole lot and not all the wards (a geographical boundary of those who attend an assigned LDS Church building) will even think about cleaning up there (there are three wards that meet in our building; one in particular has a not so great reputation as far as cleaning and discipline go – I’m guessing it was someone from that ward who created the mess that Jenna discovered)

Popcorn everywhere, broken ping pong paddles, tape . . . what was an adult thinking?  We found a cub scout CD, burp cloth and roll of tape.  Are you kidding me?  I don’t believe it was a scout leader from our ward.  I believe it was a mother absorbed in the infant she must have had with her and didn’t care that her other children were running wild.

Now, I can understand the desire of having fun – and perhaps throwing popcorn at one another was giving them a thrill.  But for heaven’s sake, you do not leave a place trashed like that in hopes that somebody else will clean it up.  Had I been the leader, I would have made the children get on all fours and pick up each kernel of popcorn with his teeth. 

I remember a sign posted in the cafeteria at various places (usually a work environment) reminding those patrons of the cafeteria or lunch room to clean up after themselves because “your mother doesn’t work here”

Give me a break.  Clean your mess at home.  You’re an adult.  This mother will pick up after the infant or toddler that doesn’t know any better.  Once you can reach the sink, table, garbage can, etc.  you need to do it!  You should do it.  Show some respect!

Hidden Talents

We all have gifts and talents that are perhaps unique to other people, perhaps the same, perhaps what sets us apart. Some talents just seem to come naturally while others are mastered or simply given up on.  Unfortunately some talents go unrecognized or are lost due to lack of sharing.

          Jenna is really great with math.  I pushed her into believing that it is awesome so that she might understand it on her own.  She starts third grade next year and I’m thinking it may become too complex for my brain.

          Math is something I didn’t figure I would ever ask her brothers to assistance for. Math is just NOT their forte.  Actually I am more confident in my own math skills than I would ever be in Biff’s.  His talent lies within animal charmer and puzzle awareness.

          Lately Jenna’s math homework has consisted with fractions.  The example showed the shape being broken into other shapes (ex. A hexagon divided into 6 triangles) The first two problems showed two shapes – the first was two to six times bigger than the second shape – the fraction.  Jenna drew lines over the first shape to make shapes equal to the second (ex – 2 triangles in a square).  The first two problems had shapes that could be drawn into the first shape in equal amounts.  It was the two shapes on the third problem which threw both of us off.

          As I was trying to find the second shape (diamond/rhombus) inside of the first shape (a trapezoid) I just wasn’t getting it.  Biff came into the room and I handed him the paper and asked him to figure it – knowing full well that he would have it within seconds – which he did.  Oh, so obvious.  A diamond and triangle made up the trapezoid – or three triangles.  The second shape was 1/3 of the first shape.  Certainly we would have gotten it eventually – but not near as quickly as he did.  How awesome is that?

          We had discovered Biff’s “hidden” talent the day that Jenna brought home a puzzle ball – which she broke apart before I could even look at it.  Roland and I struggled with the six pieces trying to turn it back into a ball while Biff had put it together three times in less than one minute (while Jenna enthusiacally broke it apart each time and eagerly watching Biff put it back together again)

          Jenna has been able to draw and cut out perfect looking hearts since she was three. I still have a hard time with hearts – unless I am tracing a heart shaped box or template.  Drawing and cutting are not talents that I possess.  I have always admired those that draw well and those who continue to make it a talent.  I think all of my family members draw well.  My brother’s wife and children also have artistic talent.

          And then there’s the talent of making friends – having others drawn to you out of respect or pleasure.  This is a talent that seems to come naturally for my husband, my sister-in-law and youngest son.  Others struggle with trying to make new friends or socialize at all.  But it is a talent that can be developed.

             There’s the talent of being able to recognize and utilize the talents of others.  One of the best examples of someone who possessed the talent of being able to recognize and utilize the talents of others was Roger Bushell, who was a flight lieutenant with the 601 Squadron in the British military.

          Roger had many talents – academically, athletic, his passion for flying and a talent for defending the accused. When he was sent to an “escape proof” prison camp in November 1942.  His master mind is what inspired the movie, “The Great Escape” which included many details that were actually used among the prisoners under his direction.

          He was able to scout out and utilize the talents of every single prisoner – even those who claimed they wanted nothing to do with his plan.  Some (such as the character “Hilts”, a prisoner portrayed by Steve McQueen) were certain they could escape without the assistance or aide or the other 300 – 600 who planned to escape out the tunnel.  Bushell also used that to his advantage explaining that if the soldiers kept their focus on the “Hilts” of the camp, they may not notice the teamwork taking place into digging and building the tunnels among other things.

          It’s important for each of us to share our talents with others.  To give and take and learn from and appreciate one another. I hope one day to recognize and utilize others’ talents as did Bushell.  What a marvelous gift!

         

The Joys of a Novelty Eraser

          I recently assisted at the book fair at Jenna’s school.  Jenna really wanted me to buy her a purple eraser shaped like a lap top.  I knew it would be a waste of money, but she demonstrated great behavior for the two hours we were there and so I wanted to reward her.

Scholastic offered a “buy one get one free” on all merchandise.  And so I made a purchase for a much needed pencil sharpener and got the eraser for free. 

It broke as she was removing it from the package. 

“No problem.” She said as she proceeded to fix it. 

After a couple of times of disconnecting and repairing, a piece fell off making it “unrepairable”  You would think her best friend had just been run over by a semi the way she carried on. (At least I would hope she would display the same devastation for an actual human being that she did for that stupid eraser – which actually does NOT erase)

So this morning I put a pin through the eraser – which may end up destroying it more than it already is. But she was satisfied with my repair job.  And proceeded to seek more enjoyment from her palm sized lap top than I have ever seen one experience before. (

She punched her false keys and made an account onto facebook adding the names of her friends and chatting her conversations aloud.  Perhaps I was wrong about it being a waste of money.  I didn’t realize it was going to become such a “real” item for her. 

I wish we could all experience that same amount of joy and find pleasure in that which seems so insignificant.  What a fine example my daughter has been to me. 

Harriet Oleson: Overcoming Pride

Katherine MacGregor played Harriet Oleson on Michael Landon’s “Little House on the Prarie” No character in all of Walnut Grove was as prideful and full of herself as much as Harriet Oleson – though daughter Nellie came close and was replaced by an even nastier Nancy, who may have succeeded in presenting herself as more superior than even Harriet (who had actually softened up somewhat in later episodes)

Unfortunately all of us know “Harriet Olesons” We go to Church with them.  We listen to their snideful comments about those they refer to as “sinners” and watch them attempt to put themselves on a pedestal by putting others down.  It seems the harder they try to discriminate and sway others to believe the same way as they do – the less desireable they are at passing off themselves. 

Why is it that Harriet Oleson believes she is so superior to every single person?  Does she also feel that she is more superior to God, himself? Because there is no way that prideful of a person would ever recognize the Savior if He were standing in front of her. In a literal sense, I mean.  For it is quite obvious that the Mrs. Olsen’s of this world have missed the boat figuratively.

How can someone who is so feared and obviously NOT respected by others believe that she’s so great?  Greatness is measured by the admiration and the respect from others – not by blowing one’s own horn. And certainly not by putting others down and stepping over them in a vain attempt to reach an unachievable goal.

I used to be a Harriet Oleson.  (At least I hope it’s in the past). I know I’m not perfect – but I don’t think I’m so high and mighty that I can’t benefit from my interaction with others.  I know that I have been a snob in the past.  Gosh, I hope I’ve improved.  Still far from being humble, but at least I’ve learned acceptance.  At least I know now how to defend.

The theme in our last stake (geographical boundary) conference was on love and service.  To love and serve ALL people regardless of their mental state, appearance, background and so forth.  We are all people.  We are all children of our Heavenly Father. It’s high time we shed our “Harriet Oleson” personalities.  But then they are a part of ALL people and may need love even more than the ones that they try to discriminate.  And that is a tough challenge – loving the prideful.  The ones we don’t believe will ever change.

I think the thing that is most mind boggling to me is how in the world did she end up with somebody like Nels in the first place?  And what made him stay with her for all those years?