The Devastation of Adolescence and Experiencing Peter Pan Syndrome

         When Jenna was two and three, she insisted that Roland stop calling her the baby.  “I am a big girlr” she’d inform us (actually I don’t remember the exact pronunciation; she said it as one syllable, but it sounded like she had an extra ‘r’ at the end.)

         When she started to go through adolescence, she no longer wished to be a big girl.  She wanted to be like her hero, Peter Pan – without having to move to Never Never Land.  Becoming a woman was something she was NOT looking forward to her.

         Two years ago I started a post which I did not attach to my blog.  It was the day when I bought Jenna’s first bra.  The very idea was just too devastating for her.  And I told her that I wouldn’t tell any family members – and because I have family members which read my post, I didn’t post about it – I had made a promise.

         I understood the devastation.  She started developing early.  And although the two bumps were rather small at the time – they just seemed to stand out more when she wore tee shirts.  Roland and I both agreed that it was time to do something about it – though I personally haven’t ever been aware of one developing at eight or starting off third grade wearing bras (training bras – but still)

         She gets her early development from her father’s side.  Unlike Jenna, who has always seemed be ahead of her peers both academically and *physically, I was a late bloomer.  Unlike many of my friends who were wearing bras before junior high school (some as early as fourth grade), I don’t think I got my first bra until midway through 7^th or 8^th grade.

At age 12 and 13, I was probably where Jenna is now – though I was always skinny and flat chested.  In addition to another early development, Jenna’s body also seemed to be going through a chunky stage.  Her belly and chest nearly resembled that of a sumo wrestler.  (Just what every girl wants to hear, right?)  But just as skinny girls can balloon out (which I did by the time I hit my mid thirties) chunky girls can lose the weight (my second daughter-in-law was quite chunky between 8 and 14.  You’d never know it now)

With tears in her eyes Jenna said she didn’t want to wear a bra.  I understood.  Early developers were probably teased even more than the late bloomers were.  She said that I was lucky that I didn’t have to wear a bra in elementary school.  I think she’s right. 

We had gone shopping for shoes and pants as well.  Jenna had her heart set on getting some high heels.  At that time she was wearing a women’s size 5 ½.  At least according to the shoes that she selected.  She paid for them herself and wore them to the mall.  

I was amused at watching her clicking down the aisles in shoes she had obviously never experienced before – but felt proud to be wearing as a children’s pocket book dangled from her arm.  

My little girl is no longer little.  She is blossoming in all directions.  She’s becoming a young lady though she would like to remain a little girl.

Today Roland is taking Jenna to the dinosaur exhibit at Southtown Expo.  He had invited me to go along, but I think Jenna really needs some alone time with her daddy.  And perhaps I need some alone time with just me.

It would be fun to go just to take pictures – though I can give the camera to Roland just as easily.  I hope they have a fantastic day together.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda . . . Time Machine

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weaknesses that they may be humble; . . .” Ether 12:27

How many of us wish we had a time machine that we might have opportunity for do over.  If only I had made a different choice.  If only I had spent more time (and probably money) perhaps we could have found our runaway dog.  I wish I had been a more positive influence when Roland’s girls came to visit.  I wish I hadn’t left Jenna in all day kindergarten after we moved.

Regrets are demons if we allow ourselves to dwell on what could have been instead of just moving on.  Perhaps we may learn from or see growth from what it is we think we’d like to change.  Allow me to use Jenna’s kindergarten experience as an example.

The school by our first house offered two all-day kindergarten classes.  There were few parents who desired just half day.  The instructors were able to devote more time to their students and the children learned more than they would have in half day.  That is what I was used to.  That is what I wanted to continue with.

But we didn’t necessarily have that option at the second school.  The all day kindergarten program was definitely NOT the same.  I didn’t know that.  Either it hadn’t been explained to me or I just wasn’t listening or I hadn’t understood.  Nor had I prayed about my decision to put her in all day kindergarten.  But even if I had, would the results have been any different?

Jenna LOVED her first school and she tried loving her second.  But she was as a disadvantage as she was so much smarter than the other children who didn’t know how to accept Jenna.  I don’t think they were mean to her necessarily, but they certainly weren’t friendly.  Jenna felt so alone – which she would have in half day as well, but it would have been fewer hours at school and more time with me teaching her at home.

I’ve known all along that it was/is stupid to have this regret.  It has already happened.  I can’t change it.  And yet I realize that without the tragedy of how Jenna and I each felt about her education (or rather lack of) that we would most likely not be where we are today.  For without that experience I may not have searched so hard to find another school.  Nor would I have even considered another school if we were still living in our first house. She’s had many awesome opportunities with her current school that she would have missed out on with the other two. I think it was worth the four month struggle we both faced after we moved.  But it’s taken me a long time to figure it out.

Whenever I think of the apostle Peter, I wonder if he had regrets.  He made some huge errors that are recorded for the entire world to read about.  And yet, how much stronger and diligent was he at fulfilling his mission?  Did he not turn his human weaknesses into strengths?  Was he not a stronger leader after the resurrection than before Christ was crucified?

There are no time machines.  We can’t change the past.  Regret will only get in the way of our growth and happiness.  We need to move on.  We need to find our strengths.

Wesley Richards

Wesley walks

from yard to yard

collecting rocks

and sticks

and stores them

in the garage

of his parents’ house. 

Wesley is

their only child.

Wesley takes medication

for his ADHD.

It takes away

any appetite

that is necessary

for growth. 

Wesley is thin

like the twigs he finds. 

I think a heavy wind

could blow him away.

He and Jenna have

collected morning glories

and have thrown them

into the pool. 

But no worries –

they don’t plan to leave

them there.  They just

want to see how cool

they look floating

upon the water

When it is time for Wesley to go home,

Jenna invites herself to go with him  

                                                                            kfralc

Happy Memories

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When Jenna was younger, we would go for walks ALL of the time.  I would point things out as we passed different yards.  “Oh, look at the flowers”  “See that pretty pin wheel” 

 The thing that she seemed to overlook with each yard I pointed out was the well.  I never understood why she couldn’t see them.  Several yards contained some form of a wishing well.  I don’t know how many walks we took before I realized she was looking for a “whale”

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Jenna was three the first time we had taken her to Arizona.  We were actually in the city part when Jenna asked, “Are we in a dessert?” 

I turned around in disbelief.  How did she know that Arizona is a desert state? 

“Yes we are.” I proudly beamed.

Jenna appeared to be highly disappointed.  And here is why:

“I have looked and looked and I have not seen a camel anywhere.”

Oops.  Wrong desert.

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My Grandma and I had gone to a Ferrell’s ice cream parlor in Hawaii.  The Hawaiian menu offered a variety of dishes that were different from the Utah menu.  I thought  it would be fun to take a few menus home and trade them for a couple of Utah menus and watch as people would order these foreign creations which might fluster the waitress as it was obviously a Farrell’s menu – but wasn’t familiar with most of the items listed.

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Farrell’s had advertised soda water for  two cents a glass.  Patrick and two of his friends decided that they wanted to “splurge”  They got soda waters for each of them – that’s it.  I don’t think they fully understood what they were ordering.

One friend managed to drink it all.  I believe Patrick said he had swallowed down half of his.  But Mark could not get past the first taste.  After having gagged down the first swallow, he refused to drink any more of his two cent purchase. The entire bill came to six cents.  They left a fifty cent tip.


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Jenna loved fire hats and fire engines and fire fighter equipment.  I really thought that she would want to grow up to be a fire fighter.  But when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" she had it narrowed down to two: either a pirate or a ballerina.

Planting Another Garden

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Everything I know about garden could be written on a 3X5 card – perhaps with room to spare.  We lived in the same stake as Joy Bossi – who hosted the program “Joy in the Garden” Our two wards shared the same church building and we could there on Thursday afternoons to listen to her words of wisdom on what we needed to do to prepare for and grow gardens.

 

In our particular neighborhoods the soil was not great for growing much other than weeds.  One thing that I remember learning was to make several holes in the bottom of a plastic wading pool (the kind that you can find in stores) and fill it with great soil and mix it with manure that was purchased from a gardening store.  Roland and I tried it.  And we did have growth, but very little in the way of onions.

 

Last night Roland and I made another attempt at a garden this year.  From seed we planted beans and beets and pepper plants and onions. We had tried onions again after moving to West Valley (which does have much much better soil than what we had in Kearns)  - they came out like pearl onions in which about nine onions would equal a small onion used for cooking.  I think it only lasted for three meals.

We have grown beets before.  They did well for us.  And actually so have tomatoes – at least certain varieties.  Roland chose not to do tomatoes this year, as there seemed to be plenty from the community garden last year. 

Peppers have never grown for us.  I think this is our third year trying.  And I don’t remember beans growing so I don’t know if we’ve already attempted them or not.

Dan has put himself in charge of the community garden – though all those who would like the benefits of community harvest are expected to participate in the garden’s upkeep.  And Roland had asked tons of questions last year.  This is the first year we have used string to mark where the plants are.  I hope it helps – I am often pulling at plants instead of weeds.

I heard it raining quite early this morning.  I hope it didn’t wash away any of the seeds. We were going to start with the community garden this morning, but it looks like it's been postponed to Monday night because of the weather.  Maybe I can watch Ester this morning.

Thank Heavens for Second Hand Stores!

          Jenna is so hard on clothes – not to mention that she grows like a weed. And Jenna’s lack of caring about her appearance only adds fuel to the fire.

I don’t enjoy spending money on clothes that just don’t seem to last.  I don’t think it would bother me so much if Jenna would actually take care of her clothes.  But hanging them up or putting them away is definitely NOT a priority.

          Occasionally Jenna has received hand-me-downs from various family friends or neighbors – usually something that hasn’t fit right away, but perhaps two or three years later.  And there are still some things in the shed that she still has yet to grow into.  But right now she’s at a stage where everything is either too big or too small or should just be thrown out so that social services doesn’t get on my case for dressing her like a waif.

Savers is one such thrift store that has color coded tags.  Never having worked there, I don’t know if the items that are put out are marked with a different color on a daily basis, weekly basis, bi-weekly or whatever. Savers offers their 99 cent specials on Mondays.  They allow the customers to pick clean the old items by advertizing that certain color at either 99 cents or half price. 

Yesterday they had blue tag items marked for 99 cents.  I suspect next week will be grey (or silver?) and the week after that will be purple.  I did not see any red, orange or green during my blue tag search.  Most of the garments I fingered through were marked with yellow tags – I suspect they were the most recent items that were put out.  So maybe by the first or second week of April they will have yellow tagged items on Monday’s special.

I’m grateful for the opportunities that I have to donate my own clothing when I no longer have a need for them.  I am grateful to all of those that have donated and continue to donate to our cause.  And I am most grateful for 99 cent Mondays.