Christmas 2020

         Last week I had taken Jenna to the church with me in order to wrap gifts for some members in the ward.  Another sister had dropped by the church to donate some games – which Jenna volunteered to take home.  I’m not really certain how that came about but we did end up with them.

        Thursday night Jenna’s Sunday School teacher dropped off a candy filled sock.  Jenna added the small sock to our fireplace; she said it would be for Bonnie.

 

        It turned out to be a really nice Christmas.  Each of us had three gifts beneath the tree plus the two games we dubbed from Santa Clause. Traditionally we will first open our socks.  Jenna passed them out one at a time.  I noticed my sock was bulkier than it had been before I had gone to bed.  Gloves, toffee, a chocolate orange and a notebook had been added to what I had already put in. 

 

        We each ended up with chocolate oranges – though Roland’s was dark while Jenna and I both received milk.  Roland also had sugar free chocolates and a McDonald’s card.  Jenna and I both received peppermint bark which Roland doesn’t seem to care for all that much. 

Jenna also received some Christmas cubes in her stocking.  She said it was meant for me but had to put it in her sock as there was no room in mine.      

me doing an elf jig while singing a Christmas carol

  

Bonnie's stocking

        After the gifts were open we watched Light the World here.  I like watching the virtual recording as opposed to seeing it in person – which I think I’ve only done once.  Watching so many faces (and not just doll-sized figures on the stage) from the comfort of my couch was so much better than going downtown Salt Lake. While I listened to the music, I filled out this Christmas themed paper.

 

 Afterward we played Mormon-opoly (one of the two games from Santa) It seems like a good theme for the transition from Book of Mormon, Christmas, and the Come Follow Me program which starts the Doctrine and Covenants.  The properties start at the New Testament (Bethlehem, Gathsemane), Book of Mormon (Zarahemla, Jeruselem) and church history (three places in New York, Nauvoo, Illinois and Kirkland Ohio and the progression of the church) also included are four newspapers instead of four railroads, “faith” and “bishop’s storehouse” instead of “chance” and “community chest”, and “spiritual darkeness” instead of “jail”.

        I like reading the information on the properties for example “Fayetteville Township, New York” says

 

·        The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was organized here on April 6, 1830.

·        The first conference was held here on June 9, 1830.

·        Where the Book of Mormon translation was completed.

 

Temple Square:

 

·        The Temple Square Mission began in 1875.

·        Home of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, which held its first broadcast on July 15, 1929.

 

Some of them offer scriptures to read while the game is being played.  Bishop’s Storehouse and Faith cards also include scriptures at the end of each direction.  For example I had to pick a property to donate to charity and then I was sent to spiritual darkness the next round.  Jenna had passed go five times before I would make it around the board once.  And they made me the banker and all of the money and cards stuck together which added more time to the game.  When I landed on Roland’s properties for the umpteenth time I forfeited the game and so Jenna declared Roland the winner. 

 

        Jenna took Bonnie for a walk while Roland and I ate an early lunch.  She had returned after only a few minutes as it had started raining and Bonnie doesn’t like the rain. It was raining for most of the day and into the night.  It is still raining.

         Throughout the day Jenna and Roland played the Book of Mormon chess set while I took a few pictures and started this post for my blog.  I was unable to finish all of my thoughts until this morning.  My post would have probably included more detail if I had not been interrupted.  I suppose it already appears too long.  Oh, well.

how our tree looked Christmas morning

shirt received on Christmas - the only unwrapped gift beneath the tree
pictured: a chicken with the caption keeping it rural.  Also got matching
socks with roosters with the caption: rise and shine (pictured below)

Roland sent this doll to his mom and we got to watch her open it

This was taken later in the night; played our last game - not a new one

Weather, Repairs, Crafts and Desktop

Jenna had wanted to do a craft.  We went and gathered pinecones on Tuesday.  Yesterday we made these:

 Jenna also found the perfect rock and painted a scene.  I thought it turned out well.

 

Roland had purchased some sensors for the house in order to detect anyone in our driveway or anyone on our porch.  One was more sensitive than the other and had gone off more times than needed.  He decided he would take care of it when he got off work yesterday in addition to putting up lights for the stairs and moving the initial light he had purchased which wasn’t serving the purpose as he had hoped.

 We were about to lose light and I didn’t want him to climb the ladder and not be able to finish the projects he had on his agenda.  He was tired and I could sense that he was already frustrated without a darkness challenge.  I suggested putting everything away and trying again today.  He had the entire day off after all.

 He asked me if I would go out with him at 11:00.  The fog was still lingering and it was cold.  Darn cold.  34 degrees Fahrenheit.  I don’t recall ever being so cold in Oregon.  Not even during snowmegeden when the power went out.  COLD.  The first picture was taken before 11:30.

 

The fog started lifting after that.

 

as the sky cleared in the east there was still darkness to the west

tried to highlight above of snowcapped trees

tried to capture dew as it glistened in the trees

 

I turned on my computer to write down my thoughts.  I was greeted by this picture.

My youngest niece and two nephews Halloween this year.  I had to put this on my desktop because it makes me smile.

Light Inspiration and Gratitude

 

I didn’t know what inspirational story to share on facebook – though I thought it should be personal.  I had considered the last day my mom was in the hospital and how all four of her children were there trying to plan her funeral and asking her questions that related.  She was between worlds and so when she gave us answers we weren’t always certain which side she was talking to.  For example Corey had asked about what hymns she would want to be sung.  I knew she likes “I Am a Child of God” and would like it sung at her funeral. When Corey asked “What hymns do you like?” she smiled and said, “That’s a secret.”

I don’t remember all of our conversation.  I know it was a good conversation and all four of her children laughed together.  It felt like an inspirational mood.  I had also considered a time when we had gone to see my great grandma at the nursing home.  Mom had gone diligently every week and grandma, for the most part, hadn’t seemed too with it or able to communicate. 

It was in December – I think just before or maybe on Christmas day – my dad was with us and we sang some Christmas carols and Grandma sang with us.  That was really touching to have her join us and feel like angels were present.  It was later in the evening when I wrote the following:

 

“I did not get dressed today. I wasn't going anywhere and thought my pajamas felt comfortable. As I was thinking about an inspirational story that I could post, I thought about Shauna Hamp who would always get dressed no matter what ailed her because "only sick people stay in their pajamas".

“Shauna was a HUGE inspiration to everyone who knew her. She laughed and smiled and always focused on the good and service of others. I did not know her before she was diagnosed with Scleroderma - a disease that seemingly suffocates the skin and tissues within. When her crippling disease became to painful for her to work in her profession of physical therapy, she went back to school to get her license to become an RN. Shauna outlived her disease by 17 years due to her healthy attitude. She truly was an inspiration. I have good memories of many people in that ward who endured and have taught me a lot.”

         

From that same ward I had interaction with two members who had overcome agoraphobia.  Sharon had shared her story with a small group.  I would have never thought that had ever been a problem.  It seems like this pandemic would have been the perfect place for them at one time.  

There are countless things that I am grateful for. The “light” I shared today was this post:

I have been grateful for the "Come Follow Me" program since its introduction. I am grateful for those who have taken it upon themselves to share their insight. I love watching Don't Miss This with Emily Freeman and David Butler. I also learn a lot from Teach With Power presented by Brad Wilcox. It is especially wonderful to have these tools during the pandemic.––

More Emotions and Light the World

               Three hours after my last post I had gone from hurt to angry – which is not a cool emotion either but I would rather be angry.  I don’t have to deal with mucus or go through tissues when I am angry. In my last post had said that with each “fuel” added I have relived past emotions believing I hadn’t learned anything. However I have gone through the “stages” a lot quicker this time than in years past.  Before I had gone to bed I had convinced myself that I no longer care.  I’m not saying that’s a good thing.  But I am happy to feel this way as opposed to sobbing uncontrollably.  I also realized my poor reaction may have been due to a lack of sleep. I have been able to sleep much better when I am no longer emotionally invested.

            I believe that God experiences emotions such as joy, anger and sadness.  God is immortal.  He may cry but I don’t believe that he has to deal with mucus or tissue. I’m a mortal who has shed thousands – possibly even millions of tears.  I don’t want to cry anymore. Lots of healing to be dealt with still.  As I was writing Jenna shared two really great quotes on how I feel vs. them:

What’s motivating to you may be crippling to others – Victor Lineo.

The same boiling water that softens the potato makes the egg hard

Jenna and I had watched the movie “Big” and it felt so good to laugh. I remembered the baby corn but had forgotten about the celery he returns after licking off all the filling.  It has been a while since I had watched “Big”; I don’t know if I had laughed that hard whenever I had watched it before.

             Before “Light the World” started, Jenna wrote down what it is she wanted to do for each activity.   

For December 17 she thought it would be fun to go to McDonalds and pay for the order of the car behind us.   Jenna’s food order wasn’t ready and so they asked for Roland to pull forward – which he did.  So the payment was not anonymous.  

On Friday I was supposed to have a meeting with the RS presidency, but the meeting did not happen.  We sorted and made up food boxes and added the presents we had wrapped two days before.  After I returned home we connected with my middle son and read two stories to his two daughters

We also sang Rudolf with them and then Jenna and I sang "Happy Birthday" as I thought today was Rochelle's birthday.  I was a month early.  Oh, well.

          Yesterday Jenna decided to try her hand at once again paying for the car behind her.  She and Roland had gone to Roseburg and had stopped off at Taco Bell on their return.

 

         Instead of  going to a nursing home, Jenna decided to tie a note to a helium balloon that indicated the reader is loved and has value and encouraged the receiver her to find her on instagram – provided the receiver has instagram. Jenna released the balloon into the air last night. 

         I don’t know how far it may have gotten but suspect it’s somewhere on the ground in Oregon as it rained last night.  I hope that the message may still be readable.  

Investing Emotions and Getting Burned

             When I was younger I remember psyching myself into believing I didn’t care.  I didn’t care about boys or dating.  I didn’t care about peers or school.  I didn’t care if plans fell through.  I knew it was wrong.  I knew it was unhealthy to deprive myself of feeling any other emotion. I just knew that if I could convince myself that I believed I didn’t care it would be so much easier to handle than disappointment or rejection.  It was.  It truly was.  This heartache and turmoil is such a bunch of crap that most anybody would rather do without.  We’re told the sad/bad/hard emotions gives us strength.  Boloney!!!  Disappointment and heartache bite big time!

            When Jenna was younger we befriended a family that consisted mostly of Khonnie and her two children.  Dennis was gone for the most part driving trucks across the country.  Their children never saw the inside of a public school building as they were both home schooled.  I think her youngest was four years older than Jenna.  Oh, but they had a connection.  All of them did.  She loved them and they loved Jenna.  I thought we were good friends for a couple of years and then something happened that made Khonnie snap.

            We had been out walking and Jenna was in dire need of a nap.  Khonie's youngest wanted to play with Jenna and kept on prodding her.  I kindly asked him to leave her alone.  But he kept add it. I did not feel it my place to discipline but Khonnie was not doing anything to discourage his behavior.  Perhaps I raised my voice at him?  I don't remember. I had told the family earlier that I was taking Jenna to the aquatic museum and they could accompany us if they’d like, my treat.  But Jenna would have to take a nap first and perhaps if she had been left alone she would fall asleep.  Khonnie saw this as a threat, decided to no longer walk with us and took her children home. 

            When I cry I like to keep my emotions to myself because when I try sharing, I blubber more, I go through more Kleenex and I tend to lose huge amounts of sleep (not that I have ever had the best sleeping habits to begin with).  Khonnie evidently called Roland to tell him how mean I was and he brought home some flowers and tried to comfort me.  I felt bad that I was being comforted with a doting husband when hers was rarely even around – and I doubt that he ever doted at that.

            After that it was off again on again with her flippant behavior and attitude.  I finally had to say,

 

“Enough!  My heart can’t handle this.”

 

Roland, Jenna and I had moved to Oregon the summer of 2015 – about six to eight weeks before two of our granddaughters were born.  Both daughters-in-law seemed supportive about the move.  However once the babies came my eldest daughter-in-law turned into Sybil (a case of multi-personality for those who have not seen or read).  She unfriended me on facebook at least twice and would block me each time.  The second time she blocked herself she had also gotten a hold my son’s account and blocked him from my facebook account as well.  I went through a whole array of emotions during that entire ordeal.  What I didn’t make a connection to was her on meds  (here).  

I had never considered how drugs can have major side effects that while possibly taking care of the problem at hand may have empowerment over one's mind that isn’t controlled.  When I think about it, I have been disoriented due to lack of medication or the medication itself.  I would think that kind of rationalization might help the situation – but it doesn’t.  It still sucks to be treated with such an ill manner by someone – even if it’s not intentional. 

Not only did I feel emotionally scarred by Jeanie’s actions but had unwillingly allowed myself to relive my days with Khonnie.  The emotional stress I felt with Khonnie did not prepare me for any heart-bleeding turmoil I would feel with Jeanie.  Jeanie’s flippancy only added fuel to the fire.  I took sleeping medicine but it didn’t help. I was emotionally drained inside and out.  And I don’t want to be an emotional wreck in front of Jenna.  She is positively happy.  I don’t want this anguish I have felt to bring her down.

Seven years between the two and now (five years later) I have just experienced the latest attack.  I knew it was the meds talking.  But there were so many parallels between the latest (nice way to wrap up 2020) and Jeanie that I had gone from hurt to angry within only a couple of days.  I had gone into more detail with this initial post created on December 18, 2020 but have removed the details after three months.  I don't need to remember the details.  I need to forget.

Star Dedication

I dedicate these stars to my readers and followers.  May you appreciate my abstract photography
 

This star attached to decoration on fireplace

the star that hangs above Jenna's nativity

I tried taking one on the tree.  It came more distorted than this

how it appears when lit up

I don't have pictures or even know all of my followers
but here is an old one of me and one who reads my blog

  Here are two more that Jenna took to dedicate to Ooki (here) and Bonnie

I did share this on an earlier post the year we obtained it

Ooki, Jenna (the year she turned one) and me

LtWobo 14 & 15

           On Sunday Jenna took Bonnie for a walk and made a note of all the houses she wanted to go caroling to.  We started out Monday morning going to Dollar General and made a purchase of 12 candy filled candy canes which we would leave with each household. 

 

          Before we left the house Jenna took this picture: 

         We both enjoy singing – she is just better at it.  I probably sound like a moose in heat. There was no one home at the first house we went to but found friends at the next two and left our treats.  The third house we’d gone to was my favorite.  For the girl who answered the door is quite shy and I have never seen her smile, but she did yesterday. 

We continued on our way stopping at various houses to sing and stopped when the door would open and leave our little treat.  Jenna had such a glorious time.  It was fun.

 Last night we watched the “Light the World” sing and serve (here) and that was nice. 

Although Jenna can participate with today’s suggestion

 I posted the following onto my facebook wall:

 I would LOVE to visit my parents. I would call them daily if I could. I think about them often. What a tremendous blessing they have been in the lives of all their children – even the ones they did not give birth to (Sunny, Roland, Bill, Joh) I LOVE my mom and dad and miss them so much! I look forward to being with them again (so someday when I pass, just know that I am happy because I will get to see my mom and dad again)

Bonnie, Lights, and Dr. Nay

         We had signed up to feed the missionaries yesterday.  They had contacted Roland in the morning to ask about their schedule and how to include dinner within the timeframe.  Roland had planned on making two lasagnas (one for us and one for them) but decided to change things around as the elders would Roseburg and won’t return until later last night. After Jenna and I returned home from the park, Roland took Jaime to run some errands.  One was to pick up a lunch that the elders could eat on their way to Roseburg. He had also made of list of things to pick up at the hardware store – mouse poisoning being one of them.

We may have mice living within the walls.  We came to the conclusion f few nights ago when Bonnie has barked wildly or whined about something the rest of us cannot see.  Roland purchased some mouse poison yesterday but misread the package.  Bonnie go a hold of a couple of baits and wolfed it down as though it were candy. We called the vet to ask about the situation.  We tried what he had suggested, but when that did not work he volunteered to meet us at his clinic.  Why is it that Bonnie’s symptoms always come on a weekend when the vets are closed?

          I was in the middle of my thoughts for day seven for yesterday’s post when the incident took place and had taken time out to take Bonnie to the vet and try to comfort Jenna who was feeling like an irresponsible pet owner.  Dr. Nay told us what side effects might be expected only we didn’t see anything different with her behavior.  She seemed a bit down and asleep – upset that we wouldn’t let her into the kitchen, but were told she shouldn’t eat for at least two hours.  Once we set her “free” she was running around and back to her bouncy happy self as though nothing had gone wrong.

            She has the mind of a child.  She sees us as people to depend on and to cling to.  We take care of her and love her.  We will all continue to make mistakes but will make the best of what we can.

            We did finish the night off watching the light parade.  I have never seen or heard the parade so closely as last night.  

It made us so happy to have that to help wrap up this very odd year.  It may not have shared it's light with the world - but many small cities connected by one purpose.

Jenna did not take as many pictures as I had
attempted to our first year - and I think they
came out better - not that great but still
better than mine. I shared four here

            Today's light the world was to take a break from social media.  And yet there are those who needed to open their facebook accounts in order to watch our church meetings on line.  We dropped off some Lasagna to Dr. Nay.  I hope he and his wife enjoy it.