No Self-Cleaning Oven

                Before we considered moving to Oregon - or had even drummed up the possibilities, we had purchased a new refrigerator and matching oven/range.  The oven was gas.  We had used the oven a few times.  I think Roland must have done more cooking than I.  We had it for 6 or 7 months before we made the trip to Oregon and started looking for houses.

            The oven was a gas hook-up and actually so was our dryer.  But we couldn't even  find a unit in Oregon that offered gas hook-up.  Our last house (the rental) offered a gas fireplace, but everything else was electric.  We don't even have gas in the house we live currently.  Too bad.  It makes for a nice back up when the power fails - which thus far it hasn't.

            I think the gas oven. which is currently in Randy and Carrie's possession, is self cleaning.  The one at our current house is not.  So Roland purchased a can of oven cleaner and a pair of long gloves marked "One Size Fits All".  That's a lie.  I have very small hands and so they are fine on me.  Jenna could probably wear them, but there is no way Roland would be able to get them on without tearing them.  Thus I was elected to clean the oven.

            Of course I wore a dust mask as I sprayed and coughed anyway.  Roland and I proceeded to open more windows and I retrieved to our room until it was time to wipe off the cleaner.  The oven door is in my way.  I don't think I did a thorough job wiping up the back.  Now there will be chemicals in our food next time we bake - though it won't be tonight.  The missionaries will be coming over and we will be feeding them breakfast for dinner. 

            Don't know yet if Jenna made her field trip or not.  The sun is out again, however. Even if the trip gets/was cancelled or gets/was postponed, the disappointment that may bring her down will eventually be replaced with enjoying "breakfast" and the company of the missionaries.

Bring Back The Sun!

            I have mentioned the thick fog and now a constant rain.  It looks awesome and will green up the valley again. 

            This morning I noticed golden flecks donning the hills.  It was so spectacular! 

 

Of course none of my pictures capture what I see.  The fog covered appearance of the towers as I was coming home.  After I got inside, it started pouring again.

            At 11:00 I could see the sun.  I felt excited as Jenna has a field trip planned for today.  She's been looking forward to it for over a week now.  I don't want her to be disappointed.

            Hopefully they were on the bus already and are at the corn maze now and enjoying themselves.  Perhaps it isn't raining in Winston.  She wouldn't care if it was, but perhaps the faculty does.  I hope her awesome day continues.

Technology at the Doctors

                This wasn't even one of the posts I had considered writing yesterday - and so I still have those thoughts to put together.

            When we first moved to Myrtle Creek, we had looked into a health clinic.  Certainly we wouldn't have to go all the way to Roseburg if a check-up was needed.  In order to establish credibility, the staff expected a full physical in several visits.  Okay, my co-pay is not that outrageous, but when I am going to the doctor four to six times in one month to create a doctor/patient relationship, that is ridiculous.  I can't afford that!  I've been blessed with pretty good health.  I go to the doctors perhaps once a year.  I don't need to go every blessed week.   Needless to say, I did not ever complete what had been expected.
           Because I had gone an entire year without visitation, I couldn't even get in last year.  What the heck?  Why had I bothered going through such turmoil to begin with if it wasn't going to fulfill my needs.  I only needed a Z-pack.  I can't believe I was able to get in this year, but once again, I just did not wish to go all the way to Roseburg.
            I was interested in the electronic gadget which has replaced the clipboard and paperwork.  It's kind of cool.

Payments can also be made from this same devise

            It was only this morning that I noticed the large microphone - a communication device to talk to another party on the other side of the screen - I'm guessing someone near Mercy Medical Center in Roseburg. 

So that's the reason for all the visits - I feel like I have single-handedly paid for at least one of the devices that are used.

Like Reading a Journal Entry

           Funny how sometimes I can look at a word or a phrase and turn into sentences and paragraphs.  Other times I haven't a clue what possessed me to even write it down.  I have at least seven blog ideas and unfortunately sore arms and an assignment due.   

          This week's assignment deals with a mortgage calculator and answering four questions.  Still APA and 750 words.  Thus far I am short 300 words.   How terribly boring for my instructor to have to read 15 - 30 assignments.  The more suggestions I'm given in order to "stretch" out the words - the more boring it becomes.  Right now I'm taking a break.

          I mentioned how the school would be sending Roland a new computer as he was having problems with the last.  I had experienced problems with internet connection before - but not the way I seem to be currently.  Holy cow!  It's like this brand new computer showed up on our doorstep one day and became an Internet hog!  So I am trying to look up references and the blue circle starts spinning.  I have to shut down, troubleshoot, re-enter - which is only contributing to my hating my assignment even more.

          Roland and Jenna have a temple trip coming up on Saturday.  I am hoping to have my assignment turned in before then - if not, I will be spending even more time on it or just turn it in incomplete . . . have a great deal of files and possessions that need to be organized.  I've also been asked to mend a tear in Roland's pants but just can't seem to get the needle threaded for the life of me.  Looks like that may become even more time consuming than my assignment.

          We've had thick foggy mornings lately and Roland took the air conditioner down yesterday.  Of course the temperatures rose and I changed from long pants to shorts.   I would have turned on the A/C had it been hooked up.  But once the sun goes down, it gets cold.

          There wasn't a fog this morning.  Jenna pointed out clouds with pink and purple hues. Currently the air is chilly and damp.  I think fog in the morning make for warmer temperatures during the day.  If there isn't a morning fog, the cold lingers more throughout the day.

I Received My Books! I am SOOO EXCITED!

       I am still considered to be a board member of the library and evidently have my own out box at the library.  Our board president LOVES to read and has committed to keeping the library open - even if she has to use her own personal books.  We've received a great deal of donations, and she has gone through various books to see which ones will be sold and which could be shelved.  Whenever she finds the word "Mormon" she automatically sets it aside and asks me if it is something I might be interested in.

            I finished a book just over two weeks ago.  She had left it in my box.  It took just two weeks for me to read "Rumors of War" from the Children of Promise series by Dean Hughes.  Though the initial publication of the books are over 20 years, I had never read any of them before, and after reading the first in the five book collection, I had to have more.

            If I was back in Salt Lake, I might be able to order these books through my library, but I don't have that option here.  When our library was part of the county system, I was actually quite limited in all book selections.  Now that we are not a county library anymore, I am even more limited.  So I purchased some used books from ThriftBooks here   I am so excited that they have arrived and I will be able to continue following the lives of the Thomas family and various friends.

             So let me get you started on my wonderful find . . . a book review by LaTiesha Cannon (which you may remember is not my actual name):

            "Children of the Promise" series is historical fiction.  It is said that Dean Hughes did some extensive research on the situations, circumstances  and even weather conditions.   The setting is 1938 and thereafter.  D. Alexander Thomas and wife, Bea have six children: Alex, Bobbi, Wally, Jean, LaRue and Beverly.  They live in Salt Lake. 

            The book starts with Alex (Elder Thomas) on his mission in Germany.  It's Christmas.  He and his companion.  They are visiting a member of the congregation who has not been to church for some time.  Though he has converted to Christianity, he is Jewish by birth and has been treated as an outcast to Germany.

            The missionaries had been told not to visit as it is dangerous - not only for them, but the man they are visiting as well.  The Gestapo have their eye on the American pair that teaches religion.

             We are then introduced to different family members back in Salt Lake.  Bobbi is interested in English literature and attending classes at the University of Utah.  She is dating a man whom her family thinks highly of and await the day that the two families will be joined. 

            When the book starts out, Wally is sixteen  and seems misguided somehow, having a strong desire to venture outside of his family - especially his overly domineering father, President Thomas, who is very devout to his calling - often losing the sight of his own family.  Wally tries to make light of the situation, but Pres. Thomas is never in the mood for Wally's taunting behavior.

            In his attempt to keep  Wally on the straight and narrow, Pres. Thomas arranges for him to gets a job on Mat Nasashima's farm.  Wally is comfortable with the Nasashinmas and develops a respect for them. Thus far the Nasashinmas characters are not well developed but I imagine will be in future books.  We are also introduced to the  Stoltz family while Elder Alex Thomas is there serving his mission, and continue even after Alex had returned home to Salt Lake.

            The Gestapo (well one thug in particular) become interested in Anna Stoltz who is very pretty and express unwholesome intentions toward her.  the missionaries are pulled out of Germany.  The Stoltz family go into hiding shortly after Alex had returned to Salt Lake.

             Eventually Wally graduates from East High School and joins the navy.  He is stationed in the Philippines and fighting with the Japanese.  In the past, whenever I have read a book about World War II, the primary focus seems to be on victims under German ruling or the American Japanese - I don't recall reading a book that has introduced both.  I also find it interesting to read the expectation of the woman's role and Bobbi's unwillingness to give up an opportunity of education and possible career by surrendering herself to that role - at least not yet.

            I am anxious to read more on the different characters and find out how their lives connected (or disconnected) and what strengths and weaknesses each of them have to overcome. 

A Different Book for Liz

He graduated with a

BA in graphic arts the
October before we moved to
Oregon.

He had planned on walking in

the graduation ceremony the
very day that he and Jenna came
to Oregon to start unloading
furniture. I went
to my uncle's
funeral.

For over a year he's been

online, creating plans for a
business.  He took his
assignments seriously and
did the research as though
he were really going to start
a business here. 

Except for just one week, his

business plan focus was always on
starting an adult day care which
this area is in great need of.  It
hasn't been done before.  It sounds
like a good idea, but he doesn't have
the funding.  He has
done the research and had even sent
out surveys.  We call it
"sunk" investment.

He graduated with his masters last

month.  He would like to
walk across the stage in June.
It would be so nice to
see the family again, but
I fear it will be a repeat of
our visit to Utah this year.

I will be wiped out and not the
person I am in Oregon.  I will
need to pray that my
body doesn't give out, and that
I will be alert to my
surroundings and drink in my
family and allow my love to
overpower my health issues.

I was certain that Roland would

get bored and try to spend more
time with me.  But he found another
project.

He doesn't want to start a business -

not the adult daycare.  He misses
the graphic arts.  Recently he
created cards for Halloween, Thanksgiving and
Christmas. He also would like to recreate
the ABC books we have given to
Jenna, Anna, Devin and Ally (here).

He would like to be in charge of

creating a new one for Liz.  I think he
should.  I hope he can utilize his
skills for the purpose that he
desires.

Toddlers and Stories

                My sister had posted this to her facebook page.  We laugh because it is true.  Surely most mothers will have several stories to go with each picture.  Here are mine:

1.         Although this first example does not involve pillows, it does involve a child's ability to sleep  anywhere that an adult couldn't possibly.  Before Kayla was born there was a time when my brother Corey had gone missing.  My dad and I had searched the house high and low for him.  We had gone outside.  We had called neighbors.  We were frantic.  We both said prayers.  We called his name over and over again . . . he wouldn't respond.

            During the course of searching, I had dropped something and had crawled under the table to get it.  There, on two chairs that had been pushed up against the table, was my brother fast asleep. 

            I also have taken pictures of my nephew, Brian and daughter Jenna in half-standing/half-leaning positions.  Brian in his cowboy boots and shorts.

2.         This was a favorite outfit for my nephew Kimball and his sister Candy - not at the same time, mind you, but when they were the same age.  Kimball moved swiftly from window to window to watch the dumpster retrieve garbage cans from the curb.  He obviously had not made time to get dressed. 

            The time I remember Candy running around after one of her siblings, and it was not grandma visiting them, but the other way around.  I think Candy had soiled her clothes or something.  They had been removed, but she took off before they could be replaced.

            I think Kimball must have been embarrassed about the situation as he kept saying, "I feel sorry for her like that."  I laughed because he had done the same thing.

3.         Some children never outgrow that.  Just as with my Jenna, Kayla's husband also likes to dress up.  I don't think I've ever seen him wear a cape though, except in costume.  He is one that will not only don himself for whatever occasion, but dress the family as well - mostly for Halloween, but like Jenna, I could see him doing it for pizza.  (see this post) 

4.         It's not just Toddlers that can/will eat the same food for all three meals.  My youngest son is 28 and would still rather have a bowl of cereal over anything else.  Not only is it enjoyable to eat, but the only dishes required to wash are a bowl and a spoon.  Toddlers don't consider what a chore is often present when doing dishes.

5.         As an adult I can't perform in front of others.  Even when I am out in public and have to use the facilities, I find it difficult especially when there are others waiting. 

            I remember a time I had taken Ellen into the bathroom with me.  I don't even remember how old she was, but I think she might have been talking in sentences (she did have quite a sophisticated vocabulary at an early age).  While sitting on the toilet with loose pants around my ankles, Ellen looked at me and said with every bit of sincerity,  "Aunt LaTiesha, you look beautiful"  Thanks?

6.         I can't think of a laughable example at this time.  Toddlers are blunt and don't tend to hold back, but I remember receiving comments for Kayla, Ellen and Jenna in which their toddler eyes found me to be more attractive in something that I would only wear around the house.

            Jenna and I used to have make-up parties when she was older than toddler age. I was a masterpiece in her eyes.

7.         This was me - not only as a toddler - but at least up through fourth grade.  I'm guessing my toddler acts would have been easier to sit through and not as lengthy as trying to put on an entire musical.  Ellen did it to.  She and her friend would set up chairs for us and have us come watch them in the backyard.

8.         I think bathtubs got a lot shorter than when I was a kid.  I realize I have gained weight, but come on.  Great tubs at Old Faithful Inn in Yellowstone. 

Not recommended for a toddler

9.         I think it was Corey who used to draw on the walls.  He would make smiles with arms and legs.  He would write letters in addition.  Crazy how he had actually labeled one drawing "cattle" and another "phantom".  Though he had watching "Sesame Street" at the time, I don't think he really knew how to spell then. 

            Corey did know his letters though.  One time we had gone to Arctic Circle (a local fast food chain in Utah and Idaho) and while my dad was ordering food, Corey was standing by the high chairs pointing out the letters and saying what each stood for:  "P is for pirate and peaches" etc.

            Jenna still enjoys drawing and hanging her own art work on the fridge.

10.       I don't remember any of Sunny's and Patrick's children taking selfies when they were younger. I don't even know if Sunny and Patrick had cell phones at that time.  I do remember when their three oldest received disposable cameras from one of Corey's friends.  The older two had been wise about using their cameras.  Brian used his film up within minutes.  I called it abstract photography.

            Jenna didn't take selfies so much when she was a toddler - though the last photo in the above picture my suggest otherwise.  I have posted some recent "selfies" here.  
            Updated technology:  my youngest nephew likes to "Google" - he'll say something foreign and Seri will give suggestions.  I don't know if he fully understands but he smiles at the ability of having made Seri talk.

11.       The night Candy was born, I watched her brothers.  Kimball was on the couch and I had Brian with me in mom's bed.  I heard Kimball call to me and went out to the living room to check on him.  When I returned to the bed (which was a king) Brian had managed to reposition himself and was hogging the entire bed!  How is that even possible?!? I ended up on the couch opposite Kimball.

12.       Grandmas and Grandpas used to whip out quarters to give to Jenna every time she flashed her smile and charm.  One time when we were leaving Big Lots, a man asked if I could hold his dogs while he went inside.  They were huge!  The man told Jenna that they were Scooby Doo dogs.  When he returned (less than two minutes later) he gave a dollar to Jenna.  Hey!  I was the one that held those giant dogs!

13.       Riding in the cart - especially the car shaped ones - was the most exciting thing ever.  

Assisting mom and dad with filling the cart - also awesome.  My mom had been shopping for a Relief Society activity.  I don't know how old I was at that time.  Mom hadn't noticed my "contribution" to the cart until after she returned home.  Amongst her RS purchase were three bear shaped containers full of chocolate milk.

Making Profit With Real Estate: Gravy Investments

I did not go into as much detail with my examples for the assignment I had turned in . As I hadn't numbered my examples and had revised my assignment several times, I wasn't certain that I had covered six examples.  From what I've posted thus far, I know that I have covered at least seven, possibly eight. 

          And now for the moment you have all been waiting for:  Gravy Investments.  When Roland and I were first married, he believed that he would be the breadwinner and we would be able to make a living from his paychecks and that whatever income I brought to the household would be considered "gravy"  In other words, extra spending money. 

          So I gave two examples of "gravy".  One I had made a comment on in a discussion post and had initially attempted to incorporate into my assignment, but as my words were adding up, I decided to delete it and go with something else.  

Gravy Investments

I call these gravy investments as they are  types of investments for extra spending cash.  They are not investments that one can make a living on.

1.         Another way property was used for investment in Utah was to hang onto said property until it increases in value.  Last week I gave an example in reply to another's discussion post that if property taxes are not paid over a certain amount of time, Utah government has the authority to auction off a slice of land from your property in order to pay the debt.  This type of investment is more popular among doctors and lawyers who may hang onto the land until they are approached someone offering to buy the land usually for property development. 

            Roland and I had acquired twelve strips of land as one of our attempted investments.  We were able to sell one piece of land for six times the amount that we had paid on all twelve properties put together.  While they seem to hold little value at the time of purchase, great thing about selling these small properties is there is not a huge amount of paper work involved.  Everything is legally done with a quick claim deed.  We have since signed over all twelve pieces of land.  whereas flipping houses or renting your property would might be more profitable for your living expenses.

2.         Another way property was used for investment for product.  For example, my grandpa had invested in land in areas where others would pay him to lease out his land so that they could drill for oil.  My grandpa would receive payment known as "royalties".  I don't know that he received enough in royalties that he would have been able to quit his job. 

Other

1.         When you are a property owner, you may choose to grow or sell product or lease the land.  In my first assignment I had used the example of leasing the land to horses or RV's.  I did not think of product  until I was researching my blog for other examples I had used.  DelEv Blueberries (here) is one example of using your property to sell product. 

            I don't guess I would call that gravy. I think it was intended as their livelihood.  It's too much work to be considered gravy.  But it is an example of how to use real estate to make profit.  I had not included this in my assignment as I have already turned it in.

     

2.       I made reference to Roland's being a real estate agent and how we both went about finding listings and our response.  I did email my instructor a bit more detail about that and how I had organized my files to assist with finding contact. 

          I probably won't discuss my first assignment as I hit a few highlights already.  Our reason for moving out of our rental (here) was to save money.  Roland also wanted to plant a garden.  I have at least 40 posts about gardening - a forth of them just this year.  I don't know what my next post will be.

Making Profit With Real Estate: Property Management

           This is a continuation of a post I had started yesterday.  I did not use a numbering system in the assignment I turned but wondered if it might be easier to read.  Meanwhile, it has gotten more lengthy.

Property Management

            I would rather "flip" properties than to use them as rentals.  Roland thought the ideal rental would be commercial property - renting out space to doctors, specifically or manage on office building.  That is something we have never done, but we did have two rental properties for family living.  There are different ways to be in property management. 

1.       Sometimes Roland would (and still does) look at commercial properties that he could use to rent out office space or floor space.  We had actually looked at a squirrely layout in Sandy - there were 9 different rooms I think and most included sinks.  He said it had been used as a daycare at one time but he was thinking it might make good offices for doctors.  The appearance of the establishment was residential, but most of the buildings around it were used for commercial - if used at all.  Unless the doctor had clients living in that part of Sandy whose only option of transportation was their feet, I don't think it was the most ideal location and was in need of cosmetic repairs in order to invite the public to want to see a doctor in that establishment.

2.       We did have two different houses that we used as rental property.  The first was the house we ended up living in when we moved to West Valley.  At the time of purchase we had no intentions of moving into it.  As usual, the family was recruited to spruce up the appearance.  I took this picture before it was ready as we working on it.  

I

          I took a lot more, but currently this is all I can find.  While working on it, Biff enquired if we had any renters in mind or if he could possibly move in.  I think it was a good experience for him to be out on his own.  Sadly it lasted only a couple of months.  In December of 2007 he was in an accident that totaled the car he needed as transportation and as things didn't seem to be working out with his roommates, he used it as an excuse to get out.

          Our next renter was the daughter of a ward member who needed a second chance.  If the declining economy hadn't been such an issue with the job market, they may be living there still as Roland had contracted a lease/purchase option in which they were actually paying more than expected rent, but the money was to be accumulated to use as down payment for purchasing when they finally qualified.  They could no longer make payments, nor could we on our current house in Kearns.  We ended up losing our house in Kearns and moved to our West Valley Property (see here and here) 

           Meanwhile we had purchased another property in Kearns from a neighbor who was also having financial problems.  He had used it as a rental for as long as we had known him.  We continued with rental, but had not made the best of selections with our renters.  The last couple we had in our Kearns rental moved into the neighborhood about five or six months before we moved out.  It was their intent to purchase the property when the timing was right.  Unfortunately it was never right for them.  They both lost their jobs and we ended up doing a quick claim deed returning it to the neighbor we had initially purchased it from.

3.       I posted about the trauma of getting into our rental when we first moved to Oregon.  My third example of a third party property management. You could purchase several properties but allow another a percentage to collect rent, enforce rules and so forth.  I used Neil Co as my reference as it is the only property management that I have dealt with personally.

          I had actually created a post recommending not to use Neil Co at Century 21, but since have reverted to a draft - though I'm still not happy with them overall, they did seem to be on top of it when we called for maintenance issues. Getting in and out was my major issue but I really loved the house where we live.  I really thought I would miss this house after we left, but really have not given it a second thought.  That's really impressive too. 

I suppose I did have six to begin with, but as I did not go into as much detail with those examples, I wasn't certain that I had covered six examples.  Now that I see it outlined this way, I can see where I had used at least seven in the assignment I turned in.  Next post:  Gravy Investments.  Aren't you excited?

Making Profit With Real Estate: Resell and Flipping

          Last week I created a post about writing my assignment in first person wondering if I might get discredited for doing so.  Also, I thought it rather challenging to come up with 750+ words (I think I ended up with 753) Not only did I receive full credit but a comment from my instructor said that he had been entertained.  That was a bonus as it had not been my intent to entertain.  Perhaps I'll touch more upon it following the comments for this week's assignment which may take more than one post as I have several examples and well over 750 words.  I had actually started out with eight different examples, but felt it best to revise my assignment in order to keep it to less than 1,000 words. 

          So here is a rough outline accompanied by mostly personal examples - though I did start out by mentioning the A&E's former television series called "Sell This House" and ended with the mention of HGTV's "Property Bros" and  "Fixer Upper".  There are many many ways to use real estate for investment purposes.  Here are some:

 Resell and Flipping

                 Today's American Dream seems more than just owning property, but to make money from property investments.  Purchasing houses at a low market rate, fixing them and flipping them appears to have become a hot investment commodity.  There are some who have the knack for it and some who don't.  I DON'T HAVE THE KNACK.

1.       Realtor's get a commission on what they sell. Some realtor's won't even bother with the type of housing that Roland has often listed - but he has worked with many investors who are willing to flip the property.  They will purchase the "fixer upper" for less than 100,000 and end up selling it for almost three times the amount - depending on the neighborhood, the timing of the market and so forth.  They end up with more money in their pockets than did Roland.  Thus Roland decided to hop on the bandwagon of real estate investments.  Fortunately he had partnered with someone for each, but still . . . I didn't enjoy it overall.

2.       I remember four properties having been purchased for "Flip" purposes.  The first and third are the ones I remember best.  Both in Midvale.  The first was a shared driveway and hidden location.  I think the hardest part about the property was the land itself.  Lots of overgrowth in the way of weeds and trees, etc.  Roland decided that it would be a family project and we would spend weekends going out to clear the land.  What was he thinking?  None of us are landscapers.

          I remember clearing out items in house number 2.  I liked the house itself and had considered living there, but we couldn't afford it.  Jenna was just a baby and the outside deck included about a million steps.  I was afraid of each of us trying to walk on it during the winter months.  I didn't particularly like the area where the house was located.  I never even saw house number 4 (his partner did everything and spent too much money;  it was our last "flip"

          House number 3 provides the most horrible memories.  I refer to it as the Nightmare on Oak Street.  Unlike the first house in Utah that was hidden from the average driver's view, the house on Oak Street could be seen from a high traffic area.  There was always interference from the city.  I could not take Jenna as I was afraid of her falling into a hole or something. 

          I think it was listed as a one bedroom house.  There was a garage that Roland had wanted to convert into another bedroom but after it was gutted, a wind blew down the outside wall and created a more costly expense.  This is the house that we had been working on when I posted  this story.

          My next three posts are Property Management, real estate and what I like to call "Gravy Investments" -  which I will explain. And possibly I'll reminisce my first assignment but not post the assignment itself.  Though my instructor says he was entertained, I reread and was bored with it.  So if this subject doesn't interest you, you may just want to wait until next week before continuing with reading this blog.  But hey, thank you for tuning in.

Special Talents

                Jenna can watch videos to learn skills.  Often she will pick things up and adapt the skills as her own.  I think I must have mentioned the book bags that we had made from tee shirts.

 

we made these bags from scrubs

                She can also blow an hard cooked egg out of its shell and she has used her paper cutting skills to impress her friends at school.

 

I couldn't get the full chain of six;  apparently her friends
had never seen someone make chains of identicals

                She certainly has a lot more talents, but those are three.

Aiming for the Ideal

            A couple of weeks ago we had the missionaries come over for dinner.  As we were talking, one of elders made the comment that several people don't see us a family oriented church.  I took the opportunity to explain to him why that might be.   Though there is a strong emphasis placed upon the family - even the definition according to the proclamation (see here) seems discriminatory.  We're not all like that.  The average family doesn't fit the mold. The proclamation gives us an ideal that we are supposed to strive for.  

          When I wrote this post, I referred to a couple named Juleen and Al Jackson.  I mentioned how I'd been under the impression that Juleen had believed that the show should have focused more on their story (or families of similar living) rather than explore those that didn't quite fit into the mold of "Mormon living"  - she DID NOT say it that way, rather that is my own interpretation.  In her mind she represented the higher population of what and LDS person is.  In my mind she represented what the "ideal" Mormon "should" be - to a degree anyway.  Probably the family values would fit into the mold of the "ideal" family - not to say they don't have problems.  Everybody has problems. 

          There were times of tension in my mom and dad's house - nothing like the average family.  As Corey and I have both mentioned, our family was not perfect, but by comparison to so many others, it almost seems too good to be true.  Same with my brother, Patrick and his wife.  I know there have been struggles with fitting into the perfect mold - but even so, I think theirs may also be one that many may view as too good to be true.

          I definitely don't fit into the mold - not even close.  Too much tension between me and my middle son - even from this far away.  He says things that set me off.  Even without that added stress, I just don't believe our family (with me as a parent) fit the "ideal" mold.

          Corey and his husband have Christianity and a great love and respect for mankind - but they're certainly not part of the "ideal" family - not according to the proclamation.  They are shunned.  Oh, the Church says "we welcome them" and they may feel it among certain members, but I don't believe the Church as a whole. 

           I remember attending the temple ceremony when my cousin was married to his wife.  She had a large family, and as I recall, by the time Roland and I had entered the room, it was just standing room only.  There was my Uncle Ross and Aunt Fern to support him.  It was the first time I had felt a personalness and connection during the ceremony and not just the routine of going through the motions.  It was special.  It was the most awesome temple marriage ceremony that I have attended. 

          Not all family members are welcomed to the temple.  There have been many invited to wait in the foyer and not be part of the ceremony due to a sacredness.  But when you are on the outside waiting, it is kind of hard seeing that the church is family oriented when all of the family is not together for the great event.  I think that's why all the hoopla with wedding receptions.  ALL of the family members can be included whether they hold temple recommends or not.

          Earlier this year I noticed his wife's name had been removed from a family conversation.  I emailed Corey and asked if he knew the reason.  Apparently the two had divorced the year before.  He forwarded an email that another cousin had sent about the situation.  I read it as though the family was trying to erase the former wife's existence out of their lives.  How would they ever be able to succeed after eleven years of marriage?  She and Michelle's daughter had read the eulogy together at my uncle's funeral. Surely there are good things to remember? I'll admit that I did not get to know her all that well.  It would be easier for me to erase her as part of family, and yet there are things that I will never forget about her.  I will remember the feeling that I had at their ceremony.

          I have another cousin who also got divorced just this year.  Corey did tell me about that one before her name was also removed from the family conversation. I heard his wife just left him.  I don't know what happened. He's now a single parent. I believe his children still lives with him, but I don't know.

          I'm sure Dallin Oaks wasn't implying discrimination, and yet that is what I heard as he gave the statistics of mothers having children out of wedlock.  I thought of another cousin who many have always considered odd.  She brought her fiancé to Tony's missionary farewell.  My boys had thought him even odder.

           I represented the family by going to the luncheon and wedding reception.  They looked happy.  They divorced after she gave birth to their daughter.  I don't know why.  She said having a baby freaked him out - which is weird as he is the eldest of at least four sibs and sounded like a good brother making sacrifices and assisting in their upbringing.  I had assumed he would also make a great father.

          I remember when she announced her decision to have another baby.  She had gone for artificial insemination.  I don't know if there were any that understood or supported her choice - which may have not been hers alone just as my decision to marry Roland.  Roland and I both know God had a hand in getting us together.

        Tina is quite prayful.  She's temple worthy.  The decision made was not made lightly.  It may have been a struggle for her.  I know her finances have been even worse than ours have ever been.  And yet she went through with it and gave birth to a second daughter.

          I am one who questioned her choices then .  I have since commended Tina for her brave decision.  She provided a sibling for her daughter among other things.  I don't know all.  Perhaps she doesn't either.  She's had a lot of challenges and a lot of hardships.  She is a great mother.  But she certainly doesn't fit the "ideal".

          It's tough being a Mormon.  I can deal with the persecutions outside of the church better than I can with the ones that seem to be coming from our leaders.  In her case, she had the option of not carrying the second child - or even keeping the first for that matter.

          In the case of divorce, you do not have that option to control the decisions of another - and why would you want to?  Things often happen beyond our control that lead us on a path different from that which we planned for ourselves or led us to believe that we were on the right path.  It's bad enough being put in that position.  Single mothers don't need the reminders that they are single.  Sisters who attend church without their spouses don't need reminders that they also don't fit the "ideal" because their partners choose to be inactive. 

          Overall I enjoyed conference.  I really did.  But I had allowed something about this one to set me off.   I suppose it is me not listening to the Spirit rather than how the message was delivered. This is why we have so many speakers often speaking to us about the same topic.  Not everyone resonates with everybody else.  Some talks will touch some people while others allow their minds to wander and as I pointed out before, we don't all receive the same message.  I'm happy that Jenna was able to take away something more positive than I.  I really am grateful for diversity.  All of us need that.