You Can't Go Home Again

            As a child I remember hearing idioms such as "a penny for your thoughts", "too big for your breeches", and "you can't go home again".  What????  I thought adults were such morons.  First of all, I was always certain that my thoughts were worth more than just a penny.  "breeches" was a term we hadn't used and so I had no idea what that was.  And "you can't go home again"?  Of course, you can.  In my childish mind, I took the phrase literally.  If I went to a neighbor's house, for instance, I was expected to come home.  Even as a college student I knew that I'd be going home again.  It wasn't until many decades later that I finally figured it out.

            "Home" is not necessarily a residence and family.  The "home" referred to is the past.  It's not just time that has put the distance between us but the evolutions and economical rise and fall that have contributed to a sense of loss as well.  I think this should be a topic for my brother's blog, but as he has not posted to his blog for over two years, I guess I will attempt to write about it on my own.

            He has posted many pictures to facebook.  Mostly memorabilia from 1960's and 1970's.  Even those two decades seemed to have differences in neighborhood and community.  Our Midvale neighborhood was fairly new.  I don't know how many houses existed on the entire street, but I think at least 30 at the top half of the street where we lived.  I remember many pregnant mothers, and all stay-at-home at that.  I knew of only one mother who worked outside of the home.  Other than that each of us seemed to be raised by all of the mothers on our street as there were many children, activities and spending time with one another.

            We all went to the same neighboring newly built elementary school.  Doors were left unlocked on all sides of the school and not just the front door.  School shootings were unheard of.  We didn't have school lockdowns. I think more field trips had been offered in the '60's  than were offered in the 70's when Corey and Kayla attended. But I could be wrong. 

            The Salt Lake Tribune offered pages to announce births and weddings.  We had a black and white TV which offered three stations: NBC, abc, and CBS.  We would drive up to Grandma's house at least once a week.  At that time her house was located behind the capital building.  My brother and I would always have great adventures there with my cousins.  We would explore the house inside and out.  

            Many years after my grandpa had passed and my aunt moved out on her own, the family talked grandma into moving.  It really was a huge house for one person to take care of.  I think even more work was required for the upkeep of the yard.  She did not move until after Corey was born, but he will never have the same memories that I did of that house on Edgecomb Dr. It's really too bad.  I was told that Grandma had contributed to the design of the house.

            I think our visits to Grandma were made more frequently when she moved to Murray.  I was thrilled to learn I could ride my bike there - not that I did it often.  Usually, we went by car, but I can remember taking the bus a few times also.  It was the condominium in Murray that Corey and Kayla might think of as "Grandma's house".  After she passed the condominium was sold.  It's still a sensitive subject for a few family members.

            Spending time with all of my neighbors was part of my childhood.  I remember going to others' houses and they would come to ours.  Our neighbors, the Birds, would take us to American Fork with them in July for the Steel Days parade and activities.  Although it's been several decades since I have been, I am happy to see that this is still a community event - (here) 

            Jenna has grown up in a society of many working mothers and hasn't always had the option of spending time with neighbors the way that I did.  We don't just drop by on people the way we did then.  Play dates need to be scheduled.  Appointments need to be made. 

            The school she attends in Myrtle Creek is quite different from the ones she'd attend in Salt Lake.  Still, there are lock downs and precautions that didn't seem necessary when I was growing up.  Oh, I'm not saying that wicked things didn't take place during the 60's and 70's, but nothing like they are now.  Corey and I have had a hard time letting go of the house where we were raised.  I saw a picture on facebook recently of two police cars parked in front of a house in my old neighborhood.  The caption warned others that the resident had been recently burglarized.  I'm sorry to read about the intrusion, but it does make it easier for me to deal with losing the house.  There are many members of the neighborhood that I know and still have contact with, but even more that I do not.

            So while many things (both tangible and not) have been lost, others have been gained.  I, for one, am grateful that technology has made the vacuum easier to lift along with other appliances.  Retrieving some items from closet or cupboard seemed to be a chore in itself - but then having to use them to complete the chore . . . well, I am happy I don't have to do the same heavy lifting as my mom or her mom before her.  I am grateful for having so information at my fingertips - literally, but horrified about it at the same time.  Research seems to be so much easier with sites such as Google, but often it seems there is more personal information offered that it seems like an invasion of privacy.  For instance, I don't know the exact location of Roland's two oldest daughters, but perhaps enough that I could track them down if I had the finances or desire to do so.

            They have moved around so often I don't know that they even have a sense of home.  I wonder if they even have any memories of where they'd been and who they've met.  I don't suppose it's easy to "go home again" if you've never had one.

           For more idioms, you can click here for meaning.  Unfortunately, this site does not provide the origin.  Some are self-explanatory.  You are encouraged to look up origins on your own.

Missing Valentine’s Day

               

          I really did get a gem of a guy when I married Roland.  He is so thoughtful and compassionate.  For every year we were living in Utah, Roland would make or purchase valentines for my mom and my sisters.  We would drive to my mom’s house in Midvale and then my brother’s in Sandy (my sister-in-law, Sunny) and then later to the house in Kearns after Kayla and Bill were married.

          Valentine’s was always something different.  A box of chocolates or homemade cookies. One year we attempted Brigham Young Doughnuts in the shape of hearts. 

I could not find the individual pictures for this
post so her is a scrapbook page I had made. 

          Another year he purchased pizzas from Papa Murphy’s.  I think Brian (Sunny’s youngest boy) claimed that as his own.  Perhaps he shared. 

         Before we moved to Oregon, Roland extended his valentine giving beyond my family, but included all the single sisters in the West Valley ward (and there were A LOT of single sisters) with a candy bar with a note not to go nuts on valentine’s day but enjoy the sweet parts about it (or something like that)

          Since we moved to Oregon, his Valentine giving hasn’t gone beyond me and Jaime.  That’s too bad because I know he really enjoyed that.  I wonder if my sisters miss getting Valentines from him.

Attitude is Everything

          The discussion post this week is on being an effective leader.  We need to have examples about our emotional intelligence and what skills we need to improve on and how we would improve.  Roland is always coming up with ideas that I've never thought of.  I don't see myself as a leader and I knew that Roland would have some suggestions - one was my position in the family, which of course I hadn't considered.  I tried writing a few paragraphs about that - but each paragraph felt too biography and introductory and perhaps a little too horn-blowy - which is not what I wanted.  I don't know how many times I changed it before I finally turned something in.  Meanwhile I have come up with some more thoughts for a blog post.

          I remember going to a wedding reception held outdoors.  I don't even recall what time of the year, but I remember the weather was cool but not cold.  There had been a few light breezes joined by a more powerful wind.  It had knocked over the wedding cake onto the ground.  Now there are many (I'm thinking more from bridezilla's point of view) that would be upset by it - but the wedding party - for the most part just smiled and said, "Oh, well"  

          It could have been an act - but with pleasure, they can honestly laugh about it now.  It really is a healthy thing to be able to laugh about a situation rather than get angry about it.  Our family would have never gone on family vacation if we couldn't laugh at the unexpected.  What family vacation has ever gone smooth?  Our problems were always with the car or the weather, sometimes both.

          Our muffler fell off in California.  I think it was our engine that died during our trip to Canada.  There'd been heavy rain during that trip but not like we had at Universal here. 

          I remember having a rooftop cargo carrier on our station wagon.  I think it was a wind that knocked it off.  My dad, normally calm and even tempered said in frustration, "Oh, just leave it" but the rest of us somehow believed it was worth saving.  Mom had a pair of panty hose that she cut into strips and she and my brother Patrick used them to tie it down to the roof, and three of us held it down while my dad continued to drive.  We may not have seen the humor in it back then, but it is hilarious to talk about it (or think about it) today.

          And then there was the time we just coming home - though I can't remember where.  My mom was driving our little orange Honda.  The car threw a rod and she pulled over.  She chose to walk to get help and the rest of us stayed in the car.  We were fortunate as to where we broke down as we were entertained by watching hang gliders soaring through the sky.  It was awesome.  Had the car not stalled where it did, we would have not even noticed the hang gliders - though I don't think mom had the same positive experience as she chose to climb over some barb wire fencing in search of assistance. 

          There was another time when we had gone to the movies during a really cold season.  The doors had froze and wouldn't open - except for the hatchback.  We sent Corey through the hatchback and asked him if he could open the doors.  We weren't really surprised that he couldn't - I don't believe he was quite four years old at the time.  So Patrick and I (both pre-teens) also climbed in through the hatchback.  The doors wouldn't budge.  Too bad mom didn't think of giving Patrick the keys to the car to at least warm it up a little.  Mom was 8 months pregnant with Kayla.  She also climbed in through the hatchback.  What a memory. 

Fall Activities and Ghost Pancakes

          Four years ago yesterday, our friends Cheryl and Miguel decided to take their niece Payton to the Cornbelly's activity at Thanksgiving Point.  They asked if they could take Jenna with them.

          Jenna and Payton got along well together.  Payton was two years older than Jenna, but shorter.  Many people who saw them together believed they were sisters.  I did not go with them, but had remembered the event as Cheryl had tagged me in several photos on facebook.  I had the opportunity of seeing them again when facebook memory page showed me the photos.  

Cheryl had taken quite a few pictures;  I

don't have permission to post the ones

she took - there were several of Jenna

and Payton.

          I thought it fitting to see the photos while thinking about Jenna and commenting about the weather I hoped wouldn't spoil yesterday's plans.  She did get to go to the corn maze after all, and rode the hayride and brought home a huge pumpkin that she had retrieved from the pumpkin patch.  It was a great day.

          Roland started breakfast/dinner early as his clock is on mountain though we live in Pacific.  After the oven was warmed up (guess we did use it after all) and had cinnamon rolls ready to go in, he looked at the clock in the kitchen and realized that the missionaries wouldn't be arriving for almost two hours.  Whoops.

          I love to watch Roland cook.  He is so thoughtful and so precise.  He made everything on the small skillet, though I had found a much larger pan to use.  He ended up using it to put all back into the oven just to keep it warm.

          Dinner was wonderful.

transferring the potatoes from Stove to oven

keeping potatoes and meats warm

ghost style pancakes with blueberry faces

scrambled eggs made last

you can't tell, but the gravy boat contains

fresh blueberry syrup 

dinner table ready to serve yourself

yum

Toddlers and Stories

                My sister had posted this to her facebook page.  We laugh because it is true.  Surely most mothers will have several stories to go with each picture.  Here are mine:

1.         Although this first example does not involve pillows, it does involve a child's ability to sleep  anywhere that an adult couldn't possibly.  Before Kayla was born there was a time when my brother Corey had gone missing.  My dad and I had searched the house high and low for him.  We had gone outside.  We had called neighbors.  We were frantic.  We both said prayers.  We called his name over and over again . . . he wouldn't respond.

            During the course of searching, I had dropped something and had crawled under the table to get it.  There, on two chairs that had been pushed up against the table, was my brother fast asleep. 

            I also have taken pictures of my nephew, Brian and daughter Jenna in half-standing/half-leaning positions.  Brian in his cowboy boots and shorts.

2.         This was a favorite outfit for my nephew Kimball and his sister Candy - not at the same time, mind you, but when they were the same age.  Kimball moved swiftly from window to window to watch the dumpster retrieve garbage cans from the curb.  He obviously had not made time to get dressed. 

            The time I remember Candy running around after one of her siblings, and it was not grandma visiting them, but the other way around.  I think Candy had soiled her clothes or something.  They had been removed, but she took off before they could be replaced.

            I think Kimball must have been embarrassed about the situation as he kept saying, "I feel sorry for her like that."  I laughed because he had done the same thing.

3.         Some children never outgrow that.  Just as with my Jenna, Kayla's husband also likes to dress up.  I don't think I've ever seen him wear a cape though, except in costume.  He is one that will not only don himself for whatever occasion, but dress the family as well - mostly for Halloween, but like Jenna, I could see him doing it for pizza.  (see this post) 

4.         It's not just Toddlers that can/will eat the same food for all three meals.  My youngest son is 28 and would still rather have a bowl of cereal over anything else.  Not only is it enjoyable to eat, but the only dishes required to wash are a bowl and a spoon.  Toddlers don't consider what a chore is often present when doing dishes.

5.         As an adult I can't perform in front of others.  Even when I am out in public and have to use the facilities, I find it difficult especially when there are others waiting. 

            I remember a time I had taken Ellen into the bathroom with me.  I don't even remember how old she was, but I think she might have been talking in sentences (she did have quite a sophisticated vocabulary at an early age).  While sitting on the toilet with loose pants around my ankles, Ellen looked at me and said with every bit of sincerity,  "Aunt LaTiesha, you look beautiful"  Thanks?

6.         I can't think of a laughable example at this time.  Toddlers are blunt and don't tend to hold back, but I remember receiving comments for Kayla, Ellen and Jenna in which their toddler eyes found me to be more attractive in something that I would only wear around the house.

            Jenna and I used to have make-up parties when she was older than toddler age. I was a masterpiece in her eyes.

7.         This was me - not only as a toddler - but at least up through fourth grade.  I'm guessing my toddler acts would have been easier to sit through and not as lengthy as trying to put on an entire musical.  Ellen did it to.  She and her friend would set up chairs for us and have us come watch them in the backyard.

8.         I think bathtubs got a lot shorter than when I was a kid.  I realize I have gained weight, but come on.  Great tubs at Old Faithful Inn in Yellowstone. 

Not recommended for a toddler

9.         I think it was Corey who used to draw on the walls.  He would make smiles with arms and legs.  He would write letters in addition.  Crazy how he had actually labeled one drawing "cattle" and another "phantom".  Though he had watching "Sesame Street" at the time, I don't think he really knew how to spell then. 

            Corey did know his letters though.  One time we had gone to Arctic Circle (a local fast food chain in Utah and Idaho) and while my dad was ordering food, Corey was standing by the high chairs pointing out the letters and saying what each stood for:  "P is for pirate and peaches" etc.

            Jenna still enjoys drawing and hanging her own art work on the fridge.

10.       I don't remember any of Sunny's and Patrick's children taking selfies when they were younger. I don't even know if Sunny and Patrick had cell phones at that time.  I do remember when their three oldest received disposable cameras from one of Corey's friends.  The older two had been wise about using their cameras.  Brian used his film up within minutes.  I called it abstract photography.

            Jenna didn't take selfies so much when she was a toddler - though the last photo in the above picture my suggest otherwise.  I have posted some recent "selfies" here.  
            Updated technology:  my youngest nephew likes to "Google" - he'll say something foreign and Seri will give suggestions.  I don't know if he fully understands but he smiles at the ability of having made Seri talk.

11.       The night Candy was born, I watched her brothers.  Kimball was on the couch and I had Brian with me in mom's bed.  I heard Kimball call to me and went out to the living room to check on him.  When I returned to the bed (which was a king) Brian had managed to reposition himself and was hogging the entire bed!  How is that even possible?!? I ended up on the couch opposite Kimball.

12.       Grandmas and Grandpas used to whip out quarters to give to Jenna every time she flashed her smile and charm.  One time when we were leaving Big Lots, a man asked if I could hold his dogs while he went inside.  They were huge!  The man told Jenna that they were Scooby Doo dogs.  When he returned (less than two minutes later) he gave a dollar to Jenna.  Hey!  I was the one that held those giant dogs!

13.       Riding in the cart - especially the car shaped ones - was the most exciting thing ever.  

Assisting mom and dad with filling the cart - also awesome.  My mom had been shopping for a Relief Society activity.  I don't know how old I was at that time.  Mom hadn't noticed my "contribution" to the cart until after she returned home.  Amongst her RS purchase were three bear shaped containers full of chocolate milk.

Reminiscing 70+ years part 4

A continuation of list started yesterday

13.    She's a complete technophobe.

                            I don't think she did ever learn how to set the VCR
14.    She makes me feel needed.
                                                Each of us was important and she let us know why and what talents we could offer that maybe someone else could not.
15.    She showed me a great example of a successful marriage.
                        I had believed that all families were like my family - that the mom and dad loved one another and that the children enjoyed being a part of the family.  I didn't realize that there were many who had squabbles or came from broken homes.  When I think about it,  I guess even mom came from a broken home.  Her parents used to squabble.  She said there really hadn't been harmony in the home until after her dad left, and that it was all somehow shaken up again when her mom remarried.
                        Mom had set several goals for herself - one was that there would never be a divorce.  She also would do her best not to have to raise her family in an apartment. Mom and dad were a great example of a great marriage and great family life.  I have often told people that I must be from a "fairytale" family as people don't believe we could love and respect one another the way that we have. 
16.    She was a good wife.
17     She loves to travel, and we love traveling together.
                        Corey relates the experience of the two of them riding the hovercraft - which is hilarious.  I am actually the only one of mom's children who hasn't been to Europe.  

                        When mom had dementia, she believed she had traveled to places that she really hadn't.  I brought a map and put it in her room.  We put silver stars on places where she had been to physically and colored stars marked all the places she had only been to in her mind.  For the most part she had  "just driven there for the day" .  Greenland had been among those places
18     She took us on many family trips

19     She taught me not to judge people.
                        Mom always saw people for who they were on the inside.  She didn't take notice of a person's race, religion or scars.  She worked with a guy who had a disfigured face and she managed to overlook it.  When he showed up at work one day to share the exciting news that he'd be getting a facial operation she asked him why.  He was puzzled that she'd ask, but she really had learned to look beyond the deformed features that most people saw.
20.    She lets me live with her still.
                        I suppose many parents are anxious to see their children leave the "nest" - mom was not.  We could have all lived with her forever as far as she was concerned.  For 39 years I believed I would.  It's not that she didn't want to see us spread are wings and grow.  She was encouraging about that, but still melancholy with seeing us leave - especially when it started feeling permanent.
21.    She helped me gain an appreciation for current events and the news.
22.    She often agrees with me politically and has some liberal views.
                        I thought one of us had posted to our blog about the painful experience we had with taking mom to vote for what would be her last time.  She was very confused, and Corey had asked her who she wanted to vote for, and wrote down the names on a paper and asked for someone to guide her through figuring the punch card would be even more of a challenge.  (We don't have that in Oregon; the entire state votes by mail.  See here) It would have been easier if we had been able to do it that way that particular year.            
23.    She let me have a cat when I was young.
                                    I don't recall Patrick or Kayla ever showing an interest in an animal as with did Corey and I.  I think I actually had gone through more cats than did Corey. Mom had also had at least one cat when she was growing up.  She said her pregnant cat had babies in her closet on top of a slip that had been left in there.  The cat was quite protective of her babies and would snarl at mom, I guess.  Mom was not so fond of cats after that incident.  And yet she allowed over a dozen into our house over the years.

Reminiscing 70+ years part 3

               At the time we had mom's party I had not yet started my blog nor do I think I had started reading Corey's.  Perhaps I did and I just don't remember.  He hasn't posted for a while, and so I haven't looked at his blog page much the last year and a half.  I did open his blog page yesterday to see if he had mentioned the event or what he said about it - but I couldn't find anything - not at the time the event took place anyway.  He had his own personal trial he was dealing with.  I don't know if he ever got around to reminiscing the events that took place that summer my mom turned 70. 
               He gave mom a copy of the list he had created, but not the stories he had shared at the party as he paid her tribute and entertained those who came; thus I will share his list and my own examples as I can remember them.

70 Things I Love About My Mother

1.      She's always supported my career and seen just about every show I've done.

2.      She encouraged me to serve a mission.

3.      She loves me just for who I am.
4.      She loves to play games.

                                As I hadn't started my blog until the last year my mom lived in my childhood house, I hadn't recorded much pre-dementia.  Playing games with my family was just a part of life - I thought all families did it. 

                               Mom and dad had taught Patrick and me how to play a card game called 500 which I mention here.  We would play board games.  I remember one time when the power had gone out, we played a game called SKUNK; we played by Candle light.  Even after daddy's health deteriorated, we'd continue playing games.  There was one called Encore which is a singing game.  Dad had had a series of strokes and it had become difficult for him to get the words out of his mouth, but you could see him light up, and he would think of a song, and it didn't matter which team's turn it was or how long he took - we allowed him to provide an answer and would give it to whatever team's turn  it was to play.
                               Mom didn't seem so competitive as a team player, but boy, she was competitive when it was player against player.  Corey and I were her rivals.  She would play all games with all people, but there were specifics that I talked about in this post.

5.      She's a worry-wart.

6.      We love to go to lunch together.

                                            Mom enjoyed food and loved having the company of her children. More times than not it would be just her and only one child.  I remember her telling me about going to the mall when Patrick was working at one of those gift cheese stores.  She would stop by and ask him to go to lunch and one day asked if that embarrassed him as he was having lunch with his mom.  He told her that some of his co-workers were actually jealous about it.  All of us would always have good discussions with mom when we would go out to eat.

7.      She supported my educational pursuits.

                               Mom helped each of us with our education, but we all seemed to notice it the most with Kayla who really struggled in school.  Her mind was much slower than any of mom's other children or Kayla's peers.  She required extra attention for focusing and it did not help matters that the phone was always ringing off the hook as her friends would constantly call or come over.  Thus mom removed Kayla from the neighborhood environment for a couple of hours each week, possibly every day . .  I can't remember. 

                During the summer mom would take Kayla to a local drive-in for breakfast and they would hang-out for the required time that mom had set up to help Kayla understand whatever subject that Kayla was expected to understand.  She was so diligent in making sure that Kayla received a proper education.  I have always admired that

 8.      She helped me get my first job.

                            As I had mentioned in this post: except for dad, all of my family had worked at Snelgrove's Ice Cream Store - not at the same time, mind you.  Patrick and I had both started earning wages at age 13 or 14 with paper routes, but for Kayla and Corey, Snelgroves was a first job. 

 9.      She instilled good work ethic in me.

10.    She instilled in me an appreciation of theatre and movies.
11.    She instilled in me an appreciation for reading.

                                                Both my mom and Corey were avid readers.  They could have three or four books read before I had even completed one.  I do enjoy reading.  It just takes me a lot longer.

                                             Mom was reading books again while in assisted living.  She could never tell you what she was reading, but we do know she did read.

 12.    She read stories when I was young.

                                             She also read to/with the grandkids