Tori and Natasha

Tori and Grace were friends with one another – at one time.  Grace and her daughter both worked – or perhaps it was something else that kept them away from raising Natasha, Grace’s granddaughter.  Tori agreed to watch Natasha to assist both Grace and her daughter, but developed an attachment you might say.

Things might not have ended up so ugly if Grace hadn’t tried taking advantage of Tori to begin with.  Natasha’s mom abused Natasha and was later sent to prison for it, leaving Grace to tend to her granddaughter – but it appeared that Grace had abusive issues of her own. That’s how it was explained to me and that is what I believe.  I don’t know all the details.  I had just heard that after Grace moved, she would lock Natasha in the closet and fed her only one meal a day.

Tori is not the most educated, but she has a good heart.  In addition to caring for Natasha, she also allowed her ex-husband to move back in.  What a sap he is.  Roger is a professional bum who donates plasma twice a week so that he at least has enough money for his smokes. He doesn’t take the incentive to clean up after himself – let alone someone else.  He’s a know-it-all talk machine. If Roger could make a career out of talking on and on just to hear the sound of his own voice, he would be a millionarire.  One minute with Roger makes spending an entire day with Cliff Calvin seem comfortable   At least Cliff appeared to have a job

I’m unclear as how it is that Tori gained custody of Natasha. Perhaps DCFS was involved.  In Tori’s eyes she is the one who raised Natasha from the time she was a baby. I don’t know who assisted Tori into finding a way to legally adopt Natasha. 

Natasha was happy to have Tori as a mom and was willing to make sacrifices to help her as she had been helped herself.  So when Tori held a yard sale in order to raise a little money, Natasha volunteered - of her own free will - to sell her bike.

            I don’t fully understand why Roland seems drawn to yard sells – but he can always spot them while out driving.  Just before our first summer living in West Valley he was on his way somewhere when he noticed Natasha’s bike and stopped off to make a inquire about the bike. He paid for it and said he would return for the bike at a later time. Natasha, who appeared to be just as friend-hungry as Jenna, offered to bring it over so that she could meet the new owner of her bike. 

            So for about two years the girls played together off and on – once or twice a week, a few times a month, and then every other month.  And then it was about a year before we saw Natasha again.  It was always hit and miss.  Tori was always working – but Roger was always there (unless he was out selling plasma or picking up smokes) 

            Natasha didn’t understand why Tori worked all the time – that the hours she had put in were to support them financially and pay the attorney and fees. Tori wished to move – find a place for just her and Natasha – far away from where they live currently.  Only two bedrooms instead of three so she could honestly tell Roger that there would be no room for him.  So her house went up for sale, but the attorneys advised against it.  And then she went bankrupt and lost the house and had to take the sign down as it now belongs to the bank, but she’s been paying rent from what she tells me. Not really sure how that works - but she's still there and just scraping by financially.

Natasha has spent too much time with Roger.  She hasn’t been respectful to either him or Tori.  She’s acquired many of his bad habits.  Doesn’t lift a finger, even when Tori asks her to.  Tori has allowed the two of them to walk all over her.  I wouldn’t put up with it (but then again, I would have never got involved with Roger in the first place – let alone taken him back)

I saw Natasha and Tori the other night when Jenna and I were returning home after a long day to end her summer.  Natasha was out riding her scooter.  She seemed so forlorn and distant – as though she has given up on life.  She’s only twelve. She just started junior high.  I hope she makes friends there and doesn’t break.  I was just so sad as I watched her not caring.

While Jenna ran home to get her scooter, I walked Natasha to her house and Tori came out to tell her something.  She looked awful – Tori did.  Her hair is short and quite thin.  She has red splotches all over her face.  She says she has cancer. I don’t know what kind. I know her financial affairs are not the greatest.  The disease will most likely kill her as she doesn’t seem to know how to prioritize her affairs.  And Roger does absolutely nothing to help her. 

My heart breaks for both her and Natasha. What will become of her if /when Tori dies. Is that why Natasha seems so distant?

I told her about a place not too far from here.  I hope that she is able to remove Natasha from her current living environment.  I hope she takes the time to teach her daughter the values that she might have once had before Roger corrupted her.  I hope Natasha realizes that education and work will work to her advantage much better than following in Roger's footsteps and trying to continue life as a bum. I hope she understands the sacrifices that Tori has made and that she will find strength to overcome.

Opposites Attract

Roland likes a hearty spaghetti sauce

Full of large pieces of meat and vegetables

I like a little more sauce.

Roland likes LOTS of onions

I’m happy with just a piece of the onion

It has to be finely chopped.

Roland likes hard ginger snap cookies

I like cookies that are soft –

Preferably chocolate chip

None of that peppery strength that

Jenna and I taste with the ginger snap.

Roland likes Italian meats. 

He likes the meat lovers pizza or

At least a combination

I like Hawaiian or Vegetarian or

Just something different –

Something with Alfredo or Pesto

Roland says Chicken does NOT belong on a pizza.

Roland likes his bagels with butter or

Cream cheese and jelly

I like bagels with cream cheese. 

Sometimes cream cheese and a

Fresh tomato.

We both prefer our bagels toasted.

Roland insists on having a drink with his meal

But rarely ever finishes drinking it.

I doubt he drinks more than 20 ounces in a given day

I drink water – lots of it.  Especially in the summer.

I drink 2 – 5 quarts of liquid a day. 

Most of it is water.

Roland is an extravert with lots of charisma and charm

People like Roland.

People remember Roland.

I may not be as introverted as my siblings

But I’m certainly not the social magnet

Especially since we moved to West Valley

He’s aggressive.

I’m a door mat.

No, not really. 

But sometimes I feel like I am.

Roland is an excellent driver.

He can focus on several things

When he is behind the steering wheel.

I don’t actually enjoy driving.

I do it because it’s necessary for

Getting Jenna to school.

I told Roland I don’t have many years

Left in me before the state takes my license

The way they did with my mom

Roland is the one who stays up until
All of the children are home
I''m the one who goes to bed.
He sleeps with blankets on all year round
I might use the covers ten times at the most 

Roland and I both like to start projects.

He is much better at following through

I really need to learn to finish the job.

Black and White: Tale of Two Cars

Black and White: Tale of Two Cars

We have two cars – each manufactured the same year.  One is a white Buick and the other is a black Saturn.

The electronics have gone on the Buick – the ones that communicate anyway.  The ones on the dashboard which tell us we need our oil checked or engine serviced or what have you.  We can’t even read the counter to know how many miles we’ve gone or always know if our tank is full. According to the dashboard it’s always full. 

 

Driving the Buick can be scary as we cannot see what gear we’re in but have to feel our way.  The back door on the passenger side has a huge dent from being in an accident. The window on that door doesn’t roll down.  I fully believed that our 2011 license renewal would be the last one.  And here it’s held up for nearly two years longer than I thought it would.  We truly have been blessed.  It does get me where I need to go.  I say a lot of prayers before and as I am driving.

We used to have a blue Saturn Ion – which I liked and would have liked to drive again.  But Randy sold it.  And so I’m mostly stuck with the Buick.

The black Saturn was initially my mom’s – though Roland and I did put the most miles on her car each time we borrowed it to go see his family.  I don’t trust the Buick enough to be too far from the city – and between Salt Lake and Tucson there are just too many po-duc towns that fold up at 6:00 at night plus too many stretches of desolation in between. 

Mom hadn’t even driven her car for the last year that she was at home.  Nate and I took turns using it. But Roland offered to buy the car not only so that we could put that money towards the cost of assisted living, but so we would have another working car.

The Saturn is generally the car he drives.  It is black.  It is hot.  It is small.  Generally I prefer the smaller cars, but I don’t appreciate the buckle holder poking at my rear no matter how much I try to adjust both the buckle and my rear.  And I really hate having my fingers burn off in just trying to open the door.  Apparently Roland doesn’t even notice.

I don’t like driving the car after Roland has had it because it suddenly becomes a dumpster on wheels.  Though I suppose Jenna has kept the back seat floor just as trashy.  She is nine but I allow her to sit in front.  (The car seat law should be on hight and weith – not age.  Same with clothes) I can usually point to items and say to Jenna that I need her to throw this and that away.  But I’m not always with Roland when the car gets littered nor have I been successful at always having him clean up right away. In fact, I think I have picked up some terrible habits myself.

Currently the Saturn is actually in better shape as far as neatness goes.  Time for me to clean the Buick out AGAIN.  

Just a Hint of Fall

There have been some mornings

in which I could feel a touch of fall in the air. 

Some mornings. 

Not all mornings. 

Not Yesterday. 

In fact it was hot.

 Jenna’s first day of school and

I put Highness in the car so that

I could take him for a walk. 

It was hot. 

Very hot.

The sun shown in my eyes.

Too bright.

I couldn’t drive home towards it

so we walked around until

The sun rose higher in the sky.

 

Yesterday was very unlike today

which has a coolness about it. 

I don’t know the temperature outside.

 But the promise of fall seems real now. 

Not like the overcast days in July when

the dark clouds filled the skies with

malicious teasing creating

a sticky hotness that wasn’t felt from the sun alone.

 

Today the sun peaks through

but there is still a touch of fall in the air. 

A touch of a promise. 

I don’t think we’re through with summer. 

The tomatoes have just started turning red,

and there are two fetus melons in the garden. 

I’d like to see them mature at least and

have others join them.

We did get peppers this year.

 I’d like to see them get bigger. 

The small ones have such a poignant sharp bite to them.

I don’t like them when they have a bite. 

But sometimes we have to pick them

before the brown disease sets in.

We have a garden. 

Not the one we had hoped for, but still. 

Things have been growing. 

Even though the heat has been unbearable.

 It was in June and it was

quite hot yesterday.

 I like the way the air is right now. 

Not to hot,

not too cool. 

I hope winter isn’t as cold as

summer was hot this year.

I’d like to see the skies

invite the rains

for real

in this state
in this city. 

I love fall.

                                                kfralc

Postcomment for Jake Abhau: - A Mormon Dad of a Gay Teen

While I was reading  this post, my mind flooded with ideas for a comment I might leave – but there were too many thoughts racing through my mind that my fingers couldn’t keep up with what I thought I wanted to say – so while trying to condense my comment (so that it did not come out to be longer than the Jake’s post) I made errors with spelling and smooth transitions.  My comment sounded disjointed and stupid – to me anyway. 

Perhaps not all of it sounded unpolished and sloppy.  My thoughts were flying faster than I could get the words out. When I reread through the first comment that I left, I realize I should have just stopped at the second paragraph. I copied the first two paragraphs and deleted my original comment and tried again – with just the two paragraphs and a link for my brother’s blog. I’d like to share my ideas and hope that they are valid and helpful.  But I don’t want to sound preachy.

Some of the thoughts that went through my mind were words I had already written in such posts found here, here and here among several others.  I had also thought about the lesson given in Relief Society, several of Corey’s posts, and a talk I had given in Sacrament meeting.

The lesson in Relief Society was chapter 15 of Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow in which we learn that sometimes things don’t go as we had planned but that we need to make the best of it and realize that perhaps that was part of the plan all along – that Pres. Snow was destined to be in Malta rather than India, that we ourselves may have another mission that doesn’t seem compatible with what we’ve been taught all of our lives.

Corey had been taught to go on a mission, get married in the temple, honor his priesthood, etc. etc.  But that isn’t the path he chose for himself – nevertheless believed it was expected.  And then God allowed for Corey and Joh to cross paths.  Corey is now on a mission through his blog.  He has a strong testimony of the Church gospel.  But he also values gay awareness. 

My belief is that his calling right now is to assist in bridging that gap between the LDS Church and the LGBT community.  But his records had to be removed from the Church in order to get the following that he did (and continues to get) And I think he has done an amazing job – though that was not his intent.  Corey is a happy and complete person – neither of which existed before he came out – before he found Joh.

I gave a talk in Church.  The subject I had been given was on forgiveness.  I didn’t want to come right out and say, “Corey, I’ve been assigned a talk.  Allow me to be your proxy; you write the talk and I will give it.” Though that is what I wanted to do.  I emailed the three paragraphs which I had been given and told him that I needed to make a talk out of it and was looking for his ideas – which he shared.  But not a complete talk’s worth.

Ironically about half of my talk came from some of the posts that he had created about a friend who had been sent to prison.  So unbeknownst to him, I actually did make most of it his talk rather than my own.  Just because he’s been excommunicated doesn’t mean his relationship with God is over.  Quite the contrary.  It has gotten stronger.

We don’t always understand why we’ve been given certain trials.  We don’t often understand why God would give a commandment (“Thou shalt not kill” for example) that we accept and imbed into our brains and strongly agree with and then tells someone (Nephi, for example) “Kill Laban” and we’re like “What?”

There are some people who I believe have been chosen – yes “chosen” to marry outside of their faith or not serve a mission or leave the Church to build strength in either their own character or become an example for others to follow.  I truly believe that. 

I do have a testimony of this church gospel.  I do.  But I have strayed from the strict teachings I grew up with and have ventured outside the box into a world where I want to understand others – what their viewpoints are.  And I’m seeing the flaws of men – mankind who are church goers – some are Pharisees, some try their hardest to fit into the perfect Mormon mold, and others explore.  There are some mighty strong members who have strayed and returned – and then there are others (like my brother) who remain strong but cannot return – at least for the time being.

I think so many of us feel discrimination at one time or another.  And yet Jesus did not or does not discriminate.  So why is it we may feel that when we are attending His Church?  Because there is still leadership run by imperfect men.  None of us is perfect.  We're not expected to be perfect in this earth life - just to stay on the path that will lead to perfection. God isn't going to discriminate because Jordan is gay - just as he will not discriminate against my bother. It's his mission. You can see it in his blog.

I hope that Jake does not give up on the Church.  But I do understand where he is coming from.  The Church teaches values.  It builds foundation. But it is hard to live the concept of “Families are Forever” and then have imperfect leaders tell us that unless we repent of the unrepentable that we can’t be together forever.  We have to have hope and faith and realize that God’s love and perfection is so much mightier than any man’s.

My Brain is Spilling Over

My head is so full that the words are spilling over and I can’t write or type them in as quickly as I think I’m thinking them. Not to mention that Jenna continues to interrupt my every thought.  School starts tomorrow!  I think much better when I am by myself.

There was too much I had wanted to respond to as I posted a comment to a blog I had read yesterday.  I certainly didn’t wish for my comment to be larger than the post itself and so tried to sum up everything that was going through my mind.  Didn’t work.  I did a copy paste and deleted my original comment and reposted a few paragraphs – though there still exists an epistle in my mind.

I am overwhelmed with ideas for post subjects (though not many titles) and I’ve been brainstorming and adding sentences and moving words around.  Thus far I have at least six different post ideas.  That doesn’t count the fifteen plus ideas that I already have in my files. 

So I have elaborated somewhat on my comment to Jake Abhau (which I won’t post on his blog but my own), but still nowhere complete. 

Just returned from a back-to-school night featuring “the Leader in Me”.  I was so proud of Jenna as she preformed the seven habits. (I have written absolutely nothing about this subject yet)

Another book review

Biff’s major personality adjustment

Analyzing the constant weeping of women (at least this one)

How awesome it is to step outside and pick a fresh tomato

And then there will be the events of whatever today brings.  Jenna’s last day of summer vacation. My head is spilling over.  I’m overwhelmed right now.

I just hope that I do actually go through with what’s in my mind and somehow get it sorted.  I remember Corey had created a post when his head was full and said he would like to create posts for various subjects.  Never happened.  I was so looking forward to reading his thoughts about Jenna’s baptism.  But it never got written.

I suppose I can always delete this.  Right now I seem to be posting this just for the sake of posting.  I’m not really saying anything . . . .

My Take on “Alabama Moon”

         There is always a risk factor involved with selecting videos I have not previously seen or may have never even heard of before.  For the most part I have read the description, visualize the setting of the story and may check it out.  But most often I have made poor selections as there have been many that I cannot be drawn in due to bad acting or poor dialogue or lame writers or what have you.  I actually haven’t been successful in my gambles.  But on Saturday we checked out a video I rather enjoy and will have to look into reading the award winning novel by Watt Key (as books are generally much much better than the movie)

         “Alabama Moon” was great.  I enjoyed watching Moon grow and allow himself to make choices and find strengths in those he associated with.  The story starts off with Moon burying his father, and as he is digging we see the flashbacks in his mind about how and where Moon and his father lived.  When his father realizes that he will soon die, he encourages Moon to remain living out his days in the same manner.

         But the “law” interferes with Moon’s plans – or tries to.  Clinton Howard plays a sleezeball constable who’s out for vengeance.  The more Moon tries to honor the wishes of his father, the more ruthless the constable becomes - so much to the point of satisfying his own egotistical pride rather than upholding the law.

         I LOVE John Goodman’s character.  From the first moment he asks Moon if he’s okay and offers him a sweet roll – which Moon devours.  He does this with genuine concern and is quite careful NOT to help Clinton Howard’s character. 

         Moon learns what it is like to have friends and to be a part of a world his father had kept him from.  There is good and evil – not just evil as his father had led him to believe.  Torn between wanting to honor his father’s wishes and not wanting to continue alone, Moon is faced with a fate that only he can decide.

         That leads us to the climax of the movie.  I could go on, but choose not to so as not to spoil the ending for anyone who wishes to see (or read) it. The end of the movie was more than satisfactory.  I loved the movie as a whole and highly recommend it.

Weekends in Syracuse

       Jenna is loud!  Even when she is quiet for her, she is still loud by definition.  I think that's one reason Biff is gone.

       My eldest son, Biff, has a girlfriend in another county.  He says 45 minutes away.  I haven’t driven it. But it is where he current girlfriend lives.  He drives there on Saturday afternoon and doesn’t return home until late Monday night – I would guess at the same time that Jeanie leaves for work . . .

         He works on Saturday nights which means he is commuting from Syracuse to Sandy – that’s quite a commute.  And expensive.  Good thing Biff is using his own gas and not mine and Roland’s.  Not that he’d have our permission.  If you’re an avid follower you may recall from this post that Biff is supposed to be out of the house.

         Before he started driving his car again (which I still don’t know whether it’s registered or not) I had a dream that Biff brought Jeanie and her parents came with him – not to drop him off, but to help him move.  Biff introduced Jeanie as his wife and her parents – our new in-laws.  Now, my sister-in-law Sunny would be mortified if one of her children came home and announced he or she was already married.  Sunny would be hurt and heart –broken that she hadn’t been a part of her child’s marriage. 

         In my dream I showed no remorse, but total happiness.  I hugged Jeanie and her parents and welcomed them to the family – each was somewhat taken aback.  Biff went with his new father-in-law to rent a U-Haul and I helped Jeanie and her mom pack Biff’s belongings.

         Our visit was pleasant – as I recall – though I don’t know the exact conversation.  I did tell them about how Roland and I had met and that we were engaged for nine months before we were married and how we had a “reception” a month later.

         I woke up before Biff and his father-in-law returned.

         Roland doesn’t think it is a good idea to start marriage under the same roof as parents – but that is how Sunny and my brother Patrick started out.  Living in the basement of her parents.  Her father helped push Patrick into liking Sunny as much as she liked him.  That is my understanding anyway. Her father had invited Patrick to go with their family to California for their Disneyland vacation.  I believe that is where Patrick developed a love for Sunny.

         Sunny would have never eloped.  I had thought about it.  My mom made me promise that I wouldn’t.  But if we hadn’t already been married when terrorists crashed the planes into the Twin Towers at New York on September 11, 2001, I would have broken that promise.  I would have had Roland drive me to Las Vegas just after I got off work.  I thought the world was coming to an end.  I wanted to be legally married before the end happened.  But we were actually married two days before.

         The world didn’t end in the same sense that I had in mind.  But many of the comforts of the world I had once known were lost.  The economy started its downfall and regardless of oral reports that the economy has gotten better – not everyone sees that it has.  So many still struggle from day to day.  Struggle to put food on the table, to pay bills, to survive.  The world didn’t end but I think a lot of respect for it did.

Communicating In Code

Jenna has always had a fascination with “secret codes”.  She enjoys translating and sending coded messages.  She has rewritten the alphabet and created characters for each letter.  

For a while we were doing picture characters, but drawing an octopus got tiresome after attempting to draw it the last six notes or so. I am okay with stick figures and symbols – but when it comes to drawing, many of my animals end up looking the same.

 

So I changed some of the characters from the code that Jenna had and wrote a note and told her to translate without using the key.  An early introduction to cryptogram.  More clues.  More puzzles.  How fun!

Jenna’s last code was symbols drawn at random – but it’s something I can/could learn.

L 7 O € £ ≠ ÷ © ∞ Ω π × " # % + \ [ ^ ] ¦ ¤ ◊ ∂ √ ∆

for example

I am so grateful for her enthusiasm and her desire and willingness to learn and create. 

Did You See That Red Sun Last Night?

         Jenna and I came out of the library to see a brilliant red ball hanging in the sky.  

         There’ve been a lot of fires in Utah.  Many in the nation. The smoke makes the sun appear to be red.

        

         I’m sorry for the many whose homes have been lost.  

         I enjoyed seeing the sun.