Brave or Stupid? I’m Going for the Latter

         Roland took a warehouse job with GREAT benefits – less than ten minutes away – but graveyards.  He had done that kind of work before.  He was doing that when I met him – graveyards. His body was younger and in better shape 20 years ago.  Just three days in seemed to take a toll on him and he quit.  Dang. 

He is now training for a sales job at a jewelry store.  Jewelry.  Sales.  Blech!  I was much more excited about the warehouse.  NOT excited about sales or jewelry.  But it’s his comfort zone.  To sell.  He seems excited about it I guess. 

He has felt the need for new clothes.  He has also wanted to purchase clothes for Jenna – who does enjoy shopping at the dollar store, discount stores and even second hand store.  But not for clothes.  A teenage girl who hates to go shopping.

Roland has taken Jenna by himself a few times, but neither one of them are good at finding items in her size.  That is probably what we hate most about shopping – finding cute things in smaller sizes but a limited choice in our own.  Three ugly dresses, shirts, pants or what have you.  This time Roland dragged me into it.  What we couldn’t find in the Big City of Roseburg we would surely find at the MALL in Medford.

After seven years of being away from the mall Jenna was quite thrilled with being there – especially to ride escalators.  What a dream, right?  The stores in Roseburg had not been crowded – especially the dressing rooms.  I was a bit put off that there was the option of trying on clothes when none was offered a year and a half ago when the pandemic had started in the U.S. and the cases were not as high in the state then as they are currently.

But then again we are a red county.  Citizens who vote republican and abuse their “freedoms” without understanding why we even have said freedoms.  I’ve seen more people wearing masks than not.  Thankfullly there are still some businesses who enforced the mask rules and at least one store had closed its dressing rooms.

I remember when the pandemic first happened and there was that  stay-at-home order and several businesses closed and the ones that remained open seemed to have a non-verbal “no touch” policy.  “If you touch the item, you buy the item – we cannot return it to the shelf”

Carts were wiped down for a time.  I don’t know that anyone does that anymore.  Even though we are required to wear masks the social distancing definitely not enforced.  I felt like I was being swallowed by the disease. 

I have been coughing though I don’t believe it’s a COVID cough – although after today I suppose that could be the case. However it didn’t start out that way.

The smoke comes and goes.  There were two days of sunshine and blue skies and yesterday I retrieved Bonnie’s leash and had opened the front door and saw the smoke descending over the hills and went back for my mask – not that it added great protection from the smoke but would help my breathing just a bit. 

I ended up not taking Bonnie out until later in the day when the hills reappeared and the sky was no longer murky. That was weird.  But it did leave a cough.  But there are a number of people who have COVID and I could have easily come in contact – especially today.  But neither Jenna or Roland are coughing and they venture out way more often than I do.

I should have several days of posts as I have had time to write.  The drive just hasn’t been there.  Even now.  But somehow I feel obligated to post something.  I need to come up with something profound and inspiring.  Still working on it.

One Man's Misfortune May Be Another's Form of Entertainment.

 One of the pigs got out of his/her yard and into ours.  Isn't the first time.  Could even be the same pig as last year.  I don't know.  It sounds as though they have been more trouble than what they're worth.  Neither one of these guys were particularly happy as it cost two hours of time they could have spent elsewhere.  

When you view these (some not great quality due to a dirty window) pay attention to the pigs in the background.  They seem intrigued.

not the most durable climbing shoes in my opinion

appears to be a standoff LOL

the details don't stand out so great in this
photo but the pig in the background does

Discrimination and Other Struggles part 1

               Every essay needs a thesis statement, at least three body paragraphs and a concluding paragraph.  Jenna is now taking an English based on writing letters to solicit scholarship funds.  Her first theme currently is “Beat the Odds Scholarship”.  I looked over her first rough draft and we changed some of it.  It’s still not perfect but we knew that going in. 

One of the suggestions that her instructor has was that she should focus on overcoming disabilities or hardships that affected her life.  Jenna’s only comment was the pandemic which is definitely NOT a personal struggle.  It is still a struggle nonetheless – and the only one that either of us can think of. 

        The fact that Roland and I are college graduates has already kept Jenna from the summer program that at least one of her friends had gone to this year.  Our family way of life offers many benefits over that of most of her friends.  Many come from broken homes.  Some have ambitions and some do not.  Each student is struggling in ways that Jenna often doesn’t or just can’t relate to. 

Jenna has ALWAYS enjoyed learning.  She has ALWAYS looked forward to school.  Her greatest years thus far (I kid you not) were the years spent in middle school (I haven’t known many who have relished the “junior high” years – but she truly did).  Jenna is her own person and is not swayed by others. 

        The global pandemic is not a personal problem but is definitely an issue that has somewhat deflated her soul.  She tries so hard to remain positive but seems to be walking on broken shells on an unfriendly beach trying hard to get to the water but hasn’t reached it yet.  She said she is going to start recording the days that she doesn’t cry about some sort of frustration.  She’s been in school only three days and I’m certain that things will pick up.  Currently she is in her bare feet standing on the sand.

        Because she was taken out of school she was also taken out of the system – meaning any logins or passwords she used as a sophomore are null and void as a senior.  She has to start over.  Because one of the staff encountered COVID, all others had to quarantine – which put them behind. 

Jenna has a physical copy of her schedule, but it is not in the system to check.  It has been frustrating.  But perhaps it’s the booster that Roland thinks she needs to leave high school behind and enter into the real world. 

        When we moved into this community Jenna and I became a part of it.  We were eager to assist one another.  It was a great place to be.  Now everybody is so torn up about the economy and making everything so political that there are civil wars taking place all over the nation.  I don’t know what states and/or cities are the safest to be in right now.  Roland and I each want Jenna to succeed in whatever she does.  Question is where?  And what can we afford?

        Roland just accepted a position as a salesman at a jewelry store.  Not a job I was anxious about and still not comfortable with – although it won’t wear him out as did the warehouse position that he had attempted for three days but his body is not in the greatest shape to continue.  And he loves sales and is good at it. 

He’s currently learning his lines and I am trying to bite my tongue though I’m doing a really lousy job at using the word “snake” to describe the average salesman.  His “acting role” is putting me out even further.  If he is successful at this job and can provide an education for Jenna, great.  But my fear is he will make too much in order for her to qualify for benefits – “rumor has it that he sells engagement rings and therefore is wealthy enough to provide for his little girl”. 

        Having a representative working at a jewelry store does not a Rockefeller make.  Jenna may not appreciate that we have been financially struggling since before she was born.  We moved because of lack of finances.  She had received reduced lunch and was on the receiving end of the school charity drives.  At the time she did not see it as a setback but truly did appreciate wearing new shoes that she was given at school or whatever it was.  She and her friends will joke about it now, calling it the drive for the poor kids, which doesn’t sound nice but seems easier to accept when you realize that you are or have been one of them.

        We don’t have riches but are definitely not struggling anymore – even though Roland was let go from the online position as the school closed.  He’s really not ready to retire as he seems to have the drive to do something.  Jenna has been involved with volunteer work and earned money picking blueberries for three summers.  Her passion is now in the theatre arts.  She believes everyone needs to be entertained – especially during this time of uncertainty.  She does entertain.

        I don’t like to see my baby struggle but I realize just as this pandemic has been a growing time for me it will be her.  She just might not see that now.

Anniversary Relived

               Yesterday marked the 20^th year of my marriage with Roland.  You think a couple might want to spend their 20^th anniversary with some kind of milestone celebration.  But both of us managed to forget – and yet I had just mentioned it to Jenna the day prior.  And thus our anniversary was celebrated in the same manner that many birthdays and anniversaries have gone during the pandemic.  We labored. 

              We moved the freezer into the back room. We emptied the water barrel moved that as well.  Refilled with water. We unstocked and took apart shelves in the office and put a couple up in the backroom and one in the laundry hall and restocked them.  We finally did take a break between 10:30 and 11:00 to grab some food.  I had hoped for breakfast and NOT Mexican, but we ended up at a local Mexican that we had never tried. The food was good but the prices were a bit steep, I thought.  

We came home and continued with moving items and rested more.  We did set up the table in the back room and had moved a few chairs in this morning.  The shelves are stocked with games.  It looks much nicer.  I had gone to check facebook and was reminded that of my anniversary and “celebrations” in years past:

 Let us not forget that our initial marriage took place two days before the twin towers were bombed.  Thus our anniversary is celebrated simultaneously with 9/11.   On my 10^th anniversary I had gone to Mrs. Cavanugh’s with the 2^nd graders. My mom passed away the day after our 14^th. And yesterday . . . I put my arms around Roland and asked him if he knew what day it was.  He sheepishly guessed our anniversary.  We decided to count our expensive lunch as our 20^th anniversary celebration.

Speaking of 20^th – my sister, Kayla, and husband, Bill, have their wedding anniversary coming up on – you guessed it, the 20th of this month. I was hoping that one year we would/will be able to do a cruise in September to celebrate both of our anniversaries.  Disneyland would work as well as it will be dressed up for Halloween later on this month – or at least had done it mid-September in the past.  I don’t know how much COVID may have changed that.  Until this pandemic ends I do not wish to travel – even just to the Big City of Roseburg.

20 years.

Living Sci-Fi Continues

          From the beginning of the pandemic, the horrific pictures in the media, the stay-at-home and lock down orders, mask mandates, verbal battles, etc. has been a reminder to some cheesy sci-fi that gets played on the Comet station.  Only we are really living it – though some are still in denial about it doesn’t change that it is and has been part of our lives for one to two years.         

        Jenna is currently in the high school library with a bunch of other students who have not yet received their schedules.  At least she’s not alone.  She has always been enthusiastic and fired to return to school – even last year when I wouldn’t let her.  This year is worse than last year was – more deaths, more cases.  That is why she doesn’t have a schedule and is in the library waiting. 

photo credit source here

         We had recently discussed how each generation has had its challenges.  She wishes she could experience the childhood that I did – back in the day before school shootings were all too common.  Back in a day when there were definite roles between men and women.  A day without internet.  People somehow seemed more humane and kindness mattered in the business world – at least if you were white.  I think there may be a large number of non-whites who would describe my childhood days with a different description. 

photo credit source here

        I have been on my knees pleading with the Lord that Jenna may make it through her senior year with the same attitude she has always had prior to COVID.  If she does happen to wear a smile no one will be able to see it unless there’s a twinkle in her eyes – which comes and goes.  I suspect it has in all of us.

photo credit source here

Set Backs

Jenna starts school tomorrow and had hoped to have less hair to deal with.  I had set up an appointment for each of us to get our hair thinned out – though I wondered if it we better just to recreate the pandemic hair from last year.

Because we were already out and Jenna hadn’t gotten the schedule that would supposedly be sent out by August 27 (that was the original plan anyway. Tomorrow is the first day of school and no schedule has been identified. I told Jenna we could swing by the high school to see if we could figure out the source of the problem.

 Walking to the school from the street made for an interesting challenge all by itself.  This is a view of the high school parking lot:

I seriously have my doubts about this being finished tonight
and ready for the students who drive to school tomorrow.

 COVID is the source of vacant schedules. Only the freshmen who started today have the schedules.  Still working on grades 10 – 12) After I returned home, I posted the picture to facebook and proposed this question: “I wonder if administration and construction will hold a competition: Which will be done first? The parking lot or the student schedules?”

The smoke continues to envelop our community.  The stars have not been visible the last couple of nights.  The hills appear to have been swallowed.  This road which runs alongside the high school seems to be a drop off into the unknown.

What Kind of Friend Are You?

 I have seen one or two of the Harry Potter movies.  I can’t say that I enjoyed it nor would it have been of my choosing.  The times I had watched were with a number of other Swire employees who had been on their best behavior and were rewarded with our own private theater for viewing at Jordan Commons.  We were also fed hot dogs and drinks.  I remember the pickle relish being a brighter green than I have ever seen on a relish. 

I don’t suppose I had paid much attention to the houses and house names nor cared which each represented.  But I notice Jenna will sometimes ask others “What group do you belong to?” as she refers to the four houses and considers herself to be a Hufflepuff which she defines as “I will automatically be your friend until you give me a reason not to be.” 

Slytherins sound like the kind who will use others to get ahead.  Perhaps not all of them are toxic.  Unfortunately because of her overly friendly attitude Jenna has allowed some toxic people into her life without knowing that they are toxic until she has gotten to know them.  It usually gives me great pleasure that she is so friendly that she is able to put others at ease and make them feel welcome.  But there are times that I worry as she does seem to be too trusting of others without really knowing what they may be capable of.

 She has made a friend with one whom I shall call “Kennedy”.  Kennedy goes the pronouns them and they.  Jenna and Kennedy get along great.  Kennedy has also made friends with another named “Ryley” – I don’t know what pronouns Ryley goes by.  Jenna has absolutely no problem when the three of them hang around together but does not enjoy hanging with Ryley by herself.  Ryley, like Jenna, seems to be overly friendly.  I would have categorized her as a Hufflepuff – but apparently that is not the case.  Too bad.

 I am definitely not a Hufflepuff though I used to be.  I do not use people to get ahead. I am definitely more cautious of people and their intent.  I wish I wouldn’t be so judge-y.  I don’t appreciate getting hurt.  I believe the more distanced I am from people, the less chance there is in creating emotional attachment that could hurt me in the long run.  I wish I was better at taking the initiative to control that.

Crash Course: Where Love Is

         The smoke must have cleared out as I was able to see stars above the skylight.  I hope it may remain behind the hills or better yet disappear all together.  Bless the many fire fighters who are battling the flames.

        A funeral was held yesterday at the church.  The second I've attended in person rather than virtually since the pandemic made its way to the US.  As with the last funeral, the service did not take place until after the body had been buried - or in yesterday's case, cremated.

        Jenna had been asked to sing with her friend, Heather.  They performed two songs: "I am a Child of God" and "Where Love is".  I remember them learning the latter in primary after Jenna had already graduated to Young Women's.  It is one of my favorite primary songs and it makes me feel bad that I somehow missed out on teaching or singing it to Jenna.

        She took it upon herself to find a recording that neither one of us particularly enjoyed.  She learned it and practiced with Heather for the first time yesterday morning before the funeral started.  There was no emotional attachment and they were able to sing both songs in their entirety without stirred feelings.  They did a really great job.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/where-love-is

        

Smoke Billowing Over

 Yesterday looked overcast in the morning.  I thought I saw mist.  Maybe not.  More probable not.

I noticed that there was smoke behind the hills - to the north, to the west, to the east, to the south.

The north and east don't seem so terrible compared to the west and the south.  The smoke has spilled over and into the valley.  I tried capturing the red sun last night, but the picture is not the same as what I saw with my naked eyes

So this is what the photograph looks like

But it looked more like this -
or maybe something in between

West and South hills have seemed to disappear.  Took most of these this afternoon while we were walking Bonnie

We got a notification from Alexis about our air quality - as though our breathing wouldn't have been able to figure it out on its own.  We've seen worse.  Last year was worse.  

I look at so many elements people are currently fighting across our nation.  The floods, the fires.  Each time I hear of a hurricane in Louisiana I think "Why do those people even stay there?"  

I suppose it's possible that there are people in Louisiana who look at what's happening in Oregon and think, "Why do those people even stay there?" 

We've been here six years.  I feel blessed that we have never had to evacuate.  But we think we're prepared to do so.

My allergies are going haywire and I've been coughing.  I am certain it is due to the poor air quality and not to COVID

Do Not Cross the Board

               We have done a few more home projects including power washing the house and hanging blinds. 

 

           The power “wash” came out more like a power “rinse” as the soap didn’t seem to be coming through.  After watching a tutorial Roland went back and did the cars – so though the house has not been washed – it does look much better than before.

           We moved things around to get to the windows.  As we did so, a board fell to the floor near the couch between the living room and hall.  Bonnie had been outside but I had let her in.  She remained behind the couch and I didn’t think much about it until she started whining.  I asked her to come but she remained until I picked up the board and then she brushed pass the couch.

           Really?  She was unable to move forward because she couldn’t cross the board?  The thickness was less than the steps that she will move up and down each day. And she wouldn’t step on or over it?  Wow.  Who knew?

 

          So yesterday I was doing laundry and the exhaust wasn’t working properly according to Roland.  He had me open the door to the back room in order to let the air flow for better ventilation, but I did not want Bonnie back there.  Who knew that this flat board would hold her back?  It’s quite miraculous really.  

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda . . .

 Last year when I enrolled Jenna for ORCA, they came back with her to enroll as a senior - which sounded absolutely cool to me. But neither Roland nor Jenna seemed particularly interested in advancing her - especially because Jenna wanted the opportunity of graduating with her class mates at the local high school and not online.  This morning she informed me of the death of one of the staff members who just recently died of COVID.  I don't know why she thinks that.  She doesn't seem to have a source.

It is too late for us to enroll her back in ORCA.  As I mentioned, the school has been put on week delay from when they were supposed to start.  Oregon has called in the national guard to assist with the problem the state is facing with COVID (more specifically the Delta Variant) outbreak.  The state has made national news.  I wish we would have enrolled her as a senior.  Then I wouldn't feel like I am throwing her to the lions den.

Visiting Canines

               Bonnie has been acting squirrelly lately.  We didn’t know if it was because of her allergies or the elements that animals can seem to sense better than any mechanical weather forecaster.  I let her out yesterday and noticed that there was another dog near our unused black car.

I heard Jenna cry, “Why would you let her out?!”

“I didn’t realize there was another dog out here.  Besides, why wouldn’t I let her out?  Maybe she needed to go.”

I don’t know that Bonnie had even tried going potty.  I tried luring back into the house.  She wanted to check out the dogs (turned out there were two of them) but was not vicious about it – which must have meant they were both male.   The border collie seemed a bit put off by Bonnie’s presence and would growl and then Bonnie would growl louder.  Jenna did not get a picture of the three of them interacting on the hill but Bonnie was obviously the smallest of the three.

 

Jenna brought the other two dogs into our brand new room.  I don’t think it was intentional at first, but it seemed a way to keep them safe.  Unlike our neighbor’s menagerie behind our yard, we don’t recall ever having seen either of the dogs before.  Especially the larger of the two.  I would have remembered seeing a St. Bernard before.

Roland jumped the gun and called animal control to come collect them though neither Jenna nor I agreed with his presumption.  She had taken pictures to post to instagram or other media in which others might be able to view.  Her friend dropped by and they both hung out in the back room with the two dogs.  They referred to the dogs as Collin and Bernard.  Jenna said she was willing to keep Bernard and Ruth could take Collin as she seemed to have a better relation with the dog and Bonnie was more tolerable of Bernard than Collin.

Both seemed to be well-mannered and friendly dogs.  They also appeared to be an added expense just in dog food alone.  And it’s not as though our yard has the best room to house a St. Bernard.  But there was a response to the post.  The information gave Jenna an approximate location.  The girls walked them to the area and let them off in a trailer – are you kidding me?  A dog that big needs more room than that!

Just after the girls returned without the dogs, the sheriff went around the house to claim the dogs which had already been returned.  The girls were happy that they no longer had them to put into his custody.  They said he looked mean.  I did not even see him.  When I went out to talk to him I saw a white SUV backing out of our driveway.

I hope the owner of the dogs is okay and that the dogs do not escape again.  I would love to ask them how it is they ended up in our yard.