We All Have Obstacles to Overcome

The Monument:

God,
Before He sent his children to earth
Gave each of them
A very carefully selected package
Of problems,
These,
He promised, smiling,
Are yours alone, No one
Else may have the blessings
These problems will bring you.
And only you
Have the special talents and abilities
That will be needed
To make these problems
Your servants.
Now go down to your birth
And to your forgetfulness, Know that
I love you beyond measure.
These problems that I give you
Are a symbol of that love.
These monuments you make of your life
With the help of your problems
Will be a symbol of your
Love for me.
Your Father

                               intro thought to Charlie's Monument by Blaine Yorgensen

How many of us know 11-year-olds who willingly place themselves in front of the learning channel?  and enjoy it?  Jenna has always enjoyed learning.  Always.  From the time she was three and could pick out her own books from the library, we did check out picture books and easy reading like the “Frog and Toad” series.  

But we would also check out a lot of non-fiction to answer her questions about bees and honey, or why certain dances are performed in different countries and why the sun doesn’t fall from the sky.  She has always loved non-fiction books.  She would play games of “Let’s pretend” to understand how it would be to be without sight or limbs.  She never questioned why there were differences in humans.  She just accepted them and has always tried to learn from them. Today she loves the learning channel.  

Each morning after she gets up (which is actually quite early for a youth – I have never known Jenna to sleep past 7:30) she will turn to the learning channel to watch “Cake Boss” 

 it is because of advertisements of other programs that has held her interest in watching other shows – like “Born Without Limbs” featuring NickVujicic.

It’s fascinating to learn of others who have overcome what many of us consider physical challenges or obstacles and have often embraced their uniqueness and use it to help others. We all have choices after all.  We can be bitter, or we can be thankful.

I, myself, have always enjoyed watching even a portion to the lives of “The Little Couple” – saddened that their lives may not be as private as perhaps each of us would hope, but happy that they have been willing to share so much of their lives with an audience – that we might learn.

Everyone has their challenges.  I just think having a physical challenge seems to be more obvious in appearance than say an alcoholic or a mentally disturbed individual.  On average, I don’t think we, as a whole, consider a floor plan and living quarters that works for us may not work or even be practical to someone who is an obvious different height or is blind or walks with a limp.

I have known overly tall people.  My brother, Patrick (who really isn’t overly tall – just tall) could unscrew and screw in ceiling light bulbs without having to stand on something in order to reach – whereas my daughter-in-law seems to need a foot stool just to reach into the back of the freezer that may be placed above the fridge.  I'm not overly short, but there was one side of the kitchen in which the cabinets were not within my reach unless I used a footstool to stand on or long handled spoon to push cans out.

I’ve known small people who have struggled at reaching to the “average height” world around them – perhaps not knowing better.  It’s how they were born. It’s how they did things all of their lives.  Nick Vujicici didn’t have limbs to begin with.  I think it’s easier for a person to learn without than to adjust with what’s missing.  I don’t know – I’m just thinking that.

I have known a wide variety of people from all walks of life.  Some have physical challenges. Some are misguided and struggle to fit in.  Some have struggled with balance. I don't think I've met anyone who hasn't had at least one challenge to either overcome or embrace.

We programmed our cable to record “I am Jazz” and “My Giant Life” as Jenna is genuinely interested in those – but they don’t start until after she’s gone to bed.  I am grateful that she is learning and understanding and seeing differences and doesn’t judge but accepts and tries to embrace as well.  I wish we would all have her understanding and eagerness to learn. 

(I’m not saying she enjoys learning all things.  She struggles with the clarinet.  But Roland has purchased another (second hand, of course) and is planning to learn along side of her.  That makes it easier for her.  And I admire him for doing that.  Learning the clarinet: their special bonding time together) 

I’m Floored That She Would Even Remember Me

         Quite recently Jenna had asked me if there were seriously anyone who did not/does not like Santa Clause.  I gave her an example of a girl who used to live in my mom’s ward.  Roslyn hated beards.  She was scared of anyone who wore one – even in pretend. The two top people on her “hate” list were Santa Clause and Jesus – I don’t know if it was that order.

         Imagine my surprise to learn that little girl grew up to be the vice principal at Jenna’s school.  I hadn’t known that when I related the above.  I was assisting at the JA city when Roslyn had approached me yesterday to ask if I was LaTiesha Cannon.  It’s true that I was wearing a nametag with my first name on it.  But still.  I don’t think we’ve seen one another for at least thirty years – not that we had much contact when living in mom’s ward.

         Roslyn had been a sunbeam when my mom was teaching in primary.  I may have subbed in her class a few times.  I knew her as one of the primary children.  I’m guessing we’re at least twenty years apart.  I didn’t think she had even known me at the time, let alone 20-30 years later. I was shocked that she was able to make the connection. I do have the same first name as one of her aunts.  Perhaps that is how she remembered.

         To be honest, I did not nor would have recognized Roslyn – even if I had seen her sitting by her mother.  She had seemed so withdrawn in her youth and had a very low self-esteem. She was still in her youth the last time I remember seeing her.  The person I saw yesterday approached me – something she would never have done in her youth.  We had an actual conversation.  We hadn’t said that many words to one another in the entire time we had both lived in the ward that we had both grown up in.

         Roslyn said she had come – not only because Vantana had a class participating in yesterday’s event, but also because her brother is a director of JA City.  I hadn’t recognized him either.  I think he was still out on his mission when I moved out of the ward.  I might have made a connection with him if I had spent more time with him.  They have a common last name and so maybe not. 

         He smiled when I asked if he was Rob Anderson.  I told him that we had been in the same ward – but it was Roslyn who had made the connection.  I had told both of them that I had recently related Roslyn’s lack of passion toward Santa Clause.  This morning I said to Jenna: “Guess who that little girl grew up to be?”

Holidays are the Hardest - Missing Traditions

Pie Making

         I can’t find a reference to mom’s traditional pie making event. I suppose it could have started with her children.  I do recall having assisted with pies at least once in my childhood.  Kayla says she remembers a time when it was just her and Corey that did it with mom.  I don’t think I ever viewed it as an actual tradition until Ellen and Kimball were small.

            My mom made a huge assortment of pies on the Wednesday before  Thanksgiving each year.  The grandkids looked forward to assisting with rolling out the dough and filling the pie with whatever they chose. 

            We’d have apple pie, banana cream pies, coconut cream, chocolate cream, cherry, lemon meringue and of course, pumpkin.  More pies were added to the dinner each time new grandkids were added to the family.

            I don’t remember how often my boys had made pies with grandma.  At least twice – and they have fond memories.  And I have pictures of some of the pie making events.  Jaime may have been a baby when some of these were taken.  Neither Jenna nor I recall her ever having had the opportunity to assist with rolling out the dough or wearing an apron.

            It wasn’t long after Jenna was born when mom announced her last year for her annual pie making event.  Each year after that we ate pies that had been made in the bakery department of various stores.

            My boys had just recently commented on how much fun they had had making pies – and then Kayla had posted a message in facebook about the yesteryear tradition.  I got overly sentimental and cried for nearly a half hour.

            I miss the family that I grew up with. I miss so many traditions that we shared at one time.

 Hand Made Nativity

            When I was growing up, I loved “Dip n Drape” dolls.  I remember going with mom to look at pattarns and material for the project.  We settled on a nativity set as it was closed to the holidays.  I remember buying Styrofoam balls and cones and craft sticks and following directions.  I was in high school at the time.

            It was a good first project.  We had it on display just once a year – usually on top of the piano – where the entire thing fit nicely.  And many of the flaws were overlooked – like one wiseman who had the appearance of having a “stuck-up” personality.  And one wiseman who’s arms were heavier than his body – and was giving a present to lean on so that he did not appear as though he was trying to do push-ups.  And the baby Jesus became a permanent part of what Mary held in her arms – though it probably looked like she was dropping him.

            I had intended on making a manger – so that it would appear that she was placing him in.  I had intended to make camels and sheep – though realistically the seven pieces I had took up quite a bit of room both on display and then in storage.

            It boggles my mind that the set has been around since I was in high school – making it roughly thirty-five years old now.  Mom hadn’t taken it out the last few years that she lived at home.  And I took it back before we sold her house. 

Growing up, I never thought of our house as huge.  It was an average sized house.  It had three bedrooms, two baths, living room, kitchen and unfinished basement.

            Over the years my parents put in the money to have half of the basement finished and added a back room addition to the house.  The house included five bedrooms, three bathrooms, kitchen, living room, family room, game room, dining room, laundry room, storage room – not to mention it had an attic. 

            I’ve lived in two houses since I’ve been married.  The two houses combined did not have as much space as the house I grew up in.  So of course there is not nearly as much storage room

         I had put the nativity up last year.  I had to put the wisemen on a different area than the other four pieces.  Roland had suggested that I part with it last year.  I just didn’t have the heart to throw it away – though many of the dolls were beheaded.  I had planned on making it one more round.

We have even less room for it to be displayed than we had last year.  Plus I’ve been cleaning out my shed and either throwing out or donating a lot.  (12 yard bags and counting) but I still couldn’t bring myself to throw it out. 

         I knew if I donated the dolls to the thrift store, the majority (if not all) would get thrown away, and so I put it in the classifieds and someone picked it up less than an hour after I had posted for free.  She didn’t seem to mind the fact that many of the dolls needed to be repaired.   I hope it works for her and that it may be around for a few more years at least.  

  

Christmas Lights

I remember one year going with my sibs and mom to temple square.  It was Christmas night and the weather was really quite awesome.  We had gone downtown to see the lights.

This year the November was nice weather overall.  Cold, but bearable.  Excpet the last day.  It was cold and bleak and actual typical of so many November days that I can remember – although the last few years have seemed to make an exception.

            I was surprised at how warm the weather seemed yesterday – well, in comparison to Sunday.  Jenna and I started out with a beautiful morning.  I had dressed in layers, but had taken the top layer off as I headed back home.

            I had dressed in layers while picking her up.  I had stripped both layers down while waiting for school to end.  Both Jenna and I carried our coats to the bus stop.  But by the time we reached the crossover, we both had our coats back on.  It cools down quite drastically once the earth rotates away from the sun.

            Roland had given me a camera for Christmas last year – only he had given it to me before Thanksgiving so that I could take pictures and get a feel for it before Christmsa.  It was a nice camera.  A red Nikon which I liked a lot – that is until pushing the power button no longer did anything.  

It had died before Roland and I had taken to Jenna to Disneyland at the end of August.  I hadn’t had the camera an entire year.  That was truly upsetting.  

            I was hoping the battery was the problem, but I had the battery tested in addition to another working battery put in my camera.  I was told my best bet was to send it into the manufacturer – which I did.  I never heard back from them.

            The other night he produced another camera meant for Christmas.  This time a Sony W830 – which may take me a while to figure out.  I’ve had Sonys before, and I like them, but they have all died as well.  And I don’t expect this one will last much longer than the Nikon – though I welcome the opportunity to be proven wrong.

            I told Jenna that we should go downtown to see the lights.  December started out with quite pleasant weather and I though since it was so nice that we should go last night. I suggested to Roland that we go see the lights for family home evening.    I would have just taken Jenna on the train if he had not wanted to go. 

            Downtown was crowded with patrons who had come to see the lights and take pictures.  I really don’t have the hang of my camera.  It will be a while.  I did get a few okay pictures – among a bunch of duds.  Thank heaven for Photoshop, huh?

Some Things We Never Outgrow

            After Jenna learned to read, she was magnetized to Piggie and Gerald Books by Mo Willems. We read every single one.  We would take turns voicing Piggie and Gerald and we would act out their characters.  She enjoyed every minute.

            She reads chapter books now but will still spend time in the children’s section of the library and take a huge stack of books that Mo Willems has written and ask me to read with her. 

            She doesn’t check them out anymore.  We just read them at the library.  Last night we had plenty of time.  We had arrived at the library an hour and a half before the reading group would start.  She had at least two Piggie and Gerald books that we had never read before.  

            Reading group was short.  Ironically the book was long.  The Book of Legends –which I have mentioned here.    Part of the   “Ever After High” series that I doubt I will continue reading. 

 

            The book started off interesting enough.  It was fun. Clever language like “Castleteria” (cafeteria) and “hextbook” (textbook).  Initially I had checked it out for three weeks, but was unable to renew it before the group met in October.  So we went without for a couple of days before I could check it out again.

            Somewhere after 100 pages or so, the chapters seemed to drag.  I’m sure at least seven could have been cut out completely as they really had nothing to do with the story.  In addition to Apple White (Snow White’s daughter) and Raven Queen (Evil Queen’s daughter), other fairytale characters were introduced: Cedar Wood (Pinocchio’s daughter) Cerise Hood (Riding Hood’s daughter) Ashlynn Ella (Cinderella’s daughter) until the names became so overwhelming that unless the last name was attached to the character (which it usually was not) the names just sort of blended in and it was hard to remember who they all belonged to.

            I was on a mission to find out whether Raven would sign the book or not – hoping that she wouldn’t.  But both Jenna and I had become bored with getting there.  I wish I had skipped more chapters than I did.  It would have made it more enjoyable.  Last night we learned that there is also a cartoon and a line of dolls and an even bigger cast.  The whole thing is just a little compelling.

            The next book for us to read is Zita the Spacegirl by Ben Hatke.  We won’t meet again until January – but as it’s a comic book, I would imagine we’ll be done before Thanksgiving. 

            I didn’t know it was a comic book.  I would have had Roland take it with him this morning when he took her to the dentist.  He LOVES comic books.  He knows comic books (or graphic novel, I guess)  I now know more about comic books than I had ever hoped for.

            Comics can be fun.  My favorite “comics” would be “Piggie and Gerald”

The Devastation of Adolescence and Experiencing Peter Pan Syndrome

         When Jenna was two and three, she insisted that Roland stop calling her the baby.  “I am a big girlr” she’d inform us (actually I don’t remember the exact pronunciation; she said it as one syllable, but it sounded like she had an extra ‘r’ at the end.)

         When she started to go through adolescence, she no longer wished to be a big girl.  She wanted to be like her hero, Peter Pan – without having to move to Never Never Land.  Becoming a woman was something she was NOT looking forward to her.

         Two years ago I started a post which I did not attach to my blog.  It was the day when I bought Jenna’s first bra.  The very idea was just too devastating for her.  And I told her that I wouldn’t tell any family members – and because I have family members which read my post, I didn’t post about it – I had made a promise.

         I understood the devastation.  She started developing early.  And although the two bumps were rather small at the time – they just seemed to stand out more when she wore tee shirts.  Roland and I both agreed that it was time to do something about it – though I personally haven’t ever been aware of one developing at eight or starting off third grade wearing bras (training bras – but still)

         She gets her early development from her father’s side.  Unlike Jenna, who has always seemed be ahead of her peers both academically and *physically, I was a late bloomer.  Unlike many of my friends who were wearing bras before junior high school (some as early as fourth grade), I don’t think I got my first bra until midway through 7^th or 8^th grade.

At age 12 and 13, I was probably where Jenna is now – though I was always skinny and flat chested.  In addition to another early development, Jenna’s body also seemed to be going through a chunky stage.  Her belly and chest nearly resembled that of a sumo wrestler.  (Just what every girl wants to hear, right?)  But just as skinny girls can balloon out (which I did by the time I hit my mid thirties) chunky girls can lose the weight (my second daughter-in-law was quite chunky between 8 and 14.  You’d never know it now)

With tears in her eyes Jenna said she didn’t want to wear a bra.  I understood.  Early developers were probably teased even more than the late bloomers were.  She said that I was lucky that I didn’t have to wear a bra in elementary school.  I think she’s right. 

We had gone shopping for shoes and pants as well.  Jenna had her heart set on getting some high heels.  At that time she was wearing a women’s size 5 ½.  At least according to the shoes that she selected.  She paid for them herself and wore them to the mall.  

I was amused at watching her clicking down the aisles in shoes she had obviously never experienced before – but felt proud to be wearing as a children’s pocket book dangled from her arm.  

My little girl is no longer little.  She is blossoming in all directions.  She’s becoming a young lady though she would like to remain a little girl.

Today Roland is taking Jenna to the dinosaur exhibit at Southtown Expo.  He had invited me to go along, but I think Jenna really needs some alone time with her daddy.  And perhaps I need some alone time with just me.

It would be fun to go just to take pictures – though I can give the camera to Roland just as easily.  I hope they have a fantastic day together.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda . . . Time Machine

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weaknesses that they may be humble; . . .” Ether 12:27

How many of us wish we had a time machine that we might have opportunity for do over.  If only I had made a different choice.  If only I had spent more time (and probably money) perhaps we could have found our runaway dog.  I wish I had been a more positive influence when Roland’s girls came to visit.  I wish I hadn’t left Jenna in all day kindergarten after we moved.

Regrets are demons if we allow ourselves to dwell on what could have been instead of just moving on.  Perhaps we may learn from or see growth from what it is we think we’d like to change.  Allow me to use Jenna’s kindergarten experience as an example.

The school by our first house offered two all-day kindergarten classes.  There were few parents who desired just half day.  The instructors were able to devote more time to their students and the children learned more than they would have in half day.  That is what I was used to.  That is what I wanted to continue with.

But we didn’t necessarily have that option at the second school.  The all day kindergarten program was definitely NOT the same.  I didn’t know that.  Either it hadn’t been explained to me or I just wasn’t listening or I hadn’t understood.  Nor had I prayed about my decision to put her in all day kindergarten.  But even if I had, would the results have been any different?

Jenna LOVED her first school and she tried loving her second.  But she was as a disadvantage as she was so much smarter than the other children who didn’t know how to accept Jenna.  I don’t think they were mean to her necessarily, but they certainly weren’t friendly.  Jenna felt so alone – which she would have in half day as well, but it would have been fewer hours at school and more time with me teaching her at home.

I’ve known all along that it was/is stupid to have this regret.  It has already happened.  I can’t change it.  And yet I realize that without the tragedy of how Jenna and I each felt about her education (or rather lack of) that we would most likely not be where we are today.  For without that experience I may not have searched so hard to find another school.  Nor would I have even considered another school if we were still living in our first house. She’s had many awesome opportunities with her current school that she would have missed out on with the other two. I think it was worth the four month struggle we both faced after we moved.  But it’s taken me a long time to figure it out.

Whenever I think of the apostle Peter, I wonder if he had regrets.  He made some huge errors that are recorded for the entire world to read about.  And yet, how much stronger and diligent was he at fulfilling his mission?  Did he not turn his human weaknesses into strengths?  Was he not a stronger leader after the resurrection than before Christ was crucified?

There are no time machines.  We can’t change the past.  Regret will only get in the way of our growth and happiness.  We need to move on.  We need to find our strengths.