I Don’t Foresee Mom as Resident of the Month

          Alice Walker is a sweet lady who likes to sort things.  She sorts buttons and shamrocks and hats and hearts and whatever other craft is offered.  She’ll talk to anyone who will ask her questions.  I don’t know how long she’s been in the assisted living program – or if she was once as resistant as my own mother.  But she seems like a very go-with-the flow person right now.  She was spotlighted last month at the assisted living center where my mom has lived for almost two months. 

          Mom’s personality is very different from Alice’s.  At least right now it is.  Mom seems very anti-social – though I know she’s made friends there – or at least one friend.  Someone she says is her friend. 

          On Wednesday she introduced me to her friend Marilyn – although when I referred to her as Marilyn today, mom said that didn’t sound right.  I don’t know.  

           In her mind mom has two LaTieshas – or at least she did today.  The other one lives quite near to the facility and she could walk to LaTiesha’s house and hopefully LaTiesha will allow her to stay.  She’s not quite certain that she would want to live with me because I live so far away – I might as well live in another state.

          I went out today with the intention of unpacking her belongings (she has filled her laundry basket and at least two tote bags full of clothes and pictures that she would like to take with her) while she was out with the group on their scenic tour and was waiting in the parking lot until the bus pulled out – only the van wasn’t there.  When I saw the activities director, I asked her about it. I was told that the bus driver’s mother recently passed away and I understood that the funeral would be today.

          So I went inside to visit.  I noticed mom walking passed the glass doors – trying to escape, no doubt.  Only she didn’t have her coat on.  She didn’t have any of her bags, just her purse. She didn’t ask me if I had come for her.  She just told me her plans.  Told me that she was going to walk to LaTiesha’s.

          “I am LaTiesha,” I said.

          “No, my other LaTiesha.”

          Oh, two identical houses.  Two identical daughters. Or perhaps we’re not identical at all.  Apparently the other one is a lot nicer.  Apparently the other one isn’t a bully who doesn’t care that mom isn’t happy.  Apparently the other LaTiesha is the only one of mom’s children who isn’t against her.

          We talked about Shirley Temple – just so I could get her in a more pleasant mood.  I think she said they were friends - or had been at one time. The activities director knocked on the door and asked us to join them.  I tried three times to get mom to leave and go out to socialize.  I finally excused myself to say I would go participate.  And then I had a coughing spell.  I ended up leaving.  I hadn’t even said good-bye.  The other LaTiesha wouldn’t have said good-bye either.  She would have extended her hand toward mom and said, “Let’s walk to my house now.”

          I miss my mom.  I hope the person that she’s become will find comfort where she’s at and will be happy and sociable again.  I hope she can find a “happy-go-lucky” kind of a personality like Alice has.  I hope she won’t be as upset with the other LaTiesha as she has been with me.  Though I don’t guess it would really matter as the other LaTiesha exists only in her mind.

Producing Salty Water (and a LOT of it)

          This post reflects stirred emotions that between October and mid December 2012

          Poor mom.  For the most part we don’t know where she’s at.  The reality of her world is so far different from our own.

          In her mind, she believes that while State Street was under construction, she and all the other residences in her neighborhood were evacuated.  The construction crew had asked them to move somewhere else.  Mom doesn’t remember where it is that she moved – but she is back – along with many of her neighbors.  For a while she wanted to make certain that everybody knows she’s back.  Now she wants to go back to wherever she thinks she lived before.  She doesn’t know the address though – but she says it’s a house.

          She called Bill.  She always calls Bill’s cell phone when she’s trying to get a hold of Kayla.  She left a message to make Kayla aware that she was back in her old house.  Kayla called me to inform me of the events that had taken place.  I told her that Nate had posted his comment on file that all of mom’s children (and some spouses) all have access to.

I don’t know if she called Corey, or if Corey called her.  Same story.  Corey asked for her address.  Mom didn’t know.  She had to ask Sunny (who happened to be watching her) She returned to the phone and gave Corey the name of the city which she has lived for the last fifty years.

          Corey said that is the same address that all of us have and she didn’t need to call anyone else.  Mom was highly confused as to how everyone was aware of where she was but herself.  Sunny was super freaked out and had stayed longer than she usually does.

          Roland and I were on our way to pick up mom and take her to a dinner at the Church she attends.  I called to say we were on our way.  I guess I should have talked to Sunny instead of mom.  There was an accident on the Freeway.  It took us 20 minutes longer than normal.

          Sunny was wide eyed and felt a sense of relief when I walked through the door.  Mom was all ready to go.  I told her to head out to the car and I would be there momentarily.  Sunny expressed her concerns.  And I said I was a little hurt that mom hadn’t called me to tell me she was back.  That made Sunny laugh.  I’m glad I could give her that.

          Mom was fine at the party.  She wasn’t restless as she had been less than a month ago when it was just the family and she was overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of people.  I was overwhelmed by the huge turnout.  Between 240 -260 people.  We stayed for the whole event.  I hadn’t expected that.

          Patrick spent the night with mom as Nate and Ellen had gone out of town.  Not too long ago mom was independent and didn’t want to be babied.  She is, after all, a big girl and she can do things by herself.  Now she dreads the idea of being alone.  She often seems surprised by letters or people who show up at her door.  They think we all know where she used to live.  But it’s all in her mind.  She’s been in the same house for over 50 years.

          I met my husband 12 years ago.  Corey graduated from high school almost 20.  But for some reason she has the two crossing paths before Corey graduated.  For the most part I’ve been a pal that was raised in San Francisco alongside her – but there was one occasion that she did introduce me as her daughter – it was to a friend that was well aware of who I am – possibly better than mom does.

          Each time we mention the name of a state or country – she claims that she has been there.  It was always “just for a day” though.

          I didn’t want this to become a “dementia blog” any more than Corey wanted his to focus on dementia.  Actually dementia isn’t the biggest focus thus far as there are less than ten posts.  I can’t say I hope to have more – but as it will be on my mind I’m sure there will be more that mention the wretched thief.  There have been days when the dementia is really bad - moreso for me than my mom.  Sometimes I can take it with a grain of salt – and even laugh.  But often I am an emotional wreck.

          The neighbor across the street has a gathering of sisters once a week.  She suggested I bring mom but just drop her off and not stay myself.  But I wanted to visit.  I miss the socialization of those that I used to associate with.  Mom, who claimed she was bored, was not interested in going.  And if I persisted, she would become mean.

          So I cried.  I cried because I wasn’t invited.  I cried because mom was acting like a childish brat.  I cried because I was crying over something I couldn’t control.  I was pretty good about holding it in until we started playing games.  I took off the minute Nate returned home from school.

          That all took place in November and December.  Since Christmas, mom seems almost comatose at times.  Just as disheartening as trying to coax the child inside.  She lost her driver’s license over a year ago and became mean – well with me anyway.  I’m the one who had taken her to the Driver’s License renewal.

          There had been a few days when she had become her mother and greeted folks in a friendly way, without a care in the world.  And she was always pleasant when she went out with Sunny – at least in the beginning.  But Sunny has seen the mean side of my mom since. 

          Next week we have another family meeting.  Kayla and I are ready to take action.  Corey and Patrick both seemed to express a denial. But we may all be on the same page now.  Mom needs a community.  She needs a routine.  And the rest of us need to return to our roles of children and not the caregivers that we’ve become.

          I was so diligent about going through Jenna’s folder once she returned home from school – but have been quite slack for an entire year now.  I need my focus to be where it was.  I need to keep my mind clear of heavy tears.

Who Are You? and Can You Stay?

          Dementia is a thief which robs the mind and interferes with the souls of all associated.  Last week mom was living in another world for the most part.  This weekend hit hard.  The way it’s been described to me, it sounds like she lost was between worlds – panicked at not being able to communicate.  Just not getting a grasp on anything.  Being transported to another dimension is bad enough – the “between worlds” thing is worse overall – at least from my viewpoint.

          Probably all of us, at some point in our lives, have seen the child that just isn’t understanding direction and becomes more and more frustrated with himself or the instructor or the other kids or what have you.  He throws a tantrum and won’t allow himself to be rational.  And the harder we try to explain or understand, the more irrational the child becomes. That is what the “between worlds” is like.

          Even before the Dementia set in, mom seemed to favor Corey over the rest of us – not that she meant to (or means to) but it just seems that way.  And now with the dementia, it seems much of her world revolves around Corey who is able to get her to do things (even over the phone from another state) than the rest of us have.  But evidently I became the favored one on Saturday.  She was in a very confused place and couldn’t seem to get out of it.

          Sunny had dropped off a small bag of items that she wanted me to have.  The idea was for me to retrieve it from mom’s house on my next visit.  But mom had it in her head that the bag needed to be in my possession RIGHT NOW.

          When she couldn’t get a hold of me by phone, she decided that she would walk to my house.  One does not walk to my house from hers – not unless one wants to make a day of it.  (I's about 20 minutes by car in regular traffic) She’s been to my house twice – but always with somebody.  She didn’t know where I lived before dementia robbed her of her memory.  She doesn’t even recognize the city name when I tell her.

          But for convenience, her mind has moved many into her neighborhood – often just up or down the street.  As she left the house, my nephew-in-law followed to make certain she didn’t get lost.  I don’t know if she ever found where she thought my house was.  I’m thinking not.

          Nate and Ellen had a dinner appointment with my youngest son and his wife – but because of “grandma’s” strange behavior, they didn’t want to leave her alone.  And so Ellen called Sunny and told her about “grandma’s” strange behavior and how she was a bit concerned and freaked out at the idea of leaving her alone.  And so Sunny and her two youngest stayed with mom while Ellen and Nate went to dinner.  Sunny said my mom talked about me and my visits and was very anxious about seeing me again but couldn’t get a hold of me (mom had finally gotten a hold of me before Nate and Ellen had gone to dinner; we had talked for a few minutes)

          Her mind was still quite distorted the next night when she called again.  She misdialed and had meant to call Corey, whom she thought was having car problems and was quite worried about him.  I knew she was frantic and too far away to calm her down. 

          I called Corey to ask if mom was worrying for nothing.  He said he was on his way home and would be to mom’s in about ten minutes.  I called her back.  She was so relieved – like the child who has been missing her tangible security (a blanket, a toy) but finally gets it back.  I still wish I could have embraced her in person and not just over the phone.

          The thief took a vacation only a few days this week – I had hoped for something more permanent, but knew that is all it was.  A HOPE.  And I don’t know what makes her personality change from visit to visit – the distorted mind last week, the turmoil and frustration set in her own mind this weekend, and the still forgetful but almost normal yesterday and the day before.  Even this afternoon over the phone – but not in person.  The theif returned.  Dementia hasn’t robbed only her – it’s taken from all of us.  I want dementia behind bars PERMENANTLY!

Losing My Mom to Dementia

          I go to my mom’s twice a week to make sure she is eating lunch and learning that she doesn’t always have breakfast.  I didn’t know how we would introduce her to the idea of taking in a stranger (a companion who would help us watch her) but perhaps the idea may appeal to her if we introduce her as permanent company – so that mom won’t be so bored. 

          Corey is on vacation this week.  My niece leaves the house at six.  I am not certain of her husband’s hours – but do know that he’s not always there – which is understandable.  Ellen and Nate are a newlywed couple and shouldn’t even have to face this dementia challenge while starting out their life together.  But mom had invited them to stay.  And so even though mom has people living with her, she is still often left alone – and actually does get lonely.

          Four to six months ago she didn’t seem to have a problem with it.  Said she preferred it.  Liked being able to spread her wings without her children’s interference.  Now, for the most part, at least into my ears, she has admitted being bored.  To cure that boredom, she often goes shopping – which is fine if somebody drives her – but she is not always coherent enough to even remember where she’s going or how far it may be.

          This Tuesday I was late getting to her house – which wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if Corey had been home.  Actually – mom’s car was there when I arrived, and since she can’t drive it herself, she has allowed Nate to take it.  So he was there.  But he was in the basement.  She thought she was by herself. 

          I had called to tell her I’d be late.  And she waited for me.  I had some errands to run and took her with me.  She was really disoriented.  She hadn’t eaten.  We ate lunch at 12:30.  And we went for a drive.

          She had no idea where we were and kept on asking, “Now where are we going?”  I could have said Mars and she would have continued to ask me.

          She did enjoy the ride for the most part – but my car does seem to make dysfunctional noises – especially when going over a bump or pothole in the road.

          “What was that?” she asked me.

         

          “My car was in an accident a while back, and ever since it has made that noise.  Kind of sounds like I have a body in the trunk,” I joked.

          Great.  The one thing that she remembers.  Every time it made that noise she would ask, “Do you really have a body in the trunk?  Sounds like that body is still back there . . .”

          I had to stop off at the bank.  She had wandered off – Not only did she not know the area, I was afraid she wouldn’t remember how she got there that she was with me.

          After we returned to her house, she opened her mail.  There was an ad from Shopko (a variety store) and she decided that she must go to see what clothes were available. 

          Shopko is not far from her house – and she has walked there.  She has also come out of Shopko and left in a direction that does not lead her home. 

          I HATE leaving her alone.  And because of her comment about Shopko, I pointed to my own blouse and said, “I got this at Wal-Mart.  You have looked at the clothes at Shopko.  I’m pretty sure it will be the same selection as they had last week.  Why don’t I take you to the Wal-Mart near Jenna’s school, and we will just pick her up before I bring you home?”

          In the event that Nate returned while we were gone, I left a note that mom was with me.  She looked with interest at some things and disapproval at others.  She ended up with two blouses – which I don’t think she needs.  But at least I could watch her.

          Picked Jenna up and she was so excited to see her grandma.  And that made my mom feel good – for that moment.  I drove mom home.  She was exhausted and I figured she was too tired to leave the house again.

          On Thursday I arrived early.  She was at the house by herself.  She hadn’t eaten yet and so we had a fast food breakfast.  I should have taken her to a senior day care – she was dead set against the idea four to six months ago.  Perhaps she’d be more receptive to the idea now.

         There have been times when she's asked my two year old niece to go walking with her.  Oh, there's a scary combination.  We've learned to hide Anna's shoes so that we can say to mom that we can't find her shoes and she can't possibly take a walk without them.

          She said she wanted to go for a walk the other day..  I thought she meant around the neighborhood.  She decided that we would go to Sam’s Club.  The road is under construction.  I tried to discourage her from going – but she was determined.  I said the sidewalk was closed.  She said she was aware that the sidewalk was closed and that we could walk in the right lane of the road because “that is what it’s for”

          My eyes bulged as I tried to dissuade her, but struggled on nonetheless so that she wouldn’t be alone.  As we got closer to the store, she asked why we were going to Sam’s Club.  I told her that we were having a walk and that we should have just stayed in her neighborhood.

          “Well, let’s just look around while we are here.”

          As we approached the doors, she found amusement in watching two seniors pointing here and there and asking each other where they had parked.

          “They don’t even know where they parked,” she said.

          I found it ironic that she was seeing humor in a situation that has been part of her life even before the dementia.

          She said she didn’t need a cart.

         

          “That is good,” I said.  “Because whatever you get has to be carried home.”

          “Why?” she asked.  “We drove here.”

          “No.  We did not drive here.  We walked.  And I’m not even wearing decent shoes to walk in.”

          “We walked?”

          We’re not even in the front door yet. 

          At least she felt warn out again.  We both took naps.  I wasn’t happy about leaving her.  But I have to be home when Jenna returns.  And I need to start dinner for Roland. 

          We need to find a trustworthy companion.  Someone who is willing to watch out for her in exchange for room and board and meals.  And if she drives, she’ll have thirty or so restaurants to choose from.  Mom does enjoy going out for lunch. 

Racked Nerves

          I am usually not pressed for time – but on those few days that I do need to leave – well, those are the days my mom would like me to stay.  And it would be all well and good if I actually lived closer – or with her.  But I don’t.

          We’re down to one functional car – and even that has been questionable. 

          Since Roland works late on Wednesdays, he drove the car in and so I borrowed my son’s car in order to get out to mom’s.  Talk about nerve racking.

         

          First off, it has a quirkiness to it that anybody but Biff might not get – and the fact that other people have trouble turning on the ignition is actually a great feature in Biff’s opinion.  I was just about to give up, when I actually got it to turn.  I don’t know how.  But then I worried – if I did make it all the way to mom’s and it was time to leave, would I be able to start it again?

Biff’s car would make clicky sounds – even when I hadn’t put on the turn signal.  I was only part way to my destination when it dawned on me that I didn’t think Biff has car insurance.  Oh, great!  As if I wasn’t already neurotic about the whole thing.

          And then, I parked across the street from my mother’s driveway (as there was a van in her driveway) and pulled out the keys from the car and the radio continued to play.  I didn’t know if that was normal for Biff’s car.  I turned it off so that the battery wouldn’t run down.

Mom’s air conditioner was being worked on – a good portion of the day – I might add.  She was hungry.  She wasn’t satisfied with anything in her fridge and asked the worker how much longer he’d be.  At least another hour.  She told him that she was going to go get lunch and that she’d return before he left, but if not, he could just lock up.  Just a few years back, that would have been so out of character for my mom to do that.

We went to a drive-in just at the end of her street.  And we did return before he was finished.  (I think they should have sent two guys instead of just one) and I actually had to leave before he did – although he was packed up and ready.  Biff left for work shortly after I returned.

          I noticed a luggage tag fastened to mom’s purse.  Corey had posted some personal information on a bright pink card.  It may let others know her medical situation and contact information in case she gets lost again. I don’t like this “old timers” mental state at all. It is more irritating than Biff’s car.

Crossing Bridges (NOT a metephore)

One year our family was asked to host a room for Halloween.  Roland wanted to do something different from the typical activities and games that we had seen in years past.  So we ended up doing a haunted maze  (which I will provide details for as it gets closer to Halloween).  The point I was looking to make in this post was the reaction of what some considered scary while others seem to enjoy or become bored with.

Our “haunted maze” was a big hit with the teenagers – but too frightening for the majority of children under eight maybe ten.  Except for Jenna – who would laugh each time she went through.  She feared nothing at the time. 

          Over the years she has grown into some fears.  I suppose we all do.  Some we can rationalize – while others make us wonder why it has become a fear.

          Jenna LOVES crossing bridges.  There is a definite excitement about it.  I remember feeling the same exact way.  And it didn’t matter if we were walking or driving across.  Nor did it matter what the bridge was over.

I recall at a certain place downtown there were two different bridges for the freeway on and off ramps.  I thought that was the absolute coolest because at one point we’d actually be on a bridge and under a bridge at the same time. 

What a tremendous difference in my once joyful outlook to the emotions that stir up right now.

I realize that there are people who cross bridges everyday on their way to their jobs or family or whatever.  They think nothing of it.  Nor did I as a youth.  I used to walk across the intrastate on my way to work.

Somewhere along the way I completely lost my enthusiasm for bridges – well maybe not all bridges.  Just the ones that pass over the interstate or intrastate or major traffic or long drops – not water necessarily.  I can stand on bridges that are over water and pose for pictures. But just as with railroad tracks,  bridges seem to freak me out lately.  I don’t know why. There’s no rational reasoning for it. I don’t recall having any bridge collapses.  But when I see a great number of cars below me, I am definitely not as excited as I used to be.

I am grateful that I am able to cross bridges and that they are available - I just wish I could cross them with the same enthusiasm as I did before I was the driver.

happiness and JOY

What is it that makes each of us happy? For many of us it consists of simple everyday things – intangible at that.  We enjoy freedoms.  We enjoy seeing pleasure or satisfaction displayed on the face of another.  Smiles, clean water, sunshine, rain, playing games or enjoying other activities with close friends or family members.  The associations we have built up for ourselves.  Serving others.

          I am not a morning person, but I enjoy hearing Jenna singing in the morning.  It makes me happy to know that she is happy.  And I know that she is happy when she’s singing.

          Experiencing joy is different from one’s definition of happiness. Happiness can come from material things – perhaps not permanently, but rather on a temporary scale.  We seek pleasures or feel contentment.  Riding a bike makes Jenna happy.

          But joy seems to bring a higher satisfaction.  Perhaps Jenna has not mastered the bike completely.  It still gives her pleasure and great satisfaction to ride it – but the pure joy shown on her face the day she realized that she could do it by herself.  She didn’t need daddy constantly at her side or training wheels or any kind of assistance.  She had accomplished something!  That smile said it all.

          So may be the joy in a teen who gets the drivers license, first car, marriage certificate, diploma, awards, whatever.  Or with a grandparent who embraces his grandchild. I think the joy remains with the grandparent, but tends to lose value with the other things mentioned.

          Oh, there is still happiness there.  The freedoms of driving, framed awards and certificates that still mean something – but tend to blend in with the wall over time, and often taken for granted.  Often people are taken for granted, and that’s too bad.

          If we work on the things that truly make us happy and find joy in our everyday lives, how much more desirable we will be as human beings.  Let us spread the joy that we feel so that others may pass it on also.

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde or Sybil

For those readers who may not recognize any of the names in the title, let me introduce you to a very brief history. 

The character of Dr. Jekyll was created before 1931.  He was a lab scientist who used himself as a guinea pig to test a potion which he had created.  I don’t recall what it is the potion was supposed to do, but as a result of his taking the potion, Dr. Jekyll would take on another – much darker – personality that was not the same as the one most people were familiar with.

His alter ego became known as Mr. Hyde.  So even though Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde were theoretically the same person – sharing the same physical identity (or body I guess) the personalities were very different.  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is science fiction.

Shirley Ardel Mason (1923 – 1998) was an actual person.  She’d been both physically and mentally abused by her mother.  Shirley had gone to psychiatrist Dr. Cornelia Wilbur in the 1950’s as there were some large pieces of her life that she seemed to miss out on due to black outs. 

It took eleven years for Dr. Wilbur to meet all of the personalities that would take over during Shirley’s blackouts.  It is said that there were sixteen of them.  They all had different names and different characteristics.  Many of the personalities knew of the others, but Shirley was not aware of any until Dr. Wilbur pointed it out to her.

In 1973 Flora Rheta Schreiber wrote a book based upon Shirley’s pshycological studies.  The book introduced the character Sybil Dorsett whose background and therapeutic studies was the same as Shirley’s.  The name had been changed to protect Shirley’s identity.  And in 1976 Sally Field portrayed her in the movie “Sybil”.

There are some who don’t believe in Multiple Personality Disorder (now known as Disassociative Identity Disorder) while others do.  I choose to believe.  I think there are different degrees in which personalities are displayed.  And there are variations of what may trigger these unusual out-of-character traits.

We all have moods and often seem to take on personalities unlike our normal selves due to drugs, alcohol, medicated side effects or lack of medication, aging, changes in our eating habits, health, witnessing or victims of some horrific action.  The list goes on and on.  In many cases the self personality may be controlled or sometimes it may seem quite doubtful that a person may ever return to normal again. 

I remember my mom as a woman who never wanted to take medication – even something as simple as asprin.  She was not one who would ever become drug dependant.  Or so was her wish.  She now has at least seven different prescribed medications that she takes for her diabetis, cholesterol, dementia and some other things.  And when she skips her medication or doesn’t watch what she eats, another personality seems to takes over.

I suppose my mood swings are very different during that time of the month, when my hormones are out of wack, when I go from being Dr. Jekyll to becoming Mrs. Hyde.  A lot of women go through that.  It isn’t refered to as a personality disorder though – and yet there seems to be at least two distinct personalities throughout the month.

I had a sinus infection during the month of December.  I also took meds with a nasty side effect that left me wanting to deal with the sinus infection instead.  I was loopy for much of the month.  I might as well have been in a coma.  Actually, that would have been preferable.

I have seen at least two distinctive personalities with my mom. There appears to be happy drunkard take over when she is not coherent.  And yet she sincerely believes in every detail she relates – like the time she drove downtown to see the forrest – there is no forest downtown – nor is there a dungeon.  But she truly believes in it – or did.  She may have forgotten it now.  I haven’t.

When I visit my mom I am usually with a woman who is a bit disoriented, who often is on a mission to spend her money, and doesn’t believe she has any problems whatsoever.  If she does have a problem, it is because someone else is “against her”. Sometimes she will acknowledge that she takes meds and is aging. But more often than not, I see a much different personality than does my sister-in-law.

When she is with my sister-in-law, my mom seems more put together.  They talk about mom’s desires for becoming independent.  My mom will share memories with my sister-in-law.  There are no memories when I am with her.  She doesn’t remember – or else she’ll be misinformed. Therefore we have painted two entirely different pictures of my mom’s condition. 

But then I suppose the same could be said about me – depending on who you are and how often we visit.  I have mood swings.  I have triggers.  I don’t have blackouts that have made me wonder when a transition may have occurred.  Mood swings are different from multiple personalities.  It’s just often it seems that these moods bring on a personality that is entirely their own.

Today I had the opportunity of taking my 1 ½ year old neice to visit my mom.  My mom loves my niece.  She got on the floor and played with her.  They teased each other.  I saw my mom from a much different perspective than I have seen her for some time actually.  Probably not since my brother’s kids were little.

Beagle Juice

        I did not understand that when dogs barked at Houdini (first family dog), it was only because they wanted to play or sniff each other out.  But with Houdini, his was a mission to find his boys.  He managed to ignore every snide remark and pick up line that every dog may have barked to him.  He just kept his eyes ahead and moved at a steady pace. Didn’t even acknowledge the other dogs.

Highness (our current dog) walks with his nose to the ground – searching for a long lost friend (we think) and will sniff out other dogs and decide that’s not the one he’s looking for and will move on.  Generally if I allow Highness and the dog behind the fence to sniff one another, things are cool and the barking generally stops.  Not always.

          There have actually been a few mean dogs.  MEAN.  They grow extra fangs right in front of us and growl as they bare their new sprouted teeth looking as though they will bite off Highness’ nose.  But don’t mess with Highness!

          Realistically, Highness is quite a good natured dog.  He yowls occasionally, but for the most part he is just a quiet, often lazy dog.  But when another dog continues to growl and bark at him and really isn’t being nice,  Highness will just lift his leg up and mark his territory right on the other dog’s face.

          For my own wicked reasons I am generally amused – sometimes feeling envy.  Not that I’d want to urinate in the face of another – be it human or another animal.  It just would be nice for those occasional irritating moments to squirt some sense into the face of another to symbolically say, “Who do you think you are?”  “Don’t even think of messing with me;  I am NOT  one to be messed with” etc.

          Long before we got Highness – perhaps at a time when we were dogless – I was taking a walk to relieve some tension that had been building up inside of me.  I have an idea of what I may have been stressed about at the time, but it really has no relevance to what I’d like to convey at this time.

          The point is I was already not in the greatest of moods.  I had walked past a house where a pit bull had run out to torment me with its barking and populating fangs.  Normally I am actually quite cautious of dogs and not a violent person, but I already had a bitter anger inside of me.  The dog’s actions allowed me to add fuel to the fire and I kicked him.  I kicked him hard.

          It is mind boggling when I look back upon it.  I have never been athletic.  NEVER had great eye/hand (or foot) coordination.  I don’t know how I was able to kick him as hard as I did – or that I was able to kick him at all.  I had injured him – I don’t know to what degree.  I was angry.  He had started it.  I was just minding my own business, trying to relieve some stress when this high and mighty literally went out of his way to start barking at me.  What business was it of his anyway? 

          How nice it would have been just to rationalize with him.  He wouldn’t have gotten hurt if I had had some kind of squirter – some kind of Beagle juice to throw into his face.  And yet I wonder, if it weren’t for the fences would the dogs become more provoked and actually eat my Highness?  Only one out of three dogs was actually bigger than Highness (maybe twice as big) while the other little yappers have been so much smaller. 

          What is up with small dogs who are so unpleasant?  I mean, think about it.  Why would such a small creature provoke one who is obviously four to eight times its size.  Doesn’t it realize that the larger one could sit or step on it and crush it?  The pit bull for example – much smaller than me – though larger than my foot.  Duh?

Driving Miss Daisy - Lucy Ricardo style

          My mom has always had a lousy sense of direction – at least since I’ve known her.  Improper medication or improper amounts due to failing health and aging does not help matters.  She’s always been an okay driver – not exceptional.  Perhaps even good at one time – now?  I think my mom behind a wheel is rather a scary combination.

          But then again having me behind the wheel when the sun is streaming over dirty windows – also scary.  And to top it off – send me to unfamiliar roads.  It’s like Lucy Ricardo driving Ethel Mertz.  (For those of you who have no clue what that statement even means, I encourage you to go to YouTube and click on “I Love Lucy” – any episode, doesn’t matter.  It should help you to understand my comparison)

          Mom and I have actually had quite a few Lucy/Ethel moments – like the first (and only) time we attempted to wallpaper the bathroom – figuring it was the smallest room – and how long does one spend in that particular room anyway? 

          The wallpaper itself was truly loud.  Big huge flowers in a variety of colors.  And bright.  One could walk past the bathroom and attempt to flip the light switch thinking that the light had been left on but never turning off the glare – which only became even brighter when the lights really were turned on.

          Have you ever been in the tub when suddenly the wall paper joins you?  It was quite obvious in many ways that those who had hung it were definitely amateurs.  As I recall the bathroom had to be redone after only a month.

          Recently I had to take my mom to the Driver’s License Division.  A specific DLD – one that might as well have been in another county considering the route we took to get there.  Over half the roads had not existed ten years ago when I had last driven there (or that general area rather) and was more familiar with where the roads went – or at least thought I did. 

          What an adventure!  I detailed my day in three pages and emailed it to my sibs and family to make them aware.  Some laughed – I’m guessing Corey shook his head in disbelief with another concern: perhaps someone ought to review his sister’s driver’s license as well.  And I’m sure if the DL workers could have seen me driving on the road they would have had me retest as well.

          I’m not saying I’m a horrible driver.  I try to be careful.  I don’t answer my cell phone – I take the slow roads and back ways.  I avoid traffic as much as possible.  And I don’t drive at night.   But throw me into a foreign area without a GPS and it’s pretty chaotic.

          And then there’s Roland, who for the most part has a keen sense of direction, who can drive somewhere for the first time and make it appear as though he drives there on a daily basis.  I admire that.  I can make my routine travel appear as though I’m driving for the first time.  I am Lucy Ricardo.

I would much rather search for a lost dog than for a missing person

         Perhaps that seems a lousy comparison.  And I am not actually comparing the dog to the human being – I am comparing the emotions one may go through as he or she searches for a pet as opposed to searching for a family member.

          I do have examples for both.  We have had two dogs that have come to us in their prime.  Both during different years and in different cities.  Both had/have a sense of adventure beyond our fenced yards.  And both have managed to escape – though it has been quite a mystery about HOW they escaped – especially the first one.

          The one who lives with us currently has always been nearby and often returns home on his own.  The first one was a happy wanderer who was on a mission to find his boys – he had claimed them before they claimed him.  He loved our boys and would often show up at their school.  Animal control found him just as many times as we did.  We didn’t have a chip for him.  It would have been less costly.

          I would think the idea of putting a chip into a child would appeal to many parents.  And lately I’d be leaning toward putting a chip in my mother – who has become frail and disoriented and just recently lost her driver’s license.  Although she had one before the new year.

          90% of the time she seems to be coherent.  But that 10% can raise frantic emotions like you wouldn’t believe.  Take the the end of 2011  for instance.  Her car had disappeared from the driveway.  And it was dark.  But she decided to go for a joy ride.  Afterall “she has been driving for years and it’s okay for her to be by herself” – that was how she rationalized it when she was confronted five hours later.

          I was one who was searching – not even close or semi close to where she was found – and so all the information that was given to me was second and third hand information.  But watching her distant facial expressions and hearing the explanations from her mouth the next morning I was actually present for.

          My brother had put in a police report giving out the car, make, model and license plate #.  Mom has NEVER had the best sense of direction anyway.  Nor has she ventured out at night for some time. But now – she can’t find places – she doesn’t even like to go very far – nor does she even know how to get there.  She is quite rational when she is coherent – but if she doesn’t check her blood or take the right amount of medication, another personality seems to take over.

          My family and I would like to express our gratitude to the police who found her and pulled her over and took her keys away and called my brother to come and get her.  For she is safe now.  And we would have never even thought to look where they found her. 

          I don’t know anyone who has been able to involve the police in searching for a pet. I would rather spend two weeks searching for a lost pet than just six hours searching for a family member.