When I was very young – still in
elementary school, probably – my dad had strongly suggested that I elope when
the time came. Of course back then I had
no idea what that even meant – but as I got older and older, I realized that
the elopement thing was sounding better and better. Weddings DON’T have to be expensive. But some brides allow things to get out of
hand.
I actually come from a very practical
family who has not spent a lot of money on that special day. Mostly due to a lack of funds – but also
because we realize it is just one day and the expenses don’t have to be off the
charts. What’s the point?
I realize that there are some who have
dreamed about her “perfect wedding” her entire life. I wasn’t one of them. Getting the groom was the main most important
thing. All else was unnecessary. Especially when I got older and realized how
impractical so much of it really was and is.
My brother and his wife got married
around Christmas time. The reception
hall had been decorated for the holidays.
And Sunny and her family just incorporated those decorations for the
wedding itself. Sunny wore her mom’s
dress. I don’t even remember what food
they had – but I’m guessing that it was simple.
Sunny did have a line. She had chosen
two shades of pink for the bridesmaids to wear. Of all existing fabrics she had
chosen taffeta – okay, so the whole wedding wasn’t practical. Half of us looked like circus tents. It was the one and only time I would wear that dress.
What’s up with bridesmaid dresses
anyway? To analyze that would have to be
a post all on its own. But let me not
lose focus here.
After Roland and I got engaged, we had
changed our wedding date so many times. There
were complications with his ex that I will not even try to explain. We would make arrangements around other
people’s schedule – and you know what?
No date will ever work for all people.
Seriously. Another great benefit
to eloping – no one person would be excluded anymore than anybody else.
By that time my father had passed away and my mom didn’t want me to elope.
We had landed on our umpteenth date
for September 18. We had the marriage license;
I had borrowed a white dress from mom (not her wedding dress though – as she
had borrowed the one she had been married in) and ten days prior we learned the
clergy (bishop) who would marry us would be out of town. I was in tears. Really – why all this stress. If we ran off to Las Vegas, it would be over
and done with and I wouldn’t have had to deal with such emotional turmoil.
The next day I asked my bishop if he
could marry us that or the following night.
So the groom, the guests, everybody who was a part of that wedding party
got eight hours notice or less. And you
know what? Everybody who had been
invited came.
We were married at our newly purchased
house. My mom stopped off at the store
and purchased a cake that said “Congratulations!” and it worked. Roland's favorite part about that night was that I didn't have to leave at a certain time; I was there to stay.
There were still some who believed we
should have a reception. And so a month
later we did – for them. We made up our own announcements and passed them out
by hand. I purchased some balloons and
teddy bears for our decorations. We
found some appetizers on clearance and used that as our food. And ward (Church) members rallied around us
to assist with our needs.
It was held in the building where my mom
attends Church meetings. It was simple. There
was no line. Very little expense. And it worked.
Before Kayla got married I went with
her to a second hand store. She
purchased a wedding gown and veil that she has worn three times perhaps – she had
posed for pictures in her wedding dress without her groom – and there are
several more – over six hindered more of the bride and groom.
The line was short. No bridesmaids in one-time-wear bridesmaid
dresses. But if she had had bridesmaids
she would have chosen a practical fabric and pattern that the bridesmaid would
actually want to wear again.
Her “flower girls” wore dresses which
were already in closet – posed for pictures but did not stand in line. My
family and I assisted in the kitchen. It
was held at the same building as my reception had been. It was inexpensive. And it worked.
And I have been to some expensive
weddings that really did have an awesome appearance and commercial feel
almost. And while I have made comment
that, “Oh, this is nice. Yes, it is
beautiful” I really do feel a lot more comfortable with simple than with
expense. Which is good, I guess. Being that expense has always been out of my
reach.
I have two daughters-in-law. Well, two as of next week.
My first daughter-in-law comes from a
family who has had to deal with financial burdens just as we have. Rochelle’s needs and ideas were very simple –
and it showed. The layout for the
reception was very inexpensive.
Different family members had agreed to assist and/or take over with
different parts of the reception – such as food, decorations, the cake,
etc. They held it at the Church (ward
building) that she had attended. And it was a really nice reception.
Rochelle was very willing to
elope. But she didn’t want to hurt her
family members’ feelings. Neither of her
parents was in the greatest of health.
She had a simple wedding reception for them. And her mom passed two months later. So we have some great memories there with her
mom.
Carrie’s tastes are a far cry from
practical, I think. According to Randy,
Carrie’s family has already spent thousands of dollars on this wedding. Thousands!
I cringe at the very thought. If
I had thousands, it certainly would not be spent for a onetime event. I’d fix up the yard, have a lot more reliable
transportation, fix the plumbing in the house (probably the plumbing would be
my priority) get my printer fixed . . .
Carrie had asked Randy to ask if we could
help with expenses. Are you kidding
me? Don’t you think if we had the money
we would have made the offer? After all,
she’s been to our rather small house before.
She’s seen our embarrassment of a yard. She’s seen what we use as
transportation. She may not know about
the plumbing, but still . . . we didn’t spend that kind of money put together
on the three weddings mentioned at the beginning of this post.
Please. It’s not that I don’t
want to – well, I guess I don’t – but overall we really cannot help out with
expenses because we just don’t have it. We've been off and on welfare our entire married lives. Mostly on it seems.
Randy doesn’t understand why we’re so
financially strapped. Hopefully he will
never have to find our first-handedly about the high cost of divorce and what
it’s like to hire attorneys and pay court costs and taxes and earn money that
we never even see. (Also more
information for another post that will never get written.) Not to mention the
economical slump they are calling a “repression”.
I like Carrie. I do.
But her view of the world is so different from my own. Different from her mother’s from what I
understand. The kind of girl that Randy
would go for. A trophy wife. And I hope for both of their sakes that it
will last.
Sunny would not encourage anybody to elope.
She thinks that there should be many
memories of that important day and that family and friends should be a part of
it. And I agree. I wanted family and friends. I didn’t want hype however. And hype isn’t needed. But for many brides it appears that the
desire of the material things and show becomes more important than friends,
family members, and even the groom.
I’ve been to some weddings that have just
seemed so superficial and showy, I wonder just who they’re trying to impress. Themselves?
Do they think it’s worth it? And there are those who have been impressed
with the results. I, for one, am NOT
impressed with the high cost of weddings.
I’d rather take my family on vacation somewhere.
Different
strokes. Different folks. If our finances are like they are now, Jenna’s
will have to be simple (unless we can get her to elope)
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