I Don't Think it Should Feel Like Outer Darkness

Half an hour early is

still not early, not 
enough time to get a 
seaton the pew.

One hour early would

not be enough time.

You'd have to get there at

6:00 before the doors open.

You and whatever other

vultures are waiting in the

parking lot.

If you come any time after

8:00, you have to sit on the

hard folding chairs that are

smashed so near one another

that you will feel like a sardine.

It is possible for me to sit in

certain chairs for two hours,

but not those hard folding chairs

made for thin people.

Give me a recliner, or at least something

big and soft.

During morning conference, I was

standing by the wall just as much as

I was sitting down.  The second time

I got up, Roland got up also

but then he disappeared.

Jenna asked where he had gone.  I

didn't know and so went to

look for him.  I found him out

in the foyer, sitting in a comfortable

red chair.  I knew he

wasn't feeling great and asked if

he wanted to leave.

He said all of the talks

sounded the same.  I don't

think all of them did.  But I

haven't felt the misery he

is feeling since we lived in

Salt Lake.

Probably when I was that

miserable, I thought all the

talks sounded alike and would

much rather be in bed than on

a hard folding chair looking

at a screen because

we are too far away to see

the actual speaker.

We might as well be

on the stage, furthest from the 
speakers.  That is where

Jenna wanted to sit.  Not me.

We sat on the stage last year and

it was dark.  When I stood up, I

thought I would trip as I tried to

adjust myself around the seats.  I

wonder if we could be allowed to

sit on the seats behind the podium.
(There are two stages I guess; one
in the chapel - though we don't really
call it a stage; the stage is in the 
cultral hall opposite of where the
speaker stands. I would be willing 
to speak if that

could be the only way for me
to get a more comfortable seat. 

When I am watching

General Conference on

the screen at home, I get more out of

it than if I am at the conference center and

the speaker is the size of

a dot.  For the most part there are

fewer distractions at home and so

I can concentrate better on
the speakers' messages.  
 Not always.

Puffer Fish Nests and Minus in Ministry

           Evidently, there was an agenda created for the stake conference that had to be changed after the general conference announcements.  originally there had been a meeting created for the priesthood which had been changed to all auxiliary leaders.  Roland was required to attend that one, but I was not.  I said I had wished to go to the adult meeting as I generally get more from it than from the Sunday morning meeting.  We both did.  My favorite talk was the first one given after the introduction and new agenda - all on the same topic - which was ministry.

            The first speaker was given permission to show a visual similar to this:

 

             Though displayed on the overhead screen, I did not notice the fish that she tried to point out.  I can barely see it in the above photo.   She gave a brief history of their discovery and why they exist.  It is the nest of a puffer fish.  The male works long in creating what may attract the female to come lay eggs.  She has a view of his creation, but he does not see the beauty because he does not have the same perception.  He doesn't see what he is building.

            Many of us who minister may spend so much time serving or "building" that we do not always see the results of that which we are doing.  She had done some in-depth research and learned that the root word of "ministry" "minis" in Midevil Latin means "minus" or less; to lose oneself in ministry making our problems less or "minus" from ourselves to add to another.  It was a really great talk.  I wish that I had taken better notes or that I could have posted while fresh in my mind.

            Roland is still not feeling well.  It is no longer physical, but emotional as well.  It didn't feel right to abandon him after our return home, but to stay with him and keep him company;  I didn't take great notes all during conference and I no longer seem to retain things as well as I use to.  Perhaps I will be able to make more sense of my notes and add more posts on the subject.  But this will have to do for now.

Fresh Cut Hair

          I LOVE the feel of my hair right after it's been cut - the fact that I can run my fingers through it and shampoo it only once and have my scalp clean.  My hair doesn't grow long so much as it grows thick. I know there are many women who would love the problem of too much hair.  Though it does have its perks, it does take longer to find the scalp through thick hair.  It will also whip in the wind and either get in my mouth when I'm trying to eat or else it seems to tangle a lot more easily. I don't know how it's possible, but my hair seems to grow faster in Oregon than it did in Salt Lake.  Even my hairdresser was surprised as the pile hanging from my head as it hasn't been that long since she cut it before.

          I miss my hairdresser in Murray - one I had been going to for at least 30 years.  I believe she knows my hair better than I do.  The hairdresser I have now does a good job.  When I add color to my hair, I will only need one bottle and I will be able to douse it all.  With quite thick hair, it is really easy to miss many strands - especially those that are behind me.  Perhaps I ought to ask Jenna to assist me with it.  She is not a girly girl, however.  I don't know if she'll do a great job as she really doesn't care about appearance - hers or anybody else.

          Roland has been to two stake conference meetings and I have been to one.  The final takes place this morning.  Lots of changes taking place in the church right now.  Much to absorb.  I hope I have a much inspiring post to create tomorrow.

Communication and Knowing my Child

            When Jenna was in preschool, the school district offered a course for parents to communicate with or discipline their children . . . I can't remember how it was worded.  Jenna was going through a whining stage and Roland and I both wished to assist her in overcoming.  Somewhere in my possession, I have the questionnaires as both Roland and I received our own packets of material.  Of course, I can't find them now to pull up an example except for the incentive charts found here.

            The questions were presented in a manner that may have led one to believe that the questions were about the children, but with each class and questionnaire, I felt like the class was really geared toward parenting and understanding ourselves.  It was a fun class, I thought and I really enjoyed getting acquainted with the instructor and some of the other parents.  There was a potluck dinner afterward and a nursery for the children.  It was something I truly did look forward to once a week.

            Jenna did eventually stop whining - but not until after the class had ended.  We were invited back the following year but had stopped attending as the material was exactly the same and we weren't quite ready for a "refresher" but I would review the material on my own every once in a while.  I had even scanned a lot of it, but haven't been able to find the connector to open the scans I had created.

            At the beginning of this school year, Jenna brought home a letter requesting parent/child representatives for a survey that is being conducted by the University of Oregon and child and family services.  Every three months they would send out two surveys - one for me and one for Jenna - to complete and send back.  Her survey was 9 pages.  Mine was always 17. 

            Each of us was supposed to fill out our own survey without discussing with the other.  But after we mailed them in, we would talk about what we had filled out.  For the most part, Jenna and I were right on track.  But I wonder how much different it may have been if Roland had been involved.  Questions included home life, peers, bullying, health, motivation, parenting and school involvement.  Some of my answers make it sound like I keep Jenna a prisoner . . . but there are no comment sections to explain why my answers sound like I watch her like a hawk at all times.  I don't - but because of the distance of where everything is, I generally have to either drive her or she will be picked up by another parental driver and so I generally do always know what Jenna is doing and with whom.

            We don't have the best eating habits.  We are all overweight.  But generally, we are happy.  Especially Jenna.  I enjoy when she is singing because I know she is happy.  I think often her singing grates on Roland's nerves.  He doesn't care for my contemporary Christian music either.  What's cool though is he will play Disney music.  He will blare up the Beetles when neither Jenna nor I are in the car with him.

            Jenna doesn't get bullied - or at least that she knows of.  I may have already mentioned it before, but her personality will actually frustrate bullies as she compliments or thanks them for their snide remarks or will ask the "bully" if he/she needs a hug.  Jenna doesn't believe that it is true, but there are several students who look up to and admire her.  She is well liked without being popular.

            We both wish she had that one true friend that she could hang out with.  She's a very friendly girl, but she doesn't hang out much with friends the way I did or had the opportunity to.  It helps that we have family home evening - a rarity compared to even her LDS peers here in Oregon.  I know she has friends in Utah who still do it.  It's a different world from when I grew up.

You May Want to Rethink That Name on Your Trailer

        Although the definition for Express means "to convey", I often associate the word with speed or convenience" - such as in "American Express" or "Federal Express"  or even the express lane on the freeway or supermarket checkout. 

I find it ironic that an "Express" would hold up the line of cars.

        I couldn't take a picture of the vehicle in front of the line as I wasn't directly behind it.  It wasn't a big deal really.  Eight cars driving 20 on a 45 road is no big deal. After all, the daily traffic in Salt Lake - which accounts for more than 8 to 10 cars - is a big deal.  8 - 10 cars would be neighborhood traffic,  but not a main road.

        I don't think I would have thought that much about it had I been in Salt Lake,  but 8 backed up cars is quite heavy traffic for MC - so I thought there was a bus making stops and possibly picking up students.  But I finally got a glimpse of the truck pulling trailer.  My view was the back of the trailer which read:

        I laughed.  Had it been in Salt Lake, I can guarantee you that most drivers would have been stressed - but then again in Salt Lake, one has the option of driving around - which they normally do at high speeds flipping off or honking at the lead driver who is slowing everybody down.

        Between 2:30 to 3:00 after school is definitely the heaviest I ever see with traffic in this area.  And still, it is less traffic than even the quietest streets in Salt Lake.  I like that!

Fill in the Blanks

My brother-in-law has been posting silly answers to questions he finds.  I have taken several of his topic post "questions" to create my own.  This will tell you a bit about me.

When I was little, I used to think things that happened in movies could work out in real life - like Mary Poppins flying away on her umbrella or half chicken half mammal could be produced by a mammal diligently sitting on the egg.  I don't know it was so much gullibility on my part as it was hopefulness.

I think the best place to sit on a bus is near the driver.  In Salt Lake, Jenna and I enjoyed talking with some of the morning route drivers.  It wasn't always an option as front seats are reserved for wheelchairs and those who don't/can't move around as well as the average person.  On long trips I'll sit in the back - generally from Fairbourne to Kayla's house, there was no other choice but the back. That was fine as it was a great distance. 

I am a huge fan of peanut butter and chocolate desserts

If I could be famous for anything, it would be motivational speaking.

 Between the city and the country, I’ll always pick the country - though not a remote country.  Somewhere between a country and a town.

My favorite day of the week is  Friday - usually, have completed class requirements by then.  Almost a free day.

The last time I had to call roadside assistance was because I had a flat tire - which I do know how to change; unfortunately, do not have the strength.

A film scene I love is in cool running when the four Jamaicans are applauded after carrying their sorry sled over the finish line.  My favorite line is when John Candy's character says to Derice:  "... a gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one."

If I had a billion dollars to spend I would anonymously pay down many medical bills for various people.  Pay off my car, get a new transmission for the other car . . . . move my family to Oregon . . .  lots of things really.

The class I used to fall asleep in is ACCOUNTING - especially when the subject is stock and bonds.  (see here)

The greatest invention in human history is the camera, of course.

My role model as a child was my mom . . . but it took me many years to understand that.

Health, Happiness and Approximate Conversation

          Just before we got in the car to come home from church, Jenna had asked me what was wrong.  Evidently, I was wearing an expression of sadness or despair.  Perhaps I should not use quotes as I don't fully remember the conversation, but I'm going to use quotations anyway.  This is only an approximation.

          Jenna (playfully joking):  "Are you sad because you don't have choir practice?"

          Me (sarcastically;  keep in mind that I DO NOT have a great singing voice and would rather eat than practice):  "Oh, yes.  That must be it" 

          Jenna: "What's wrong?"

          At that exact moment in time, I was dreading money spent wastefully - but I don't wish to share my thoughts with her because I know she'll feel bad, and my fourteen-year-old shouldn't be concerned over family finances the way that I am.  Not that what I shared with her was any better - in fact, it was probably worse.

          "Oh, dad and I were watching program this morning about health and happiness in the workplace.  Dad has never been happy about this job that he has currently.  I think that's why he's been sick for so long. 

          "This morning's program interviewed a man who had a job that paid good money but he was not happy.  He quit his job to become a fireman which he loves, but he isn't even making a third of what he did.  But he is happier.  We're always making sacrifices.  Dad does his job to support us.  And now he has a boss who evidently attended the school of Hitler management and feels like he is walking on eggshells all of the time.  I think that's why he's been sick for so long.  He just can't seem to shake it.

          "My health has been so much better in Oregon than it was in Salt Lake.  I have been so much happier overall.  I don't feel as much stress.  But if we have to move again so dad can get his business started, I will be the one who is sick.  Accounting doesn't make me happy.  I don't want to be part of a business.  So either he is going to be sick or I am.

          "And I just learned another great Uncle has passed away this month.  He had dementia when he passed.  Uncle Ned had dementia too.  And my grandma may have had a touch of it after she was admitted to the hospital for the last time.  She had asked dad and me to take her home, but she didn't even know who we were."

          Jenna and I were both crying.  My mom had dementia.  Perhaps it's hereditary.  I'm 15-20 years younger than mom had been when she was diagnosed, but this "goldfish memory" thing seems to be more frequent.  It's highly probable that I'll get dementia also.

          There is only one traffic light downtown and another in Tri-City.  We were at the second light when I realized what the most recent "trigger" took place.  It hadn't anything to do with our current spending or our health. 

         

          "I hate primary," I said.  I have been in the primary for over 40 years of my life and I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of practicing for the annual program.  I really don't mind teaching, but I am tired of babysitting the children who don't wish to be there or just have no concept of why they're there.

          "I'm going to be stuck in primary forever!  The only way a person can ever get released from a calling is by developing a love for it so much that he/she doesn't want to be released.  That is when they get released.  That is how it works.  I am going to be stuck in primary forever because I don't love it.  On the plus side, I will never be called to be the Relief Society president."

          Jenna laughed.

          "No, I am serious.  I can't be in the primary and Relief Society at the same time." 

          Just before we reached our driveway, I shared another reason to be sad.  I think I'm allergic to chocolate.  And I LOVE chocolate.  I love chocolate more than I hate primary.  How awful and sad to love something that may not love you back.

Ward Pot Luck and Games

            Our ward does a potluck lunch every second Wednesday.  Afterward, there is a group of us who stay to play games.  A counselor in the Relief Society is so good to send out reminders.  We usually have a really good attendance, but not always.

            The other day I decided that I wouldn't leave the house until about 12:30 or so which would put me there around clean up and I would get to play games with whoever was staying (as there are probably only 20% will stay for games) but my computer was being temperamental and kept freezing before I could finish my assignment.  And so I decided to turn it off and go to the luncheon.

            Wow.  Happy to have made that decision.  There were eight of us.  Holy cow.  I don't remember there ever being that few.  We did have a few more stragglers just before and after the prayer was offered.  We ended up with 15 people and eight dishes plus chips.  

            It is an early day for Jenna and so she will walk up to the church after school lets out though she hasn't been playing games with us. The hot games are Rummikub and Mexican Train.  She gets tired of playing only those two games - which I understand.  We have a couple who don't show any interest in word games or trivia and so I didn't know how "Scatergories" would be received by the group.  I learned that many were also happy about the introduction of something different that they all enjoyed and asked to play again.

            As we were getting ready to leave I made a comment about one of the dishes which I wanted to take home to Roland.  The one who had brought it gave me more than I thought I would need and with the game and the food, my sweater and bag, I had my hands full and was gathering my belongings and the last one out of the church.  

            When I returned home, the food was not in the car.  No!  I remembered carrying it out to the car.  At least I thought I had.  Roland said he had to return to the church to take care of him and I joined him on his quest as I thought it would be easier to retrace my own footsteps than try to explain to him where the food might be.

            Before we turned into the parking lot I saw the covered container still sitting outside on the sidewalk next to where I had parked the car.  Fortunately, it was covered as it was getting rained on.  Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.  My memory lately has been like that of a goldfish. 

Those Are HUGE Pants

            The young women of the ward have been making pajama bottoms.  I don't know why Jenna picked out to mismatched designs.  Well, it is her personality.  The pants looked too big for me.  I was right.  They may be Jenna's correct length, but they have fallen off my waist twice already, and I am bigger around the middle than she is.

            The last part of the pajama bottoms was to pull a draw string through - which I had started, but stopped at the seam that joined the front and the back together.  I couldn't push th safety pin through the stitch.  Just as well.  The draw sting had been measured for Jenna's belly and not my own - therefore it would have been too small to tie.  I figured I could still wear them to bed.  I hadn't taken into consideration that they might fell down whenever I got up to go to the bathroom.  Oh, my.