Struggling to Belong

           I have heard the music from “Dear Evan Hansen” for a couple of years at least.  Loved the soundtrack.  Did not fully connect the dots of what I was listening to – or hearing rather.  I suppose if I had really listened I would have figured out the plot.  But I thought the story was something different than what it is.  Jaime and I recently watched the movie. Although we both really liked it we were somewhat disappointed that “Does Anybody Have a Map?”  had been cut from the movie as it seemed like a crucial force for the introduction of the characters.

          I had heard Ben Platt’s voice for the first time during the start of the pandemic as he had performed “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in the presentation of Saturday Night Seder – which I still love and am grateful for having access to rewatch it on YouTube.  I absolutely love Ben Platt’s voice.  I love the music of  “Dear Evan Hansen” and the story line. 

          We all struggle to belong.  We are labeled as outcast and popular.  We may perceive some people as “having it easy” though they may have just as many struggles trying to stay ahead or “putting on a show” for others more than themselves.

          There is one scene that stands out when Evan is having a conversation with a popular girl who refers to him as “people like us.”

          Evan responds, “People like us?  Yes, right, because we have so much in common.” 

          Even the most popular person can share something in common with one who may see himself as invisible for the way he is treated (see here for conversation) if only we would take the time to learn about  one another and not continue labeling ourselves.  Everybody needs to see this movie and apply it to ourselves.

Look at the Sky

 On Thursday night it rained

not a heavy rain but enough

to change the mood of the sky.

Jaime and I took Bonnie for a walk yesterday.

The colors were brilliant all throughout the day.

I took this picture through my window just as the sun was

getting ready to set

I never reset the date on the camera; it really was taken yesterday

Provide a Collar with Information

           I don’t know how many times there have been dogs that have wandered into our yard.  Somebody’s pets at that.  Some have had collars.  Two had even come with names.  Only one had come with a phone number.  Weird thing was it was for the animal shelter in Roseburg.  I personally would not be thrilled to have to drive up all the way to Roseburg to fetch Bonnie for instance knowing that she had been found in my neighborhood in Myrtle Creek.  But we do have tags attached to Bonnie’s collar.  One of them has her name and a phone number that will contact her owner. Duke did not even have a collar on him when he showed up in our yard.

          Whenever lost pets wander into our yard we will try to keep them there and pray for the owner to come find it before Richard calls animal control – which is always his solution.  But Jaime and I said to give the owners a chance to find him first and hung out on the porch with Duke. 

          Jaime had tried a variety of names and were both in awe when he seemed to respond to “Duke”.  We allowed Bonnie to come out and make friends with Duke before we decided that we should find an old collar and take Duke on a walk in search for his owner.  Just after Jaime attached the leash to the collar we saw an orange car and called to the driver and passenger “are you looking for a dog?”

          They were and called to Duke and took him away.  Jaime asked if they would please include identification on their dog.  We will call the owners if we know who to call.

First Names

          Today a sister had asked why we call each other Sister so-and-so and not address first names.  I understood her question.  There are some sisters who have such beautiful names that are often lost in the shuffle when they are addressed by their last name. I do think that you get used to addressing a person one way and may have a hard time making your mind remember to call them something else.  (For instance for years you may have been calling the neighbor lady Mrs. Loren twenty years later you are expected to call her Amanda.  Huh?)

According to this site, the title “Brother” or “Sister” is a sign of respect which I understand but I do not think of calling a person by first name is a sign of disrespect.  It is more intimate and familiar.  I like hearing people called by their first names.  But I do get the respect of the title just as addressing Bishop (name) President (name) and so forth.

One sister commented that sometimes we don’t know the names of those we are addressing and may address an individual “Sister” while introducing ourselves. Or “Sister, remind me of your name” which seems to happen more often than not.    LDS Living offers these two ideas. 

         I am okay with either “Karen” or “Sister Rivera”.  Either is acceptable and I’m not offended if addressed by the other. Jaime would rather not be referred to as “Sister Rivera”.  Fair.  I also had a problem when I was addressed by my maiden name. I personally would have rather been called “Karen” than “Sister Fehr”. Sister Fehr was my grandmother and not my 21 year old self (or however old).  I hadn’t looked at it as a sign of respect.  For me, personally, the title felt somewhat intimidating – as though I had graduated from being a youth to having one foot in the grave. 

As Jaime and I were talking she told me she understands the respect thing. She most often addresses her uncles as Uncle Todd, Uncle Steven, Uncle Robert and so forth. But she is still using their first names and not Uncle Glad, Uncle Fehr and Uncle Rivera (that would be weird).  I have always used first names for grandmas to separate them from their parents.  (Grandma Greenwood, Grandma Fehr, Grandma Mary, Grandma Helen, Grandma Gerrie, Grandma Aurelia, Grandma Lucy . . . .)

I did have one bishop who had a three syllable Polish name which wasn’t all that difficult to pronounce but the entire time he was serving was addressed as “Bishop Joe” – Joe being his first name.  I served a ward in Virginia where all the members were addressed by Brother and Sister First Name rather than last name.  I really liked that.  First names means “friend” in my opinion.

Give Me Autumn

  

Every Summer

my mind seems to

be displaced from

my body.  I am so

sleepy ALL OF THE TIME. 

It’s not healthy.

 

Every Winter

my mind always believes

it is later than it is because

the sun sets BEFORE

4:00 p.m.  What’s up with that?

 

Temperatures change and send

me into a coma in the summer and

a stupor in winter.  But

changing the clock from one

time to another does not

help with my sleeping

habits either.  I have NEVER

had good sleeping habits.

 

I have allergies all

year round.  Spring has

always been the worst though

I have experienced a

runny nose, itchy eyes and

sinus problems in

summer and winter as well.

 

Can’t we just keep the

temperatures of fall for

the entire year?  None of

the weather record highs or

record lows.  No snow, no fire,

no comas. Please keep the

 sunrise and sunset at

reasonable hours and

so forth.  Give me the

fall.  Get rid of the fatigue.

 

“Watch” What We’re Doing With Our”Time”

          In addition to making cards Richard has taken up another hobby: repairing watches.  He buys broken watches at yard sales, estate sales and second hand stores.  Often they just need a new battery but sometimes they require a backing or strap.  He fixes them up to running and donates them to a homeless shelter.

         On Thursday the shelter handed him two large bags of broken watches.  Jai and I have joined his cause and made the watches a family project.  We have sorted the watches into piles of “probably just needs a new battery” to “no straps” “straps only” “backings” “without backings” and so forth.  I have decided to wear a new watch each day – just to make certain that it is working.  Problem is I find that I haven’t looked at it often enough.

         I had set a green watch aside as one I might like to keep.  I had it on for two days before I realized the hands were no longer working.  The one I wore today is a red one that has on hat over the face.  There are only four numbers and I couldn’t make out the time very well.  I wore it more as a fashion statement.

         Richard has not repaired even a hundred watches yet.  I am certain there are currently 200 watches (give or take a few) on our back table.  Jaime is marking them while I blog about it.  Perhaps I will go join them again once I have posted.

                                        

The Wolf Dogs are Gone

           Just over a year ago a couple moved into the house next door.  I remember family members working on the roof and house trimming and paint.  They spruced it up nicely.  We were really excited to have them move in.  I remember them watering their lawn on a daily basis.  I thought they had money as they could afford to do that.

         Ally played with a girl that Jai and I had been introduced to just over a year ago.  I was under the impression that Jeremy was the father of the three children but that they all lived with their mom.  However when Biff and Clair moved in it appeared that Holly was living with Jeremy and Amanda.  Amanda also had another child.  They also had two huge dogs which reminded me of wolves.

         The dogs would bark up a storm every time they were let into the back yard.  Jeremy and Holly really liked Bonnie but they did not like Char.  Biff and Clair had moved out before Jeremy and his wife.  I heard that Holly was moving – but thought it may be back with her biological mom (I still don’t know the story) but learned today that the dogs are gone, the family is gone.  It sounds like they were renting?  That is weird.  I thought they were the homeowners who started out with a great yard.  But the people who are servicing next door said they really trashed the place. 

          I had seen a man over there.  I thought he was the father of either Jeremy or Amanda. Guess not.       Today we received a visit from a small dog named Monkey.  He arrived with leash so I figured his owners were not far.  I asked a man who was in the driveway next door.  He is the one that told me that the house is currently under construction again. We’ve lived in our current house just over seven years.  We’ve seen people come and go.  I would like some stable neighbors – ones we like.

More From the Shed

                Richard had decided to buy me a 12 X 12 scrapbook with extra pages as I had enjoyed scrapbooking. This purchase was made at the time when we still lived in West Valley.  8 ½ by 11 always seemed more practical for me though I had made up four or five 12 X 12 scrapbook albums when I was single.  After I had married I had made a couple of pathetic attempts of scrapbooking in order to preserve the memories of my new instant family – but I had given that up after Jaime was born.  I didn’t have the room I needed.

         Before we had even moved to West Valley Richard had given me a CD set to download to the computer. The program allowed me create scrapbook pages on the computer. No longer would I have to spread out photos and lay them out for placement and seek for stickers or die cuts to go with whatever themes.  I could see benefits for both. The pages I print from the computer don’t have raised borders or the third dimension sometimes offered by a hand created scrapbook. 

         I kept all my scrapbooking supplies in the event that I ever returned to pre-computer.  When Richard presented me with the 12X12 I decided to go through some accumulated photos (such as our trip to Disneyland) and create pages.  I asked Jaime to assist.  She made one page.  That was her contribution.  She does not love scrapbooking.  Not her thing.   

  I had started four or five pages.  STARTED.  I had placed pictures on the12X12.  I don’t know what year I had tackled that feat – if it was the year before my mom was put into assisted living, the year before we moved here or when.  Apparently I had packed up my scrapbook pages and supplies and even the new scrapbook album which Richard had purchased.  I didn't even realize that I had had it when we lived in West Valley but the receipt indicates that is where we lived. It sat in our Oregon shed(s) – eight years it lay untouched.  Honestly I had forgotten that they existed – until quite recently when Jaime and I were finally able to tackle both sheds and reorganize and dispose.

I had the 12X12 scrapbook in the yardsale.  It remained untouched.  Then I decided I would put some of the photos (particularly the cut ones – see here) in a scrapbook and send it to Ryan.  After I printed his name off the computer and inserted it along with his photo I found alphabetized stickers in the front cover – where they will remain because I don’t know how to get them out.  There are instructions for inserting the extra pages.  Evidently the spine needs to be broken and reset.  What the hey??!!! 

Anyway I have decided to get rid of the extra papers, stickers, die cuts, stencils and whatever else I happened to collect.  I took a picture of some samples and posted them on facebook.  I had a taker within five minutes.  Excited about the claim.

A Magician and a Castle Cake

           I scanned several photos with the intent of mailing them all to Ryan’s family.  I thought his kids might enjoy looking at them.  There are quite a number of photos and postage will be costly – unless I send just a couple of them at a time.  Thus I started with four random photos and a message to his family to keep an eye on his ever changing hair (or lack thereof) for Ryan has had a head full of hair similar looking to Sideshow Bob (from the Simpsons) and has also been completely bald.  He has gone through a blond stage.  Dreadlocks. 

          We had an unused scrapbook in our yard sale.  It was not purchased and I have recently decided that I will place some photos within and send it out when it is full.  I will start with Ryan’s 14^th birthday.

          Richard and I had been married just over a year when Ryan (dubbed as Tony in previous posts) turned 14.  I don’t know how we were able to afford such an elaborate birthday party. Richard must have sold a  few properties as he was able to hire a magician to host the party.  Ryan invited several friends and I had invited my family.  Our foreign exchange student took most of the photos that are now in my possession. 

          Not all of the photos have been cut into pieces.  I probably have enough photos to fill five or six pages.  Reminders of the guests, magician and birthday cake.  Perhaps it will trigger some memories he will be able to share.  Here are just some of the photos:

He Was a Long Term Substitute

 When I was in junior high (the year indicates I was in my ninth grade year) I had an English instructor who seemed kind of strict and thought he might be a hard grader.  I really don’t know much about him except for he had pronounced my last name correctly and since that rarely happened I thought we must related.

I don’t know for how long he was my instructor.  I think at least one semester.  But we had a substitute finish out the year.  He was a very easy grade.  For the most part we didn’t even receive instruction (as I recall) but were subject to every Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton movie.  I kid you not.  I’m surprised to learn that apparently we had been given an assignment.  But there it is – his comments following the four A pluses.

 

 I must have referred to this paper at least four times within the letters I had sent to my mom while attending Ricks College.  I knew that if I ever came across it that it would not be worth the read – and yet how great to have those marks.  I think I needed an instructor somewhere in between the old man who had a heart attack and never did return to school (at least while I was there) and the long-term substitute who seemed to be obsessed with silent movies and oblivious to teaching English. I wonder how many of the other faculty were aware of the situation.  We definitely WEREN'T learning.

 I did not scan the assignment itself but had made my own comments that anyone who wanted to read my assignment plus any follow-ups had to be nuts.

“This thing was brought to you by a Dramatic English class.”

Silly Girl

 

Long before digital cameras we used film.  Film cartridges were dropped off or mailed. After the film was developed into pictures they were ready for pick-up.  They would come in envelopes with two pouches.  The larger pouch contained the photographs and the smaller held the negatives. Jai and I found a large number of negatives among the photos we had discovered.  Jai seemed to take more pleasure out of looking at the negatives than the pictures themselves.  Silly girl.

Summertime Blues

     Since I have been married 

each ward we have lived in has 

offered a small primary.  

When members go out of town 

the primary appears to be even smaller.  

The primary president had recruited Jaime as 

a sunbeam teacher for the next two weeks - 

starting the other day.  

There were five children in the primary - 

more leaders than youth.  

They combined the younger children and 

older ones for just two classes.  

Jaime was not sad to learn 

she was not needed after all.