No use crying over spilt milk; Time to Move on

          The wedding is now behind us, but still my plate seems full.  I am exhausted both mentally and physically.  And I am certain that I am also experiencing a hormonal imbalance.

         

          I vegetated all day yesterday.  Literally.  I had the boob tube on, but never saw a complete program as I would fade in and out of my slumber.  I hadn’t slept well the prior night.  I often have problems sleeping when I am overly tired.  My subconscious mind always seems to dwell on situations that I can’t change.  It drives me nuts – especially when I am so exhausted.

          Given that and the fact that I had taken a Zyrtec before going to the wedding reception and then again before going to bed.  It must have taken all day before it finally wore off.  At least I hope it’s worn off.

          My brother Corey had tried to be supportive – to both the family (as I had a son getting married) and his partner who was auditioning.  Both had scheduled event for the exact same time.  And he managed to do both.

          When Corey’s partner had finished his audition, both got dressed up and entered the temple grounds to be in family pictures.  They were in a few.  The one with everybody.  The one with bride and groom in front with uncles, aunts, nieces, cousins, friends, just whoever . . .

 Then our photographer asked which family should be photographed first.  I opted for the bride’s family with a lot more people – at least four were under the age of twelve.  I thought it would be easier to keep them there rather than move them around and back again.

          But my family got left on the back burner.  They left and I wasn’t even aware.  So the only photos that they were in were the ones with everybody – though the photographer had taken some of me with Corey and his partner before the bride and groom came out. But we did not get any photos of five that were there on the groom’s side in pics with just the nine of us.

 I felt bad.  And I know it is wrong to be upset about it or dwell on it, but I did get teary- eyed about it.  And when Roland asked if I was catching cold, I just couldn’t hold back anymore.  And I knew it was stupid for me to be crying over something I couldn’t change.  I should have said something sooner.

          It’s over and done with.  But Corey’s partner was tired having had only two hours of sleep.  Mom was antsy – because she just seems overwhelmed with crowds as she’s gotten older.  So they left.  And Corey said they had said good-bye to me.  But my head has been so full this month and I can’t think straight and I didn’t hear them or see them leave.

          There were two photographers – one from each family.  I think Bill was getting annoyed with the other photographer who obviously doesn’t have his years of experience.  She was sweet enough – but definitely not Bill.  He was probably more flustered than I was.

          There weren’t near as many pictures taken of Randy’s wedding as there had been with Tony’s – when Bill was working by himself.  Especially at the reception – where Bill had arrived on time (which doesn’t seem normal for him) but the bride’s side of the family didn’t seem to care or wanted to be bothered with being photographed again.  And the bride and groom themselves didn’t arrive until the time when the reception was scheduled to start.

          Jenna’s dress had gotten dirty – and she wasn’t in the greatest mood.  I don’t even know if she’s aware that Corey’s partner is in town right now, but I plan to take her out to my mom’s house and take pictures myself as he’ll be leaving tomorrow.  And since the dress Jenna wore the other night is not clean, I will be dressing her in another.

          It’s Mother’s Day.  I won’t have to be assisting in the nursery today as the priesthood will be giving all the women a break.

          Last night Jenna gave me an apron she had made – so excited about her gift that she just couldn’t hold it in.

          Now she would like to work on making a gift for Biff – who has his 25^th birthday tomorrow.  It’s been put on the back burner – again.  I so often feel like Biff’s birthday has been lost in the sauce for so many years.  For the most part I don’t think he even cares.  But it would be nice to receive some acknowledgement.

          Mother’s Day has often been put on the back burner, too.  But I think Jenna plans on changing that.

It’s been a Melancholy month; can’t wait until it’s over

I suppose I could just brainstorm my thoughts – which I have – but on paper.  Not on a post. 

            I’ve heard it said that poultry may sometimes run around frenziedly for several minutes after decapitation.  Hence the saying, “running around like a chicken with head cut off” 

          My mind has definitely been elsewhere this month.  Too many events taking place all at once.  Too many things to remember.  I have so lacked in my organizational skills

          Had to find sitters for Jenna on Tuesday and Friday this week; had another meeting with my sibs on Tuesday – something which had been scheduled for well than a month in advance.  Fortunately my sister mentioned it in an email or else I would have forgotten.

          I arrived early – 40 minutes early.  I had left early as I didn’t know the path of construction that would be in store for me and was very surprised when I hadn’t encountered not even one orange poly cone or orange barrel.

          Yesterday Carrie went to the temple for the first time.  I had been invited to attend along with her other guests – Randy had even offered to drive me (as we’re only down to one car which Roland drives on Wednesdays)  But I still would have needed a sitter for Jenna. But I had already told her that I would take her to see a child’s production of “Alice in Wonderland” – a play that she had actually wanted to be in – but it really didn’t fit into our schedule – or budget.

          I thought that I would have rather gone to the temple then to sit through a peewee production of “Alice . . .” – NOT my favorite show.  But it turned out to be really cute.  And I will do a write up on another post.  We rode the bus over to the high school and that in itself was fun for her.  I feel good about having taken her and not neglecting her again.

          So tomorrow is Randy and Carrie’s big day.  In our family it has been traditional for the groom’s family to do the wedding breakfast/brunch.  In the past, each couple has gotten married in the morning and had their meal between the wedding and reception.  As they are not getting married until 1:00 in the afternoon, it will be a breakfast before they are married.  It isn’t practical for us to try and sandwich the meal in between the marriage and the reception in the allotted amount of time.

          Apparently 9:30 is still too early for the bride and her family – but when else are we supposed to do it? Seriously?

I know there are some readers who wonder why I’m even blogging with the wedding being so close.  Most likely I will not be blogging tomorrow though.

It would have been less costly just to have her committed.

          I have two friends who are currently going through the divorce process.  One couple, though hurt, remains civil.  Their plan is to go through mediation.  The other . . . well, she sounds like she has turned into the Maleficent that Roland was married to for seven years.

          I’ve actually known him a lot longer – and have had conversations with her – but not day to day.  She seemed nice.  Perhaps a bit naïve when the two of them were married – someone a chauvinist would marry.  Someone who could be controlled.

          Of course I don’t know all the insides and outsides of their marriage.  I know that she posted to facebook that they were getting a divorce.  I think posting anything to facebook is opening a can of worms.  Her family (or friends) didn’t see it that way when the comments turned into bash and dispute.

          I’ve heard there are mental issues involved – so most of what I read sounded to me like she had turned into Maleficent – Roland’s ex – who I was told at one time had a heart.  Hard to believe.

          I always told Roland that it was too bad that he didn’t have Maleficent put away in some asylum – and certainly there would be costs – but I’m certain that it would be less expensive than what we are seeing now.

          The difference between Maleficent and my facebook friend (who actually shows up as “sister”) is her lack of family support – where as I think my facebook "sister" has family who would fight it out in court if her husband were to have her committed.  He’s got many years of financial hell ahead of him.  Too bad.

          I hope the state won’t be so doofus as they have been with Roland – though I have my doubts.  As with Maleficent (the original) they are certain to believe all the lies of my facebook "sister".  They will issue her restraining orders upon her word of mouth.  They will cater to her every need.  She will be awarded custody and use her children against my friend the way that Roland’s ex has with him.

          I get upset by the whole idea of divorce – especially when it becomes so ugly and there’s a partner who will never let go.  She seeks vengeance.  And every passing year she becomes more and more vile and her poison gets stronger and stronger and the state realizes they made a mistake but will never admit it. 

          Roland’s girls haven’t ended up like Josh Powell’s kids.  I don't know what my facebook friend's condition is. I don’t know the severity of the mental illness she refuses to face.  But hey, I doubt the state will even take that into account.  Aren't we supposed to learn from history in order not to repeat?

          Dear friend who I’ve known for over forty-five years . . . I’m sorry for your current and future situation.  At least she can’t have custody of all your kids – and it seems like the harder she tries to turn them against you, the more she turns them against herself.  I hope the road you are on doesn’t take you to the same financial or emotional hell as we have traveled.  I feel for you.  I’d like to be able to do more for you. I just don't know what.

                                                Love, LaTiesha 

So Much to Be Grateful for

          This month started off with a funeral.  Roland’s eldest sister had passed away unexpectedly.  But our final moments with her were spectacular.  We had gone to visit the family to celebrate mom’s birthday (which I have mentioned in an earlier post.) 

               

We are all so much grateful that Roland was able to return and that we have been able to meet our expenses – though it has set us back in other ways.  We have been blessed.

And yesterday represented new life as Jenna entered into the waters of baptism.  Something she had been looking forward to for well over five months, as we have attended several others.  She didn’t think it fair that all her friends were getting baptized before she was – although that hasn’t really been the case.  (Have I mentioned that my little girl is quite the drama queen?)

The Spanish ward was in charge of the program.  The opening hymn was “Choose the Right” which was sung in English. The opening prayer and first talk were given in Spanish – with translator for the talk.

Ironically, Jenna just happens to be learning Spanish with her schooling.  Each morning she spends the first three hours receiving instructions in Spanish – so she didn’t really need the translation.  She understood the talk.  And I watched her listen with understanding.  And it was marvelous.

Her oldest brother, Biff, baptized her.  What a great experience for both of them, as he had never had the honoring of performing a baptism before.

I assisted Jenna with getting dressed while Roland shuffled those in attendance to another room (there were four primary baptisms for four different wards;  You may wish to refer to this post  if the words ward and primary don’t make sense to you) and introduced two of Jenna’s uncles who I had asked to sing a few primary numbers in order to maintain the Spirit.

A book of Jenna’s memoirs was passed around so that her friends and family could add their thoughts and advice.  And after everyone was accounted for (Biff had taken a little longer at changing and getting to where the rest of us were) a circle of priesthood holders stood around her, and Randy confirmed her a member of the Church.

It was a beautiful ceremony.  And I am so grateful for the outcome.  And for the strong Spirit that we all felt.

Next week we have a wedding.  Busy month.  And it has just barely started.

Would your Parents Help with the Flower Expenses?

          When I was very young – still in elementary school, probably – my dad had strongly suggested that I elope when the time came.  Of course back then I had no idea what that even meant – but as I got older and older, I realized that the elopement thing was sounding better and better.  Weddings DON’T have to be expensive.  But some brides allow things to get out of hand.

          I actually come from a very practical family who has not spent a lot of money on that special day.  Mostly due to a lack of funds – but also because we realize it is just one day and the expenses don’t have to be off the charts.  What’s the point?

          I realize that there are some who have dreamed about her “perfect wedding” her entire life.  I wasn’t one of them.  Getting the groom was the main most important thing.  All else was unnecessary.  Especially when I got older and realized how impractical so much of it really was and is.

          My brother and his wife got married around Christmas time.  The reception hall had been decorated for the holidays.  And Sunny and her family just incorporated those decorations for the wedding itself.  Sunny wore her mom’s dress.  I don’t even remember what food they had – but I’m guessing that it was simple.

          Sunny did have a line. She had chosen two shades of pink for the bridesmaids to wear. Of all existing fabrics she had chosen taffeta – okay, so the whole wedding wasn’t practical.  Half of us looked like circus tents.  It was the one and only time I would wear that dress.

          What’s up with bridesmaid dresses anyway?  To analyze that would have to be a post all on its own.  But let me not lose focus here.

          After Roland and I got engaged, we had changed our wedding date so many times.  There were complications with his ex that I will not even try to explain.  We would make arrangements around other people’s schedule – and you know what?  No date will ever work for all people.  Seriously.  Another great benefit to eloping – no one person would be excluded anymore than anybody else. 

          By that time my father had passed away and my mom didn’t want me to elope.

          We had landed on our umpteenth date for September 18.  We had the marriage license; I had borrowed a white dress from mom (not her wedding dress though – as she had borrowed the one she had been married in) and ten days prior we learned the clergy (bishop) who would marry us would be out of town.  I was in tears.  Really – why all this stress.  If we ran off to Las Vegas, it would be over and done with and I wouldn’t have had to deal with such emotional turmoil.

          The next day I asked my bishop if he could marry us that or the following night.  So the groom, the guests, everybody who was a part of that wedding party got eight hours notice or less.  And you know what?  Everybody who had been invited came.

          We were married at our newly purchased house.  My mom stopped off at the store and purchased a cake that said “Congratulations!” and it worked.  Roland's favorite part about that night was that I didn't have to leave at a certain time; I was there to stay.

          There were still some who believed we should have a reception.  And so a month later we did – for them. We made up our own announcements and passed them out by hand.  I purchased some balloons and teddy bears for our decorations.  We found some appetizers on clearance and used that as our food.  And ward (Church) members rallied around us to assist with our needs. 

It was held in the building where my mom attends Church meetings. It was simple.  There was no line.  Very little expense.  And it worked.

          Before Kayla got married I went with her to a second hand store.  She purchased a wedding gown and veil that she has worn three times perhaps – she had posed for pictures in her wedding dress without her groom – and there are several more – over six hindered more of the bride and groom.

          The line was short.  No bridesmaids in one-time-wear bridesmaid dresses.  But if she had had bridesmaids she would have chosen a practical fabric and pattern that the bridesmaid would actually want to wear again.

          Her “flower girls” wore dresses which were already in closet – posed for pictures but did not stand in line. My family and I assisted in the kitchen.  It was held at the same building as my reception had been.  It was inexpensive.  And it worked.

          And I have been to some expensive weddings that really did have an awesome appearance and commercial feel almost.  And while I have made comment that, “Oh, this is nice.  Yes, it is beautiful” I really do feel a lot more comfortable with simple than with expense.  Which is good, I guess.  Being that expense has always been out of my reach.

          I have two daughters-in-law.  Well, two as of next week. 

My first daughter-in-law comes from a family who has had to deal with financial burdens just as we have.  Rochelle’s needs and ideas were very simple – and it showed.  The layout for the reception was very inexpensive.  Different family members had agreed to assist and/or take over with different parts of the reception – such as food, decorations, the cake, etc.  They held it at the Church (ward building) that she had attended. And it was a really nice reception.

          Rochelle was very willing to elope.  But she didn’t want to hurt her family members’ feelings.  Neither of her parents was in the greatest of health.  She had a simple wedding reception for them.  And her mom passed two months later.  So we have some great memories there with her mom.

Carrie’s tastes are a far cry from practical, I think.  According to Randy, Carrie’s family has already spent thousands of dollars on this wedding.  Thousands!  I cringe at the very thought.  If I had thousands, it certainly would not be spent for a onetime event.  I’d fix up the yard, have a lot more reliable transportation, fix the plumbing in the house (probably the plumbing would be my priority) get my printer fixed . . .

Carrie had asked Randy to ask if we could help with expenses.  Are you kidding me?  Don’t you think if we had the money we would have made the offer?  After all, she’s been to our rather small house before.  She’s seen our embarrassment of a yard. She’s seen what we use as transportation.  She may not know about the plumbing, but still . . . we didn’t spend that kind of money put together on the three weddings mentioned at the beginning of this post.  
Please.  It’s not that I don’t want to – well, I guess I don’t – but overall we really cannot help out with expenses because we just don’t have it.  We've been off and on welfare our entire married lives.  Mostly on it seems.

Randy doesn’t understand why we’re so financially strapped.  Hopefully he will never have to find our first-handedly about the high cost of divorce and what it’s like to hire attorneys and pay court costs and taxes and earn money that we never even see.  (Also more information for another post that will never get written.) Not to mention the economical slump they are calling a “repression”.

I like Carrie.  I do.  But her view of the world is so different from my own.  Different from her mother’s from what I understand.  The kind of girl that Randy would go for.  A trophy wife.  And I hope for both of their sakes that it will last. 

Sunny would not encourage anybody to elope.  She thinks that there should be many memories of that important day and that family and friends should be a part of it.  And I agree.  I wanted family and friends.  I didn’t want hype however.  And hype isn’t needed.  But for many brides it appears that the desire of the material things and show becomes more important than friends, family members, and even the groom. 

I’ve been to some weddings that have just seemed so superficial and showy, I wonder just who they’re trying to impress.  Themselves?  Do they think it’s worth it? And there are those who have been impressed with the results.  I, for one, am NOT impressed with the high cost of weddings.  I’d rather take my family on vacation somewhere.

 Different strokes.  Different folks.  If our finances are like they are now, Jenna’s will have to be simple (unless we can get her to elope)

Creative Solutions

          Whenever I have done a report or written a letter and I want to be specific about conveying my message, I have turned to my brother Corey for his input on how to change my wording so that it flows smoothly like his words always seem to.  My husband Roland does the same thing to me – asks me to type up his reports and change them around to convey his message.  So I asked Corey who he turned to . . . . He hasn’t said.

          I turn to Roland when I need a solution – he is very creative and can come up with answers.  So does my sister-in-law.  Both have such logical approaches and can introduce such awe at the same time.

          There have been times where something somehow didn’t make it into the plans – such as the spoons for ice cream during Jenna’s last birthday.    I told the children that superheroes would be able to find a way to eat without spoons.  So most chose to use their toothpicks – while Jenna licked hers up like a cat (somehow I just don’t see Wonder Woman actually doing that).

          One time (when I was younger) my family went to an amusement park with our cooler in tote.  The plan was for us to have a picnic.  We’d brought chicken, chips and potato salad – whoops.  We’d forgotten the utensils.  My dad’s creative solution was for each of us to dip our chips into the bowl and eat them along with the potato salad.  It is the only time I remember sharing a large bowl with all of my family.

          And then there’s the time when Roland took the boys to a fathers and sons outing.  Somehow they had managed to leave the house with the tent – but not the poles.  Ooki took this picture after my creative spouse came up with a solution on what to use and sent the four boys out to get it.  What a hoot!

          Roland comes up with solutions all of the time with various jobs he’s had, in making temporary repairs until we can financially afford something professional, in displaying food or decorations (this summer I will be posting one about the flag)

          I enjoy the creativity of others and the ability they are blessed with at resolving certain issues.

Boundaries and Languages of the LDS Church

          The words ward and stake refer to the geographical boundaries of those who belong to the LDS Church.  A certain number of members are assigned to a certain building.

          First off there is a chain of command.  Perhaps it might be easier to an individual to compare the chain of authority (but not the religion itself) to a business or military leadership, let’s say.

          The CEO or President does not show up in every store, in every franchise, in every company that she or he has built.  They hire staff who they hopefully communicate to.  They in turn hold meetings at their assigned areas and let their people know what the CEO expects. 

         

          The corporate moves from states to cities – with even more employees representing the different locations within the surrounding areas.  This is how the chain of command operates.  This is how the CEO communicates to his fellow worker.

          In the LDS Church there is a Prophet who is referred as President of the Church.  He in turn has counselors.  They preside over what is known as the twelve apostles who in turn preside over the Quorum of 70’s.

          Each member of the 70 is assigned to preside over certain regions.  A region is a geographical boundary which includes several stakes.  Each stake is divided into wards and branches (a branch includes a much smaller membership than does a ward) who in turn each have a bishop (or branch president) and counselors.  And the chain of command goes through each region, each stake, each ward, etc. The boundaries are included in the Church organization.

          Recently, when we had visited with Roland’s family, I was trying to explain this to one of my sisters-in-law.  Our youngest son, Randy, was also having a similar conversation with another family member.

          In the past I had typed up the address of where we were staying to find the address of a nearby Church – and usually had a choice of locations (as the site brought up at least three surrounding in the area) but this year it gave only one.  I did not question it until we were driving there.  I don’t remember it having been such a long drive the last time we were there.  We had gone to another building in the years prior. But after the meeting started, I realized that it was a meeting where we needed to be.

          The first speaker warned the congregation that even though LDS language is familiar to its members, for many outside of the Church some of our words are a bit foreign (just as most military terms are to me; Tony can use initials and military terms when speaking to Roland and he will understand them, but I will not)

          We refer to the youth Sunday school as “Primary”.  Primary means first in sequence, most important, basic, original and relating to early education.  All of these definitions fit what primary is in the LDS Church.  Our youth are important.  They learn the basics of the gospel.  They have activities in primary.  They sing songs.  It’s an introduction designed for children.  It is inviting to most children, really.

          The teenage group is referred to as Young Men/Young Women.  Back in my day it was referred to as MIA:  Mutual Improvement Association.  (though there is the joke of many youth who seem to be missing in action) It is a program designed to help the youth to stay on course and create goals and achieve them. 

          The programs purpose is to help build self-esteem and awareness and offers guidelines on how to conduct one’s self and how to face daily living.  There are youth activities during the week in addition to the lessons given on Sundays.

          The Relief Society: the oldest and largest women’s organization in this or any other dispensation.  It teaches strength and gives counsel on rearing one’s family, on loving ourselves, on loving one another, on teaching, on learning, and just on rejoicing in being a daughter of God.

          Within the Relief Society is the visiting teaching program.  This program was designed to strengthen the welfare of each sister.  Several sisters will be assigned to visit a certain amount of sisters and/or families in the ward once a month – just to see how they are doing, to report back any concerns, to stay in touch with those who may not be coming to Church for whatever reason.

          There is a lot more to mormonology.  This post doesn’t even begin to touch the surface.  But perhaps I’ve accomplished a few things with a few readers.  Hopefully anyway.

           

We All Need to Laugh

It is said that laughter is the best medicine.  And why not?  We are happy when we laugh.  We’re content.  We’re not expressing worry, stress or anger.  Laughter allows us to move on with our lives.

A family member on my husband’s side passed away unexpectedly.  The funeral is tomorrow and is out of state.  Initially we had considered getting a loan against the title of the unwanted truck and purchase a plane ticket – but the interest on the loan was outrageous; the airfare would be close to six hundred dollars.

We have over drafted in our bank account and so someone wired some money to Roland so that he could drive down – only it wasn’t enough.  A hundred dollars for a 12 plus hour drive (I don’t know how many miles) we were still going to have to borrow some money one way or another.

When we had gone for a visit just two short weeks ago (I made mention in my last post) we took my mom’s car.  As the car was not returned in superior condition, we didn’t bother to ask to borrow it again – although it is only Roland who is going and won’t be eating (or dripping) ice cream in the back seat. So for this next trip we have borrowed my sister’s car.

My husband can laugh at situations that others may find stressful.  And I admire that a lot.  It was just one frustrating thing after another of the events which took place this morning – well, midmorning.  He couldn’t leave as early as he would have hoped.  It was a matter of running around all morning from location to location and searching the internet and double checking.

Not only did it put him behind, but I had told my sister I would pick her up before noon and because our simple plans turned into complicated hassle, I was late with meeting her.

It was a comedy of errors from Roland’s point of view.  He didn’t get out of the city until just before 12:00.  Just before.  He won’t get to his sister’s house until after midnight.  I hope that they will call his phone instead of mine.  I plan to be in bed.

Why did I borrow my sister’s car if I have one – and a truck?  They’re unreliable.  If they should happen to break down, I would rather have it be in the city where there is a mechanic nearby.  The route between our house and his sisters is mostly desolate.  Not a lot of mechanics or rescue crews.  Besides Kayla’s car is better on gas and her gas gage isn’t broken.

I love Roland and his sense of direction – not just on the roads, but in life.  I need to lighten up and laugh more.  He’s great.

Make Every Second Count: You just Never Know

          Two weeks ago we left the state to be with Roland’s family.  We spent most of Friday driving, checked into a room and spent two days there.

          We didn’t meet up with the family until after 4:00 pm on Saturday.  Roland and his brother had both come from out of state to celebrate their mom’s 85^th birthday.

          The eldest sister had actually sent the invitations out in January.  We had told her repeatedly that we just didn’t have the finances.  And just the week prior, we didn’t even have reliable transportation.  We ended up borrowing my mom’s car and our expenses were paid for.

          There was Elvis, and dancing, and hugs, and kisses and a tremendous surprise.  Roland’s mom had an exceptional birthday.  Cameras went off in all directions.  I would guess over 600 flashes – but that’s just a guess. 

          The next morning we posed mom and four of her five children (there was one who was unable to attend) before Roland’s brother and his wife returned to their home state.  More pictures were taken with I don’t know how many cameras.  It is nice to have those memories.  Especially now.

          Last night the family called to tell us of Roland’s older sister’s passing.  It was so unexpected.  I am still bewildered over the news.  Who knew that all of those pictures would show her in her final moments?  Wonderful, happy photographs of the very last memories we will have of her.

          We’d gone down visit before.  Maybe every other year.  Twice to bring mom back for a visit, once for the funeral of Roland’s uncle. 

          I’ve been to a lot of funerals during my lifetime.  Most have been LDS.  I like LDS funerals.  I can’t say the same for non LDS. I think I’ve been to about five that have been of another denomination.  And with each of them it has felt cold and so non-personal to me.  For it seems that anyone could be lying in that casket and the sermon would be exactly the same.

          Not all LDS funerals leave one feeling good about the person or the way the arrangements were made – but for the most part (at least in my experience) LDS funerals are beautiful and filled with love and devotion.  For the most part, even if you may not be familiar with the deceased, by the time the services end, you will know something.

          We sat around for two hours at Uncle Gil’s.  There was a small amount of hushed visiting and family members taking a break for their smokes and returning to the mostly empty pews.

          With most LDS funerals I have attended, there is a viewing beforehand.  And there has always been a line.

          The services are usually done by friends or family members – remembering and honoring those that have passed on.

          The Relief Society (women’s organization) rallies around the family – often providing the family with a meal for after the services.

          Roland’s family doesn’t have any of that.  They could.  But choose not to.  For Uncle Gil they hired a preacher, a minister, a man of the cloth – I actually don’t know what his title was.  A handsome sum of money was donated by the family members who might attend on Christmas and Easter (if that)  It felt as though they were trying to buy Uncle Gil’s way into heaven.

          I think the family would find a lot more comfort if they were to allow Roland and myself to conduct – because we would honor his sister by holding the kind of funeral that I am used to attending.

          I’ve given talks at funerals before.  I spoke at my great-grandmothers, my grandma’s and my dad’s.  I thought my dad’s was wonderful.  I talked a bit about daddy’s childhood and how he had met my mom.  Patrick took over with honoring him as a family man. 

          Corey was out of the country at the time.  We played a message that he had recorded prior to my father’s death.  And Kayla (who was in her last year at high school) sang “My Father’s Eyes” There was music.  It was a really nice service.

          After Bill’s (my brother-in-law) first wife died, I learned things about her that I hadn’t known before her passing. There were some really nice talks at that one as well.

          There are many LDS funerals that seem to go on and on – but as a whole, I think they are nice tributes and find a lot more comfort in them than these “impersonal sermons” as I call them.  I just don’t find the same sense of peace that I do with LDS funerals.

          We are still awaiting details.  But these are my thoughts at this time.  

Silent Heroes

There are several variations of what may come to one’s mind when visualizing his or her perception of a hero.  There are comic book heroes such as Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, or even Word Girl.

Many people have benefitted from the heroic actions of the police, firefighters, soldiers, etc.  It is the uniformed men or women whom they see as heroes.  And they are, and deserve to be recognized.

         

          There are “heroes” who do it for the glory – just to be recognized as heroes.  And there are the silent heroes who work behind the scenes, who don’t ask for recognition, many who would prefer not to bask in the glory.  These are the true heroes.

          Roland is one of those heroes.  He does things out of nature – not because he’s seeking a reward or glory.  He just does things because they need to be done.

          For example, he’s really not mechanically minded, but he will stop to give people a lift or assist where able – whether he actually knows the person (or people) or not.

          One time (many years ago) he noticed an acquaintance waiting at the bus stop.  He offered her a lift just because of his nature.  But for her, it was a heroic act of rescue.  Neither of us knows all the details and so it is only speculation as to whether she woke up late, her car wasn’t running, she had barely missed the bus . . . whatever. 

She  has been grateful to Roland for his actions all this time – and it really wasn’t a recent thing.  Maybe 30 years ago?  Maybe longer.  An incident that Roland probably thought nothing about even in that moment, but in that moment he had become her hero.  And she has never forgotten.

My dad was a hero just by his example – supporting each of us in our dreams – supporting us from “behind the curtains” never feeling the need to set foot upon the stage himself.  And really not wanting to.  He didn’t have a desire for the praise. 

He was wise with money and knew how to budget and provide.  We may not have been financially wealthy, but daddy kept the family together and saw to it that we would take a family vacation each year. Daddy was a silent hero.

I remember being stranded on the road myself.  Kayla and Corey were with me.  Kayla was maybe about five or six.  We didn’t have cell phones then – and payphones were only a dime.  With the car (I believe I was driving the one that belonged to my grandmother, actually) pulled over to the side, I took each of the kids’ hands and started walking.  A man pulled over to see if we needed a lift.

As I pushed Kayla and Corey into the car, I thought: “What am I doing?  I don’t know this man.  He could just try to steal us and hold us for ransom”

But this “grandpa” who had picked us up became my hero for a moment.  As it turned out he really didn’t live too far from my grandma. 

And there’s another time when my neighbor was stranded on the freeway – with at least six kids in the car.  It was the “hippy era” and those long haired freaks had earned a reputation among the older generation which was less than flattering.  But it was two of those long haired “freaks” that helped us to move along.

And then there are the occasional customer service representatives who are serious about resolving my concerns.  Those are true heroes for making me feel like I am more important than a paycheck.

Strange how such little actions on our part can have such a huge impact on somebody else’s.

I.R.S. = It Really Sucks

          After our youngest son, Randy, returned home from his mission, he decided to open an account at the credit union.  To complete the process, a driver’s license or picture ID with a valid address was required.  No problem.  His DL had expired and going to the DLD was also on the agenda.

          But he still needed proof of address.  We had moved and his old DL revealed the old address.  He was asked for something to prove his new address – like a bank statement.  Are you kidding me?  It was like a no win situation.

          Recently, (even though we had actually filed our taxes a month early this year) we were asked to include Randy’s FASFA on our taxes.  Randy had not completed his FASFA as he was waiting for the results on our taxes.

          I never fully understood that old cliché that says we can’t have our cake and eat it, too.  Seems like in those last two scenarios we can neither have nor eat.  We can only view whatever cake others may have or are eating. 

          It’s like being told by a podiatrist to stay off your feet (by walking) in order to let them heal – but that you should exercise your feet in order to give them strength.  Huh?  It’s either one or the other.  How can a person seriously do both?

          This is the first year in mine and Roland's married life that we actually have a tax refund.  But we also owe back taxes. We owe this. We owe that.  We will never even see our refund.  It would be nice if we could pick who gets it.  But at least the debt will be lessened in one way or the other.

I am a Summer Scrooge

          I don’t mind sunshine.  I can drive when the sun is out and lighting my path.  There are a huge number of summer activities that I do enjoy.  I just don’t care for the heat.  I would rather have it cool.

          April hasn’t even ended, and already I’m changing my perspirated drenched clothes two or three times a day.  What am I going to do in July?  If it’s above 72 degrees I am an ogre. 

          Even the dog is panting after hours of sleeping.  Our walks now have to happen before school.  Just two weeks ago it was midday because it was too cold in the morning.  I think if the weather were to change gradually (maybe just one degree every other day) it wouldn’t be so bad.  This 20 – 40 degree jump has got to go.

          I enjoy having an A/C and fans.  I like the coolness of water and being splashed. I would still rather have the crisp air of fall though.