Too Many Words for a Discussion Post

            Yesterday I started two new classes in addition to a grant class I'm taking for the library.  The two classes I'm taking currently delve into personality.  I have a feeling my head will fill faster than my fingers will be able to keep up. I've taken intelligence quizzes before - even before I started taking classes online.  I see the growth in my answers.  The instructor made the suggestion to look at where we were ten years ago and where we are now emotionally.  This is what I've written - but feel that it's too long for the discussion.  Even if I reference myself, I don't have anything to put in APA form as a reference.  So I'm posting it here - although you may have read it all before.

            Ten years ago I walked with my three year old daughter to the school.  We took many walks around not only our neighborhood but my mom's neighborhood as well.  Jenna was enthusiastic and eager.  I loved seeing the world through her eyes.  I'd often volunteer assisting in her pre-school classroom.  I needed her. I needed her radiance.

            I did fine with her one-on-one, but was often an uptight individual around other family members.  Roland had two other girls whom he was suppose to have visitations with every other weekend.  I was tense whenever they were there - nothing against the girls themselves, but rather their psychopathic mother that made my uptightness feel as light as whipping cream.  I would cringe at the very idea of her existence.  I was happy if I just focus on Jenna but not happy overall - if that even makes any sense.

            I've been married for over 16 years now.  During that time I have lived in four different houses.  We saw the girls (occasionally) when we lived in the first house. Two of our boys had to leave whenever they came.  That wasn't right.  I was angry and I was sad.

            We moved to our second house when our two youngest were out serving missions.  The economy (along with Roland's ex) had been unkind to us.  We were there when Jenna finished kindergarten up until the 5th grade. We  would walk around the neighborhood, to the bus stop and to the school. I had encountered many sinus infections and dizziness while living in our second house.  I blamed the low ceilings. I tried to be happy but wasn't really.  All three of the boys married while we were living in our second house.

            Our third house was a rental in Oregon.  It seemed to have better ventilation than our Utah houses did - more windows, higher ceilings.  My breathing was better.  There's very little in the way of traffic here.  Don't see or hear about crime in the county as we did living in Salt Lake. Jenna and I would go for walks around the surrounding neighborhoods.  I was a much happier person than I had been in Utah. I miss my Utah family members.  There are always pros and cons.

            We are now in the forth house since being married.  I started taking online classes shortly after our last move.  Jenna is now a teenager.  We take walks around the park.  We talk about subjects that we take in school.  Still miss my family and public transportation, but overall I am in better control of my emotions - I think.  I am healthier - therefore happier (or maybe it's the other way around?) and I like who I am - which hasn't been the case for a really long time. 

            The air has been cleaner.  The weather more consistent.  I am discovering myself through many of the classes that I have been taking.  For me personally, that means more than any degree I may obtain or job I can find. 

            I believe I will have more to add as the weeks go by, but don't know how often I'll make the time to post to my blog as I should really be focusing on my classes first.  I still have to create two discussion posts (well, maybe just one and a half as I did start one yesterday, but have not completed or posted)  still trying to figure out how to connect the words I do have . . .  

So Unmotivated Right Now

For the last four mods
I have had only one
assigned class
which in a way
has been nice.

I noticed with this last
week, I was never asked
to do a survey in order
to continue with my class

On Monday I start
another accounting class
This one will focus on
Taxes.  Good thing
I'm only getting one.

Taxes.  I hope that
I will understand and
stay focused.  Perhaps
one day I will
actually be able to
do my own.

Overwhelmed

          As I have already mentioned, I had started two classes on Labor Day this month.  One in managerial accounting and the other in financing.  My accounting class seems like a refresher course as there is some familiarity within the topics. It also feels like a prequel to my financing class and I wish I had it BEFORE my financing class and not side-by-side as I tend to get the two mixed up and have actually turned in one assignment for one class into the other.

          Fortunately I have really good instructors in both classes who have been able to give me feedback right away instead of waiting until the end of the week as was the case with my last instructor who did announce ahead of time that his grading day is Sunday and that is it.

          I am having the hardest time with the subject at hand.  Valuation principals and investments and blah, blah, blah . . . One class asks me how a manager makes a decision (no, it isn't my managerial accounting, it's the other one . . . see what I mean) and so I look up all of these references for one class and end up using them for the other class.

          Most of my accounting assignments have been in excel and so I don't have to have all those references in my back up file.  When I am asked to write about a personal finance decision (wrong again - the 300 word project about personal financing is for the accounting class; it is the second part to be handed in along with the excel assignment) I am looking at all these words and definitions trying hard to apply it to my personal life, but they're all business words and I am not a business and I have absolutely no desire to be!

          We make estimated guesses.  We cannot predict the future.  We can't control what downfall the economy may have to endure due to natural disasters.  I have so many thoughts in my head and they are spilling over.  I don't like the riled up emotion I feel when I am trying to answer the questions.  Roland has always been able to separate business from personal life.  Not me.  I cannot keep my emotions out of it!

          And then there is the scrapbook I had gone through that has triggered all sorts of thoughts.  I knew I couldn't sit down and write just one post and do my assignments.  So I broke my thoughts into several posts that still managed to beg for me to write them - and hey, why not?  I couldn't focus on my assignments anyway. I'm not worried about failing the class.  I've been getting As the entire time except for one class - with an instructor who would pass out virtual caramels - I was late turning in an assignment and so did not get full credit.  I think I was taking two classes at that time also. 

          I feel fortunate that I had only one class in July and one class last mod.  I don't know how I managed with the two classes that started on the day of Jeanie's funeral.  I felt like I had been in a coma for three weeks.  Perhaps that is the secret - have my subconscious take over.  I just felt so tired I don't think it was possible to experience emotion.  Since school started for Jenna, I've been neglecting the library also.  I find it necessary  to take a breather.

I don't know what to call this post . . . frustration?

                I am now taking two accounting classes.  The language is foreign to me.  I do okay in accounting 108 but I seem to be reading (and hearing) binary code for the other.  I have seen the names of only two other classmates who are currently taking both classes.  What is up with that?  Just because I don't see their names doesn't mean all my other classmates are taking the same two classes but with different instructors.  I personally would rather have just one at a time - or at least one on Monday morning and not have to wait for a walk through for both classes on Tuesday evening . . . and still replay the recordings over and over in hopes that I'll understand.

                I like my 108 instructor.  He's not boring.  He is easy to follow.  I understand what he says.  If I have a question or concern, he gets back to me right away.  I am comfortable with the subject - mostly input and data.  The class has been learning how to use QuickBooks - which I believed I'd been set up for prior to my account.  Unfortunately, I had my user name as my hotmail name and my server at yahoo - which I don't have an account for with my hotmail name.  And so I spent much of the first week trying to correct that and struggled in my 213 class.  I still do.  I don't know what questions to ask because I'm just not understanding the language or following my instructor.  Fortunately there have been a few students in the class who have been able to explain things in a more watered down version that has made more sense to me.  It's still a foreign language though.

                I have NO intentions of trying to start my own business or franchise.  It seems to be Roland's dream, but has never been mine.  Especially now.  I find his classes like a thousand times more confusing than any accounting class that I've had.  I learn from entertaining videos.  There are NO entertaining videos.  Let's face it:  Accounting is a subject that is incapable of entertainment.  It is definitely work.

                My instructor reminds me of my brother-in-law, who often tries to hard at entertaining.  It's not faked enthusiasm necessarily - it's like a teacher trying too hard to be accepted of his students that he does his best at becoming one of them.  I think he might have the approval of a few of my classmates, but honestly, I am not on board.  He throws us imaginary caramels as he can't toss us real ones.  His suggestion is that we each go out and purchase our own caramels but we're not allowed to take any from the container unless he "gives" it to us.

                You know what's great about being an online student?  You don't have to get dressed to go to class.  You can eat lunch as you listen to lectures.  You can roll your eyes or make faces at the  instructor and he/she will never know.  You can make snide comments so long as your mike is muted.

                My PC doesn't have a microphone.  I have to use the laptop if I actually want/need to converse.  It certainly is a lot faster than typing (especially on the laptop - for me anyway).  Most of the time the instructor mutes those with microphones anyway.  But it is quicker to ask questions vocally than to type them out.  Laptops belong to the school until graduation.

                I started discussions in both of my classes.  I enjoy the topic more in 108.  In 213 I did some research but not enough to analyze a satisfactory answer.  I stated how foreign the accounting language feels to me, gave a couple of examples, and how in-house financing might be perceived from the customer's end, but asked a question on how it's paid off once an invoice goes to collection or if how it works on the business end if a creditor advocate is involved.

                I'm still learning.  Sometimes it feels like a painful process.  Often I make more of something than really needs to be.

               

Learning Excel

When I was working at Swire Coca Cola

Roland and I felt I should be staying home
with the boys.
In February, I said I would be leaving in April
My last day would be April 15th.

In March I was asked to take a class in

Excel.  It didn't seem to matter that I
was leaving. 
It was a fun class - different program than what
I had at home, but I could adjust.
It was nice.

I was grateful that I had been given that opportunity

and keep notebook as well.
though there were many things I learned
that I would never use personally
there seemed to be some that would benefit me
at the time.

Now I am taking an Excel class
again.
I am floored at how much information
can be created in
Excel. 
We are barely just touching surface with
this class.

It is fun to learn and create.

Next week will be my last week for 
these two accounting classes and 
then I will be starting something new

That Was a Less-Than-Productive Day

                Roland had asked Troy if he would like to earn some extra money by cutting the grass on our hill.  What a chore!  Troy came by about 9:00 the other day and Roland showed him what we were attempting to do outside.  Troy said he could return the following morning to remove the debris so that we can continue our garden.

                So yesterday, Troy showed up with his wheel barrow and worked hard.  Fortunately the sun was not blazing yet.  Troy is a good worker.  He was the most productive yesterday.

                Ike is a retired electrician but had told Roland he would come over to check out some sensitive spots that we would like to change.  I had been on the computer attempting to listen to a recorded lecture.  I played it several times but had allowed myself to get distracted.  The subject of perfect competition and the price floor and ceiling.  Boresville . . .

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

                The lecture was still playing when Ike arrived.  I was also in the middle of writing an email.

   I went into the living room and turned on the TV to keep me company while I folded laundry. 

               

                The TV kept shutting itself off - or so it seemed.  It took the third interruption before my slow mind figured out that it must be related to whatever Ike was doing at the other end of the house.  I thought I had created a post about the power source in our current house, and how occasionally the front of the house has been without power though the back of the house was not affected.  It was shortly after we had moved in.  Roland lost power in his office but was able to run an extention chord from our room to his office and operated the remainder of the day with no electricity at the front of the house.  That was weird.  We had the same problem yesterday.  I don't know for certain if it's been corrected or not.

                Roland worked with Ike as he was unable to do any of his school or work.  I took my laptop onto the back porch - though the Internet was down. It was cooler outside than in our hot house - during that particular moment anyway. I pulled up my textbook (which I had saved on a PDF and so was able to view it) and struggled through chapters 8 and 9 - understanding a bit here and there, but most of it was/is quite foreign to me.  It's a wonder I've been receiving not just passing but actually good grades.

                I got a message on my computer indicating that the Internet was back up and running.  I finished my email and sent it off.  When Ike left, I shut down my laptop and got in the car so that I could run a few errands - which had taken  longer than I had predicted.  Meanwhile, Roland realized that by turning the bathroom switch off or on effected his computer.  That's not a good thing.  Thus Ike's car was in the driveway when I returned. Boy, was he ever frustrated.  I don't know who is responsible for the idiotic wiring that was already there before we moved in.

                 So far no problems.  It's a new month.  April was wet.  May has made a 20 degree jump.  I am wearing shorts.  The A/C is up.  Roland actually put it up last night before going to bed.  Once again, I don't know how I'm going to survive this summer. 

That was a Painful Week

          As I mentioned in my last post, I am up to two classes again. In one accounting class I am required to used QuickBooks online.  The other feels like a refresher course - though I think I'd get more out of it if I had the same instructor that I had for 101 and 102. 

           My payroll instructor wasn't exactly monotone, but his voice did seem unenthusiastic for the most part - as though he'd rather be sitting in a dentist chair getting his teeth drilled than having to teach a class.  One instructor that I have is at the other extreme - trying to compensate for the less-than-exciting material by being "overly" enthusiastic.  I almost feels like I am taking a class taught by my brother-in-law.

           The instructor I like listening  to the most is the one I have for QuickBooks.  He's not boring.  He's not overly enthusiastic (like it's forced) When I am listening to his lecture, it feels like we are one on one and he is showing me what icons to click on and is great as explaining why.  I think his voice is easy to follow.  I like his class better of the two.

           Before the class even started, I had received an email from my  dean to set up an account in QuickBooks.  In the event that my information was put on a permanent junk-mail file, I chose to open the account on hotmail - which I keep open to use as a unwanted email account.  Unfortunately, when I had created the final step I used my hotmail user name but with a yahoo attachment - thus making my user name at hotmail invalid.

           The problem I had been created by me, and couldn't seem to be corrected - at least not in the time frame I was looking for.  Much of the communication from their end was being sent to a non-existing account - at least for me.  Thus I created a brand new account from my yahoo but with a different user name.  I didn't figure I'd be able to do anything with that class until sometime today.  Boy, was I ever surprised to have my account activated the following day.

          And so I worked on that.  But I seemed to be missing some steps or couldn't take screenshots with the appropriate information as it was not being displayed.  It took me three days to complete my assignment (good thing I was able to start it earlier than I had believed)

          Meanwhile I seemed to be neglecting my other class.  I managed to struggle through that and turned in both assignments yesterday.  I probably should have saved my assessments for today, but decided to do them yesterday.  Unfortunately I didn't do well at either one.  Let's hope I receive a better grade on the assignments.  That has actually been the case thus far.

           Meanwhile I've been neglecting my blog - not to mention other blogs I've been reading.  Jenna was home from school yesterday and I had attempted to spend quality time with her so she didn't feel neglected.  I skimmed over my primary lesson but will need to go over it again.  In addition I've been attempting to clean the house - or tidy it up a bit. 

       

          After over three months of not having full time missionaries in our ward, they have returned and so we will be feeding them tonight.  I wonder if they have  A Voice from the Dust in their collection.  It was suggested to show to my primary class about the three witnesses.  I suppose I can ask.

Expressions

This is my face when I'm watching a video explaining absolute value:

This is my face when I'm listening to the the lecture for my management class:

This is my face for the presidential candidates this year: