Deaf in One Ear

 

          I don’t guess I’ve ever had the greatest hearing.  I have always been loud.  Perhaps it was a form of compensation: I needed to talk loud in order to hear myself.  I’ve also experienced episodes of dizziness at different stages in my lifetime – most of that within the last ten years or so.  I knew they were related but didn’t know to what extreme.  It has mostly been during allergy season or when the inversion lies heavy in the air.  I have been building up fluids behind my right eardrum and have slowly been losing my hearing in that ear.  

https://www.drugs.com/cg/otitis-externa.html

          I should probably call an ENT to have the fluid removed.  Again, it doesn’t hurt, but I do find it annoying.  Meanwhile Roland has ordered some hearing aids for me and I think they will help.  Not only will my hearing become better but I believe my distorted mind may be restored and I won’t feel like such an airhead all of the time.  

Ode to Bonnie

 

You came into our lives

on a very memorable day as

your “mommy” had gone out of

town and had left

the key with Jenna so

that she could and come

feed you –

but we ended up bringing

you home.

 

You will be with us for

nearly three months before

mommy returns from Salem.    

I have enjoyed watching your

tail wag at high speed as

though it's plugged in at

high speed.  I know

you have enjoyed the

attention we have shown. 

You seem to have a radar

nose and watch lustingly as

we eat.

 

We took you to the vet

because you have a rash. 

We changed your food diet and

were given orders not to give

you table scraps. 

We trick you by feeding

your own food from the

table as we eat. 

For some odd reason

you seem to be okay with that. 

Better eating off the floor than

out of a dish, right?

 

We already love you, Bonnie.

You are such a sweet dog. 

December may not even come

as this has been an amazingly long year. 

If and when it does

We are certainly going to miss you.

Servants, Masters and Manipulation

            I had graduated from high school in 1980 and had signed up for college the following year.  I did not have the internet or Google to help me with assignments.  I used whatever reference books I could find at the library.  It wasn’t until after Corey returned home from his mission that we purchased our first computer and added AOL dial-up.  It wasn’t much longer before the Google search engine was introduced.   

            I marveled at how quickly Corey could find references without ever having to leave the room.  Before that he had been a whiz at searching the card catalogues and familiarizing himself with the library as though it were his profession.  Google seemed to make life so much easier in some ways.

            I had not familiarized myself with the search engines or internet as quickly as he had.  I’m still not nearly as advanced or well rounded as he, but I have learned a lot more about how to navigate than I had just ten years ago.

            I went back to college and got my degree in accounting.  My courses were online and I was required to provide references for not only my assignments, but discussions as well. I spent more time on the internet than ever before.  I would normally turn to Google or YouTube to assist with my research.  I did not feel manipulated so much as annoyed with advertisements and pop-ups and YouTube’s suggestions of 60-minute videos on how to start my own business.  Okay, maybe they weren’t 60 minutes.  It just felt like they were as the demonstrators would prattle on and on before I had the option of clicking “skip.”

            Advertising, marketing - I didn’t even realize that whatever I might be Googling would also be advertised in my facebook newsfeed.  That was because I rarely ever looked at my newsfeed.  I would look at notifications and sometimes I would look at individual walls.  I did not make the connections until this pandemic.  I have discovered quite a lot during this pandemic—not all of it pleasant either.

            The Facebook novelty wore off about two months after I opened my account.  There was more than one time I thought about deactivating my account and had even attempted to do so at one time, but could not figure it out.  I remained on Facebook mostly to keep in touch with family members living in a different state than I.  Both Corey and my youngest son deactivated their accounts.  My sister is rarely on and my middle son is never on. 

In the beginning of the pandemic there seemed to be more posts created than what gets posted now.  That is a good thing that others have gotten on with their lives by abandoning Facebook or rely on values that cause them to realize that being on Facebook is not good for them.  There are pros and cons to the technology that we use.  One pro that I really love about Facebook is creating groups which allow sharing information with several people at once (such as church activities or family events—depending on the group).

Netflix’s Social Dilemma provides a huge amount of cons (see trailer here).  Those with ethics relate information about how things are.  They went into more detail than what I had already observed.  Good and bad, but most of it seemed to focus on the market manipulation and provided ways that we as users might protect ourselves. MIGHT.

Artificial Intelligence doesn’t know the truth.  Posts get shared and reshared and sources aren’t being checked.  Trump is itching for another civil war (which has already taken place on social media) pitting the red states against the blue.  What the hell?  We are NOT in a marriage contract.  We DON’T have to vote for a certain party.  We are allowed to vote for (or against) the issues at hand.  We even have the option of voting for a third party as I had four years ago.  The mascots of each party are the elephant (Republican) and the donkey (Democrat) as that is how someone had referred to Andrew Jackson (according to this article) and Jackson ran with it.  I think it’s now more appropriate to use for the Republicans as Donald Trump is the biggest jackass the nation has ever had in office.  Still don’t know who is responsible for having elected him in the first place.  He’s a monster who is interested only in himself—and actually so are many of his followers.

I apologize for not finding the original source

original facebook share posted by Ron Olesko

Fires Continue

 

The air quality was down this morning. 

I forgot to see what rating  - moderate. 

I went to the Church to pick up Jenna. 

I took the dog and had her out of the

car when the kids came out of the

building from seminary. 

They all gave the dog attention. 

Today is the last day that they

will visit as three of them will start

at the high school tomorrow.

 

I know that Jenna feels bad that she

won’t be returning with them. 

She is frustrated with the online classes. 

But flu season is coming up in addition

to Corona.  The air quality hasn’t been great

I just checked it and it’s worse than it was

yesterday.  How can that be? 

I had drawn back the curtains and could

see the hills better than just the outline that

was provided yesterday. 

I can feel and see the thick smoke again. 

The air quality report has us back up to

hazardous.  My curtains are closed again.

 

Returning to school will not be the same

for anybody.  I am anxious to hear what

Jenna learns from her seminary classmates. 

She may feel like she has it better. 

I told her if her situation doesn’t improve by

Christmas break or if there are no

problems with her former school

 I will return her to the high school she

was attending. 

I hope there are no problems between

now and Christmas break

but I foresee the schools shutting down again

before the end of November. 

I hope I am wrong.

My Brain Doesn't Know Location When I'm Asleep

 The other night I had a dream that I had been living in my old house in Kearns.  I was serving as a Relief Society counselor (my current role) with the presidency from the ward I am in.  Roland and I had moved to another house during the pandemic but had not told anyone.  

from google maps

Church was not back in session and I continued to meet with the sisters in our ward.  I wasn’t trying to do it secretively – I really just didn’t think about it.  However, the new area we had just moved to was about to start up with returning to church and I wondered if I should call the RS pres in the ward I’d been serving to let her know I had moved and that my records would need to be transferred to another ward. 

I dreamed that the RS president had stopped by my old Kearns house to learn that I hadn’t even lived there for a couple of months.  She called me and I told her that I was just about to call her.  I woke up realizing that I did not live in either house that was part of my dream and that I am still in the same house I have been for the last four and a half years.  

Where Do We Draw the Line?

         The first time I remember meeting Ben (not his actual name) was at one of the schools.  There was concern about safety with gang violence and other criminal activity.  After the presentation there was a QA session and Ben provided three phone numbers to call.  One was the local police department, one was for the Sheriff’s office and the last one he gave he said was his personal number.  I had programmed all three into my phone but had only used one and never the other two.

Ben had run for office as the Sheriff head cheese – which was not the official title but he had worked under the Sheriff head cheese not as a deputy but an acting sheriff and had run against the head cheese I don’t know how many times.  He was running the year I dragged my husband to an adjoining neighborhood to support his campaign.  I remember liking his facebook page which I guess at the time qualified me as an automatic member of his group.

In 2011 we were living in West Valley (not a prestige neighborhood by any means) and Ben was serving in law enforcement in the overly prestige Cottonwood Heights (nearly 30 miles apart) when he had been caught using public funds for personal gain.  Whether it was intentional or not I do not know.  His work had provided him with a gas card to fill up the city vehicle that he used – however there was a suspicious 44 dollar discrepancy that could not be accounted for.  Investigation proved that the money had been spent on personal transportation.  Now I don’t know how often this was done as that is the only amount I come across as I search through old records.  At the time rumors made it sound like a regular occurrence.

I remember I was asked to sign a petition to “save” Ben from having to go to court, jail, prison . . . whatever the misdemeanor punishment was.  Ben did have a lot of charisma.  People liked him and surely he could be forgiven of this one minor mistake.  I liked him – I still do despite his tarnished reputation – but my initial thought was NOT to sign the petition but rather to make an example out of him.  If we dismissed the small act of crime (or perhaps it really was an accident?) perhaps a larger felon could be committed by someone in a higher office (say the mayor or the governor) and perhaps the public would look away and dismiss his actions.  No, the public had to know that Ben had committed a crime and would not be allowed to get away with it.  

If a public figure punished for something that seemed so small (how many tanks could 44 dollars fill in 2011?) but yet might ruin his reputation others may think twice before committing something worse.  If Ben didn’t get away with spendings 44 dollars of the taxpayers money (again, the amount could have been more but that is the only amount I have come across in my research at this time) would anybody else be able to get away with more?

In my last post I talked about a shared video that was removed from the page I had posted it on.  I had sent the shared video to my brother who is no longer on facebook but is on messenger.  He wrote back the following:

“I enjoyed the TikTok video. I do think the removal of the video on the church page is an unfortunate example of missing the larger message at the expense of a minor bit of innocuous profanity. But I also recognize that the administrators of the page have set some ground rules that they need to abide by.”

I thought of this example of Ben. I also thought about the evolution of programming.  Married couples (such as Rob and Laura Petrie or Ricky and Lucy Ricardo) were depicted as sleeping in twin beds.  Today’s programming shows you what they’re doing in bed – often not being married (at least to each other).  

Where do we draw the line?

 I love this example of the Kingdom of Rayad I had heard several years ago about how we will rationalize things to make them seem right.  In the Kingdom of Rayad the citizens were not allowed to eat chocolate cake or wear the color red but over time ideas are introduced like the color pink “which really isn’t red and it wasn’t all the time”. 

They are introduced to  chocolate chip cookies “which isn’t the same as chocolate cake”.  What may seem acceptable to some may offend others.  Where do we draw the line?  How about we stay within the boundaries that our Heavenly Father has set for us?  Perhaps this was a lesson I had forgotten and need to remember.

It Was a Pride Thing

 I would like to be more humble as I have always had a problem with pride. Whenever I think that I have overcome so much of my pride – wham!   I find myself fighting all over again.  And here are just two examples:

 

1)   When I was in the young women’s presidency the YW president had asked me to write a skit for camp – which I did but it took some time to incorporate my ideas.  When I tried to present my idea the YW pres. said it was no longer needed.  The girls had decided that they wanted to do something else – which really didn’t even relate to the topic.  At least at the time I didn’t think it did.  I felt a bit put out that I had worked on this skit and they didn’t even want to listen to my ideas.  And I knew it was wrong to feel resentment.  After all it is the girls who should be involved and they were.  I should have expressed praise or some kind of encouragement.  I tried to shrug it off especially since I didn’t want pride to win – and yet I think I let it win.

 We were making flags for camp that year and had an activity for each girl and leader making squares that would be added to the flag.  I did not even need to think about what I would do for my square.  It just came to me.  I based the theme on a Beetle Bailey comic strip (more detail here) and cut out the shape of a head and neck  to glue onto a red background (as it was the YW value color of individual worth – our selected value) and attached a large mustache and two little eyes.  I gave him hands.  In one he held the YW torch marked with Hymn #114 which is More Holiness Give Me (which was the hymn number for the red and blue hymnbooks.  In the green hymnbooks the hymn number is 131 and may be changed again when/if the new hymnbooks should ever come out)

 Though at the time I didn't see their skit being related to the theme I have since learned they did have good ideas and as a whole was better for all than mine would have been.

2)   Yesterday I watched a tiktok that someone had posted about gratitude to the Mormon “angels” with the destruction of Hurricane Laura.  Feeling the horrors of the fires, evacuations and the outpouring of volunteers I thought it a fitting video to share with a church group that I started.  I had missed the part where Tara Parks (original tiktok poster) said “ . . . garan . . damn . . . tee you . . .” which to some people made the video offensive and it was removed from the page because of “inappropriate language” okay . . . I guess there are a few sisters on the page that might find that offensive but I also know that others might smile at her choice of words.  I did. 

    I had missed the word that created negotiation on censorship in “Gone With the Wind” (see here) Seriously. I had missed it. I had to rewatch it.  The second time it made me laugh.  I know it would make other sisters laugh as well – but not all.  So did those who decided to have it removed even watch the entire thing?  It was funny and it had a good message.

It’s through pride that I felt offended although I had initially questioned as to whether to even posted it or not.  I didn’t (still don’t) want to be upset about it.  I understood the censorship and the concern. Thus far I haven't had to "approve" others' postings but I know the ward page changed for approval because of some "not so uplifting" content.  I found the tiktok video to be very uplifting.   

A few hours after church had ended I had reached out to at least one person who watched the video (I have no idea how many views it had before it was taken down) when I received an unexpected phone call from someone who had been added to the page.  When she called to ask about the video I felt God’s tender mercy.  Perhaps that was the initial plan. I still have a ways to go with this pride thing.  I hope these examples will help me stay where He wants me to.

Return to Church

         We fed the missionaries on Friday though the air quality was not that great.  They did not seem to mind as we built and ate Hawaiian haystacks out on our porch and visited for a bit.  I’d given them containers to take home some food which they said they would give me on Sunday.  Sadly that was my main objective for going as I knew we haven’t returned to normal and I thought it would be depressing.  Only the speaker was allowed to remove his mask.  We were told we could sing but had to leave our masks on.  I chose not to sing as the smoke has been enticing me to cough.

Several announcements were made before the bishop talked about how many of us are opinionated and often our opinions will put us into a box. There are a wide variety of boxes that exist – in our jobs, in our community, the way we serve (he didn’t say politics – but that is one I had thought of) . . . some people, such as the Pharisees, will add layers of thickness to their boxes. We need to look to reliable sources – such as the scriptures to understand the truth – to rely on truth rather than opinions and to leave our boxes.  We should not trust sources such as social media (he had addressed this as a question rather than providing a statement that we can’t trust social media or even the local news. An example he used were that some sources the fires were started by a certain group and others say that rumor is false). The best source we have is to rely on our Heavenly Father rather than ourselves.

  A representative of the stake presidency gave a message on hope. He talked about his time at the pear farm this year and working on the platform. He said that all the platform workers were given harnesses. Many would hang onto the harness with one hand and reach for pears with the other. President Efson decided to put his faith in the harness and reach for the pears with both hands. He compared the harness to the Savior and told us to put our faith in the Savior the way he had the harness.

            We were also counseled to pray for our firefighters, those that have evacuated, a plea for a change in weather and that these hardships will help to soften hearts and heal the wounds of division that are present throughout our communities, region, and country.

The Elements and Aftermath of 2020 (thus far)

 

The air is thick and white where I live.  

*abc - Portland

Other parts of Oregon are yellow and orange – like San Francisco.  

share from facebook

I doubt there is any blue sky that can be seen on the entire west coast.  

*abc news

*abc - California

Forget COVID.  Forget politics and presidential candidates.  People have lost their homes in more way than one. They’ve either been burnt to the ground or criminals have come to ransack and destroy their houses in other ways.  Aside from material possessions which can be replaced are sentiments that are lost.

# AP Photo/Paula Bronstein

I was watching abc news that provided the following:

 I remember the air quality in 2017 not being so great – and according to this chart 2018 was even worse and 2020 is the worst year yet.  I had heard about how bad it was but did not share in bad air quality until after Labor Day.  I feel blessed that this is the worse it has gotten for me personally as much of the rest of the state suffers with an air quality more hazardous than ours.  And it is hazardous than ours.  

This hazardous air quality did not exist for us until after Labor Day and then descended quickly.

They had set up for an evacuation for those that live in Glide – only that became hazardous as well.  Now they are at the Douglas Fair Grounds.  There has been such a great out pour of generosity to those who have been evacuated and don’t know if they will even be able to return to once was their.  community. Neighborhood are gone – just as neighborhoods have been destroyed by Hurricane Laura.  

*abc Philidelphia

the atlantic

# photos cropped from KVAL 

photographer Austin Johnson

Bizarre whether in Wyoming too – though I don’t know if anyone has had to evacuate due to an early snow.

*recording abc facebook page

 What a nightmare 2020 has been

Photos retrieved from facebook,  *screenshots from abc facebook page  

# AP Photo/Paula Bronstein here and KVAL's Austin Johnson here

Labor Day Stars and Air Quality

         Just six and a half months before the pandemic Roland, Jenna and I had gone to Bandon.  And yet it feels like decades ago since we made that trip on Labor Day weekend last year. I did not think about that Labor Day until yesterday when I was looking for a picture of the fog. 

        We chose not to go anywhere this year due to COVID.  When Labor Day had turned into night I was lying in bed and looking up at the stars.  What a beautiful sight to see stars all summer.  I didn’t realize that Labor Day would be my last opportunity even though I spent several minutes admiring the twinkles (which appeared to be twinkling as the fan had been lightly moving the blinds).

The next day the RS pres. had picked up to attend a mini-RS meeting.  We’ve had four now beginning in Canyonville, Riddle, Working sisters, and Tri-City.  Will have one more in Myrtle Creek.  I enjoyed the scenery as we were outdoors.  The light breeze was inviting.  The skies were clear on the drive home.  But sometime between 1:00 and 1:30 the smoke crept over the mountains until they seemed to disappear.

Sometimes fog and smoke will appear the same as both distort our vision.  But fog is clean and rises. I don’t have any problems breathing in the moist clean air.  Smoke descends – it envelopes and lingers.  Smoke is not pleasant.  It chokes. It destroys.  It does assist with cool colors sometimes.  But it’s certainly not worth what the fires take away.

From earlier posts I am sharing these pictures of the fog and the smoke:

Sept 5, 2019 fog Bandon Beach

Sept 5, 2019 Bandon

Tri City Smoke Sep 2017

Bandon fog

smoke Myrtle Creek

the worst the smoke has ever appeared 2017

2017 before masks were a required fashion statement

current Star Mountain fire cropped from KZEI photo

    

 Our hometown has not been surrounded by smoke and fire as it was in 2017.  I don't recall the governor issuing evacuation orders in 2017 as the hot topic that's been presented this year.  We have been told that the entire state are at Level 1: be prepared to leave Level 2: pack up to head out and Level 3: LEAVE RIGHT NOW.  

We are at a level 1 saddly there have been and continue to be several at Level 3.

Enough Already!

 

                The worst sound, for me, is to hear my daughter cry and not being able to do anything about it.  Fortunately for us she does bounce back quickly.  It’s been a tremendously hard year for everybody.  This week has come with new personal challenges as well.

            Jenna started school yesterday.  Her Utah friends are in their second or third week but her local friends won’t be starting school until next week.  Everything online as of now.  Jenna has run into a few snags but has been able to figure them out on her own.  I don’t think returning to school online has been the most stressful thing for her.

            I haven’t gone into much detail about her friends as I know there was a time when she had friends reading different posts from my blog.  That may or may not continue.  I don’t know.  As with in West Valley, most of her friends come from broken homes.  There is one friend who has mostly lived with dad but her visits to mom seem to come more often and for longer periods.  This time she has asked Jenna if she would care for her dog while she is out of town.

            We brought the dog to our house last night.  Bouncy and excited like a puppy.  Jenna, who does not have the best sleeping patterns as it is, was crying and uncertain what to do.  Roland managed to get the dog to lay down for twenty minutes or so.  We ended up taking her back to the empty house.

            We had signed up to feed the missionaries tomorrow night.  I had mentioned here that Roland had wanted to make nice steak dinners for them.  I figured the only way we were going to do that was to bring it to them – which it appears we will end up doing as the air is too unhealthy to feed and visit them outside.  Jenna loves having the missionaries over.  Taking dinner to them is just not the same.  And so she has cried about that.  Chances are they won't be able to keep their appointment with us anyway as other missionaries have had to be evacuated from various cities.  I'm certain that they are under mandatory restriction to stay inside.

We retrieved the dog this morning after we went to Dollar General to pick up a leash, flea collar, and toy.  Jenna got a blanket from her friends room.  I drove the car home while Jenna walked the dog – or was it the other way around?  It appeared that the dog had been pulling Jenna.

We are hoping that the dog will have more time to get used to the surroundings than what she did last night.  I had actually been looking forward to watching her chasing chickens this morning.  It’s still smoky outside.  It’s a health hazard for people.  Would imagine it would be a health hazard for pets as well.  The walk from her friend’s house to ours doesn’t seem to have worn the dog out at all.

The sun has appeared to orange, red and yellow as it rises.  Thus far this morning does not seem quite as smoky as last night.  The mountains are more visible – though not fully exposed.  Outside still feels like a science fiction movie.

Swallowed Up

 

                                                this photo shows the opposite.  Sky is white and sun is blood red

Evacuations are taking place all around the state

Douglas County has had some fires

Douglas County is large and so we aren’t always

directly infected at Myrtle Creek and have not seen

smoke all summer and so I can’t complain about it

only today did the smoke swallow the mountains

It almost feels overcast outside and yet

there's a yellow/orange/white reflection from the sky.

The smoke has left the sun with an awesome glow that has an

eerie feel to it when it peers through my windows like

in science fiction movies when the aliens are

about to invade.  But it is 2020 after all. 

The last six months have seemed like a

work of science fiction.  I think it looks like this on

the entire west coast right now.

This all took place within a matter of minutes.  I can now barely see the house across the street.  I guess we'll be using masks not only for COVID but to hopefully breath under all this enveloping smoke. (cough, cough)