Head or Tails: Introvert or Ambivert

I have always considered myself an introvert – well maybe not always.  I was evidently extroverted in my early childhood.  School changed that.  School was not a good experience overall. I felt excluded and found myself withdrawn from wanting to be a part of life.

                            Illustration by Joshua Seong. © Verywell, 2018.

I remember being comfortable in the company of certain adults and grew to accept those who were decades older than me or several years younger than myself.  It was a long time before I was comfortable with any peers of my own age.  I never liked crowds or artificial people.  I enjoy learning but not in a structured environment.  I am better at learning when it isn’t a requirement.

I didn’t realize that it was possible to meet in the middle as AMBIVERT exists in the middle of introvert and extravert.  I am Ambivert.  Or have been at least.  Lately I realize just how much of a recluse I have become during this pandemic.  

I don’t like to go shopping.  Roland usually makes a day of it.  Four to six hours in Roseburg.  I’d rather write, organize, read, hang with Bonnie, scrapbook or sleep.  I really don’t like being around people right now – masks or not.  Don’t breathe on me.  Don’t look at me.  I would just assume find a sink hole and have the earth swallow me up.

I’ve attended a few meetings with either a small amount of sisters, missionary meetings, leadership meetings and lately the Book of Mormon class as the missionary meeting time has been changed to Wednesdays after Book of Mormon instead of Sundays in order for patrons to be corralled out and away from the building.  Sundays still feel empty sitting in spaced pews with our masks on – though I have enjoyed the messages which have been delivered.

But one morning meeting with the sisters was uncomfortable just because we were so near the freeway and I could not hear the discussion.  When I turned up my hearing aid it only enhanced the traffic sounds.

The first Book of Mormon class had us spread out and we discussed conference.  I didn’t mind that.  However young women have their activity at the same time.  Lots of youth.  Little in the way of masks.  What - are they immune?  We traded rooms for the last one.  I felt too cramped and left after only a few minutes.  I went outside and walked around just to get some fresh air.  I don’t think I cough as hard when I’m standing up as I do when I’m sitting down.

I really don’t wish to be with people anymore – or perhaps my brain is just trying to convince me so that Sundays won’t seem so dismal.  I think I’m losing my ambivert traits and am becoming withdrawn again.  I am not a depressed.  Depression is not necessarily connected to introvertism just as seeking recognition is not necessarily a part of extrovertism.  There are many times I prefer solitude.  It has always been easier to be by myself than with a group of people I don’t really feel connected to. I do tend to get depressed sometimes when I am in a crowd.

Our Future Hangs by a Thread

I watched some of the town hall council last night.

It was nice to hear Biden speak in full sentences without being interrupted.

I did not watch Trump. 

I have heard him speak before.

I’ve gotten to the point in which I loathe the sound of his voice.

I liked having separate sessions.

 

Last night I had a dream that Trump lost the election by a landslide. 

I was in Utah counting ballots with my cousin and we were both acting childish.

In the dream she was pro-Trump. 

In real life she is definitely NOT.

Enjoyed this most recent ad sponsored by Lincoln Project.

Dictatorship or Abortion?

 From my observation the best leaders are those who lead by example.  They don’t seek validation.  They lead by instinct. 

Many have been put in that position because of their ability to take charge in a positive way – not because they bullied their way in.

I suppose Donald Trump does lead by example – just not in a positive way. He is always seeking validation and would like to be worshipped by all and not just the uneducated.  If it weren’t for the other two branches of government, I suspect Trump’s picture would be plastered all over the place. His pictures would be no smaller than the size of buildings.  His face would be plastered all over Mt. Rushmore.  His face would be on currency and postage stamps.  What an ass.  And I don’t mean the four legged animal.

A great leader will listen to those who he/she serves.  Donald Trump doesn’t listen to anybody – not those who are there to serve him, not his family members, NOBODY.  He’s a jerk (and that is putting it nicely).

 Recently I posted this video with these questions:

                        Can you relate to anything in this ad?

I wasn’t endorsing Joe Biden – there were things in the video that I had never heard before and found them interesting enough to share.  My first commenter at least acknowledged my questions but then went into slandering Joe Biden and building up Donald Trump.  Of course my go-to comment was that he promised that America would be great again.  Bringing on a civil war between Republicans and Democrats (though it’s become more Trump and Anit-Trump as there are those who have regarded themselves republican all or most of their lives and are adamant about NOT affiliating themselves with anything or anyone else who might support Trump) is NOT making America great again.  He is a dictator and a bully.  A good leader will show respect to those he/she comes in contact with – even if he/she disagrees.  Trump shows respect to absolutely no one.

I saw this thought on someone’s wall and found it profound enough to share.  

It appears that the commenter missed the point of the post

Okay, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are for abortion, but abortion is NOT the only credential their campaign is based upon (see here) 

Each of the four candidates at either the presidential or VP debates did a lousy job at presenting accurate information.  We'll never know whether Joe Biden would have answered satisfactorily or not as he couldn't get a word in edgewise.

It’s said Trump is pro-life.  Pro-life?  Then why the hell is he not wearing a mask?  What life (other than his own) is he for?  It’s not like we have a large amount of candidates to choose from right now.  So do we go for dictatorship or abortion? Or do we focus on other issues at hand?

There has always been the political debate and pitting Republicans against Democrats (which isn’t totally true as the Republican party has not existed as long as the Democratic party) but not like this year.  Part of the 2020 cruelty.

Life is Like Snow

             Jenna required reading for her online English class has been focusing on an international high school in New York.  For each chapter Jenna is required to pull out a quote, comment on the theme of the chapter and turn in a short essay.  She has gotten in the habit of reading things out loud as it helps her better to think.  She seems to be even more focused if she can find someone else to read it out loud to her.  Often she has asked for my opinion about what I think the theme is or what I think is a good quote.  

Usually the quote is directly attached to whichever student the chapter focuses on.  However I remember one quote that stood out which was not related to the student.  It was actually a description of snow he had seen in Connecticut.  It was white and beautiful.   The quote continued with a less than attractive image of snow that had been yellowed with urine or left filthy from soot.  As we continued further in the story I realized how we could tie the quote into what might be the theme.

The last four chapters seemed to have focused on a boy named Mohammed who had come from a remote village in Africa.  We learned about his being a student at International when he was fourteen.  He had traveled to America by himself and left his family.  He had no other relatives living in the U.S.  Mohammed was by himself.

A social worker seeks a friend who is a teacher and has wanted to adopt a child – preferably a girl.  The teacher is asked to consider the possibility of adopting Mohammed in order to give him a place to live.  But it’s a complicated situation as Mohammed is NOT an orphan.  The next chapter focuses on the legal issues and there is suggestion of shuffling Mohammed around.  The chapter indicates that he is 16, possibly 17.  He’s no better off than when he was 14 – possibly worse off.

Mohammed travels with a group to visit the Empire State Building and disappears.  I see his life metaphorically as the snow.  For when he arrives in New York, the metaphorical snow is fresh and clean.  He takes in the newness of living in a big city.  He sees it as exciting.  He makes friends.  They share their dreams.  The court systems introduce the urine and soot which discolor the snow.  It is ugly.  He seems to have no control.  It isn’t a good environment.

It is later discovered that Mohammed had “moved” to Connecticut.  The environment he lives in reminds me of Charles Dickens’ Oliver.  Except instead of picking pockets, they are illegally burning CDs and selling them.  Mohammed refers to all the “Fagins” as “uncles” though they are not biologically related.  They teach him a trade.  They give him money.  No governmental red tape – though what they are doing is illegal, Mohammed feels like family.  Thus we see the parallels of snow that is beautiful and ugly at the same time.

Meanwhile he misses his biological family in Africa and would like to go home to see them.  His mom experiencing the hardships of their remote village says no.  She sees the beautiful snow that represents the United States (though the snow is only metaphorical as she has no idea what snow is nor can comprehend it visually when Mohammed tries to explain it to her as he is unable to relate anything to her that she, herself, can identify with).  If she understood snow she would tell Mohammed that the snow in Africa is very dark and ugly and it will never be clean and brilliant.

But it’s not just Mohammed’s story that we can compare to the snow.  It is that way for all of us.  2020 brought a huge assortment of challenges.  Some have seen the snow glisten in the sunlight as they have reconnected with families and have had more opportunity to read, study, quilt or whatever.  Some eventually became bored with it and focused on the yellow snow and dirty black and brown deposits while others remained focused on the brilliance of fresh snow.

Even when the snow had turned to brown slush there were moments of sparkle.  I can’t speak for those who have endured hurricane and floods but I would imagine communities pulled together as they have here during the fires.  Many people have lost their homes due to the harshness of the elements, but there are some that continue to focus on what they have and are grateful for the donations of time and possessions that others have willingly contributed.

I’m grateful for all the things I have learned during this pandemic and for the growth I’ve endured.  I have often looked at yellowed and dirty snow trying hard not to give up hope.  But I know if I turn my head in the right direction I can find the fresh snow and see the sparkles and beauty of what is happening.

Praying For The Lincoln Project

         I believe it was Corey’s senior year in high school when the student directory came out.  On the cover was an art student’s work depicting the mascot and school spirit.  He had signed his artwork “Zion” as he had with many (if not all) of his other pieces.  It wasn’t meant to stand out as the main theme of his drawing but rather blend into the design.  However an instructor who was anti-religion especially anti-LDS had discovered the “hidden” Zion and made such a great fuss over it that it drew much more attention to the drawing and the word than was intended. 

            It’s quite a small example of how even negative criticism can be used to boost something positive.  Take the Lincoln Project (here) for instance, a group of former Republicans no longer affiliated with the party either by choice or perhaps they were asked to leave.  Each may have killed their political career for not standing by Trump.  They now create anti-Trump ads which frankly are quite clever.  Of course, Trump gets mad and has to tweet to his followers about how “fake” it is which evidently works to the advantage of the Lincoln project according to this interview with 60 minutes.

            I don’t know any of those who personally started the Lincoln Project but I know many who support their cause.  An entire family in Utah who would campaign and run for office under the Republican party are advocates of NOT voting for Trump.  And I respect them.  I know them.  I have had intimate conversations with many family members who are involved.  All of the people I know who are anti-Trumpers are highly educated, focused, learned in a variety of topics, well read.  I’m learning that I really don’t know my Trump supporting friends, and many of the ones I do know seem have their heads in the same mind-set as these people.

            Our nation is hurting.  Our nation is not going to heal in the next four years if Trump is voted back into office.  And even if he’s not, he already made it known that he is not exiting gracefully.  I think it’s the only thing he’s ever said that I actually believe.

Rain!

 It Rained!

Beautiful Rain!

Pouring over my roof.

What a pleasant sound!

Our thirsty world is 

greatly in need.

Halloween and Elections: Both Haunting

 Jenna LOVES Halloween!  For her it is the most exciting holiday of all federal and non federal holidays. Halloween starts early each election year – especially in this decade we call 2020.  Halloween that started in March and has introduced each month with a new “scare” tactic.  California has denounced having Halloween this year.  Not so much to do with Corona but because of the wild fires. Our nation has looked at Halloween head-on.  The latest has been with the presidential and vice-presidential debates.  Is demonstrating childish behavior really a part of the politician’s criteria?

“I want to hear what your credentials are – not what crazy theories (or made up lies) you may have about your opponent.” 

When both opponents are slinging mud, it’s really hard to decide.  What is up with the “leadership” of this nation?  Enough with the mudslinging, name calling and so forth!  I would like to hear each side without the constant interruptions or immaturity.  At least the vice presidential debate was not as childish as the presidential.  That was shear torture!

Both candidates skirted around each question answering with the typical political “let me avoid the question by talking about the issue at hand without really saying anything” or else point fingers about how their opponent will or will not handle instead of volunteering what their own merits are.  The most interesting thing about the VP debate was the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head.  

I wish they had picked Judge Judy to monitor the debates.

 Journalists had timed the fly’s landing for over two minutes.  Pence hadn’t even noticed.  Roland said he thought the fly was stuck in whatever goop Mike Pence had placed on his head. I loved Trevor Noah’s commentary here.

 

I am not near as bothered by the presidential as I am with the two running for congressman for district 4 in the state of Oregon.  I had never heard of Alek Skarlatos until he was made a “celebrity” on Dancing With the Stars here.  If that doesn't scream pollical choice, I don't know what does.

 He is one of two running for congress.  I told my brother he might have a good chance of being voted in as his was the only name that was ever mentioned either for or against.  The anti Skarlatos ads came with “This is Peter D. and I approve this message” – I wasn’t even certain I about his last name until Alek Skarlatos commercials started slamming whatever credentials DeFazio has or does not have - mostly his age and having been in office for far too long.  Way to go, Skarlatos campaigning.  Should have left well alone and allowed Alek’s name to remain without slinging (or trying to sling) mud about his opponent.  Thus I am not impressed with either one.  

I HATE mudslinging.  Again, I would like to know your merits based on the candidate who is talking. 

Here’s another great Trevor Noah on government hiding health issues.  I still have my doubts about Trump ever having got Corona in the first place, but did take down my “Suspicions and Disbelief” post for a few days until he made this “miraculous” exit from the hospital.  Trump is such an ass.  Elephants have great memories.  Perhaps he ran under the wrong party?

That may be for another post.

Smokey Haze

 When I laid down on Sunday night

I could see the stars

I have not seen the sky since then.

It’s hazy in the morning. 

Eerie fog

And when the fog disappears

Hazy Sky

Smoke from the California fires.

And we still don’t have the worst of it.

I could smell the smoke through the window

Two weeks ago when it was combined with

Oregon fires.

I don’t smell it now.  But I can see the haze.

It’s like a taking a beautiful scenic picture

With a dirty lens.

Typical Pandemic Birthday

 

I failed to mention that Saturday was

Roland’s birthday.

It wasn’t much of a celebration. 

Roland believes no birthday is

complete without cake.

He had handed a cake mix to

Jenna the night before.

On the box was a picture of chocolate waffles.

She made the mixture Friday night and we

made poured the mixture into the waffle iron. 

I poured a pecan frosting over the best pieces and

placed a candle on top. 

We wished Roland a happy birthday and ate

chocolate waffles for breakfast.

 

Later on the elders called to ask

if Roland had a key to the television room. 

They wanted General Conference to be made

available for those who chose to watch it at the Church.

Roland left the house to meet the elders at

the church and learned he the key he has

does not work in the room where the

televised devices are kept.

 

Later we met our former bishop at the animal clinic. 

Typical pandemic birthday.

Healing Bonnie

                 Jenna started caring for Bonnie on September 11.  The initial plan was to go to her house to feed her and let her out.  The air was full of smoke when Jenna started.  Roland insisted that we bring Bonnie to our house for the next nine weeks – which will now be closer to three months as she will be with us at least until the first week of December. 

                Bonnie had an itch.  She was always scratching and licking herself.  Roland told us to take her to the vets.  I first called the number of the clinic belonging to our former bishop.  No answer.  I tried his house.  No answer.  I knew that he had been looking to retire and perhaps he had.  Roland suggested I try the new clinic that just opened on Main Street.  The clinic workers had to talk with Bonnie’s “mom” before we could take her in.

                We took her to the doctors during her first week with us.  Jenna took her into the clinic (after we had called to report our presence) and I waited in the car.  Bonnie received three shots – one for her itch.  We were told to come back for a second shot and had set up an appointment for today. 

Bonnie did stop scratching for about a week or so. She doesn’t scratch as much as she used to.  Meanwhile we received a call from Bonnie’s “mom” to inform us that today’s appointment would need to be rescheduled because of some conflict at the Canyonville clinic. ????  We had made her appointment in Myrtle Creek, not Canyonville.  I called to change the appointment but could not be found.  What???  You called us – or somebody did.  Somebody from Canyonville?  I made the appointment for tomorrow.

Meanwhile I have been picking up Jenna from seminary each morning.  Sometimes I will take Bonnie with me.  On Wednesday we had stopped at the dog park and let Bonnie loose in the fenced area.  She seemed to enjoy herself.  After we returned home Jenna noticed some redness on Bonnie’s paw.  Bonnie would lick her sore which made it worse.  And so when I rescheduled Bonnie’s shot appointment I mentioned her sore paw.  But by Friday she was limping – and even more on Saturday.  I did not want three more days to pass before returning to the vets.  I called our former bishop and met him at his clinic on Saturday afternoon.  He gave us two bottles of medication.  Jenna has been diligently giving her the medication ever since and Bonnie is feeling better.  As soon as I post this I will call the other vet to cancel the appointment that I just made and we will contact the former bishop on Thursday.

Suspicions and Disbelief

             The media has picked up the story that Donald Trump has tested positive for Covid and he and Malania are going to quarantine themselves for the next two weeks.  The story says that Ivana Trumps personal assistant had tested positive and therefore Trump was tested too?  Of course FOX was probably the first to build up this story and I think that is all it is.  A story.  Another lie.  A scam.  Another ploy to build sympathy among his faithful followers.  The debates of course can’t possibly take place now.

            My guess would be that after he screwed things up for himself at the debate – his new campaign manager or whoever had suggested that Donald Trump pose in front of a church holding a Bible (like what would Donald Trump know about religion?) told Donald to Tweet and others followed.  I have absolutely no proof, but I think it’s a hoax.

            First of all, since when has he ever acknowledged anyone else in the Whitehouse?  Each time someone has tested positive he is always like, “Well I don’t even know this person.  I’ve never met this person.” And yet there are photographs to say otherwise.

            Secondly, since when has Donald Trump EVER been responsible?  He mocks the mask, even quarantine, and now he wants to give the impression that he cares?!?!?  I don’t believe him.  Everything that has ever come out of his mouth has been a lie.

            And third, as I have mentioned in my last post, Trump is a villain.  Villain’s don’t test positive for Coronavirus.  I’m not unsympathic if he really does have the disease.  But if this overweight 74 year old man with pasty skin isn’t hospitalized and magically survives this I am certain it will be to get out of finishing the debates and not because he really even took a test.  

    Granted, there were tight spaces, no social distancing, little wearing of masks - so it is possible but too "convenient" or "coincidental" to be at this time. What a kroc!!!! (I may have to repent of these thoughts as tomorrow is Conference)

Perhaps It Was a Conspiracy Theory

                 I often wonder if Trump didn’t pay off the Chinese (or make another hollow promise to pay) to create a virus that would infect the entire planet (villain proof of course) knowing that it would eventually make its way to the U.S. before elections took place.  Trump would pronounce himself to continue as president and not hold an election until after the virus had disappeared.  What a JERK!  The absolute worst president in American history.  Should NOT be worthy of the title president.  Should be the part of history that gets erased.  Remove his name from the title.  He’s a villain!  Presidents should not be villains!

        Donald Trump and Joe Biden are three and a half years apart.  Three years!  Not three decades.  Pharisees act like they’re decades apart and Trump has a much younger and fresher mind.  He is quite juvenile and bratty – I’ll give him that.  Except that he’ll end up in jail for tax fraud same as Al Capone.  Tax fraud is generally not a juvenile problem.  OMG.  We cannot do another four years under his (lack of) leadership.  This country is already in terrible condition.  No other country wants to deal with us!  Can you blame them?  What a bunch of spoiled babies!  Sadly Trump and his posse are not what make up the majority of values and decency that others would like to bring back to this continent.  Why can’t the IRS dump Trump in jail right now?

        Kudos to those willing to run against Donald Trump not so much because they want to be in that position but just to succeed in getting Trump out.  He already made it clear that he won't be leaving gracefully (was there ever any doubt?) God bless us all.  Our future depends on it.