It’s been a Melancholy month; can’t wait until it’s over

I suppose I could just brainstorm my thoughts – which I have – but on paper.  Not on a post. 

            I’ve heard it said that poultry may sometimes run around frenziedly for several minutes after decapitation.  Hence the saying, “running around like a chicken with head cut off” 

          My mind has definitely been elsewhere this month.  Too many events taking place all at once.  Too many things to remember.  I have so lacked in my organizational skills

          Had to find sitters for Jenna on Tuesday and Friday this week; had another meeting with my sibs on Tuesday – something which had been scheduled for well than a month in advance.  Fortunately my sister mentioned it in an email or else I would have forgotten.

          I arrived early – 40 minutes early.  I had left early as I didn’t know the path of construction that would be in store for me and was very surprised when I hadn’t encountered not even one orange poly cone or orange barrel.

          Yesterday Carrie went to the temple for the first time.  I had been invited to attend along with her other guests – Randy had even offered to drive me (as we’re only down to one car which Roland drives on Wednesdays)  But I still would have needed a sitter for Jenna. But I had already told her that I would take her to see a child’s production of “Alice in Wonderland” – a play that she had actually wanted to be in – but it really didn’t fit into our schedule – or budget.

          I thought that I would have rather gone to the temple then to sit through a peewee production of “Alice . . .” – NOT my favorite show.  But it turned out to be really cute.  And I will do a write up on another post.  We rode the bus over to the high school and that in itself was fun for her.  I feel good about having taken her and not neglecting her again.

          So tomorrow is Randy and Carrie’s big day.  In our family it has been traditional for the groom’s family to do the wedding breakfast/brunch.  In the past, each couple has gotten married in the morning and had their meal between the wedding and reception.  As they are not getting married until 1:00 in the afternoon, it will be a breakfast before they are married.  It isn’t practical for us to try and sandwich the meal in between the marriage and the reception in the allotted amount of time.

          Apparently 9:30 is still too early for the bride and her family – but when else are we supposed to do it? Seriously?

I know there are some readers who wonder why I’m even blogging with the wedding being so close.  Most likely I will not be blogging tomorrow though.

Would your Parents Help with the Flower Expenses?

          When I was very young – still in elementary school, probably – my dad had strongly suggested that I elope when the time came.  Of course back then I had no idea what that even meant – but as I got older and older, I realized that the elopement thing was sounding better and better.  Weddings DON’T have to be expensive.  But some brides allow things to get out of hand.

          I actually come from a very practical family who has not spent a lot of money on that special day.  Mostly due to a lack of funds – but also because we realize it is just one day and the expenses don’t have to be off the charts.  What’s the point?

          I realize that there are some who have dreamed about her “perfect wedding” her entire life.  I wasn’t one of them.  Getting the groom was the main most important thing.  All else was unnecessary.  Especially when I got older and realized how impractical so much of it really was and is.

          My brother and his wife got married around Christmas time.  The reception hall had been decorated for the holidays.  And Sunny and her family just incorporated those decorations for the wedding itself.  Sunny wore her mom’s dress.  I don’t even remember what food they had – but I’m guessing that it was simple.

          Sunny did have a line. She had chosen two shades of pink for the bridesmaids to wear. Of all existing fabrics she had chosen taffeta – okay, so the whole wedding wasn’t practical.  Half of us looked like circus tents.  It was the one and only time I would wear that dress.

          What’s up with bridesmaid dresses anyway?  To analyze that would have to be a post all on its own.  But let me not lose focus here.

          After Roland and I got engaged, we had changed our wedding date so many times.  There were complications with his ex that I will not even try to explain.  We would make arrangements around other people’s schedule – and you know what?  No date will ever work for all people.  Seriously.  Another great benefit to eloping – no one person would be excluded anymore than anybody else. 

          By that time my father had passed away and my mom didn’t want me to elope.

          We had landed on our umpteenth date for September 18.  We had the marriage license; I had borrowed a white dress from mom (not her wedding dress though – as she had borrowed the one she had been married in) and ten days prior we learned the clergy (bishop) who would marry us would be out of town.  I was in tears.  Really – why all this stress.  If we ran off to Las Vegas, it would be over and done with and I wouldn’t have had to deal with such emotional turmoil.

          The next day I asked my bishop if he could marry us that or the following night.  So the groom, the guests, everybody who was a part of that wedding party got eight hours notice or less.  And you know what?  Everybody who had been invited came.

          We were married at our newly purchased house.  My mom stopped off at the store and purchased a cake that said “Congratulations!” and it worked.  Roland's favorite part about that night was that I didn't have to leave at a certain time; I was there to stay.

          There were still some who believed we should have a reception.  And so a month later we did – for them. We made up our own announcements and passed them out by hand.  I purchased some balloons and teddy bears for our decorations.  We found some appetizers on clearance and used that as our food.  And ward (Church) members rallied around us to assist with our needs. 

It was held in the building where my mom attends Church meetings. It was simple.  There was no line.  Very little expense.  And it worked.

          Before Kayla got married I went with her to a second hand store.  She purchased a wedding gown and veil that she has worn three times perhaps – she had posed for pictures in her wedding dress without her groom – and there are several more – over six hindered more of the bride and groom.

          The line was short.  No bridesmaids in one-time-wear bridesmaid dresses.  But if she had had bridesmaids she would have chosen a practical fabric and pattern that the bridesmaid would actually want to wear again.

          Her “flower girls” wore dresses which were already in closet – posed for pictures but did not stand in line. My family and I assisted in the kitchen.  It was held at the same building as my reception had been.  It was inexpensive.  And it worked.

          And I have been to some expensive weddings that really did have an awesome appearance and commercial feel almost.  And while I have made comment that, “Oh, this is nice.  Yes, it is beautiful” I really do feel a lot more comfortable with simple than with expense.  Which is good, I guess.  Being that expense has always been out of my reach.

          I have two daughters-in-law.  Well, two as of next week. 

My first daughter-in-law comes from a family who has had to deal with financial burdens just as we have.  Rochelle’s needs and ideas were very simple – and it showed.  The layout for the reception was very inexpensive.  Different family members had agreed to assist and/or take over with different parts of the reception – such as food, decorations, the cake, etc.  They held it at the Church (ward building) that she had attended. And it was a really nice reception.

          Rochelle was very willing to elope.  But she didn’t want to hurt her family members’ feelings.  Neither of her parents was in the greatest of health.  She had a simple wedding reception for them.  And her mom passed two months later.  So we have some great memories there with her mom.

Carrie’s tastes are a far cry from practical, I think.  According to Randy, Carrie’s family has already spent thousands of dollars on this wedding.  Thousands!  I cringe at the very thought.  If I had thousands, it certainly would not be spent for a onetime event.  I’d fix up the yard, have a lot more reliable transportation, fix the plumbing in the house (probably the plumbing would be my priority) get my printer fixed . . .

Carrie had asked Randy to ask if we could help with expenses.  Are you kidding me?  Don’t you think if we had the money we would have made the offer?  After all, she’s been to our rather small house before.  She’s seen our embarrassment of a yard. She’s seen what we use as transportation.  She may not know about the plumbing, but still . . . we didn’t spend that kind of money put together on the three weddings mentioned at the beginning of this post.  
Please.  It’s not that I don’t want to – well, I guess I don’t – but overall we really cannot help out with expenses because we just don’t have it.  We've been off and on welfare our entire married lives.  Mostly on it seems.

Randy doesn’t understand why we’re so financially strapped.  Hopefully he will never have to find our first-handedly about the high cost of divorce and what it’s like to hire attorneys and pay court costs and taxes and earn money that we never even see.  (Also more information for another post that will never get written.) Not to mention the economical slump they are calling a “repression”.

I like Carrie.  I do.  But her view of the world is so different from my own.  Different from her mother’s from what I understand.  The kind of girl that Randy would go for.  A trophy wife.  And I hope for both of their sakes that it will last. 

Sunny would not encourage anybody to elope.  She thinks that there should be many memories of that important day and that family and friends should be a part of it.  And I agree.  I wanted family and friends.  I didn’t want hype however.  And hype isn’t needed.  But for many brides it appears that the desire of the material things and show becomes more important than friends, family members, and even the groom. 

I’ve been to some weddings that have just seemed so superficial and showy, I wonder just who they’re trying to impress.  Themselves?  Do they think it’s worth it? And there are those who have been impressed with the results.  I, for one, am NOT impressed with the high cost of weddings.  I’d rather take my family on vacation somewhere.

 Different strokes.  Different folks.  If our finances are like they are now, Jenna’s will have to be simple (unless we can get her to elope)

My Three Sons

       
         When I got married for the first (and only) time, I not only got a husband,  I had a ready-made family. Our boys were 11, 12 and 14 (we were married six weeks prior to the 12 year old turning 13)

          I met the youngest one first.  My mom and I had gone over to a quadplex unit to visit someone.  We had knocked at the door but there was no reply.  I don’t know if Randy called “Hi” to us from the tree before or after we knocked.  He smiled brightly but gave no information about himself nor inquired who we were.    As it turned out the sister we were searching for had moved out and Randy was actually living at that particular unit with his two brothers and dad.

          Randy was ten going on eleven.  We had the same size hands at the time.  He shared a room with his two older brothers.  His part of the bunk and dresser top were spotless.  Randy was (still is) very neat.   Very polite kid.  Somewhat of a con artist.  Full of smiles and gratitude.

          Tony was twelve.  Very insecure.  Very much feeling the need to be accepted.  Very much wanting a stable family.

          The first time that I met Tony was inside the quadplex unit.  He had set up pop bottles at the end of the hall, using them as bowling pins as he hurled a ball towards them over the bumpy carpet.

Tony was (and still is) very different from his brothers. When we took the boys out to purchase suits for Sunday wear, our oldest and youngest went for a conservative look that one often does find in Church.  Tony wanted the loud royal blue with pinstripes, a suit designed for either the stage or very young pimps.  We had discouraged him from buying the suit that he truly wanted. (Perhaps we should have purchased it for him)

Biff actually turned 14 before Roland and I were married.  He’s always been big into health and fitness, worked out all the time, had muscles and sparkling teeth.  We had given him three tubes of toothpaste for his birthday and sent him and his brothers through a maze to play laser tag. 

All three boys had fun, but Biff was especially grateful for the toothpaste – which I’m sure took him less than a month to finish.  Upon seeing Biff’s gift, Tony panicked.  “I don’t think I’d want a shirt or tooth paste for my birthday.”

I just smiled at him and said, “And I would never get you toothpaste.  You and Biff are two entirely different people.”

I seriously didn’t even know Biff could talk for about three or four months.  Very quiet.  Always smiled.  Always put himself to bed at six and then would arise at four and walk over to the junior high and run around the track until the school doors opened.

What terrible parents we were.  It was rare that we ever got up to see our boys off to school.  And sometimes Randy would play hooky out of boredom.  He was the only one I didn’t worry about academically.  And he was the only one who made a big deal about seeing ALL of his teachers.  Which was hard. Especially when I had all three of them in junior high and 21 different teachers to see (all by myself as Roland was working )

Our boys are 17, 16 and 15 years older than Jenna.  Now they are men, all in their 20’s.

           

          Tony was the first of the three to get married.  He had joined the army and had proposed right before he went in.  Has sparkling white teeth now – and I have given him toothpaste as a gift.  Lots of gifts are different than when he was fourteen.

          Soon I will be a grandmother as he and his wife are expecting their first baby. 

          Randy goes to school full time.  Assists with orientation and enrollment.  Many things seem to come so natural and easy for him.  He catches on quickly – like a duck to water.  He is definitely the most extraverted of the three. And now he is engaged.  I will have another daughter-in-law midway through this year.

          Biff has had jobs off and on.  Nothing stable – mostly due to the economy.  Lot’s of temp jobs and trying to pass the ABVAB as the army would definitely provide benefits.  Being paid to work out, for one.

          He’s tried his hand at relationships.  Biff is sweet and has some really great qualities, but not everybody sees that.  Biff is an animal charmer.  The barkiest dogs will greet Biff as though he is a long lost friend.  I have never seen any animal behave mean around Biff.

          He is awesome at putting puzzles together or finding the difference in hidden pictures.  He is a loner.  Often he just chooses to be that way.  But sometimes he feels lonely.  He’s got some great one on one social skills around certain people.  Unfortunately many view his overall social skills as being awkward.

          Jenna assures me that Biff is the greatest “tucker-inner”  and he is definitely strong. As of now he has a “platonic girlfriend” They’re really good friends, and I would LOVE to have her as a daughter-in-law, but at this point I don’t believe that anything more will come of it except for being friends.

And there’s a very brief description of my three sons.