Reminiscing

Last year Ellen took my mom to the store to purchase three gifts.  I don't know whether Ellen suggested it or if mom had thought on her own to get her three youngest grandchildren one gift each.

When I saw them on the table I asked my mom about them.

"What are these?" I asked.

"I don't know.  I think they're Ellen's"

I didn't think they were.

I didn't see much of Ellen when I was at mom's house.  But somewhere we made a connection and I had asked if they really were hers.  She said that mom had purchased them for Jenna, Anna and Gary but she hadn't gotten around to wrapping them.

I wrapped them and tagged them and placed them under the tree.  My mom kept asking who the gifts were for and where they came from.  She didn't seem to even know that Christmas was coming up pretty soon.

She was like a kid on Christmas day.  Who knew it would be the last Christmas that we would spend in her house?  or that it would be her last Christmas on earth?

Many of us are missing her this Christmas.  Many of us our thinking about our last holiday season together.  I'm grateful for the happy memories that help us to make this season a little more pleasant.

I really do miss you Mom!

more on Giving Gifts (and crushed enthusiasm)

          When I asked Jenna what she wanted to get her dad for Christmas last year, she did not even hesitate with an answer.

      

          “A Bow Tie,” she announced proudly.

          I visualized an elastic and paper doily all bunched up.  

          “What kind of a bow tie?” I asked.

  “A Black one.”  And so it was.  We purchased a black bow tie for Roland – the only black bow tie that we found.

          I was reminded about gifts – precious to the child’s mind, but very impractical.  For instance my wanting to buy my dad a pink Batman shirt for a gift.  I don’t remember it, but my mom said that it happened.

          First off you need to understand that my dad was very conservative.  At that time he would never wear a t-shirt out in public nor would he ever wear the color pink. There are several family photos in which dad wears a crew cut and a blue-green-gold patterned sports jacket – the same sports coat in every photo.  Well, not every photo.  But anyone who saw him in a family photo could tell right away that he was not the pink Batman shirt type.

          My mom steered my brother and I in a different direction to pick out a gift that was much more practical – and then wondered why he didn’t do the same whenever we would go shopping to buy a gift for her.

          Plastic flowers.  I saw the most gorgeous plastic flowers – the entire arrangement was just so pretty and unique – I thought.  Imagine flowers cascading in a long arrangement.  Why it could fit nicely on a door! 

          Actually I didn’t know what it was for. Obviously I had no sense of what the display was really used for.  I remember my maternal grandma letting out a laugh and then covering her mouth as mom unwrapped her beautiful funeral spray. 

Had I known what it was for I don’t think I would have picked it out.  But then again, maybe daddy did tell me and it just hadn’t sunk in – even though I had been to many funerals before.  Even though I had probably seen them on caskets, I obviously hadn’t really paid much attention.  I saw it as something to be displayed – and appreciated.

          I remember mom had arranged the flowers in a bowl – but in order to make them fit properly, she had to cut off the ends.  I was crushed.  She wanted to show appreciation for our thoughtfulness without offending me.  But she did.  I mean, the bowl she had chosen looked nice and everything – but the beauty just wasn’t complete anymore.  But now I do understand why she did it. 

          Jenna beamed as Roland opened his gift.  He gave her an enthusiastic “Thank you” and put his bow tie on before we finished unwrapping gifts.  He wore it to Church which pleased Jenna quite a bit. 

          We were unable to find it so that he could wear it to the Christmas dinner this year.  But Jenna hasn’t said anything since 2011.

Gift Cards or Gift Giving

Anyone who knows me knows that gift cards ( for the most part) say, “I don’t care enough to be creative or to know you well enough to know what you really want.”  Anybody who truly knows me knows I loathe shopping.  I would rather have a useless gift that comes from the heart than a gift card.

I am probably in the minority as not everybody feels that way. I know my sister-in-law would much rather have the gift card than an item that she’s just going to exchange anyway.  At least two of my boys love receiving gift cards and being able to get what they want (with pants and shoes it’s just as well; they can’t just be purchased as they have to be fitted to their bodies)

For a while I refused to buy gift cards.  What does that say about me.  Giving someone a gift that I would never want for myself.  And yet how often do we buy or make things for people that we would never purchase or make for ourselves?

  Sending a gift card to a newlywed couple in another state is more convenient than putting a care package together.  And even though there is often joy at the receiving end of the package, will the contents really work for their wants or needs?

Gift cards at a shower or reception for newlyweds actually seems more acceptable for me than as a Christmas gift – as the couple may really be in need of something more practical than the nine toasters that made it to the gift table. 

Gift cards also make great stocking stuffers for the fuss budgets who are hard to shop for and don’t mind shopping on their own.  Jenna feels quite grown up when she has an opportunity to use a gift card.  They are convenient for both the giver and the receiver.  But still, not everybody appreciates them. 

         

          I like surprises.  I always have.  There for a while when mom would ask me what I wanted for Christmas I would always answer, “To be surprised.” And I rarely was.  My sister-in-law asked the same question last year after we had drawn names.  I think Sunny is creative enough to come up with something on her own – which she did – as she didn’t go for any of my suggestions.  And that really made me like it all the more.

          I could never find the right words to express what I was feeling though until one day when Roland had returned home from the work Christmas party with a note from his boss which included the words I was feeling.  And so I quote a part of that letter because I agree.

          “Selecting the right gift takes time and thought.  In the words of one “expert” on gift-giving, ‘The art of giving a gift is that it must come from your genuine desire to acknowledge the kindness and value this person has shown you throughout the year. 

“‘A gift should be about honoring something you share and value with this person.  When you don’t know someone well and can’t really know what they would like, then you should give them something you, yourself, like.’ She suggests sharing one of your own values with them.”

         

          After reading that, I thought, “Wow.  That is exactly what I want to say.” Well, perhaps not exactly, but close enough.  The words convey how I feel.

          As it turned out, though the gift was one that was truly a part of the boss’ character, it really wasn’t something that nearly anyone in the office would purchase for his or herself.  However Roland could totally see Biff being thrilled with the item, and as we never know what to get Biff anyway, the office gift became a recycled gift for Biff.  And he loves it and is getting way more use out of it than we ever could.

My youngest boy is into recycling his gifts.  Perhaps we’re all guilty of that.  There is usually not so much thought put into recycled gifts other than getting rid of it and convenient self from having to go shopping or creating or whatever.  But I still think I’d rather receive a recycled gift than a gift card.  If I don’t like it, I can always recycle it next year.

We receive gift cards from Roland’s family.  Understandable.  They live in another state.  One sister in my ward gives out gift cards to her 30 grandkids and great grandkids.  Also understandable.  How does one find the time for personalizing that many gifts  - especially with her given health?

I do like the idea of still being able to personalize many gift cards as so many places will give a variety of choices on what your gift card looks like.

          So there you have it.  For what it’s worth, this is my opinion: People are different.  We need to focus on the people and not so much on the gifts.