I realize it’s been over two months
since I last attended the temple. Sad
part about the whole ordeal is that I honestly haven’t missed going.
I have a friend who attends two or
three times a week. She thrives on it –
or at least she did when she lived in West Valley. She has moved downtown Salt Lake and is
actually a lot closer to the Salt Lake City Temple – I would think she still
goes fairly often – perhaps even moreso.
The first time my mom had gone through
the temple, it was a terrible experience for her. There was a lot that she didn’t
understand. Unbeknownst to her, she had
gone on a session with a group who were hearing impaired. Sign language was used for the benefit of
those who were hearing impaired – but my mom didn’t understand that it was done
in translation. She thought it was some
kind of symbolism that she was expected to memorize as a temple patron.
Neither my mom’s parents nor dad’s
parents were able to attend the temple with their children or see them get
married. There was an acquaintance there
to assist mom. Other than that she
really didn’t know anyone – except for my dad – who was newly attending the
temple himself. It would be years before
they returned.
Patrick went through the temple a year
and a half before I did. Mom thought I
would be nervous – but I wasn’t. I
didn’t know what I was expecting, but I remember that I didn’t find it
there. I think I was expecting it to be
more special than it was. But there was
nothing there that doesn’t already exist in the scriptures. I don’t know if disappointing is the correct
term, but I didn’t feel the empowering Spirit or experience the sensational
wonder that so many others have claimed and continue to feel.
I suppose there are a few times that I
have felt uplifted and at peace. But
more often than not it’s just a routine experience or an actual hurtful event
for me. I think the last two times I
actually felt put off and I guess that’s why I don’t miss it.
I actually have quite a few memories
about the temple – such as when both Corey and Kayla had gone through for the first
time, or the many marriage ceremonies (including my own) that I’ve
attended. But out of respect to the
Church and those who attend the temple, I will end my post here. For even though I personally have not felt
the awesomeness that many others have had (and will continue to have) there
still is a definite sacredness that shouldn’t be tarnished upon the
Internet. And it’s not something that
everybody is going to “get” anyway no matter how I try to explain it – which actually
may cause deeper regrets on my end.
I’m grateful to the enthusiasm that
others have shared and for their desire to attend as often as possible. It’s just not there for me. Never has been. Even when I was trying to attend regularly.
