I realize it’s been over two months since I last attended the temple. Sad part about the whole ordeal is that I honestly haven’t missed going.
I have a friend who attends two or three times a week. She thrives on it – or at least she did when she lived in West Valley. She has moved downtown Salt Lake and is actually a lot closer to the Salt Lake City Temple – I would think she still goes fairly often – perhaps even moreso.
The first time my mom had gone through the temple, it was a terrible experience for her. There was a lot that she didn’t understand. Unbeknownst to her, she had gone on a session with a group who were hearing impaired. Sign language was used for the benefit of those who were hearing impaired – but my mom didn’t understand that it was done in translation. She thought it was some kind of symbolism that she was expected to memorize as a temple patron.
Neither my mom’s parents nor dad’s parents were able to attend the temple with their children or see them get married. There was an acquaintance there to assist mom. Other than that she really didn’t know anyone – except for my dad – who was newly attending the temple himself. It would be years before they returned.
Patrick went through the temple a year and a half before I did. Mom thought I would be nervous – but I wasn’t. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but I remember that I didn’t find it there. I think I was expecting it to be more special than it was. But there was nothing there that doesn’t already exist in the scriptures. I don’t know if disappointing is the correct term, but I didn’t feel the empowering Spirit or experience the sensational wonder that so many others have claimed and continue to feel.
I suppose there are a few times that I have felt uplifted and at peace. But more often than not it’s just a routine experience or an actual hurtful event for me. I think the last two times I actually felt put off and I guess that’s why I don’t miss it.
I actually have quite a few memories about the temple – such as when both Corey and Kayla had gone through for the first time, or the many marriage ceremonies (including my own) that I’ve attended. But out of respect to the Church and those who attend the temple, I will end my post here. For even though I personally have not felt the awesomeness that many others have had (and will continue to have) there still is a definite sacredness that shouldn’t be tarnished upon the Internet. And it’s not something that everybody is going to “get” anyway no matter how I try to explain it – which actually may cause deeper regrets on my end.
I’m grateful to the enthusiasm that others have shared and for their desire to attend as often as possible. It’s just not there for me. Never has been. Even when I was trying to attend regularly.