Love is a Wrench

She became aware of boy/girl relationships during middle school.  She thought they were stupid.  All the emotions.  All of the game playing.  All of the drama.  The entire idea of relationships was stupid.  They did not appeal to her and she was fine and secure on her own.  She remained that way throughout middle school and her freshman year.

Then came summer.

They were friends.  There were generally four of them who hung around one another during lunch.  Not necessarily to eat, but to play games and enjoy one another’s company.

He really liked her.  First as a friend.  Then maybe something more.  Not too much more.  He had been in a relationship before.  He did not need another.  And yet he found her to be adorable.  He liked holding her hand and leaning on her.  What’s more, he enjoyed it when she leaned on him.

He told her that he would not date her.  Or at least he would not be the one to ask her out.  But he might say yes if she asked him.

Awkward!

With the ball in her court, she did not know what to do.  She liked him as a friend.  Perhaps something more.  She enjoyed holding hands. She liked having his arm around her.  But they were just friends.  She did not wish to become involved in a relationship that would cause emotions and possible drama.  Yet she knew that she too had already developed feelings beyond friendship.  

She did not particularly wish to date him.  But she did wish to continue hanging out.  Why do relationships and emotions have to be so complicated?  It was barely the beginning of summer.  It was not as if they were an item or anything.  But perhaps they could be.

He thought that she was indecisive.  She was.  She had never been involved in a relationship beyond friends.  Nor did she particularly want to be.  She enjoyed being friends.  She also enjoyed holding hands.  She had also found that she somehow enjoyed the idea that he liked her more than just a friend because she had too. But she looked at the new emotions as a wrench being cast into the relationship.  Why complicate things?

Thus they started their summer together . . . as friends . . . perhaps a little bit more.  But not too much more.  Oh, why these stupid emotions?

            I like how Nancy Drew said: “Can you tell when a girl looks at you and is thinking how much she likes you and is wondering if you like her and thinking how important it is for you to say how you feel before she says anything more about how she feels about you or anyone else they might be jealous of because she's already said how she feels how she's said in her own way?”(2007 Movie) 

           I remember when Biff was hanging out with Paula.  They may have held hands at one time or another.  They may have kissed during the first five years but for the most part, their friendship was platonic.  They were friends.  She came to his wedding when Biff and Jeanie were married.  She also attended Jeanie’s funeral.  They keep in touch through facebook.  Still friends but definitely not intimate.  Right now he is with Claire.

“Love is the feeling you feel when you are feeling the feeling that you have never felt before” – unknown

It is great when both parties involved feel the same way about one another.  At the same time, it is nerve racking when feelings develop beyond friendship.  Love is stronger than like.  Love means more than “really really like”.  Love involves commitment.  Who needs that?

Stupid emotions.  Complicated relationships.  Blech!

Yard Sailing

                Today is the 4^th annual city-wide yard sale.  It’s cooler than it has been in prior years but hotter than it has been all week.  A lot of baby stuff up and down the city drive.  I didn’t realize there were so many babies in the city as this seems to be more of a senior populated town.

          Roland and I ended up leaving our own city and making an excursion between Winston and Roseburg.  We ended up with an entire dinette set (though we had initially only wanted a table) and he spotted these adorable dishes that was a reminder of the first dishes that we had ever purchased together – but a more complete and bigger set.  That would mean getting rid of ALL the dishes that are currently in our house to make room for more dishes that we really don’t need, but it was a beautiful thought.

          Roland does not wish to move again.  At the same time, I think he does.  I am kind of the same way but would like to see Jenna finish high school where she is currently at.  She says she would prefer finishing high school there.  The biggest draw for her would be to move to somewhere smaller – but I think her academics are limited as it is.  I think somewhere smaller would make it even more limited.

We Have a Pill for That

          Several years ago my friend Peggy had gone to several doctors with odd symptoms that no one could seem to figure out.  Out of frustration, she did her own research.  She checked out books from the library (because this took place long before Google existed) and spent countless hours at the library until she thought she had figured it out and reported back to her doctor and said, “This is what I have.”

          Fibromyalgia wasn’t a word associated with the 20^th century as it is today. Commercials now are exploding with drugs and advice to “ask your doctor” – not that the pills will cure you.  They will assist with whatever ails you while we sit back and collect cash.  Hey, and if it doesn’t work out to all expectations, there are also ads inviting us to join whatever bandwagon the attorneys may have set up so that we can sue whatever company for making us sick.

          It blows my mind that the FDA has approved all these “miracle” medications that help our heart, diabetes, chronic breathing, both physical and emotional pain, depression, bladder issues, stomach cramps, birth control, and anything else you can think of.  This century (thus far) has conditioned us to take drugs, sue companies, and stay home and glue ourselves to the internet.

          Jenna will borrow my phone and show it to her friends.  “Do you guys want to see a dinosaur?” she’ll ask.  The very idea of a flip phone is quite laughable to them.  I remember a time before flip phones.  I remember a time before cordless.  I remember being charged more for other area codes as they were long distance.  I remember cigarette commercials.  I remember the glamour that marketing tried to convince went with the tobacco products.  I remember reading an article about 5 different spokesmen for different brands of cigarettes.  When the article was published all had passed away from distorted breathing or heart failure except for the Marlboro man who at that point was existing in an iron lung and death was hovering over him (and had been for some time; See examples here and here).

          Where is our focus?  What are our priorities?

This is the Way it Should BE

Currently, the temperature is 56 degrees.  

Alexa says the high will be 73.  

This is why we moved to Oregon. 

 This is how the temperature should be EVERY day.

Finances in Retirement

       I don’t recall where the email was sent from or why I accepted it.  I registered both Roland and me for a seminar on social security.  He had been asking me questions when I had taken my Sociology of Ageism class.  I thought we could attend this together, have questions answered, and have a free lunch.  I enjoyed the lunch part but had found my Ageism class much more informative than the seminar. Except for a few facts that apply specifically to Oregon, there isn't really much that I learned.

       During my school course, I had completed four assignments.  The subjects were as follows:  “Websites for the Aged”, “Financial Options for Elderly Care”, “Age of Retirement” and “Life After Retirement”. I started off my first paper by defining “Baby Boomers” which is/was an unusually high amount of births that took place between 1946 and 1965.

       I used a quote by Lena Horne to start off another.
 “It is not the load that breaks you down.  It’s the way you carry it.”  
       In my report I talked about how individuals may choose to save into a retirement plan but that there are situations that may come up that cannot be controlled – such as paying for the expenses of a loved one, economical situations or perhaps being scammed.

       I talked about social security in at least two of my assignments and how it was introduced in 1935 as part of the New Deal. Social Security was designed to benefit the elderly after they retired. President Roosevelt wanted it to work more like an insurance investment while others wanted to benefit through welfare.    I used the example of Ida May Fuller (here) 

       The community in which I currently reside is made up mostly of retirees.  Seniors are the backbone of our community.  We all need to feel useful no matter what age.  I think there are many seniors who are naturally hard workers. I enjoy working with them and spending time with them.  I suppose I always have.

       I mentioned a few entrepreneurs who did not start their businesses until after 50 or 60 years old.  One example I used was Harland Sanders who was 62 when he and Pete Harmon made an agreement to create the first Kentucky Fried Chicken.

       I talked about situations that may prevent one from their dreams – such as my dad, who had been forced to take a medical retirement.  I also mentioned the hardships of finding a retirement home.  Medicare does not pay for long term and finding an assisted living, particularly with memory care, is not an easy task on a limited budget.

       And then there are my own personal resources with Social Security of people I associate with.  The thing is, SS started out with more than 50 people contributing their tax money to one welfare check.  Today it's more like 2.5 for everyone.  We left before the business segment of the seminar (which I hadn't even known about) which I'm certain would have interested Roland more than did the SS, but we were both tired and he seemed anxious to get back to work.  

       We returned to Roseburg this morning for the Senior movie Wednesday.  It wasn't well attended.  I noticed eight different seniors leave not even halfway through "Men in Black".  Some seemed to like it but I think most were disappointed and would have rather seen  "A Dog's Journey".  I know I would have.

Dash #44 Three Values

 

          There are definitely many values that our parents instilled in us, but the three I would pick to answer this question would be prayer, family and service.

Prayer

          From an early age, we learned that we could communicate to our Heavenly Father through prayer.  We were taught not only to ask for things but to thank God as well for the many blessings that we had.  And there truly were many.  Mom and dad were able to help us understand what the blessings were.  Especially dad.  He had tremendous faith and find the blessings where we could not such as in car failure or his swelled foot (here)and in his final years could see the blessings with his deteriorating health.          

          I remember on several occasions seeing my dad kneeling in front of the green chair which I dubbed “the prayer chair”.  After mom passed, the green chair went to live in Kayla’s home and remained there until recently from what I understand.

Family

          Each of us was important and our parents made certain that we knew we added value. It was important for us to respect one another and treat each other kindly.  They did not show favoritism.  They taught us to work together and took an interest in everything we did.  They would support our dreams and include us with big decisions – like where to go and what to do on vacation or the décor of the newly finished basement.  I don’t know that I appreciated that so much at the time, but I certainly do right now.  I wish I had been able to pass that on to Jenna’s brothers.

Service

To the best of my knowledge, neither of my parents ever turned down a church calling.  Both were diligent in their callings – even when they were discouraged or really did not care for the calling.  For example, my mom taught a primary class in which one youth, in particular, would act up and had made her calling difficult.  She had made an appointment with the bishop to ask if she could be released.  Another child in her class had called my mom from another state (back in the days before cell phones, and often calling another county was long distance, let alone another state) to thank my mom for a lesson she had learned.  It convinced my mom to stay with her calling despite the temperamental youth.
 Mom cared for dad’s family as they became her own (here).  Both of my parents served others until they started losing functions in their brains.  I learned a lot from each of my parents and am grateful for their examples in my life.

When I Was a Youth

          I remember going to a resort when I was a leader of the young women in my first ward.  There was a thirteen-year-old who enthusiastically asked, “Could we take all the mattresses downstairs and put them in a pile and jump over the balcony into them?  Wouldn’t that be fun?” 

           At thirteen years old I would have agreed with her. But I had become a rational fun-sucking adult.

           “No.  That does not sound fun.  It sounds dangerous.  If you land the incorrectly, you could break your neck.  No.” 

           I am through with school.  I no longer have to sign in each day or take care of assignments, assessments, and discussions.  My last class was called “Biological Psychology” where we were introduced to the brain and functions.  We’re told that the pre-frontal cortex does not fully develop until after our mid-twenties.  Oh, that would explain why some of the other presidency members seemed to make illogical choices as well.  I was the only one not in my early 20’s.  Only 35 and the grandma of the group.

          I remember my own mom being afraid of heights.  There were several amusement park rides that she did not care for.  I had always thought of it as an irrational fear until after I had Jenna.  I have turned into my mom.  Roland and I are definitely not fun parents to be with at an amusement park.  She has every right to think of us as fogies.  When did that happen anyway?

           I don’t worry about Jenna in Myrtle Creek the same way I did in Salt Lake. If she is with her friends or at a community activity, I know that she is in good hands.  In Salt Lake, I’d be fine with some of her friends, a bit leary of others, and distrusting of situations although not her personally.

           Jenna is rarely intimidated by others (I would have said never, but there was the incident with kindergarten in a strange environment) and does not give in to peer pressure.  She is comfortable in her skin.  She loves the gospel.  She is not afraid to be herself.  She definitely has a better grasp on being than I ever did.  I wish I had been more like her.

           I also believe that being a part of a smaller school is helpful to her situation.  There are fewer people in all four grades than there were in just my graduating class.  All the schools I have been to in Salt Lake have had auditoriums and high school (occasionally junior high or middle school) musicals.  There has also been a “little theater” in addition.  The high school she currently attends has a little theatre with uncomfortable car-seat bucket style seating.  

           We went and saw her perform in 12^th Night the other night.  She then went to a game night/cast party and did return home until after 3:00.  Okay, that was rather late and she should have called – but the location where the party was held does not get the best reception.

          I’m so grateful for the opportunities that she has and her ability to continue making friends.  I don’t remember ever feeling close enough to anybody to want to hang out with til 11:00 or 12:00 – let alone 2:30.  More to come.