Wesley Richards

Wesley walks

from yard to yard

collecting rocks

and sticks

and stores them

in the garage

of his parents’ house. 

Wesley is

their only child.

Wesley takes medication

for his ADHD.

It takes away

any appetite

that is necessary

for growth. 

Wesley is thin

like the twigs he finds. 

I think a heavy wind

could blow him away.

He and Jenna have

collected morning glories

and have thrown them

into the pool. 

But no worries –

they don’t plan to leave

them there.  They just

want to see how cool

they look floating

upon the water

When it is time for Wesley to go home,

Jenna invites herself to go with him  

                                                                            kfralc

Good-bye T-Mobile: I Now Have Consumer Cellular!

 

I have had so many problems with T-Mobile the last couple of years, it’s a wonder I haven’t dropped them sooner. I created this post last year and had actually taken it down for two days when I thought that the problem had been resolved – but returned it two days later as there was still miscommunication.  

My brother-in-law had also switched to Consumer Cellular – but was without service for a month.  He blames T-Mobile.  I don’t have all the details, but because of my own experience, I think that sounds pretty accurate. 

I decided that we would just keep our phones and have new SIM cards through Consumer Cellular.  I was pretty distraught to learn that I would still have to call T-Mobile to get the SIM unlocked as we wished to keep our current phone numbers.  I ended up going through four people before I was given instructions and could receive the rest by email.

It really didn’t take as long as they said – well at least for my phone.  I was able to follow the step by step instructions that T-Mobile sent me (surprise) and was able to connect no problems and now I am no longer with T-Mobile.  However Roland’s number is still on the T-mobile plan because they had indicated that the set up will not work at this time but that we can try again in 40 days.  What the flip????

I won’t be billed for Consumer Cellular for at least another month. But thus far I like them like a zillion times better.  And I can’t imagine that I will ever be as upset with them as I am with T-Mobile – though I have had some really professional treatment from some employees – I’ve had to deal with more that seem clueless or don’t have the authority, major buck passers – major run around.  No wonder their mascot is a droid. I am so tired of it.

I think we need to find another way to free up Roland’s SIM before waiting forty days.  Because really, what guarantee do we have that it will work in 40 days?  What a bunch of bogus crap.  I’d like my days of dealing with T-Mobile to be behind me FOREVER!

Good-bye Fort (shed a tear)

          Jenna has outgrown the fort which I mention here. I was hoping to save it for Anna and Garrett whenever they would visit but the slide broke and the idea of having Anna tromp around  with so many openings did not thrill me.  The slide would have been Anna’s favorite part, but we took it off after it broke.
 

            Bill and Kayla don’t exactly have a place for the fort right now – though we did offer it to them.  Jenna really doesn’t play much with it anymore.  Especially since we got the trampoline.  But lately, the tarp to the tramp has been so hot, the trampoline itself has been neglected.  I thought if we pushed it back to where we have the fort that it would get a little more shade.  

            I posted Jenna’s fort for free in the classified.  The ad had only been up ten minutes or so and we had several calls on it.  I couldn’t believe it!  It was crazy.  We now have a place to move the trampoline.

           I hope that the family who took it down and hauled it away will get as many years of enjoyment.

Another Look at Change

            Mom embellished on her “sky-diving” story – a bit with the realization that jumping out of an airplane is something she would never do.  In this version it was from a commercial airline with mechanical problems.  Mom said she didn’t want to, but it was the crew that had forced all of the passengers to jump.

          Harold told his story about going up in a stunt plane that did loop-to-loops.  They had fastened video cameras to each wing and had one in the cockpit.  This filmed every move that was made and then the three films were spliced together.  Harold said he had it on video tape.  But that it does tend to make most people sick when they watch it because it’s like being there.

            Corey had explained to the family that there are seven stages of dementia and that mom is in stage five.  I’m guessing Madge must only be in one or two.  Maybe it was her idea to check herself in so that she would get used to the place – so her children wouldn’t have to go through what we have gone through – to the same degree.  I don’t know.  I’d still like to have a visit with Madge and ask her questions that are actually none of my business.

            Nellie is a brand new residence.  I’m thinking she is in stage 6 as she seems further gone than mom but not as far gone as Lydia or Georgette.  Harold may just be in stage 4 and maybe starting stage 5 but I don’t know.  I’m really not as familiar with dementia as perhaps I should be.

            Corey has always been a walking encyclopedia.  I don’t know that he has an actual photographic memory, but I think it’s close.  He’s really well read.  He constantly researches matters at hand.  I think his brain holds more information than the average human being.

            The other day I joined my mom and my brother, Patrick, his wife, Sunny and their son-in-law, Nate for a pioneer barbeque.  We crowded around an outside table with mom and Harold.  I ended up giving him my plate and went back for another one as I thought it would be easier.

            Food was good.  Company was good.  The plate I had made for myself was really too large for Harold. It’s a wonder he ate as much as he did.

            After lunch had ended, we said our good-byes to Nate, Patrick and Sunny.  I told mom I would go back to her room to visit with her some more, but first I had to run out to the car for something.

           Upon my return, Nellie clung onto me.  “Are you almost ready to go?” she asked.  She was asking as though she was expecting to go with me.

           “Well, I came here to see my mom.”  I told her, wondering where her family might be and if I actually resembled someone she knows. 

          I made my way back to the court yard with Nellie only inches behind me. 

           “How are you doing Nellie” I heard someone say. 

           I hadn’t actually known what her name was until then.  I introduced her to mom and Harold and asked if they were all acquainted.  None were and Harold and mom didn’t seem interested in the least.  Actually, neither did Nellie.  She was anxious to be leaving – I don’t think she even cared who with. But then she would also stop at each chair and sit down as her back was hurting her.

Her personality screamed volumes that she was a resident there.  I hadn’t remembered seeing her before I didn’t think.  I hadn’t.  As it turned out she had just moved in the day before. My mom all over again.  Confused at being there and trying to escape.

I think Nellie is in worse shape than my mom.  But Harold seems a little more with it in the mind. Maybe not.  I think mom and Harold’s stories were both a little out there when I was visiting the time before.

It’s interesting to look at Madge and think, “My mom was there at one time.” And then to look disheartened upon Lydia and Georgette and think, “and that is where she will be someday”

Her rapid movement from stage to stage doesn’t seem as rapid since she’s been at an assisted living program and is monitored from day to day and has a better schedule there than the four of us were trying to provide for her at home.

Dementia stages are a chiasmus to our birth to death.  We start out totally dependent.  Someone else has to feed us and change our clothes and bathe us and clean up after us. 

We learn to walk and talk and learn and collect things.  We make discoveries.  But still we need guidance to keep us safe – someone to make certain that eat, reminding us to put on our coats and shoes, and stop us from climbing or wandering near something that could be potentially dangerous to our health.

Eventually we grow into teenagers who think they know it all and don’t wish to be told what to do.  We would like our independence and treat guidance like interference.  We still need someone to teach us how to drive, save money, make wise choices, etc.

The older we grow, the wiser our parents become – until we are the caregivers due to dementia.  Their wise words are only memories and may somehow be twisted in their heads.  Eventually they go through stages.  They rebel.  They hoard.  Sometimes they wander into danger.

Eventually they forget how to walk and talk.  They forget.  They become like newborns and are dependent on someone else to feed them, clothe them, bathe them and make sure they are kept safe.

Full Circle

Garden Enthusiast

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When Jenna was three she discovered some blue gravel that had been dumped by the shed.  Biff had left it there after cleaning out a fish tank.  Jenna thought that they were beautiful seeds and wanted to plant them.  I tried to explain that they weren’t seeds – but she was insistent that we bury them so that they would grow into a beautiful flower.

Everyday she would check the spot where the “seeds” had been planted – impatient that the flowers had not bloomed overnight.  Again, I tried to explain to her that even if the seeds had been real seeds – flowers do not spring up overnight.  It takes time.  Especially in our family, it seems.

Jenna did not stop checking.  She was determined that her flower would grow.  She watered the area.  She talked to it.  She was certain that a flower would grow.  I really did not want her to be crushed and so devastated that she would not want to try real seeds later on. 

I went out and purchased two pinwheel type garden decorations and put them in the ground above where the gravel had been “planted” – real as the seeds.  Jenna was thrilled.  And so when the time came for the preschool students to grow their own seeds she was not at all reluctant.  Her bean would grow just as her flowers had.  It was very exciting.

Jenna also liked snails.  They were very fascinating creatures.  She would watch them and talk to them.  One day she found a whole family of snails.

“Look mom!” she pointed with sheer excitement, “A mommy, a daddy, two teenagers, and a little bitty baby.”

She stopped to talk to them.  I gave her about ten minutes before I reminded her that we had barely just left the house and had to continue on our way to school.

“Bye snails,” she waved and continued on her way.  She was so disappointed that they weren’t there as we walked back from school – nor were they there the next day. 

Perhaps a week or two had gone by before she found three snails out on the sidewalk near our house.

“Do you think these are the same ones?” she asked.  “I wonder what happened to the parent and the other teenager.  Maybe they’re out looking for food.”

It was a year and a half later when Amber’s mom asked if she could leave Amber with me as she a mandatory class for her work.  I told her that I had planned on going to Midvale to pass out invites for my mom’s surprise birthday party but I could take Amber just as well – and that was fine.  Amber came with car seat and I strapped both girls into the car.

It was nice having them with me as I could just hand each of them invitations and give them direction to take it to this house or that and then I didn’t have to keep stopping the car and turn the motor off to do it myself.

When we got to Ruby’s house, I had only five invitations left.  The girls found a haven in Ruby’s yard, and I asked Ruby if it would be okay if I left the girls with her while I went and got the last five.  

Ruby was working in the garden and her yard was lovely.  She was digging holes and making remarks about “all the snails” Both Jenna and Amber perked up and assisted Ruby by picking up snails and each started her own collection.

When I returned, the girls had lined their snails up on the table and were eagerly watching them “race” as they’d speak words of encouragement hoping that one of her snails would win.  Jenna announced that we’d be taking them home.

“Snails don’t belong in the car!” I said firmly.  “Not my car anyway.  Even if they’re in containers.  We are not taking the snails home.  Sorry”

I think Ruby distracted them with something else.  I believe we threw the snails away.  Ruby and I told both girls that snails are bad for the garden.  I don’t think Jenna believed me.

She wasn’t reading when I purchased a kid’s gardening book at a thrift store. We looked at it.  I pointed out that snails were in the “pest” category.  But then so were caterpillars – her absolute favorites creature.  A book against snails and caterpillars certainly was not a book that she was interested in.  I put the book away and forgot about it.

 Recently, while searching for something else, I came across the Kid’s Gardening book.  She has been reading it and telling us everything that we’ve been doing wrong in our home garden and how to improve it.  She still loves snails and caterpillars but has accepted that they do damage to gardens. But they are fascinating creatures and she loves them.

Some of us are gardeners that plant and sow seeds.  Some of us plant actual seeds.  Some of us bury gravel or “magic beans” in the ground and leave it at that.  Some of us work like lady bugs or bees and help the garden.  Some of us are like snails and caterpillars that crawl through life expecting free handouts without working for it.  And it doesn’t matter our capacity.  God loves each of us.  He doesn’t attempt to throw any of us away.  His love for us is perfect. Even more than Jenna loves snails.

Accepting Change

Mom did not go to Anna’s third birthday party.  She may not have known about it.  I wondered who would bring her – or if she’d be there at all.  I learned that the last time Sunny and her family had collected my mom for a Sunday dinner was probably the last time she was out.

I had taken her out on Memorial Day.  I don’t think she would have come if Harold hadn’t given his approval.

“Mom, you have to come.  Your brother, Bruce, will be there.”

She hadn’t seen Bruce for years.  He actually looked the same to me – but in her eyes he was still 29 or 35, certainly not an old man.  She didn’t recognize him.

But she was active and attentive and helped provide Corey with names to go with several photos he had found.  She enjoyed herself and we enjoyed having her there.  But that was over a month ago.  I haven’t taken her out since, and from what I understand, she doesn’t want to go.

Well, that’s a far cry from January through April – when she was packed to leave and looking for a way to escape and begging every visitor to please take her home.  I think her attitude changed when the walls were repainted.  When the “fun”  themes and icons were removed and the dining area was given more of a homey feel.  I wonder if she even remembers the way the place looked before the change.  I doubt it.

Sunny said they had her over for a Sunday dinner and mom was freaked and crying because she didn’t know how to get back to where she lives.  And Sunny said that all of them knew how to get her back and dinner was cut short and mom was returned to assisted living and she hasn’t been out since.  She says she chooses not to take scenic drives or tours.  She’s already seen everything there is to see. 

That’s why I didn’t volunteer to take her to Anna’s party.  I figured she would either be confused or anxious to return to her quarters and we’d spend more time in the car driving her from one end of the valley to the other than at Anna’s party. 

 

I am floored by the drastic change.  Still confused in her mind, she does seem to have accepted her new home and doesn’t want to leave the securities she has created.  I still think it would be nice of her to get out more – but I am happy that she finally seems content and even happy – well, except for when she feels that the staff is being intrusive – like a child who wants to live by his or her own rules and doesn’t see the wisdom in the parents’ methods.

Her adaption to change should give me an example of moving on myself and stop wishing the changes have taken and will continue to take place.  My mom will never be the same – at least in this life.  I have to accept that.  I have to adjust.  I have to find a peace just as she has.  But it is so hard.

I hope that by keeping an alias Blog with so many name changes from the ones I post about on facebook or record in my journals will force me to keep a sharper mind and keep me alert so that I don’t get dementia so that Jenna might not have to hurt the way that I’ve been hurting.  If so, I hope that she can conquer with and deal with change sooner and better than I.

I think Ben Franklin would approve

As I have previously mentioned here and here, mom and Corey both have collected tons and tons of books over the years. Before we sold mom’s house, Corey and I took very few books to add to our own collections.  But the majority were boxed up for the uneventful yard sale (at least that’s how it appeared) and donated to charity.

Most Americans in the 1730s had limited access to books. Books in early America were rare and expensive.  Only the wealthy and clergy had access to several books.  There were no public libraries.  

In July 1731 Benjamin Franklin introduced his idea of borrowing books to a group of members. 50 subscribers invested 40 shillings each to start a library.  They committed to continue investing 10 schillings a year for the purchase of additional books and maintaining the upkeep of the building that would house the books which were donated.  Thus the library was born  

            I remember card catalogues and check out pockets and rubber stamps and a more reverent atmosphere than many libraries seem to have today.  An ancient librarian always went around with a finger pressed to her pursed lips telling us to “shhh” if our whispers were too loud.

Today it seems that the idea of owning a set of Encyclopedias is out of date.  Do people still buy them?: Or have we become so dependant on the computer that we can go to Wikipedia or Google and research more than the few paragraphs offered in what was once a very brilliant development.  

We now have Kindle fire, I Pads, the Nook . . . free sites, paid sites, downloads . . . slowly modern technology seems to be replacing books.  APPEARS to be – don’t imagine it could ever replace picture books – the joy of reading to a child . . . but you never know.  Post offices don’t have near as much going out in the way of letters – ever since email . . . . or so it seems.  The blue mailbox doesn’t seem as plentiful as when I was younger.

There are still schools that use books for reading and teaching – not everyone has access to a computer or a hand held device that requires WI FY and we’ve become so dependent on modern technology providing the answers right at our finger tips it may make one wonder if some point in time that  books will totally be replaced by modern technology.

And I look at our founder, Benjamin Franklin, who would probably glow at the very idea of holding a tablet in his hand and looking up references and reading pages and smile and say it is genius (or whatever word they used back in 1730) I think he would greatly approve of this modern technology.  I hope they don’t take away from the library.  I hope the library (and books) may be enjoyed by many generations yet to come.

Apparently He's NOT her Boyfriend

Today I read a conversation that took place between Corey and my mom.  She's upset that the workers at the facility seem to be sticking their noses into her affairs.  She wants her privacy and doesn't want the world watching her through open windows or open doors.  Therefore she keeps the blinds closed and leaves the door to her bedroom closed because she doesn't want anybody watching her.  Those who do are perverts.  And she swears when she returns to her room to find her blinds have been open.  Evidently she used the word "damn" in almost every sentence she said to Corey this afternoon.

Evidently Harold is NOT her boyfriend.  He is an old man.  Mom doesn't even call him Harold anymore.  He is that guy.  He is old enough to be her father - so she says.  I learned that he is twelve years older. 

Mom is on the younger end of those who reside at assisted living.  Harold's physical health seems to be far worse than mom's - but mentally he may be there - I don't mean totally.  Not like Madge.  But I think he retains things better than mom.  He understands when the staff knocks at the door and says that she has a phone call that she will be talking to Corey.  He understands that Corey is her son.  He remembered her birthday and somehow made arrangements for getting her this:

 

Sunny and Corey have been worried about mom being alone with Harold and have asked the staff to keep on eye on them.  But mom doesn't like it.  According to her it's not as if they would be doing anything such as making out.  She hasn't kissed him any differently than she might kiss her own father.  She hates the idea of someone treating her like a child.

She doesn't know that Corey made this request.  She doesn't know that Corey sent a letter to the driver's license division over a year and a half ago so that they could be the bad guys and he wouldn't jeapordize his relationship with her so that she would be/is angry with him.  (Correction made in comments)

I know that there have been a few instances when even his name was on her black list.  It has always been temporary however.  I doubt that his "golden child" image will ever be tarnished permanently.  At least I hope not.  We need strong ties somewhere.

Lately I feel like my name has been removed from the black list as well - but that's only when I'm visiting.  I don't know if she tells people I haven't been around much.  I do, after all, live in another city.  But not in those far away mountains like Kayla does.  Or so she believes.  Except for Corey, we all live approximately the same distance from mom - though we're all spread out in different directions. 

Mom just turned 74.  Anna's birthday is coming up soon.  She will be 3.

Dog Sitting

 Noel took Jenna for half the day two Saturdays before Christmas.  In the process Jenna fell in love with Noel’s dog, Hallie.  Later, when Noel was traveling out of town, she was looking for a sitter to take Hallie for four days.  I volunteered – more for Jenna than Noel. 

Unlike our dog, Highness, who’s only preferred activities are sleeping and taking walks, Hallie is an active four year old lab who LOVES to play – possibly more than Jenna.  I don’t know why Noel has her on such a strict diet, but I can’t leave food out for Highness to eat at his convenience as Hallie is supposed to eat certain foods at certain times – and Highness is such a fussy eater that he usually chooses NOT to eat what’s been left in his dish.

Last week I watched Lacy – who belongs to Frank and Marie.  Normally I’d have said “No” except for they’ve watched Jenna on several occasions – not overnight, but several hours each time. Unlike Hallie, Lacy is a small dog – Affenpinscher, maybe. I was afraid she’d get stepped on.

Jenna has played with her as well, and seems to have had fun with her while at Marie’s but seemed to hate having her around our house – or laying on her bedding as Lacy smells.  I can’t smell her, but Jenna seems to have an extra sensitive nose. 

I also believe Marie has spoiled her and she is bit of a fussy dog and almost as High Maintenance as Highness. She liked being in Jenna’s room.  She was not fond of the rest of our house.  She didn’t like our yard at all.

We are watching Hallie again. Poor dog is always hungry and searching for food.  Roland found Highness’s bowl on the counter and put it on the floor.  I imagine Hallie scarffed up what was left – which I’m sure would not go over well with Noel. But what can I do.  The evidence is gone.  And I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t give her the nighttime “meal” that Noel portioned out (Lacy seriously would have eaten a larger portion; Hallie is a long white lab who’s always in the way)

In addition to giving her small portions for breakfast and dinner and keeping her out of the garbage cans and away from food that may be within her reach, Noel has also given me some medicine to give to her inside of a peanut butter ball.  This is a job for Biff – not Biff’s mom.  He’s the animal charmer.  I am an animal tolerater.

I don’t watch Randy’s dog – well actually Carrie’s puppy, Chief.  Randy used to leave him in our back yard (only after I banished him from being in the house) when he and Carrie lived near his and Jenna’s schools.  But they have moved farther west and he has been riding his scooter and Chief gets left in their yard.  Except the other day.

They were on their way to taking Carrie to work when the car broke down.  Roland picked them up and brought Chief back to our house. He is in his teething stage and destroying stage.  His cuteness wore off before he got bigger than Highness.  Chief is at the top of Jenna’s black list.  She had used her pool only one day and Chief managed to have pool bits all over our yard

It wasn’t just the pool he had destroyed.  It was almost everything in the yard – some things I wasn’t even aware were in the yard until they became chewed up bits.  It’s a wonder he didn’t destroy the hose or garden.  I feel so fortunate that I didn’t have Lacy out there.  He probably would have chewed her to bits as well.