I wondered which one of us (me or my brother Corey) would post about Harold first. I came up with most of these thoughts and typed them in by 1:00 am this morning - but only drafted it as I had no title.
Last year we
(my sibs and I) put mom into an assisted living program as she was in need of
24/7 care. This time last year she was
trying to escape. She wore her coat and
carried her purse and would walk around the doors and windows of the facility –
looking for a way out. She wasn’t happy
there – not all the time anyway.
By mid April,
mom had accepted her new home and was reading everything she could get her
hands on. She didn’t retain
anything. But she did read.
I don’t
think it was until May when she developed an attraction to Harold and soon the
two became inseparable. I find it
interesting that Corey created this post on June
3. Mom has a boyfriend. And just one month later I created this post indicating that he was not. Depending on her mood.
Actually, I
don’t ever recall mom referring to Harold as her boyfriend. That was more from our point of view. It really depended on mom’s mood and the turn
of events that took place each day.
Harold had
known that mom was diabetic and was not supposed to have sugar. And some days he’d scold her or strongly
advice against satisfying her “sugar eating desire” Those were the days when
she would not even acknowledge Harold as a friend. He became “that guy” – an intrusive
resident.
Other days
(I’m finding in most cases) mom was infatuated so much that she would rather
remain in the company of Harold than to have to leave him in order to visit
with one of us. Corey lovingly wrote this post about feeling
like “second fiddle” – but not really.
It did seem somewhat comical at times.
In the
beginning, Harold was just “an old man – old enough to be mom’s father” or so
she’d say. I figured there were probably
a good number of years between them – nothing that drastic however. I had asked Harold his age and learned it was
a twelve-year difference. The same as
with my sister and her husband.
By August mom
was beaming while telling people about her friend, Harold. In her mind they were only five years
apart. I find it interesting that her
mind had gone from one extreme to another in only two months. For each month she lived there, she fully
believed it had been another year.
Harold was
quite bent over. For the most part when
I saw him, he was wearing blue scrubs.
He was very positive and always wore a smile on his face. He and my mom were so very happy to have one
another. Funny how they never sat
together for meals. Except for mealtime,
rarely was one ever seen without the other.
On September first, after mom was found upon the floor and rushed to the hospital, the staff told Harold to get rid of all of his candy. Harold blamed himself for mom’s condition. But it wasn’t his fault. A few fun-sized candy bars would not have made her blood count go that high. Two truckloads of candy would probably not have made her blood sugar go that high.
We thought she
would die in the hospital. Harold had
made arrangements for one of his sons to bring him to the hospital to see
her. He was all decked out in suit and
tie. He came in to visit with mom and
held her hand and talked to her with his loving voice.
Mom didn’t
wish to die in the hospital. She wanted
to return to the assisted living. She
lay in her room in a hospital bed and Harold would come to visit – knowing she
would pass. He was ever so gentle with
her. He loved her. And she him.
When he wasn’t
in her room, he would visit with Joh and tell him things about his relationship
with my mom. Joh said it was my mom’s
desire for she and Harold to wed and maybe have a child together. Harold had reminded her that they both had
spouses already.
At the funeral
he rushed to the casket for one last good-bye.
I had never seen Harold move so quickly.
It was also the straightest I had ever seen his posture.
After she
died, Harold tried to return to living without her. He wanted to smile and help with the
residents the way he had before. And he
did . . . for a while. But in time the
smile faded. He missed mom! There was no doubt about it.
Corey would
call him. Kayla and I would visit on
occasion. Jenna and I would take the
bus. We may have stopped when we no
longer had bus passes. But I would write
to him and call him and let him know we would come see him when the weather
cleared.
I thought we
could go during Jenna’s Valentine/Presidents Day holiday – unfortunately she
got sick. And I am currently with my
annual February sinus infection. I
planned to call him when my head cleared.
I guess there’s no sense in calling.
His daughter-in-law called me and told me that Harold is now on
hospice. That is a good thing
really.
The last two
times that Jenna and I did visit was heart breaking. Harold seemed so bent to the floor that it
appeared his head was nearly in alignment with his feet. He was banged up in different places each
time we would visit. He had taken I
don’t know how many spills. He would
walk us to the door but he had slowed down.
But he’s going to be whole again pretty soon. And he will finally be able to meet dad. He and mom can have a reunion and the two
couples can have a party. It will be
great!
I’m sorry that
Harold declined so much after my mom passed.
I am sorry he became so sad. He
really didn’t enjoy living there. And
now he won’t have to anymore. Thank you,
Harold, for befriending mom and for allowing her to experience the joy. May you share some great moments in the
afterlife as well.
I love the pictures you chose.
ReplyDeleteI would have liked to support Harold's family the way he had ours; Kayla and I had planned on going. She drove to my house. Just as we opened the door to get into the car, Tony brought showed with Ester and Rochelle. They had brought a cake to celebrate Ester's birthday - thus we stayed for Ester's party and did not go to Harold's funeral.
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