Death happens

                Death is inevitable.  It's bound to happen to all of us at one time or another.  Some deaths are more expected than others though it seems to come as a surprise to most.  Such was the case of Dottie,  who was part of the water fitness class.  She didn't go out with our group often when we'd meet at the coffee shop or bakery but had been there a few times including the last when the group had gone to a new cafe for morning breakfast.

        Dottie had given Carolyn her cell phone number and would occasionally make phone calls just before class to find out if she was coming.  Carolyn didn't know her last name.  It didn't appear that any of us did.  When she asked, I wondered and so the news did not surprise me nor affect me the same way as it had Carolyn who had been teaching at a school - I would guess Canyonville as it is her favorite.  She received confirmation about the obituary she'd seen.  She took it hard and started crying and asked to leave her position.

        I liked Dottie.  She was always pleasant and sincere with paying compliments.  I did not have the same sentimental attachment as Carolyn did.  I don't mean to appear callous or unfeeling but my reaction to Dottie's death wasn't any less than it was to Jeanie's or my mom or my dad.  Death happens.  Not everybody has the same reaction to it.  Carolyn and I, for instance, have two very different ways of understanding death.  I don't see it as the final stage of life.  There is a life beyond this planet.  When we leave this mortal existence, we will be reunited with others who have already passed.  But she seems to view death as the absolute end to existence.  But why?  What would be the point of how we live if it all comes to end and all that is left of us is memories for some?   There's got to be a purpose for our existence.

        I remember when Joh's father died, he tried to explain to Corey about "Day of the Dead"; in turn, he tried to explain it to me, though I know I didn't fully get it.  Since Disney's release of "COCO" I'm certain I have a better understanding and appreciation.  It's just one example of life after death.  I don't buy into the floating on clouds and playing harps bit.  I do believe in a greater life after this one.  I do believe that the way we live here on earth will determine our rewards in the hereafter.  Death happens.

It's Almost October . . . What is Up With the Haze?

                The air quality has gone down again.  

                You would think I would have figured

.that out on Tuesday when I couldn't stop sneezing.  

 

                Yesterday morning I'd gotten behind

                some school buses and watched their red tail lights

flicker off and on.  When I neared the school,

I looked over the hill and appeared puzzle at the sight of

                what looked like the tail lights - but way too high in the sky. 

                       

                My view was through the trees until   

   

I stopped the car.  Blood red sun. 

                I knew that met the smoke came back.  

                Air quality has been going down again.

Noooooooooooooo.  The air is supposed to be producing

 a misty fog.  Why isn't fire season over?!?

                  Why are the river beds so dried up they

don't look like rivers anymore?  

                 And what is up with the temperature?

It shouldn't be this hot at the end of September.

I should never be this hot at all.

What Am I Supposed To Do Now?

                Wednesday is generally my busiest day with school.  Generally.  When the libraries reopened and had asked for volunteers, I said I could - however I couldn't be scheduled.  Sometimes Mondays will work for me, but not always.  I could volunteer on Fridays regardless of my scheduling - however, no one else can work that day; therefore, the library is closed.

            I said I could substitute, which I have done before, but not for a long time.  I told them when I might be available and when I would not.  Wednesdays and Saturdays are definite NOs as I am trying to finish my schooling by Wednesday or Thursday and Saturdays are for family.

            Wednesday is also the designated day for potluck luncheons on 2nd Wednesdays every month and movies on the 3rd Wednesday, though on occasion I have missed both due to schooling.  Today my brother is in town - though it's not taking away from school.  It is the school and program itself that forbids me (among many other students) from viewing the textbook or pdf (mentioned here) in full content.  Students aren't expected to fulfill assignment or assessment at this time as we don't have the information in its entirety.  Gads!

                I will meet Corey and Joh this morning and introduce them to one of my friends over breakfast. I am happy to spend time with them and would not be doing any schooling today even if it was available.  But come on.  I don't want to repeat this course due to an error that I, myself, didn't create.  I don't suppose turning assignments in late is going to affect our grade, however.  As is, I just barely received my assignment grade from last week.   Unlike my database instructor who grades assignments right away, my accounting instructor seems to put it off as long as possible.  I would think that would create more work for him as he teaches at least three classes. 

            It's an accounting class, but thus far the discussions have made it seem more like a management class.  How odd.  It's okay though.  I'd rather Write my opinion than have to come up with an exact number with calculations.  Blech!

Nooooooooooooooooo . . . send it over here

https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/hurricane-florence-death-toll-climbs-to-17-flooding-fears-surge-as-rivers-rise/story-l0hudSBdF6EyROjIY4l3iK.html

        The weather forecast said that more rain was expected to hit the east coast.  Meanwhile, the map indicates fires still burning on the west coast.  It's been dry. 

https://www.predictiveservices.nifc.gov/outlooks/monthly_seasonal_outlook.pdf

 My breathing feels much like it did during winters in Utah.  My skin feels as if I have been rolling in fiberglass.  I feel bad and pray for those who have lost so much due to Florence and the amount of time that they will spend attempting to rebuild . . . 

https://www.newsweek.com/hurricane-florence-aftermath-sparks-deadly-tornado-virginia-exactly-14-years-1126185

I wish there could be a happy balance.  I wish there was a cost effect way to remove the water from the east coast and send it to the west.

West Coast (specifically Myrtle Creek) Painted Rocks

Last year I found this rock out by the mailbox. 

Jenna has kept it in her collection all this time. 

On the back of the rock are instructions to post #WCPR (west coast painted rocks) which and has been on a mission to paint and hide rocks herself.  We had placed a quarter (coin) in the picture to show the size of the rocks. These are the ones which we plan to hide today after church

But first, she decided to put her "Alien" painted rock next to the mailbox where we had found the first

As Jenna grabbed each rock, she thought about places she could hide them that would be unique to the area. 

            She'd like to hide the candy corn near a business as Halloween is coming up and would be a reminder to all businesses to buy their candy.

            She wants to put the jack-o-lantern near a house because Halloween is coming up and will remind homeowner to decorate

           She wants to put the footprint on the trail

            And the gingerbread house (which she has decided to give up)

leaning against a tree because it reminds her of a "fairy garden" we used to visit near a tree. The eggplant

near a men's restroom as a joke as because guys "plant their seeds in the egg" in order to grow a child.  She thought it fitting to have something outside the women's restroom as well and chose one of only three rocks which I painted

Thought hard about where to place the thumb or toe (however you look at it)

before deciding on the children's playground as a reminder for the "thumbkin" song we had both learned as children.

She has also decided to hide what I thought looked like a whale, but she says it is the yin of the yin-yang circle.

She says she'd like to hide it on a white background.

I'm Done For the Week (except for Daily Checkpoints)

My classes are database - learning the Microsoft program Access and accounting management systems.  The lecture for the database is for Monday morning and the accounting lecture is 25 hours later on Tuesday - except this week.  Our instructor was out of town and in the path of the hurricane and had come home, but was driving all day Tuesday and couldn't present the lecture until Thursday.  Our initial post for discussion is due on Wednesday.   

            I am so excited about the database class and had completed the discussion, assignment, and assessment shortly after the lecture.  On Tuesday I responded to two other discussion posts and posted my discussion for the other class.  The instructor had already posted my grades before I opened zoom chat for her question and answer on Wednesday.

            On Monday, I had tried to open the text for my accounting class, but I couldn't get in.  On Tuesday I sent an email that the text ebook wouldn't open.  Oh, I have managed to misplace a physical textbook - but never in cyberspace!  Turns out that the textbook has been discontinued and so was not even able to look at the PDF replacement until Wednesday when the dean apologized for the confusion and commented that late work for this week would not be held against us.

            I really do prefer hearing the lecture before doing the assignment or assessment.  Wednesday was unproductive as far as my schooling goes.  I did ask my few questions to my database instructor and then I took the car in to have the oil changed. Roland and I went to Roseburg for the free senior movie.  I did not respond to my accounting discussion post until yesterday after the lecture.

            I have never completed all (or at least the majority) of my assignments in one day, and yet I did this week  - Monday I completed my database (except for the response) and yesterday I completed my accounting requirements (except for the daily checkpoints - of course) and so will have today off as well.  I usually am done with my work by Friday, but again,  I've never completed all the requirements in just one day.  Two perhaps, but usually three.  I really hope to continue in that manner.  I would be done by Wednesday, respond to posts on Thursday (because there are many who procrastinate and don't do their initial post until the last second on Wednesday - which is when it is due).  That would be so awesome!

It Is All About Happiness - but we all have different concepts of Happiness

            On Sunday I was told to go into the room where the young women meet as the stake presidency wanted at least one parent for every youth to sit in.  The subject was a sensitive subject but seemed to be approached from a different angle but still with a hint of snobbery. One of the stake president's counselors was showing a slide show and had used this as an example of "Satan trying to divert your attention away from him" 

referring to the "fox" as Satan. Okay, Satan can be clever, but others can be clever without deception.  Some people are better at "fitting in" than others.  But at whose expense do we fit in?

            The teens were asked if they know of others who are living together without being married.  My reaction:  "My son Biff and his girlfriend Claire."  The idea of living together was compared to test-driving cars.  I know of several couples who waited and were married in the temple and are now divorced.  I know of couples who had lived together long before they married and are still together.  Imagine that.

            Statistics prove this. Statistics prove that.  Maybe I am that fox.  Maybe I'm an exception.  My family doesn't fall into the statistics.  I don't fall into the statistics. Not now.  Not in Oregon.  I am a person.  Not a statistic.

            Moving on.  Same-sex attraction.  You can have those attractions, but if you act upon those attractions, you are doomed.  You can still be friends with those who have same-sex attraction but let them know what makes you happy.  Following the commandments makes us happy.  Okay.  I can understand this and even follow it for myself.  Being LDS makes me happy.  Uhh . . . sometimes, perhaps often, but not always.  There have been times I have felt ashamed not necessarily by WHAT was taught but HOW it was being taught - as though we are superior to anyone who acts upon same-sex desires or moves in together.  Why do they assume that it is always connected with drugs and alcohol?  Aren't there just as many straight people who turn to drugs and alcohol?  Aren't there several couples who were not only married but sealed in the temple who stray because of restrictions or calling abuse or hurt feelings?  How many couples do I know who have put on a show for the sake of the church only to have it blow up in their faces? Perhaps it's the feeling of loss when church and family may say one thing but do little with their actions to back up their words that make an individual turn to drugs hoping to get a sense of satisfaction.

            How many times have members been shocked when the "good Mormons" - idealistic even - announce: "We're getting a divorce."  Sometimes the pressure of the church (not the gospel, but the expectations and stipulations) is more than we can handle.  Sometimes we are not happy because of a value someone else had expected to be there.

            I sat in the back.  I kept my mouth shut, hoping to be led by the spirit.  The president asked how many had family members who are involved with the opposite sex.  Jenna raised her hand and was presented a follow-up question in which she responded that she wished she hadn't answered.  One leader volunteered information about a family member on facebook who's life had gone downhill once he announced his desire for a man.  One of the youth volunteered that she is now being homeschooled so that she is not around those who make poor choices.  The way she said it was very snobby like anyone not living up to her standards are beneath her.  Fortunately for all of us, Christ doesn't feel that way.

            I couldn't agree with the comments.  My brother was miserable when he was active in the church.  But it's a part of him and he understands the values.  He also understands the policies and politics.  After he came out, a burden was lifted.  He has a wonderful husband.  They have three cats.  They don't drink, smoke, swear or anything that was somehow presented as being connected.  Corey and Joh are two of the most awesome examples of true followers of Christ.  They are happy, not because of their lifestyle, but rather the choices that they've made.  They are happy because they "give" to others.  They are pleasant people to be around.  They don't fit the statics or the stereotypical biases.  But Corey is not a member of the Church.  He could not stay in the church and be with Joh.  Joh makes him happy.  The church did not.  He still lives the gospel of Jesus Christ.

            Statements that are not fact: "I was born this way"  uh, yeah.  It isn't necessarily something you are swayed into - which I think was the theme of the slideshow - being swayed, being distracted.  There are several health issues such peanut allergies that didn't seem to be such a huge concern when I was growing up.  I did know one girl in my elementary school who was allergic to milk.  Today some places have actually discontinued serving peanut butter or cooking with peanut oil because of the tremendous amount of people who are allergic to peanuts.  I think because of the wide variety of people produce who inter-marry or have affairs and make mistakes or whatever, the genes have been altered and there are just more health issues as a result.  I also think it's true of personality.  Jenna is friends with so many walks of life right now.  Homosexuals and transgenders are among those that she chooses to hang with as they share other things in common and she doesn't put conditions on anybody.

            This video was shown to prove the point of convincing power.  People can be swayed for good and for bad.  Don't members of the church often use this tool?  Don't some missionaries try this tool out for themselves?  Not every set of missionaries are compatible.  Not everyone who joins the church remains active. 

            We all laughed at the video.  It was done in fun.  But I did have two thoughts go through my head.  The pressure from bullies (though it might not fit the definition of how many might perceive bullying, they were having fun at someone else's expense) and the one from the "Emporers New Clothes" who has the courage to say "I am not going along with this; I can see that he is naked".  

            I do my best to encourage all youth not to go along with the crowd and to stand up for themselves and be who they are - even if presents a difficult choice that might cost you (giving up something [or someone] for something else) just be sure to invite God into being a part of your decision.  Doing something that is God's will can also be difficult.  Joseph Smith's life may have seemed like it may have been easier if he had just said "tired of the mobs, tired of the ridicule.  Nope.  I don't want to do this anymore."

      Each of us have our own definition of what makes us happy.  Living the gospel makes me happy.  "Holier Than Thou" attitudes do not.  Leadership suggestion makes me happy sometimes.  Prayer is my communication with God.  It is up to me to follow His guidance.

Define Your Dash: more links

          I have followed a few blogs off and on.  Many of the creators have stopped posting.  Others have closed for privacy or discontinued the blog altogether.   My niece had three blogs going - though not all simultaneously.  The first one was one that a friend had started when they were living in Thailand in the summer of 2011.  She had started another the year that my mother died.  Her first post was a tear jerker.  She made some profound thoughts - much like her mother.  I have wished that Sunny would create a blog to post to. 

          Ellen (not her real name.  Unlike Corey and I, she uses the real actual names in her blogs) started off her first post mentioning how every journal she starts will include a history of herself.  I can relate to that.  I have tried cramming my entire life into a few pages - often repeating myself and then slowly drifting away from it only to start over again later on. I absolutely love her profound thoughts and her ability to comparing her entries to puzzle pieces hoping that someday the pieces will all fit into one finished puzzle.

          She writes how early in her marriage she felt that she had been forced into responsibilities that she was not prepared to handle.  Perhaps "force" is not the correct word.  It was just an awkward situation for all of us - a situation which a newly married couple shouldn't have to deal with.  I think there may have been some resentment on my part as well. 

          In 2009 the economy had treated so many unkindly.  We were in jeopardy of losing our house.  We had two boys on missions and were in need of temporary housing.  I had asked my mom if we could stay with her for a while.  I figured that it would be good for her as it was for us because her dementia was starting to kick in and we knew it was only a matter of time before her mind got worse.  I also knew that Biff would be able to lift her if she were to fall.  Someone would have been with her around the clock.  I don't think either of my brothers believed her condition would worsen as quickly as it did.  We did not move in with my mom.  I suppose I felt a bit miffed a few years later when I learned that Nate and Ellen were moving in.  It wasn't anything personal.  It was the dementia.  Mom hadn't even remembered my asking. 

          She seemed pretty normal for the first year that Nate and Ellen had moved in with her.  But by their second year, mom's mind was being robbed of any present or future common knowledge and often diverted into the past.  Nate and Ellen were still newlyweds.  Their living arrangements in helping to care for mom turned into way more than they had bargained for.  Of course, it did!  Ellen was struggling with her emotions.  I was too - and I wasn't under the same roof as Ellen was.  I can understand her resentments and frustrations.  I really can.

          The name of her first post was called " Don't Be Sorry"  It's her description of the situation and seeing my mom in the assisted living that tugged at my heartstrings.  Even now - 5 years later.  Well, just over 5 years.  Her first post was on July 28, 2013 - just over five weeks before my mom passed. Her last post was on June 25, 2017 "Define Your Dash #25".  On January 1 of that same year, she had accepted the "Define Your Dash" challenge - or had attempted it rather - although she had pretty much been "defining her dash" all along. I don't know if she made that connection or had ever thought of it that way.  So what exactly does it mean to "Define One's Dash"?

          This website here gives us a glimpse into what the "dash" represents.  It is the "line" between the birthdate and the death date as written on a grave marker or funeral program.  

It is the "dash" - or time between birth and death.  This post gives a bit of insight to those who may not have "defined their dashes" or perhaps the discovery still needs to be made.  Defining your dash is to write down your memories, your recollections, your history.  It is what makes you.  By writing what your "dash" is, you are defining what that "line" represents.   

          There are 52 writing suggestions found here that remind me of the pieces of paper I can retrieve from my journal jar here, though I like the symbolic meaning for the "dash" or "line" between the two dates.  That is our life!  We need to write a legacy for our families so that we are more than just two dates etched in stone.  52 suggestions to outline the year if you were to write one each week.  Ellen posted 25 of them.  For Linda Ellis's full poem about the dash, see here.  Feel inspired.  Write for yourself.  Write for your posterity.