More Tears, More Reasons

               This morning Ally decided that she would sit in Grandpa’s chair – even though theoretically it is the best choice for him as it is close to the stove.  He should have not given into her – but wanted to make peace apparently.  He had already confided in me that he thought she was spoiled.  I don’t know how much of that is giving in to her and how much is giving in to the Kabuki syndrome or whatever other illnesses arise.

         He asked her how many eggs she wanted.  She claimed two which he said he would do just one at a time for her.  But he gave her both – none of which she ate.  She did try her sausage but said it was spicy – which I agree.  I am not fond of that sausage.  Clair usually sits next to her to monitor her feeding but as Ally was sitting in Grandpa’s chair and Grandpa was sitting in Clair’s, Ally and Clair were not sitting together. 

        Ally claimed to have had pancakes but no one saw her eat them and there was no evidence that she had.  She appears that she overeats which is actually not the case. She dismissed herself after trying to feed the dogs which I said were not allowed in the kitchen while we ate.  Bonnie is such a loud whiner.  I don’t think I have ever heard any noises (barking included) coming out of Char.

        Ally went to her room to get her electronics.  It is still my house and they need to adjust to our rules and not the other way around.  I told her no electronics at the table.  She said she was going back to her room. Grandpa insisted that she stay at the table until we have each finished.  I can’t control her whining.  I’d just assume she was in a different room than being bratty at the table.  But she’s not mine to discipline.

        Clair said that she would not turn on Ally’s electronic device until Ally was dressed at which point Ally threw a fit.  If that had behavior had been Jaime – I would not be turning on the electronic device at all.  Jaime didn’t even have a cell phone until she was sixteen.  Hadn’t wanted one.  She prefers human interaction to electronics.  Ally doesn’t know how to interact – at least not that I can tell. 

        I unloaded the dishwasher, loaded it, cleaned out the container cubby, and cried.  The second counselor in the RS presidency offered me a place to go if I need a few hours of solace.  I may take her up on that – but not today.  Clair and Ally are suppose to be going out of town today.  Perhaps all three of them.  Going back to Utah to keep an appointment they made six months ago.

        Clair’s been through a lot.  She lost her mother right before her birthday.  She has health issues.  She has more reasons to be upset with our living conditions than I do.  And yet she always appears calm and tends to be the peace maker among the rest of us.  I still cry though.  I don’t want them to be here another ten years like they were with Biff’s former mother-in-law.  Richard says three months.  Now he’s saying two years.  Two years?  Really?  We can’t have them out for summer so that Jaime has a room to return to?

Although I appreciate the Spontaneity, We Really Need to Work on Prioritizing

        We blew the opportunity of picking blueberries for 50 cent per pound.  On Friday night Richard had announced to the troop that we would go pick blueberries the following morning and leave the house by 8:30.  I knew that wasn’t going to happen.  It was a rough night for all of us.

       I was a grouch.  I knew I would be a grouch all day if I didn’t get some sleep.  When I am so exhausted and cannot sleep I tend to cry.  I have cried a lot this month.

       On Saturday the gang did not pick blueberries nor did they go to the Safari.  Richard had decided on a dog park in order to save money.  He invited me to come along and felt disappointed when I chose not to.  He was going to be upset with me either way.  At least by not going I wouldn't be shooting off my mouth to offend. 

         What changed between Saturday and today that he had the gall to suggest taking the gang to Bandon.  Are you kidding me?  They are here to save money so that they can move out.  What are you teaching them taking them to Bandon where we both know we’re going to spend money and throw food away?  Plus we have already missed our window of opportunity to leave in the morning.  If we go in the afternoon we will have to leave in a hurry because we are burning daylight.  We don’t have to go.  There is always next summer. I'm sure they will still be here.

       I know I’m complaining.  It’s already an inconvenience having to step over one dog – but now there are two – not to mention the stuff still in the halls, on the deck, in the driveway, the shed, their room, etc.  I lost my game room in the process.  

    Ally leaves her toys wherever.  And I am appalled at how many half empty water bottles I have found all over the house.  CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES!  I AM NOT THE FRICKEN MAID! And Ally needs to be able to mind without attitude 

       Ally has not started school still.  When she does finally wake up she starts off each morning on her electronics.  Clair seems good about monitoring her - but then she is on her phone looking up times, places, etc. or texting. She never seems to get upset and has a lot of reason to.  She is the peacemaker.  She bridges the gap.  And there is a lot of gap.

       I lived in dorms when I was in college which I think is different from living in a regular apartment.  I have never lived in an apartment before, but feel like I am now.  Two units of people basically keeping to themselves.  We did have dinner the first few nights they were here.  Now they take off and don’t return until Richard and I have already eaten. 

       We’re all inconvenienced except possibly Richard who seems oblivious.  He doesn’t always prioritize either – and so how can we expect Biff when there’s no example to follow?  I think he’s looking to live on free handouts for the rest of his life.  He asked why I wasn’t working.  Richard defended me by telling him it’s because I can’t drive – which is true.  During certain hours that is. 

        Now reading scriptures and trying to calm down.  The Lord has sent me this trial so that I can learn.  I'd just assume not learn.

Let’s NOT Make Plans

           I don’t know what is with Richard making suggestions at every turn.  We all have our own minds and can decide for ourselves as to whether we would truly like to engage in activity or if we are just so tired from the events of the month.

          Besides Richard has a horrible cough.  Ally was coughing last night and Biff’s been coughing.  Hey.  I have an idea.  Why not just rest?  Why not just take a few days to clear our heads and our lungs before we head out to the Safari or Bandon or anywhere else.  And hey.  Why don’t we bring in some income before spending it?

          The blueberry picking didn’t happen until later this season thus the blueberry picking has been extended.  Richard wanted to take the kids blueberry picking this morning.  This morning!  Like that’s going to happen.  Our permanent guests won’t even emerge from their room(s) until after 10:00 a.m.  I would like to accomplished a number of tasks by then – not just start off my day.

          Last night Richard had the most sleep of any human in the house.  I could hear Biff and Clair talking on and off from 10:00 to 3:30.  I knew we wouldn’t be leaving the house when Richard designated.  I think he’s upset and have heard him pull out of the driveway.  I don’t know where.  Maybe to get some medicine to make himself feel better. 

I’d like to return to bed but I’m afraid sleep may not come.  I will turn on the TV.  At this point I don’t even care if it wakes up the others.

Farewell My Sleep, Look Forward to Your Return

          Biff and Clair arrived late Tuesday afternoon and started unloading all that they brought.  All of us were so tired by the end of the night.  Whenever I take a sleep aid I only take half a dose but chose to take the full dose as I expected there would be sounds I wasn’t accustomed to.  I was right.  Oh, my gosh.  A humidifier?  A sleep aide?  Something that vibrated with weird fairy music and rain.  I had heard the rain coming from Jaime’s room many a time as she would turn it on to drown out the roosters.  But there wasn’t the load vibrating hum or annoying music.  What was that?  And was it playing moose sounds? Or was that one of the dogs? 

         I woke up at 1:30.  I doubt I returned to sleep.  I remember getting up just after three.  I was still really tired but my knees needed to bend and the positions I had tried within the bed (in addition to the machine that in reality was quieter than the generator) I finally got up and did not return to be until almost five thirty.  It’s going to be a lllllooooonnnnggg time before I am able to get another good night’s rest.

    I did sleep better last night than on Wednesday.  The air purifier or whatever it is wasn't as loud and no stupid chimed sounds to accompany the other noises. I notice that as the sun starts to rise and other sounds are present I don't notice the sounds from next door.

Like Being in a VC Andrews Novel

               I forget the stuff that hurt me.  Try to shake it off and focus on the good memories.  For instance, when my son got married to Bridezilla (she wasn’t always, but she was that day – as well as several others) my sister sent her oldest daughter to attend the wedding as Bill had agreed to be their photographer.  So we took Anna with us to keep an eye on her.  Jaime and Ester were dressed in purple gowns as they had been selected as flower girls along Jeanie’s two nieces.  Unbeknownst to Jeanie, her mom looked at Anna thoughtfully and asked if she would like to be a part of the flower girl ensemble.  Anna was not wearing purple.  She was dressed in blue and Jaime was thrilled to walk with her as they threw peddles out of a basket.

         It didn’t seem any different than having Ester escorted by her mom.  After all, Ester was only two.  Perhaps Jaime was supposed to assist Ester?  I don’t know.  It was a moment I was grateful for as Anna and Emma both had loud smiles plastered on their faces.  That is one moment I remember about Jeanie’s mom.  There are others.  Thanksgiving dinner, eating after Jeanie’s funeral.  It isn’t as though I had indefinite conversations with either Jeanie or he mother.  It’s not like I’ve had much opportunity to know either one.

         I’d written in an earlier post that Jeanie was the third of five children to leave this mortal existence.  I don’t know about the two older sibs who passed, but I did learn that Jeanie was psychologically messed up.  Turns out her mom is as well.  Oh, I am sure that it is hard to lose a child.  Many have gone through it.  While some have done gracefully, others are at a loss.  She dwells on their memories and tries hard to pass it on to their survivors but has gone about it the wrong way. 

Memories are to be shared not to be used to control – which seems to be her issue.  She hangs onto hateful emails to share with others -  that I didn’t know until this morning when my newest daughter-in-law told me about her experience with the deranged woman. Her husband should have her committed or perhaps her survivors who don’t live in the same state as she.  Perhaps there is a reason they live in different states.  She doesn’t even acknowledge their kids – just the two granddaughters of the deceased. 

Just over a month ago, Clair had had enough.  She told Biff that they needed to move and had gone to Florida to be with her family.  That wasn’t working out for David and now they are here with us.  They pulled up with their belongings which is in the shed, on our front porch, under our car port.  All storage units within a 100 mile radius are full.  Winters approaching.  Their belongings will have to be moved.

What did Biff ever do to go through so many trials? It’s hard to see the blessings as it seems he has constantly jumped around from frying pan to fire to stovetop to oven . . . moving in with us must be so hard for them. Clair is a great mom.  Hope Biff’s former mother-in-law doesn’t try to follow.  Sounds like they will need a restraining order.  The fairytale is over.

When Integrity Is Questioned

            Something that irks me more than anything is when my integrity is questioned – especially when it is by one who knows me – or I thought knew me. I can think of only one example though I know that more exist.  The one example I can think of happened so many years ago it’s a wonder I do remember it.

          I was working for Standard Brands at the time.  My position was cashier and I took a clients money, set it on top of the register, counted back her change, removed the ten dollar bill from the top of the register, checked out the letter and first three digits of the serial number (a trick my brother had taught me) and then she told me that she had given me a twenty. 

I looked at the only twenty in my drawer and compared the serial number to what ten laid on top.  She had given me a ten – not a twenty.  But she went over my head and got a manager who seemed to agree with the statement that “the customer is always right”.  Well, guess what, the customer is NOT always right.  There are people who are scam artists that will say anything to get what they want – regardless of whom it may hurt.  I was livid! 

I told the manager exactly what I had done and proceeded to spit out the letter and first three digits of the serial number.  It did not mean anything.  My drawer would be short at the end of the night.  I was so angry.  And sure enough, it was that exact amount – an extra ten dollars because my boss had taken the customers word over my own.

In this day and age we are all victims.  A youth may report anything about an instructor, a parent, or guardian – even if they are only doing it as a joke.  It can’t be taken lightly.  Foster kids get moved from one home to another due to false allegations.  Teachers lose their jobs.  And oh, two months down the line – whoops – we made a mistake.  But the damage has already been done.  The reputation of the individual has been marred.

This is one reason why the youth classes are now encouraged to have two leaders in the classroom - a protection for each other as well as the students they serve.  I remember a time when it was okay to sleep in the same tent as the leader.  Nothing damaging happened but I understand the reason that we don't do that anymore.  We don't do a lot of things anymore.  Thank you natural man for ruining that for all of us!

In this day and age it seems to be more damaging – or perhaps just more publicized.  Good is evil and Evil is good. Politicians lie about their opponents.  Politicians lie about themselves.  I learned in Sunday School yesterday that the faith in God has been dropping in our nation.  At one time there were 75% of all people who professed religion and that number has dropped to 30%.  How in the world can you live on this planet without turning to diety?  I would not be able to survive without the comfort of prayer and a constant plea for His protection.  I am helpless without it. 

I am an honest person.  Perhaps too honest.  Is there such thing?  Like when the underwriters constantly hound you about an  insurance policy that you increased at their suggestion.  Or jumping hoops just to get a loan, or a job, or an education or whatever.  Why would you not want to make God a part of that decision.  Peace comes from within.  Within an eternal connection to a higher power.  Certainly not from the world itself.  We’re an estranged messed up people.  I am so grateful for the relationship I have with my Heavenly Father.

What Happened To Me?

          It’s been nearly a week since my last post – and although I have several posts inside of me they just haven’t seemed to come out yet. Today is Nation Talk Like a Pirate Day.  I had never heard of it before.  

I doubt I’ll be talking like a pirate – perhaps when I talk to Jai.  She always seems interested in stuff like that.  We have a running joke that I’m not certain how it started.  I think she may have been going for an English accent which came out more like a pirate voice when she introduced herself as William J. Shakespeare.  Now we use it as a clue when we are partners playing Taboo or Catch Phrase or something like that.

Some people don’t like when we are on a team together because they think we have our own made-up language.  I guess we kind of do.

 

Hoop Jumping and the Lion’s Den

         It’s been just over a year that I had made the decision to cut expenses and find less costly alternatives to the essentials and just do without wasn’t necessary.  Pulling the plug on the entertainment system did not set well with Richard who decided he would find another job.  Everybody seems to be screaming for employees and yet finding a job has been rather challenging. Thus we have been living on Richard's social security for a year plus equity (that was his alternative) and when school let out he decided he would go back to work as a substitute teacher. 

        He jumped so many hoops to get there.  When we went out of town during Labor Day weekend it was still unclear if he’d be working.  But every weekday we were gone Richards phone went off with job offers (or at least one job offer) within the surrounding school districts which he was unable to accept until this morning.  Though the message said to report at the school at 7:30, the message was not received until 7:40.  I told him not to worry about the time.  If he showed up even two hours late, the school would be happy to have him that they would not hold it against him.

        This morning he left for his first assignment in a neighboring district – about a 20 minute drive.  I personally preferred accepting assignments over Frontier and please don’t bother me with the phone.  But of course Richard and I are opposite and he prefers the phone and has no idea how to get into Frontline (at least that’s what it was prior to the pandemic; I don’t know if the districts still use Frontline?)  He will be subbing for a 5^th grade class. 

        And I am at home left alone with my thoughts and two rooms that need attention.  A sink full of dishes and a bunch of other projects that I should probably be doing rather than creating a post.  But it has been over a week. And I do have many posts inside of me, but thus far don’t seem willing to come out.  I haven’t felt well and have been so tired.  Perhaps now that the weather seems to be cooling down (at least currently in my neck of the woods) that will change and I will wake up refreshed and ready to go.

          I hope Richard encounters a positive experience today.

Happy Anniversary BTW

              On Friday we took Jaime to Ashland

and left her there at the college.

That was the day of Richard and my

21^st wedding anniversary.

Initially I thought we would

stay in either Ashland or Medford overnight

and go to the temple yesterday morning.

                                        Plans changed.

When we returned we started a deep

cleaning of her room and the

office which are now become my

oldest son and his wife’s room and my

grand-daughters room. 

So much work! 

Not the ideal way I wanted to spend my

anniversary.

It may be a while before I can post again.

CBQ#260

 Would you prefer to plan your vacation or be spontaneous?

I enjoy spontaneity overall.  

Of course it is helpful to have 

a destination and find things to 

do along the way

Not having reservations has proved 

more difficult than planning ahead. (see here)  

But planning has disadvantages as well.

I suppose if you are familiar with the drive and area 

making reservations may work to your 

advantage or having the hotel as 

the destination and not 

a stop on the way.  

You don't know when during the drive 

you will be tired.  

If you're not familiar with the drive 

you may accidently book yourself in 

a seedy or industrial area.  

You may misread the map and 

book yourselves 40 or 80 miles (or more) 

out of your way.  

You may be rerouted due 

to elements or traffic.  

I prefer spontaneity.