The Fog Lingers Longer

           For the majority of the school year,  Jenna will leave to catch the bus and I will admire the clouds hanging so near the hills that I know it's creating a fog.

For the past three days the fog has been settling over the hill we are on.  It doesn't lift as quickly as it used to.  I don't like to drive in the fog.

sun-fog-mark-unseasonal-weather-in-

western-oregon/David Davis, SeattleTimes

Yesterday I thought I would drive out to Dollar General and pay some bills along the way. The fog did not life until noon.  By then I had already stamped the envelopes and had them in the mailbox.  

Mail is collected later and school bus seems to be later at picking up.

Between 3:00 and 4:00 the sun makes its way across the sky and positions itself in a way that is irritating to drivers who are headed west.  And then the sun sets and the fog sets in again before the morning comes.

What is This?

       During one of my lectures, the instructor had included the following at the bottom of her slide

keep in mind that my view of this was about a forth this size

        It appeared to me that the person on the right was drinking a soda and the one on the left was looking through a telescope.   I thought the instructor had said something about cell phones and looked at the image again.  Yes, I suppose they could be cell phones.  It wasn't until I had adjusted the picture that I saw the line between the two props

        Oh, it's two cans and string communication!  That is what I can see here.  But I can still see a telescope and a soda bottle.

So Many Emotions

        I seem to be on an emotional kick since my psychology class started last week.  I've dealt with a lot of emotions the last couple of months - so have many members of my family and Jeanie's family as well.

        Jeanie is the late wife of my eldest son.  She passed in June and Biff stayed with his in-laws until November 1 or just the end of October.  Biff has experienced a lot of loneliness, some anger, not always positive emotion during his lifetime. He's most happy at the gym.  Working out gives him motivation.

        Jeanie was protective of him much of the time, but not always.  Often there would be meds or demons that would interfere with her thinking.  Sometimes she was nasty and would kick Biff out of the house and would not allow him to see Ali.  Many of us envisioned a repeat of Roland's choices.

        Biff has felt a bit smothered by his in-laws - he thinks they interfere, but I think it's a psychological need on their part.  They have already lost three children in the last eight years; the other two live out of state.  Their single daughter-in-law is living with a guy that she's not married to - which Biff had said was wrong.  Perhaps his in-laws were holding on too tightly to Biff.  He decided to move in with a girl he just starting dating.

        What!?!?  Are you out of your mind?!?  Everybody seems to share in the reaction.  Did you not just say it was wrong for your sister-in-law to be in that situation?  Do you remember what happened with dad and his battle with his ex-wife?  Don't you remember what happened to you?  ?????  All these emotions.  Brothers.  Sister.  Sisters-in-law.  Parents.  In-laws.  I felt so helpless reading through his mother-in-law's posts as she tried to come to terms with what had taken place.

        Some kind of dispute.  I don't know the details but I know Biff can be defensive.  I'd been shaking my head over the entire situation.

        On Monday or Tuesday I had started my assignment for psychology.  We are supposed to find at least five steps to create a strategy for better emotional health.  I had written one sentence - only one.  Kayla emailed me with a comment about Biff.  She said she noticed that he was dating and looked happy and thought it great that he had someone to spend the holidays with.

        I watched a video on emotions.  I was seeing Biff's emotions and not my own.  I am supposed to be the focus of my assignment, not him.  But I had words.  Written words and thoughts.  Enough for an assignment.  Guess I'll use it for a post.  Maybe not.  I saw the picture and had a change of heart.  His new girlfriend describes him with the same exact words that Jeanie did.  Exactly.  We had the following conversation:

Me:     "You look awesomely happy.  Good for you!"

Biff:      "I am [pause] other then the drama it causes with  [the in-laws] but definitely worth it"

Me:     "I'm sorry there's drama with the in-laws.  They're just worried about your decisions as they were/are the welfare of [widowed daughter-in-law]. Sometimes revelations happen that just can't be explained. Take Corey and Joh for instance"

Biff:      "That's true!  Did I tell you it was a revelation?  Because it really was!"

 Me:     "You didn't [say anything to me].  It was something that Kayla said, actually - that and a combination of emotion from my psychology class.

            He mentioned a personal documentation (aka his personal scriptures) that gave him some insight to assist his way of thinking.  I related as I had gone through the very same thing just over sixteen years ago.  I know my mom really had a problem with my sudden engagement to Roland - hey, so did I!  But it was revealed to me.  It was my personal revelation, not hers.  And nobody else is getting David's either.

            It's hard to think that we would actually be inspired to do something contrary to what we've been taught all along.  Why would it be okay to be deceitful (Gen. 20:11 - 12) or kill (1 Nephi 4:10) or to lay down with one unwed (Ruth 3) or why would it be okay to embrace homosexuality? 

        We don't know another's heart or his/her revelations.  We can pray that we may have peace based upon another's decision.  We may not get the same revelation, but that doesn't mean it isn't real. I'm more at peace with it than I was last month - or even just a few days ago.  I have my sister to thank for helping me turn my emotions from turmoil to joy. 

Thoughts About Yesterday

I think Roland woke me up

to ask me something
I don't remember what
I guess he didn't wake me
but I did get out of bed

I dragged myself into the
living room.  I don't even
know what time it was
Jenna asked me if I would
make her lunch.
I made a sandwich and
cut some potatoes and
the remaining ham and
put them in the crock pot with
2 cans of milk and a 
can of corn.

I went out to the shed
for bubble wrap and boxes
and started wrapping ornaments
to mail to the boys.
I had planned on sending letters and
the "legend of the candy cane" thought.

first package: Tony's family.  Large box. Extra
items.  First I put in bubble wrap for padding
boxes of cookie decorating kits
hats, ornaments.  Seal box.  Whoops.  Forgot
the letter. 
Go to computer.  Type and print letters.
Put Tony's in an envelope.  Tape it to
the box.

Next:  I open box of hats for Randy's family
wrap ornaments.  Take off tags.  Whoops. Hadn't
done that on Tony's either. 
Pack ornaments and hats
oh, and reindeer antlers for Devin. 
Packing is a bit tight.  I think I broke off
Santa's pom pom.
Reopen package for Tony's family.
Remove tags from the hats.  Reseal package.

Package for Biff.  Where are the socks I had?
Come on!  I had three sacks of ornaments.
One of the ornaments is missing.  I was frustrated
about it yesterday.  Stopped packing to look. 
Missing sock ornament is hanging in Jenna's room.
Did she even ask me about it?
Frustration!

Realize the mitten ornaments for Randy's family
are still on the table.  Break the seal on
that package.  Reseal.  Need a box for five
ornaments to send to Kayla and Bill.  Made
a special one for BJ.  It is a caterpillar.
All the boxes are too big.  I need a smaller box.
I could trade this for the one I packed for
Randy's family.  I break the seal again.

I realize that I have jumped from past to present
and back again.  My eyes are heavy.  I don't
think I had enough sleep.  Did not get much
accomplished yesterday as far as school goes.
I did get the packages sent off.  I started this
post after I finished this week's assignment
for one of my classes.  I turned it in last night.

Today I have to work on the assignment for
my other class.  I also have to respond to
two discussions and do my daily check points.
I did not start any of this last night as my mind
is ready to enter slumber land.  I will appreciate
it if it will just shut off a while and allow me to
get a good amount of needed sleep.
Starting a test now.

Attitude is Everything

          The discussion post this week is on being an effective leader.  We need to have examples about our emotional intelligence and what skills we need to improve on and how we would improve.  Roland is always coming up with ideas that I've never thought of.  I don't see myself as a leader and I knew that Roland would have some suggestions - one was my position in the family, which of course I hadn't considered.  I tried writing a few paragraphs about that - but each paragraph felt too biography and introductory and perhaps a little too horn-blowy - which is not what I wanted.  I don't know how many times I changed it before I finally turned something in.  Meanwhile I have come up with some more thoughts for a blog post.

          I remember going to a wedding reception held outdoors.  I don't even recall what time of the year, but I remember the weather was cool but not cold.  There had been a few light breezes joined by a more powerful wind.  It had knocked over the wedding cake onto the ground.  Now there are many (I'm thinking more from bridezilla's point of view) that would be upset by it - but the wedding party - for the most part just smiled and said, "Oh, well"  

          It could have been an act - but with pleasure, they can honestly laugh about it now.  It really is a healthy thing to be able to laugh about a situation rather than get angry about it.  Our family would have never gone on family vacation if we couldn't laugh at the unexpected.  What family vacation has ever gone smooth?  Our problems were always with the car or the weather, sometimes both.

          Our muffler fell off in California.  I think it was our engine that died during our trip to Canada.  There'd been heavy rain during that trip but not like we had at Universal here. 

          I remember having a rooftop cargo carrier on our station wagon.  I think it was a wind that knocked it off.  My dad, normally calm and even tempered said in frustration, "Oh, just leave it" but the rest of us somehow believed it was worth saving.  Mom had a pair of panty hose that she cut into strips and she and my brother Patrick used them to tie it down to the roof, and three of us held it down while my dad continued to drive.  We may not have seen the humor in it back then, but it is hilarious to talk about it (or think about it) today.

          And then there was the time we just coming home - though I can't remember where.  My mom was driving our little orange Honda.  The car threw a rod and she pulled over.  She chose to walk to get help and the rest of us stayed in the car.  We were fortunate as to where we broke down as we were entertained by watching hang gliders soaring through the sky.  It was awesome.  Had the car not stalled where it did, we would have not even noticed the hang gliders - though I don't think mom had the same positive experience as she chose to climb over some barb wire fencing in search of assistance. 

          There was another time when we had gone to the movies during a really cold season.  The doors had froze and wouldn't open - except for the hatchback.  We sent Corey through the hatchback and asked him if he could open the doors.  We weren't really surprised that he couldn't - I don't believe he was quite four years old at the time.  So Patrick and I (both pre-teens) also climbed in through the hatchback.  The doors wouldn't budge.  Too bad mom didn't think of giving Patrick the keys to the car to at least warm it up a little.  Mom was 8 months pregnant with Kayla.  She also climbed in through the hatchback.  What a memory. 

I'm Grateful I Joined the Board

                Before I applied to the position of a library board member, my neighbor had told me that the library could close.  I did not want to see that happen, and wondered if I would have something pertinent to bring to the table.  As I was the only person in Myrtle Creek to apply for the position, I ended up on the board.  Two months later it was announced that the libraries would close by the end of March.

            The Friends of the Myrtle Creek Library formed at the end of February, I believe.  I believe there were over 30 people who attended that first meeting.  I was in awe. Where were all those people been nine months before when the library had asked for another board member?

            No one had really been against keeping the library open.  The opposition had been to the tax increase - at any amount.  People are tired of paying taxes.  It was just one more setback in an already tight income.  The bill didn't pass.

            The friends group had been created to find volunteers who would be willing to staff and train and whatever was needed to keep the library going.  We were able to open in July and were given opportunity to endorse the summer reading program.  I had volunteered to be on the committee and had recruited Jenna.  We both had a lot of fun with it.

            I'm afraid I haven't given a lot of time to the library once the program ended.  I have worked at the library (which, by the way, isn't even considered a public but rather a third-party library) as a substitute, but haven't been on the schedule since the summer reading program as I don't always know my availability every four weeks - although I can pretty much count on Wednesdays and Saturdays as days I cannot volunteer.  Fridays would be my best day, but seems to be an inconvenient day for almost every other person and is not open.  Neither is Riddle Library.

            Aside from the children's reading program, I have probably spent just as much time going to Riddle Library as Myrtle Creek and have cards for both libraries.  I obtained a Riddle library card in June when Myrtle Creek was still closed.  Roland had wanted me to check out some audio books to listen to when we had returned to Utah for Jeanie's funeral.  Riddle seems to have a bigger turn-out in the way of teen programs also, and so I have taken Jenna to those.  Myrtle Creek is open 5 days a week with 4 hours each day; Riddle is open 3 days with 5 hours each day.  I haven't been to Canyonville yet. I just learned that Winston has also reopened.

            We just recently had a meeting with the board members from before the library closed.  It seems weird that we would continue with that as we have biweekly members with all of the group who can/are willing to attend.

Fluff and Flowers

I am a visual person

I like parables, analogies,

crashcourse videos,

mnenomics and pictures

The fluff and flowers

help me remember.

Whatever I'm trying to learn

will make more sense if

I can compare or have

an image in my mind.

Roland seems to do better

without the fluff and flowers;

he can read a wordy textbook

or listen to a person ramble

on and on during a lecture -

the more boring or over my head

the more he understands and

vice-versa.

He has the talent to read the

wordy textbook and dummy it down

to my level.  I don't have the

talent of taking all the fluff and

turn it into 68 words instead of just five

so that he will understand.

We're two different people.

Time Goes By Quicker in Oregon Than in Utah

        I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by!  Winter Break will take place during the two classes I am currently taking.  It doesn't seem like it's been too long since the last winter break.  I know a few months have gone by, but not 12!  Not even 10.  Only one month left of 2017. What the heck?  How can the year have gone by so quickly when there were so many spurts of activity that almost seemed/felt endless (here and here for example)

Jenna painting ornaments

        Last year I had participated in a posting class offered during winter break - students shared Christmas memories and recipes.  I remember one recipe for salt dough ornaments, and made up some batch for family home evening, but waited until yesterday morning to cut out the dough as the recipe suggested a four hour baking time, and I knew I wouldn't want  to be checking the oven after 8:00 pm let alone 10:00 pm.

        Thus yesterday morning Jenna and I twisted candy canes and cut out various cookies from our cookie cutter selection.  The twisted candy canes did not turn out as I had envisioned.  Nor did the gingerbread men I was hoping to look like decorated gingerbread man and not what was supposed to be an incredible hulk and what I had seen as a missionary. 

        The ornaments are not finished.  We all got tired of painting after a while (I think Roland only painted two) and have put on a top shelf for another day - only we need to hurry more quickly if we plan to send them out.

Except for the deer, these are the ornaments that

I worked on.  Will post them all when completed

        Jenna wants to go and see Coco.  She will have to clean her room - whether we see Coco or not.  But we will definitely NOT be seeing it if we don't see an improvement. 

 

Too Many Words for a Discussion Post

            Yesterday I started two new classes in addition to a grant class I'm taking for the library.  The two classes I'm taking currently delve into personality.  I have a feeling my head will fill faster than my fingers will be able to keep up. I've taken intelligence quizzes before - even before I started taking classes online.  I see the growth in my answers.  The instructor made the suggestion to look at where we were ten years ago and where we are now emotionally.  This is what I've written - but feel that it's too long for the discussion.  Even if I reference myself, I don't have anything to put in APA form as a reference.  So I'm posting it here - although you may have read it all before.

            Ten years ago I walked with my three year old daughter to the school.  We took many walks around not only our neighborhood but my mom's neighborhood as well.  Jenna was enthusiastic and eager.  I loved seeing the world through her eyes.  I'd often volunteer assisting in her pre-school classroom.  I needed her. I needed her radiance.

            I did fine with her one-on-one, but was often an uptight individual around other family members.  Roland had two other girls whom he was suppose to have visitations with every other weekend.  I was tense whenever they were there - nothing against the girls themselves, but rather their psychopathic mother that made my uptightness feel as light as whipping cream.  I would cringe at the very idea of her existence.  I was happy if I just focus on Jenna but not happy overall - if that even makes any sense.

            I've been married for over 16 years now.  During that time I have lived in four different houses.  We saw the girls (occasionally) when we lived in the first house. Two of our boys had to leave whenever they came.  That wasn't right.  I was angry and I was sad.

            We moved to our second house when our two youngest were out serving missions.  The economy (along with Roland's ex) had been unkind to us.  We were there when Jenna finished kindergarten up until the 5th grade. We  would walk around the neighborhood, to the bus stop and to the school. I had encountered many sinus infections and dizziness while living in our second house.  I blamed the low ceilings. I tried to be happy but wasn't really.  All three of the boys married while we were living in our second house.

            Our third house was a rental in Oregon.  It seemed to have better ventilation than our Utah houses did - more windows, higher ceilings.  My breathing was better.  There's very little in the way of traffic here.  Don't see or hear about crime in the county as we did living in Salt Lake. Jenna and I would go for walks around the surrounding neighborhoods.  I was a much happier person than I had been in Utah. I miss my Utah family members.  There are always pros and cons.

            We are now in the forth house since being married.  I started taking online classes shortly after our last move.  Jenna is now a teenager.  We take walks around the park.  We talk about subjects that we take in school.  Still miss my family and public transportation, but overall I am in better control of my emotions - I think.  I am healthier - therefore happier (or maybe it's the other way around?) and I like who I am - which hasn't been the case for a really long time. 

            The air has been cleaner.  The weather more consistent.  I am discovering myself through many of the classes that I have been taking.  For me personally, that means more than any degree I may obtain or job I can find. 

            I believe I will have more to add as the weeks go by, but don't know how often I'll make the time to post to my blog as I should really be focusing on my classes first.  I still have to create two discussion posts (well, maybe just one and a half as I did start one yesterday, but have not completed or posted)  still trying to figure out how to connect the words I do have . . .  

Christmas Cookies and Charlie Brown

cookies created on Wednesday Nov 22

                Jenna had invited two of her friends over to hang yesterday. Roland had made cookie dough the night before so that her friends could roll dough, cut into shapes and decorate when they came over.  Jenna was very excited.  She and Roland went to the store to pick out cookie decore and Jenna was quite selective making certain that none of the candy or frostings contained any nuts or nut oils as one of her friends is allergic.

        But both had given excuses not to come and so at 7:30 this morning, Roland rolled out dough while Jenna and I cut out the cookies.  After they were baked, we started our decorating.  About 2/3 were complete before Jenna and I got bored and decided to play games for a while.  We also watched "The Muppet Movie" and "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" As we watched "Charlie Brown" I reminised over a few different stage versions I had seen.

        I saw "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" for the first time at Promised Valley Playhouse in Salt Lake City.  All I remember was the old man (possibly the age that I am now) that played Charlie Brown and the exageraated props like the sandwich the size of the adults' heads and pencils the size of arms.  Certainly made it a lot easier to see than an actual pencil.  "Charlie Brown" was colorful.

        A few decades later, Corey took the role of Charlie Brown in Hillcrest High's first (and perhaps only) dinner theatre.  I was reminded of that yesterday when Jenna and I watched "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" animated version.  I mostly thought of the stage version that Corey had been in, though my mind wandered to Jenna's performance and thought how fun it would be to make some photos of Jenna and Corey side by side doing the same scene. 

        She had been sick the night that the cast had performed which very few people knew;  she did a tremendous job covering it and made a b-line for the bathroom just as Uncle Bill was taking pictures of each member of the cast.  Photo session was through.  I went into more detail in this post.

        We'd invited a couple over to spend Thanksgiving with us.  she has to work all holidays and so we are not eating until six.  Roland had asked Jenna how she would like to spend this day.  She said she would like to play games. We played only one game of Jenga. After Jenna and I had started a second game, Roland decided he needed her to learn to make the turkey - which is still in the oven.

        After Jenna and I had cleaned up the kitchen a bit, she decided that we needed to make graham cracker houses.  Her's turned out cute.  Mine was pretty slum looking as I was making it.  She made me take pictures before she decided we'd eat them, 

yesterday's cookies with build houses

but I wasn't hungry and so she ate mine and hers is still standing.  Roland is watching cowboys until it's time to eat.  He doesn't feel well.  Coming down with a cold - which is probably my fault.  I like having the windows open.  He likes the heater. Jenna is the one who normally gets sick on Thanksgiving. Roland sounds like Barry White whenever he gets a cold.

We Need to Work Together

                I guess I could have gone into more detail about Danny's class.  As I mentioned, there were fourteen children in the Valiant class alone - four of them boys.  I have never seen more than two Valiant boys in class since I started attending the ward in Myrtle Creek.  After the opening prayer, Danny passed out scriptures to each child - part of a scripture anyway.  Seven children had the names of a book found in the scriptures.  Seven had a chapter (or section) and a verse.  Danny asked why none of the children had looked up the scriptures she had handed out, what may have been the problem - when it was decided that each of the children had only part of scripture, Danny asked that they check the paper and find a partner that had the other half.

            I was impressed how each of them actually worked together and didn't try to trade scripture pieces in order to sit with those they had sat with initially.  After the seven scriptures were read, Danny asked what they all had in common.  They all had to do with service.  We then watched a short video about some of the things the members had to do to establish winter quarters.  Danny asked what some of the things were and made a list on the chalk board: plant food, chop wood, build cabins, tend children and animals, prepare food, make clothing, blankets, shoes, etc.  There were eleven answers given - including the fort itself.  Danny then passed out paper and told the children they would have a minute to draw all of the things listed on the chalk board.  Ready, GO!

            Now not only am I NOT artistic, but I am such a smart aleck, I would have attempted to draw the fort and tell my instructor that all else listed on the board was behind the fenced area. 

            Most of the children attempted to draw everything in the order it had been written.  One girl said she managed to draw seven and one said she got all eleven of them - but they weren't very good.  Danny then asked the children what would make it easier for them to draw all of the pictures.  Most were in agreement that more time would do it, but Danny reminded them of the scriptures they had read on service and how each could contribute his or her part but that nobody was expected to do all of it.  She then assigned each of the children to draw only one thing from the list - assigning the fort to the last three (as there were more children than suggestions) and that made it easier.

            Her last activity (or object lesson) was quite similar to the one I had mentioned here only instead of kisses she had passed out dumdums and larger rocks. 

            Two of the girls were wearing sandals - as though it is still summer outside.  They had more complications of just trying to keep the rock in their shoe rather than walk on it.  Only half the children were aware of the pain the rock had caused.  Most enjoyed their dumdums and were able to tune out the discomfort.  It was a good lesson.  Danny always gives good lessons.

I'm Allergic

                 I came home with a headache yesterday.  I still don't know for sure what caused it, though I have a better idea.  Our youngest beehive attends primary before Young Women's starts.  She had been picked to introduce and conclude the primary program.  I noticed she had been wearing make-up; perhaps she was wearing perfume as well.  That is one plus about being in primary - usually my allergies don't react as the children don't tend to wear it for the most part. I can't say for sure as I have lost the majority of my sense of smell.  I'm guessing a sweet perfume.  Those fragrances I think smell best are the ones that irritate my sinuses the most.

            The stake primary president was visiting as well.  Perhaps one of those sisters had been wearing a perfume - though they were all on the other side of the sliding wall.  But I've had a reaction to chrysanthemums from far away - I would rather not be in the same building as chrysanthemums. 

            Poinsettia and mistletoe.  Most Christmas plants, actually.  It's a wonder I'm not allergic to the tree.  Or at least not the ones my family had purchased in the past. I suppose that would be another contributor to my lack of desire to shop around the holidays.  Candles, aerosols, car fresheners.  I do okay with vanilla and fruit fragrances.  But honey, if you don't ever want me hanging around your car, may I recommend Jasmine.  That should put me in a coma for a week at least. 

Cleaning chemicals, dust, dirt, smoke, ragweed . . . I seem to do fine around plastic or silk plants.  Even several roses brought indoors seems to be too much for me.

            If it isn't the fragrance irritating my sinuses, I have many skin allergies as well.    What a Wimp!!!