Oh, No! Mom Fell Off the Tree

          I always think it’s kind of odd that so many ornaments are made from porcelain or glass as they break so easily and not all of us are blessed with a quiet environment in which the tree will rest looking perfect and undisturbed.  (Jenna’s eight.  I think she still rearranges the ornaments on a daily basis)

Several years ago my mom came home with a whole slew of ceramic ornaments that she had painted at a Relief Society activity.  I don’t know how many ornaments there were, but I believe I had at least four of them in my possession when Roland and I were married.  The fondest memories are of the Raggedy Anne and the gingerbread man Ornaments.

Mom had wanted me to have Raggedy Anne and Patrick was to have Andy.  But we also got to choose among the remaining how many ever there were. The gingerbread man is the first one I chose.  It had been left on the tree one year when the tree was on the curb.  One of our neighbors mentioned that there were still a few ornaments that were on the tree. 

I was devastated that my gingerbread man had broken in half.  I think it might have actually been the first year he was on the tree.  I glued him back together – and though he’d been somewhat of a sorry sight, I’d kept him around until recently.  I must have finally gotten rid of him as I can’t find him.  I was also willing to throw Anne away on December 9^th of this year after Jenna dropped her on the floor and she broke into three pieces.

Who knows whatever happened to Ann’s partner?  Or if Patrick still has him?  I don’t know.  But we have many ornaments. And true, I did have a sentimental attachment.  But ornaments break.  Life goes on.  I put it in the garbage can and told Jenna I was not/am not mad at her.  It was an accident.  It is okay.

With tears in her eyes, Jenna retrieved the broken pieces from the garbage can.  I explained again that I was not mad.  But she looked up at me and said, “But mama.  This ornament looks just like you and I want to keep it.  Can’t we please glue it back together?”

She’d been talking about the red hair (which is as natural to me as Lucy’s was to her) but I looked down at the broken pieces which symbolically represented the mood I had had all day. 

Roland’s check had gone into the bank and we are strapped – every pay check.  It’s not even going to make it for one week – let alone two. We can never get on top of it – let alone ahead.  And ORS doesn’t take into consideration that our family was on welfare for two years – nor do they care.  We need to hire an attorney – but with what?

We had tried doing without the internet – dropped it three times in fact.  But it’s needed for education.  It’s needed for checking locations and budgeting and looking up needed information.  Access to the Internet is required for filing bankruptcy – seriously.  And it it’s not something that can be done in the allotted time given at the public libraries.

On top of a 14 year old boy  had killedhimself possibly due to being bullied – there is no call for that.  It’s just wrong and senseless and hurtful and mean. I did not know the boy but there is an obvious pain. Not just on his part but that of his family, classmates, the media and so that has also stirred me emotionally as well.

 I am still checking out assisted living and the weather had been gloomy and I was 99% positive that it was that time of the month.  (I was wrong) I haven’t been a Scrooge really – but I have been an emotional wreck.  I’ve been broken. 

I set the ornament aside so that if we ever found the glue (the glue from the glue gun just made it globby and less desirable to look at than the broken pieces) I still don’t think it’s worth saving – but if it makes her feel better, maybe it’ll be worth it.  We can throw it away after the holiday season and perhaps she’ll forget about it by next year. 

Or perhaps I should keep it around as a reminder.  A reminder to pick up the pieces and help lift and repair soles of others who stand in need of comfort.  I need to focus on others’ needs and not just my own.