There’s a Dead Animal on My Head

          In 1995 Paramont brought back the Brady Bunch.  A movie spoofing the TV series that has never been nominated for any kind of award, but has been in sindication for the last forty years.  The Brady Bunch Movie: a guilty pleasure for those who had watched every episode time and time again.

          If one had not seen any episodes of the TV series, it was perhaps the lamest show ever.  But for those who grew up watching the Brady Bunch and practically had every scene memorized, it was a dang funny movie.

          I remember going over to the mall with mom.  We had purchased our tickets and were standing in line – the ONLY line – the line for the Brady Bunch movie.  I don’t recall a neon sign above our heads informing any passer-by what movie we were in line to see.  But I did notice several individuals in line looking around with that look of prayer on their faces, “Please Lord, don’t let anybody that I know see me in line”

          My mother and I sat together.  I think we were the only ones in the theatre not sitting by ourselves.  When the house lights went down, you could feel the relaxation and sighs of relief that each had made it into the movie without being discovered.

          As the movie started, you could hear laughter – some deep from inside the belly.  That was almost more amusing than the movie itself.  My favorite line from the movie (well, perhaps not my favorite, but the one I can remember the most) is when Jan is walking down the streets in this outrageous wig and a prostitute passing her asks, “Did an animal die on your head?”

          I don’t have a wig that could easily be removed.  All the hair that I have is attached to the scalp – well, most of it.  I should have it cut and thinned out more often – but we don’t always have the money – not that my hair dresser charges that much.  She’s actually pretty reasonable.  Located within walking distance from my mom’s house.  But I don’t always have money for gas expenses to get out there – and we’re at a point now where I can’t just leave my mom.  She needs to be watched 24/7.

          So my head now feels like a dead animal that grows larger with each passing day.  It’s wicked.  It’s unbearable.  It needs to go.