I went to several assisted living
facilities by myself during November and December. Many facilities would say they had no room
but that we could get on a waiting list.
That seemed okay as my brothers weren’t looking to move her until maybe
June or July.
At each location I was asked, “Does your
mom need assistance with the shower?”
“She can shower by herself.” She could.
Two months ago. Even just two
weeks ago. And then she’d forget to use
soap. And then she would just forget.
Last Tuesday I created this post. It was a good day for her. It turned out to be the last good day at
home. Her home. The one she has lived in for the last 50 plus
years but has forgotten. We’re moving
her into assisted living. I don’t know
when. It should have been a lot sooner
in my opinion.
Last week she was smiling. Giggling.
That’s right – giggling. And she
called me crazy. We had fun. And then her friend called. And she was alert enough to know who she was
talking to. I don’t know how soon after
I left that she became withdrawn.
Disconnected.
On Thursday she was almost in a stupor
– though not quite. She would answer my
questions. “No, I don’t want to do
it” “Not right now” “I don’t know why I’m so tired . . .”
I had suggested (several times) for
her to lie down. I did give her drinks
from the fridge. Perhaps not enough. The
next two days were nightmarish for Nate and Ellen as mom would pass out which
in turn would freak Ellen.
Newlyweds shouldn’t be in that
position to take care of a grandma that rapidly declines. Sunday morning was really bad for Ellen
especially, who had found grandma in soiled sheets and apparently her room
reeked.
Patrick and Sunny took her to the
hospital that morning. It sounds like
they all missed Church as Nate and Ellen had gone with them. Apparently they were in the emergency room
for what felt like forever – other cases were given a higher priority.
When they did finally call mom back,
only two people were allowed to go with her.
That ended up being Patrick – the only one of the four who has power of
attorney, and Nate, who has been acting as mom’s care giver in Corey’s
place. Sunny and Ellen returned home and
Sunny started in with phone calls to the rest of mom’s children.
I had just barely started my lesson
when the first phone call came. A
frantic caller as the person on the other end called three times. When the lesson was over, I returned the call
to my sister who related the events.
I went to Kayla’s ward right after
attending the meetings at ours. Kayla
had told me she was speaking. I was
sooooo glad that I went as she did an awesome job.
While the sacrament was being passed, my
phone went off again. Fortunately it had
been on vibrate all day and no one aside from Jenna and I seemed to notice.
Sunny finally got a hold of Bill
(Kayla’s husband) who has been through hospital administration many times with
his first wife. He’s got a deeper
insight and understanding than the rest of us would like to experience. But here we are. Mom is in the hospital. Quite confused. Disoriented.
But happy. Positive.
Or
so I heard.
I was told to talk to a social worker
about getting mom moved over to one of these facilities (there’s one we like
that actually has an opening right now)
I was there for five hours yesterday before the social worker
arrived.
At first glance he didn’t seem legitimate. For me personally, he seemed to come across
as a patient from the psychiatric ward – a happy go lucky fellow with mussed up
hair.
I was told that she’d probably be
released today. Really? But we need
another day at least.
Sunny picked up a packet from the
assisted living. A large packet. She said there were over 35 pages to be
filled out and that there was no way she and Patrick would be able to get it done
just by themselves in the allotted time frame.
So Roland and I went out to mom’s
house to assist with the paperwork. We Skyped
Corey and fired questions at him. We
could see him, but evidently he could not see us.
For the most part we were
laughing. Corey came across like one of
those old Japanese movies in which the lips are not in sync with what’s being
said. And when it came to personal
questions – do we say how it really was or provide today’s reality which is
only about 40% truth.
Mom really has been to Europe and
Greece, Alaska and Hawaii. But in her
mind she’s also been to Egypt, South Africa, Russia and China (to name a
few) Provide the name of any state and
she claims she’s been there – usually just for the day. And usually she drove. She’s been to a quarter of the states at
best. She’s never been to Asia or many
other places she’s claimed. She was not
driving when she was fourteen.
It’s funny. Mom has no clue why she was at the hospital –
even after we told her. She doesn’t
retain information. Corey had asked why
she was in the hospital. Her answer
amused both me and Corey.
She said (over the phone), “I’m not
sick or anything – I had to come to take a shower. And it’s here so I have to be here”
Yet when “Everybody Loves Raymond”
showed on TV, she was able to relate the events that were about to happen. How is that even possible? I mean, I know she’s seen it again and
again. It just floored me that she
seemed to have it memorized.
She’s worried about her purse. She often will look for it while she’s
home. Once she finds it, she can relax –
until she’s forgotten and has to search for it again. It has become a part of her the way the cell
phone has become a surgically implanted part of many people or a security blanket a child may drag around and refuse to part with.
I don’t know where she’ll wake up
tomorrow. They say it takes a couple of
days to process the paperwork. We’re
really not ready for her to be leaving the hospital today. The transition will be so much easier if we didn’t
have to take her back to her house.
Don’t guess I will know for a while
yet. Perhaps I’ll have be able to post
more tomorrow. Hopefully I will be too
busy with transition to make the post.
We’ll see.
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