When the Circle Gets Smaller

 

          I had first considered her mom’s friend before I had considered her my own.  I knew her from the ward and neighborhood.  She is the first one I remember having such a passion for genealogy (now more commonly known as family history).  She had grown up in foster care and had the desire to be connected.  She found a sister and her mother I believe.  I loved hearing her stories.  She taught family history classes and make arrangements to go to the genealogy library located downtown.  I was twelve at the time.  Definitely the youngest in the class.

          Yesterday Peggy had posted:

          “Another dear friend passed away this afternoon.”

Peggy’s mom had lived to be 106 and could still carry on a conversation.  In a way, it is hard to be that age when so many of your friends have passed on to the other side while you might feel left behind.  I thought how each of us have circles of friends and as we age death seems to linger nearer.  The sizes of the circle seems to deplete as death claims another.  Some are sad about it while others are at peace – depending on the circumstances.

Corey had made a comment on Peggy’s wall to wish his condolences.  Peggy responded to let him know that she would reveal our friend’s name as he knew her too.  The death was sudden.  She fell.  It sounds as though she died instantly and so it was very unexpected.  Sudden deaths can be hard on the family who haven’t had time to prepare, but from the experience I’ve had having many years to prepare – I think I would rather have my friend or family member go sudden than to have to watch them slowly go downhill.  I would also want sudden for me rather than to deal with constant pain for years.  I am a whimp.

I learned about another death while conversing with a pool buddy.  She said she had seen a former member and had learned his wife had passed (also a former pool buddy – one who used to climb the pool steps with half of all the pool workout equipment in hand.  I always marveled at that.  She had been battling with afflictions for over two years now but never complained – at least to us.  I think she mentioned it once or twice but didn’t dwell on it and seemed in good spirits though some days were obviously harder than others. Her son was the first one to teach Jenna the clarinet.

The instructor of the water workout class has been picking me up and taking me home.  She has a really hard time with death.  I wish it wasn’t so painful for her.  I also hope that I don’t come across as callous because my point of view has always been that death is not a bad thing.  There are some days in which death seems preferable to one’s condition.  I’ve had that in my life in which the pain was so bad that death seemed like a great alternate.  But I was able to bounce back from it.  It was only a temporary pain.  Some people don’t have that.  Some people are not able to breathe on their own, or may be bed ridden for the rest of their life. 

Attitude is crucial.  I’ve met many who have outlived their condition due to their amazing acceptance and upbeat personality.  I’ve also met many that are tired and have given up as they feel they are only existing rather than living.  So long as we keep ourselves active – but sometimes we don’t have control over our activity.  Sometimes we’re limited.  Death knows no boundaries. 

I think death for me will be a happy reunion with those who have gone before me – those I look forward to seeing again.  The circle will get large again.